I Don't Want To

A Novel Of Sorts

2009-01-03T14:41:00.004-06:00

Does anyone even read this anymore? Doubtful, but I'm going to waste my time anyways. I used to re-read my old posts all the time at my old job when I was bored but since I started my new one back in July, I hardly ever do. I've had nothing to do for the past few days so have been reading them and realized how much I love doing that because I wrote about shit that I would've never remembered had I not typed them down. So, this blog is basically purely for selfish reasons. Just had to get that out of the way in case you were wondering. Which you weren't. But I pretended anyways.

I'm still loving my new job, which I guess I can stop calling it that since I've been there almost six months now. I've gotten two raises already - who wouldn't love a job like that. My co-workers are awesome and have become more like friends, albeit friends that harass each other all day everyday - it's the only way we know how to get shit done. I may get made fun of for being a Southsider (everyone else is from the Northside) on a daily basis, but I can put up with that because I have FUN at my job. Who can say that? I look forward to going in because I know I'll laugh my ass off all day. I may still get incredible road rage coming home at least twice a week when I get stuck in traffic but it's a small price to pay. Not really because it's insane how bad traffic will make me so fucking crabby, but it can't all be sunshine and rainbows. I never thought I'd have a job I enjoy going to, but I do. I'm lucky yo.

One thing that's made the commute a tiny bit more plausible? My new car and the Sirius radio that came with it. Not having to listen to commercials or search endlessly while there seems to be only shitty songs on has made life a little bit more worth living. I'm not dramatic at all! It may suck making payments each month on my 2009 Ford Focus (which I can no longer say is from the future, what a shame) but mother of god, that Sirius radio is the SHIT. Especially channel 26, Left of Center Rock. I love you Jake Fogelnest!

I had a boyfriend for a few months, then lost him. It was great for a month but at the end it was like talking to a brick wall. A brick wall that doesn't acknowledge when you talk or even attempt to laugh at my stories. Pretty typical brick wall-ness I guess. Not crying over that guy, that's for sure. The only part I'm pissed about? He was tall! So damn tall! I could've worn stilts and still not have been as tall as him. If only I could have been fine with talking to myself for the rest of my life, it could've been beautiful. I think I'll give it a few more years before I start lowering my standards that much.

I went to a cousin's wedding in St. Louis back in October. Me and my brother and sister thought this wedding would be super lame because it was for my dad's side, and this particular family, his sister's, is ultra-conservative. As in, they really believed Sarah Palin was right for the job and will vote for anybody basically because they are anti-abortion. All of this equalled lameness for the wedding but it was not the case. Not the case at all. The other side of the family was fucking awesome and we drank all weekend with them. Plus there was one really cute cousin. What happens in St. Louis stays in St. Louis, right? So now I need more of my cousins to get married. Pronto. Forget that I'm the oldest cousin and am as far away from getting married as you can get, you younger ones, GET ON IT.

I went to Grant Park on Election Night for Obama's rally and it was so super cool to be there to actually witness history happening. I was nowhere near the stage, I was in the other section of the park just watching the results on jumbo-trons but it was still awesome to at least BE there. I may have been tired as fuck the next day for work, but it was worth it. What would have made it more worth it was seeing Brad Pitt there. Dang. Next time.

Christmas and New Years was great. My family spent a week in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan skiing/drinking for Christmas. It had been forever since we took a road trip like that and I hope the next one is in forever too. We had a fucking blast, but I could do without being crammed in the car for eight hours straight. For New Year's Eve I went to a party with Keri and her boyfriend Pat and J.P and his girlfriend Erin. At first I was wary of going but Pat promised me there'd be dudes there and not only couples so I went and had a good time. Also made out hardcore with the only other single dude there. Good thing that worked out or I woulda been pissed at Pat. Can't take me anywhere.

The Bears season was abysmal. All we had to do was beat the goddamn Texans and we would've been in the play-offs. Absolutely tragic. I went to a game a few weeks ago, a Thursday night game versus the Saints, the only game where a kick-off was returned for a touchdown and I missed it because we weren't in our seats yet. Motherfucker. At least they won though. I'm 2 for 2 in games these past two seasons where they go into overtime. I should probably go to all the games from now on. Or the Bears should JUST FUCKING WIN WHEN THEY NEED TO. God, it sounds so simple doesn't it. If only.

And lastly, a convo I had with my mom yesterday while I was putting away the dishes in the dishwasher:

Mom: Aw Kate! Thank you!
Me: I'm done for the year now.
Mom: God, the guy who marries you in gonna have to be a strong guy.
Me: Yeah he is. I ain't marrying no pussy.
Mom: That's my girl.

I'm glad we got that cleared up.

Lolla, Cubs, Bitchings Vol. 1 & 2, Sox

2008-08-03T20:56:00.002-05:00

I finally did it. I bought a motherfucking ticket for Lollapalooza and it was probably the best thing I've ever done for myself. Except for the whole I-almost-passed-out-from-the-heat during Duffy's set (for real - I started seeing black spots everywhere and was basically like Frank from Old School pushing people out of the way when he gets shot with a tranquilizer because I needed to get to some shade and could barely see) BUT BESIDES THAT it was awesome. I had to pick between Bloc Party and the Raconteurs which killed me, but ended up seeing Bloc Party mainly because I'd already seen the Raconteurs about one and a half years ago, plus Bloc Party was playing on the same stage as Radiohead, thus saving myself a good 30 minute walk - it was too goddamn hot and humid out to do any unnecessary movement. It ended up totally working out in my benefit because Bloc Party was GREAT. They played Modern Love, Banquet, Helicopter and Hunting for Witches among others - totally worth seeing them over Jack White and Co. I thought. Seeing Bloc Party made me even pumped to see the even more famous U.K band playing after them, Radiohead. There was 75,000 people jammed onto the field to see them but I still had enough room to dance like idiot because, that's what I do best bitches. Radiohead was awesome. Mother fucking awesome. They played both songs I was dying to hear off the new album, House of Cards and All I Need, plus my other favorites Airbag, No Surprises, Natural Anthem and Idioteque. I've always liked Radiohead, but had never exactly sought out tickets to see them live. You can bet your bottom dollar I'm never gonna miss them again though. I talked them up so much that my brother just texted me today saying he bought tickets to see them tomorrow, Monday, in Ohio. Lucky bastard - I'd give my right arm to see them again. So, it took me four fucking years to finally go to Lollapalooza (and it's right in my backyard, that's embarrassing) butI finally did it. Thank you Duffy, the Black Keys, Bloc Party and Radiohead for making it worth my time and money, but next time, Duffy? Try not to play so early in the day on a stage making me face directly into the sun, k? Thanks girl.

I started my new job, which I love, love, love with a passion two weeks ago and just found out this past week that the owner takes everyone to a Cubs game every year, a rooftop Cubs game that is. (Some of the apartments across the street from Wrigley Field rent them out and you can watch the game from up there, with free food and beer, it's actually pretty cool, and that's coming from a diehard Sox fan.) So I didn't really want to go, since I'd be at Lollapalooza all day Friday and with the game being at 12:05 Saturday, I knew I'd be wiped out and just too lazy to go. But I sucked it up, thinking it would probably be the right thing to go, being one of the new employees and all - I don't want to do anything to fuck this job up. So I went, I was a big girl and took the train all by myself, and I got wasted. I didn't do anything that makes me embarrassed to go in tomorrow by any means, but it was still weird to be drunk in front of my new co-workers. Especially co-workers who are 50 years old with white hair, look older than your 55 year old parents, who tell you they want to take you and that they're a "good catch - never been married, no kids and own my own house". That's great buddy but there's probably a REASON you've never been married. He was definitely good for a few free beers and shots though, and I don't have to see him hardly ever since he's just an installer and never comes into the office. But anyways, you have no idea how much shit I got from friends and my brother for going to this game. I couldn't bring myself to wear a Sox shirt because I hate when I'm at Comiskey and some douche bag is wearing a Cubs shirt when they aren't playing the Cubs, but some of my other Sox fan co-workers are ballsier than me so I stuck my them all night. So I may have gone to a Cubs game, my first Cubs game, mind you, but I am not a traitor, I'm not moving to the Northside and I'm not losing your number J.P SO SHUT UP.

Things That Make Me Go Apeshit, Vol. One

I went to a wedding shower today for my cousin Gene and his fiancee Colleen. When you read that sentence, you probably pronounced "Colleen" the right way, they only way it is pronounced, like "Cah-lean". No, this girl pronounces it "Co-lean". I thought maybe at first she spelled it with one L, or one E or something but it's not. This really enrages me. It's like me insisting I'm not "Kay-tee", it's "Kah-tee". You just can't change the whole pronunciation of your name, says me. We really need to work this out before the wedding in October or else there just might be a beatdown in the church I'M NOT KIDDING.

Things That Make Me Go Apeshit, Vol. Two

A few weeks ago, when I was still at the UPS Store, my co-worker Kathy was listening to the oldies station, a station I can't stand because I hate Elvis and all that other shit that classifies as an oldies song. This station claims to be "the true oldies" station all the time. All the fucking time, it's their tag line or whatever. So this "true oldies station" plays an Eddie Money song, Take Me Home Tonight. Them playing this song stops me in my tracks, no. 1, because I like to get mad about stupid shit and no. 2, because I know for a fact Eddie wasn't around in the late 1950's and early 60's making music already. So because I am seemingly predisposed to raising my blood pressure over shit like this and not all the other injustices in the world like Darfur, I look up when this song came out, and it was in 1986. Nineteen FUCKING EIGHTY-SIX. How do you have the balls to call yourself the "true oldies station" but play a song from the 80's? I'm getting seriously pissed all over again. Thank god I have a new job where my boss listen to the rap/hip-hop station and I hear the stupid fucking "Don't Stress" song by who knows and "I Kissed a Girl" 9000 times a day! Upgrade!

Once in awhile when I get bored, mainly when I was working at the store and I'd read my old blog entries when I had nothing else to read. I tend to read October of 2005 more often because it was the month the Sox won the World Series. Seriously, reading that month gets me all excited and happy, almost as if it's happening all over again. I always remember that it was awesome when they won of course, but reading my entires from that whole month, when I obviously had no idea it was going to end as sweetly as it did just makes it all the more.....awesomer? I have no idea where I'm going with this, I just love it. With us offcially out of first place for the first time all summer, the World Series may not happen again, but at least I have October of '05 to read whenever I get down about the Sox losing. Blogger, saving Katie from suicide every baseball season.

It's been eons, my apologies. Not like you care anyways. I won't be so long in between hellos next time.

Sound Of Silver, Talk To Me

2008-07-07T00:44:00.000-05:00

Keri bought me a $50 iTunes gift card for my birthday almost two months ago and I've spent about half of it so far. I loved the MGMT cd, then bought some new band, Fleet Foxes which was just so-so (I asked Ker for my money back on that one but it was a no-go) then today I bought the Black Keys album, Attack and Release. This album is great - I may not love every single song but it's close enough. They're from Akron, Ohio where my bro goes to school and I keep meaning to ask him to look them up for me because I could really use a boyfriend right now but manage to forget every time I talk to him, which really is probably for the better. I had been excited this band was gonna be at Lollapalooza even though I'd only heard two of their songs on the radio but now I'm even more pumped. They just sound like a dirty Southern rock band, although I told that to Keri's friend's boyfriend and he totally disagrees with me, but this isn't his blog now is it. He has some of their earlier stuff and I need to listen to that before Lolla so I'm not one of those annoying people calling out for them to play all their lastest shit. I will know their other albums and will therefore be better than 95% of the crowd watching them THAT IS A FACT.

I saw Stevie Wonder at the Taste of Chicago last Saturday and the crowds, my god THE CROWDS. You probably think you've been somewhere extremely crowded, but you have not until you've seen Stevie at the Taste. I pride myself on being a pretty polite, consciencious person (I don't really have much else going for me - although really only to people I don't know. My best friend Meg tells me I'm nicer to people I've just met and will never see again than I am to my friends, so maybe I don't even really have that going for me) but I can only take so much. We were all at the show to see Stevie. At the FREE show, mind you. Some people would just stare at me hard when I tried to get past and not move. Bitch, you're the one standing on the walkway where you are supposed to be WALKING, not STANDING STILL and I have to go pee, so get out of my fucking way. We all started out the night trying not to step on people's blankets, or walking around people when they said they weren't going to move anymore but after a certain point you had no choice. Stevie was awesome, playing all the songs you wanted to hear and more, but after a certain point I just wanted to get out of the fuck out of there. Stevie you're as wonderful as your name says you are but must you bring out all the assholes in Chicago at one time? Let's work on that next time.

So whoever wished me luck on my two job interviews and date, you got half the job done. The date, I thought was good until my friend Diana told me the guy called me a prude after I left. Um, what? I go on one date with you (and not even a real date-date, we just met up for some beers), and you're the one who chose to stay out with your friends when I wanted to go home (at 2:30 am). You didn't even GIVE me a chance to show you if I was a prude or not. Not like I would have slept with you that night but for chrissake. You're the unemployed 28 year old who lives with your grandma WHY IS IT ONLY DEGENERATES THAT ARE ATTRACTED TO ME. Seriously, this shit needs to stop. BUT, on the other hand, I got a new job. I don't start for two more weeks and won't make much more than I make at the UPS Store right now, but after one-three months it should go up. Plus I get benefits which is awesome cause that insurance-runs-out-at-25-years-old deadline was looming ominously. So the pay isn't that great and it's kinda a hike, at 50 minutes to an hour away but me and my new boss hit it off from the moment we met so I really think it's going to work out. It just better because I am slowly losing my will to live at the store and this is my ticket out. So, next time I wish for luck, concentrate on the boy department but more importantly on the hope-he-has-a-job department. Who knew that was so hard to find, and if you did know WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME.

This new job shit is really going to cut into my book reading, a fact I am seriously down about because I am pathetic. I've read some good ones recently too, like The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields (just a really good story about a seemingly normal girl), I, the Divine, a Novel in First Chapters by Ribah Alameddine (my new favorite author), Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea by Chelsea Handler (hysterical), When We Were Orphans by Kazuo Ishigro (Ms. Mac, you'll love it. I did, after I got used to the formal-ness of Christopher) and Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut (god I don't get him but I love him). Since I've been keeping track of the books I've read this year, I feel like I'm in a constant race with myself, and with the library (to return them on time) to read as much as I can as fast as I can (it really annoys me that I feel like I have to beat the clock or something but I can't help it - does any of that make sense.) I'm at 34 so far and'll probably be lucky to break 50 by years end. Wah wah, is this what getting olds all about, getting a real job that interferes with my reading? Cause if so I WANT NONE OF IT but seeing as I can't even find a guy with A job, let alone a GOOD job, looks like I better get used to it.

Alright, I'm done whining. Here's some pictures, just cause I haven't put any up in eons, in no particular order.

My best friend Megan, me, Keri and cousin Hallie in Vegas before mom and dad renewed their vows. My dress made me look pregnant, a fact I discovered after I came home and saw the pictures. C'est la vie.

Me and Pammy in an EXTREME CLOSE UP, still in Vegas.

I want to live in the Bellagio. I was obsessed with these umbrellas they had hanging everywhere.

Me, Lauren and Diana at Blues Fest, supposedly seeing B.B King but the goddamn speakers weren't working by us so it coulda been a skinny white guy up there with a guitar for all I knew.

Keri and I at her boyfriend's house after a Sox game back in April. He, for god knows what reason, likes to cut the sleeves off some of his shirts, so we of course have to wear them when we go over there. Maybe it's for that reason I'm hardly invited anymore, WHO KNOWS. Or is it my wanting, NEEDING to play the drums at 2:00 am, I'll never know.

Saturday at Blues Fest. It rained. But we still had a good time. Pretty self-explanatory.

A group shot with my dad and Keri copping a feel on my mom. He claims he wasn't really, but this picture, the only evidence, states otherwise.

Keri does a much better Elvis impersonation than me. My lips are incapable of the upwards movement needed, it's just embarassing.

It is fucking hot in my room. Just had to tell someone so I picked all of cyberspace, don't you feel lucky!

Shock Me Like An Electric Eel

2008-06-19T18:47:00.001-05:00

1. Last night was finally, FINALLY the Swell Season concert we had gotten tickets for back in March. Worth that wait? That AND MORE. The Swell Season is comprised of Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova who were in the movie Once that came out a little over a year ago. The song from it, Falling Slowly, actually won the Oscar for Best Original Song this year at the Academy Awards. Glen is also in another band, The Frames, who Keri introduced me to when she was in Ireland a couple years ago and they've grown into one of mine and hers favorite bands since then, who I've seen twice and her three times. They of course played mostly songs from the soundtrack but then at the end they played, with his original band The Frames backing, Fitzcarraldo, which is easily one of my top five favorite songs ever. THEY PLAYED IT LIVE. I can most definitely die happy now. If you ever get a chance to see them, go, GO without even a second thought because they put on such a great live show. And because I said so. Reason enough right there.

2. The other day, while working with my 50-something co-worker, I overheard her on the phone pricing something for somebody sending a package to Alaska. To preface things here, if you are sending something international, you need a customs form that says exactly what's in the package and the value of it. For international items only. ONLY INTERNATIONAL. And she knows this because she's been here longer than me. So anyways, after she hangs up the phone she goes, "Wait - do you need a customs form to send something to Alaska?" Me: "No....it's one of the 50 states." Maybe it doesn't matter how long she's worked here, she just needs a goddamn geography lesson.

3. Speaking of work, the other day some older dude came in the store and says, "So you're growing your hair out huh?" I had my hair in a messy ponytail with my bangy-thingys swept to the side - how the fuck did he even know how long my hair was. Plus, have I ever seen you before? No? Didn't think so. Then as he was leaving he says, "So the next time I see you, is it gonna be longer or shorter?" Not sure dude, but I'll be sure to call you to give you the big update before I do anything to my hair, promise. Weirdo.

4. Sox - Cubs this weekend, CAN'T WAIT. Too bad I have to listen to the Friday and Saturday games at work, but at least it makes the day go by faster. Even though the Cross-Town Classic games are always explosive, with both teams in first place, I think it adds a little bit more meaning to the games. Who knows, Sox vs. Cubs come October? That's all everybody talks about here, and yeah it would be awesome for us to beat the Northsiders ass in the World Series. FUCKING AWESOME. Let's go White Sox.

5. Speaking of the Sox, I was listening to the game here at work today (they won, 13-8, it was awesome) and right after they won, when I'm on my White Sox High Horse, some dude, who comes in here all the time walks in with his Cubs shirt on. I ask him, you getting excited for the games this weekend? Usually you expect to banter back and forth for a minute over who's the better team, your team blows, we're gonna kick your ass, etc., but this guy just goes, "uhh....not really. This is just a t-shirt my ex-girlfriend got me, I had nothing else to wear." Wow, you are lame. A boy who doesn't like baseball? BLASPHEMY. I'm never asking him anything ever again.

6. Ms. Mac, this is mainly directed at you: I finally finished The Power and the Glory today, and you were totally right, the book did pick up as soon as the priest got on the run. I was almost surprised at how much I liked it and totally did feel all intellectual-ly when I was done. In my mind, any priest would be willing to die for his religion than renounce it, so it almost made him more human to me that he was terrified of how much being shot was going to hurt, cause that's all I would be able to think about too. I liked the Lieutenant character - how he was willing to get the other priest so the whiskey priest could confess and how he gave him the five pesos as he was getting out of jail. You are the best at book recommendations so thank you thank you thank you. When We Were Orphans is my next book - I actually already started it here at work today. When I get a real job and have to work all day instead of read I'm going to cry.

7. Musical obsessions of the past month: Cat Power's Moon Pix and Duffy's Rockferry. I've been all about the singing vaginas lately. Somebody must have burned me the Cat Power cd years and years ago because I found it randomly with a bunch of other burned cds in my closet. I decided to put it on on a whim and was obsessed for a good week or two, especailly with the song Say. Totally not a rocking out cd, it has more of a I-want-to-sit-at-home-and-slit-my-wrists kinda feel but I love it. Then my sister bought Duffy and even though I really didn't think I'd get into it, it's a great cd. Especially the first three, Rockferry, Warwick Avenue and Serious. I thought it would kinda be too boppy or something but good lord does Duffy have a voice. Also the MGMT cd is pretty awesome, it always makes me feel like dancing as I'm getting ready to go out. Which is not a pretty sight kids, not a pretty sight at all.

8. Duffy, Cat Power, the Black Keys, the Raconteurs, Bloc Party AND Radiohead all play the Friday date at Lollapalooza. I swear on the FUCKING BIBLE I am going this year. Not all three days cause the other two days are hit or miss but I am not missing all those bands on Friday. I SWEAR TO GOD.

9. Can't think of ten. I've got a date tonight and two job interviews next week. Wish me luck!

Two Posts In One Month! Boy Are You Lucky!

2008-05-16T18:23:00.002-05:00

I have butterflies in my stomach right now, like I'm excited about something. Yet I have nothing at all to be excited about. No plans yet for tonight. I even have work tomorrow. Maybe my butterflies are caused by the UNKNOWN! What COULD happen tonight! Or maybe it's because this is my 309th post. That must be it. Me and Blogger - who'd of thought we'd make it this far although I'm getting a little impatient over here waiting for a ring.

I was downtown with my mom a couple Saturdays ago to see an exhibit at the Art Institute. That didn't happen though, seeing as the line was out the door to get in, plus already sold out. So we decided to make the most of our outing and just walked around trying to find some free stuff to see. We found a Polish Fest going on in Millenium Park (people besides Irish people celebrate themselves?!?!?), walked around the Chicago Cultural Center, saw some American Idols performing on Ellen who was taping in Chicago that week (although not really cause it was ending because of the shitty weather by the time we tried to get close) and went out to eat at Bennigans (to complete the true downtown Chicago experience!). As we were walking towards the train after that, some people, obviously from out of town, we were walking behind us and said, "It's so weird to see there are 7-11's in Chicago too". Why. Why is god's name is it weird to see 7-11's in Chicago. Doesn't everybody need a place to buy a Slurpee? Or a place to buy a bag of Doritos at 3:00 am? For the rest of the day my mom and I kept saying, "Subway! A SUBWAY! In Chicago of all places! Who knew!" or "GET OUT OF HERE, THERE'S A WALGREEN'S HERE TOO?!" Chicago, it truly is a magical place.

I tend to fall asleep listening to my iPod at night and usually wake up to the cord wrapped around my body, disconnected from the iPod itself or to the cord in a bunch of knots because of the (I guess crazy?) way I sleep. The other day I topped myself though - I wake up, with the earbuds still in my ear, but no iPod at the other end. I find the iPod somewhere in the bed with the part of the earphones that plugs into the iPod still in it. I had ripped the earphone cord basically in half. In my sleep. Now no longer do I only randomly sleep walk in my sleep, but I destroy things. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I got my rebate check from the government Friday May 5th, and also got paid that day so I was RICH, bitches. I paid off some of my Old Navy bill with it (I would be in serious trouble if I had an actual credit card - I can't even control myself in Old Navy for chrissake), went to Target about 80 times (seriously, I think I was there more last week than I ever have been in my entire life) and bought a new monitor for my computer, since I finally have the internet in my room (hello porn!), only two years after Keri and I bought the wireless internet thingy. So, not only did I essentially boost the economy all by myself by spending $200 on a new monitor, my dad told me the new one uses less energy than my old one. Saving the economy and the Earth in one fell swoop IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN'T DO? Here I come to save the daaaaaaaaay.

I was buying gas Monday, and before I started pumping (ha ha, that made me laugh out loud. I am sad) I noticed the car ahead of my had gotten $3.82 worth of gas. The price for a gallon at this station was $3.93. What, couldn't make it around the block?

I've read a bunch of good books so far this year. I've kept a list so I don't forget what I've read and so far I'm at 26 for the year. I think I've read my favorite so far though, or at least my tied-for-first-favorite, along with What is the What, which was The Hakawati by Ribah Alameddine. It was a random find at the library and I LOVED it. It a story of a family set in Beirut, Lebanon of a man, Osama, who comes back to his country after being in the United States for two decades because his father is dying. It was that story, mixed in with other stories of Abraham and Sarah, Fatima and other mythical heros from the Middle Eastern culture. It took me a minute to get into the other stories because it was would be one story, then someone else in that said story would start another story and I couldn't keep track at first but after really getting into it I could easily remember who was who and couldn't stop reading it. Sometimes a 200-300 page book can take me a week to read, even if it is really good, but this one was a little over 500 and took me three days. It made me laugh outloud and cry - you can't ask for anything better in a book. It was just an eye-opener. I guess I think of people from anywhere over there being totally different from me, but then I read this book and realize they're not. They have the same conversations, fights, problems that anyone anywhere else in the world has. People are people, I'm just figuring that out for myself.

John Mellencamp is the Friday Feature artist on XRT. There is a god, and he just so happens to hates me. Damn you Andy, DAMN YOU for thwarting Jim's plan to propose to Pam in The Office's season finale. Still have the butterflies! And still have no plans for tonight!

Vegas, Convo, Books, List, Summer!

2008-05-02T18:44:00.001-05:00

I went to Vegas. I survived Vegas. I came home from Vegas. I want to write about everything we did, but feel like I can't. Not because "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" because let me tell you, herpes will happen anywhere, but it's just too much. Words don't do Vegas justice - you just have to go there and experience it for yourselves. God I can't wait to go back.

I went to my first Sox game of the season last Saturday, and tailgating, TAILGATING. WHY IN GOD'S NAME HAVE I NEVER TAILGATED BEFORE. I was waiting in line for the porta-potties at one point (probably one of the eight times I peed in two hours - I seriously must have a problem) and had the following conversation with the young-ish black guy in line behind me:

Me: Don't worry, I'm a really quick pee-er. I'm in and out in 30 seconds.
Him: It's fine, you take your time. You guys have parts that we like, and we got parts that you like, so take your time in there.
Me: Well it's a good thing I'm not a lesbian or else I wouldn't be agreeing with you right now.
Him: Even if you were, I'd still be telling you the same thing.
Me: It doesn't hurt to try, right?
Him: Exactly - you could learn to like the dark meat.

How did that happen? How did I end up having a conversation about sex with a guy I had known for 60 seconds? In the porta-potty line at that. I amaze myself.

Book report: The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls was a book about a dysfunctional family and how the author managed to turn out alright even if she has homeless parents who won't accept help. It was pretty good and a quick read but the short chapters annoyed the shit out of me. It just felt like it wasn't cohesive because every chapter was only two-three pages long. But overall a really good book. Just elongnate those chapters Jean Genie. I am pretty much like Goldilocks though because the book I just finished today had chapters that were too long, WILL I EVER BE SATISFIED. (The only reason I bitch - I always read before I go to bed and if the chapters are too short, I just keep convincing myself "one more chapter....okay, one more then....really, one more and then I'll go to sleep" and it never ends. With the longass chapters, it bugs the shit out of me to stop in the middle, so I try to read until the end of the chapters but then they prove too long and my eyes won't stay open, okay, anyways, there are worse things I could whine about, like world hunger or how much I want ice cream right now - two terrible, terrible problems). The book I finished today was Three Junes by Julia Glass which just kinda started out as a filler book but I ended up really liking it in the end. It has three different stories, one set in Greece, one in Scotland/New York and the other in New York. I didn't really like one of the main characters, Fenno, because he seemed so stuffy and humorless, but it was a good read. And lastly, The Book of Daniel by E.L. Doctorow. I loved this book, even though it took me over a week to read, being only 303 pages. It was about an American couple accused of treason (a la Ethel and Julius Rosenberg) and how it affected their kids fifteen years later. Loved the background stories about Communism and spies. Longest paragraph ever, sorry.

I saw Baby Mama with my mom and sister yesterday and it was super cute. I saw it with my mama and my baby sister, plus I'm my mama's baby so...... I have no idea where I'm going with this. Just go see it, it was funny. And touching. And heart-warming. AND TOTALLY MADE ME WANT A BABY. Goddamnit.

Obsessive song du jour: Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. Whenever I'm in the car all I do is change the stations hoping to catch it on. The other day I was driving, looking for Leona of course, and heard Reign O'er Me by the Who and I'm jamming out to it. Then Touch My Body by Mariah Carey comes on another station and I turn it up even higher, singing to it. I dabble in a little of this, and a little of that. Mariah and the Who - I'm thinking duet!

Things To Look Forward To:
My birthday, May 12th
Gaelic Fest, Memorial Day weekend
Sex and the City: the Movie, May 30th
Blues Fest with B.B King, mid-June
the Swell Season concert, June 18th
Taste of Chicago with Stevie Wonder, early June
Diana's block party, last Saturday of July
Lollapalooza, Auust 3-5th (will she? or won't she? most likely the latter, let's be serious here)

Summer is almost here! Or has kinda already started in my head. Loves it!

Lucky Number Seven

2008-04-10T18:07:00.000-05:00

1. Yesterday I was helping a lady here at work and she says to me, "You have very pretty hands." I always get weird compliments on my body. Like the guy who told me he "really liked my eyebrows" or the lady who told me my eyes looks "Scandivavian" or my sister who told me the other day that I had "skinny calves." Gotta take what I can get, right? I may never get the "wow, your abs look like a washboard" because they look more like a "bowl full of jelly", but to those people with the aformentioned abs, do you have pretty hands? Probably not. Suck on that.

2. When my brother was home over spring break a few weeks ago, March Madness was starting and I made a bracket out of his Sports Illustrated issue. I really went overboard and tooks HOURS to make the bracket. Or I just picked which team name I liked better and was done in three minutes, same difference. The main point here: I picked Kansas to win, without even knowing they were a number 1 seed, even though as my brother so nicely pointed out as he was looking at my picks, the seeds were right next to the team names in paranthesis. Not so smart am I. I may have never before paid attention to NCAA basketball but I was in this one to WIN IT, baby. It was sweet when they beat UNC cause that was J.P's pick but it was even sweeter when they won against Memphis because lordy was that a good game. And what here did I win folks? Pride. And bragging rights against my brother. It doesn't get better than that.

3. I just finished the book "A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier" by Ishmael Beah last night. I don't know what it is with me and Africa, but I realized I read four child soldier/civil war books about Africa in the last year (it must be the warm, up-lifting spirit of each story that makes me keep going back for more!). While What is the What is still my favorite, this one was great too, considering this was strictly non-fiction, not fiction intertwinely with non-fiction like What is the What was. The best part of this book in the last paragraph. I tried to find it online because I wanted to put it here but I can't find it and I left the book at home so you'll all have to read it for yourselves. It's always so disconcerting for me to read these books in my bed at night. I get lost in the book, then have to get up to go pee or something and realize (this is gonna sound corny) that I'm in my house and safe. I don't have to worry about the RUF storming my house, killing my family and setting it on fire, or run for my life and stray bullets, or not know how I'm going to survive from day to day. Seriously, some of the shit that people have survived and lived to tell the tale about is beyond my comprehension. It boggles the mind, bitches.

4. At this time tomorrow I will be in Las Vegas with 33 members of our family/friends of the family to help my parents celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary and renew their vows. And how are they celebrating their anniversary? Why in class of course, with Elvis doing the honors! God, how white trash does that sound, but it's going to be fun, and almost as expensive as their original wedding my parents are coming to find out, with the dinner for all of us afterwards. But who cares about that cause I won't b e paying for it, right. This trip is going to be awesome - my best friend Megan is coming, Keri's boyfriend Pat, a bunch of our cousins and a shitload of other people. I may want to kill myself because there's going to be five of us crammed into our room, but who spends time in the room anyways WHEN THERE IS DRINKING TO BE DONE! Oh lordy, watch out Vegas, the O'D family is coming and we're going out in style.

5. I had a really rough week last week, and went through something I hope to never experience again, but all I really want to say about it is I have great family and friends. The best there ever could be! And will ever be! For ever and all eternity! I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.

6. I love the show Reba AND I AM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT. Last week my dad saw me watching it and goes, wow, must really be desperate to watch something, huh? No Dad, I fucking love this show and am watching it on purpose. I dare you to watch it and NOT laugh: impossible. A few days earlier Keri had caught me watching it and made fun of me for it too. And then a minute later she laughed at one of the jokes I didn't even laugh at. How now brown cow? You make fun of me and then laugh before I even do. One more Keri-is-queer-story: I came home from work Tuesday and she was watching Monday night's episode of The Hills. She asked if I had watched it already, I said yes, and she goes, "You know, I don't even want to say this cause you're gonna laugh at me, but Heidi has really.......grown up. Hasn't she?" Yes Ker, and right before our very eyes too! She is turning into a mature young woman and I couldn't be prouder. God are you queer. (But seriously, I totally agree with you.)

7. Before this lady who was just in the store left, she couldn't find one of her gloves and goes, "I'm like Michael Jackson - missing one glove!" And then I laughed hysterically. Loves it!

Fifty-Four Minutes

2008-03-14T18:06:00.000-05:00

I had 118 pages left in my book to finish reading at work today. I thought it'd last me all day but I was done by 3:30. What the hell am I supposed to do now. Christ on a crucifix I'm bored.

I found my camera. Even though I hadn't seen it in two weeks I wasn't freaking out about losing it because I hadn't really looked for it yet. On Saturday I was driving with my mom and mentioned how I had lost it. She has this smile on her face and says, well did you try looking in the closet? "The closet" is in the kitchen and is where my mom hides things on me that I've left out for too long. Goddamnit mom, I'm thinking here for two weeks that I've lost it, but I hadn't lost it, you were just HIDING IT ON ME. Good lord that woman drives me crazy. I may love the shit out of her but she drives me up a goddamn wall like nobody else. Maybe I should learn to put my things away? Because I am 23 years old? And should know better? Or I could just get annoyed with my mom. That seems like the more likely solution.

A girl just walked past the store wearing a skirt. It always makes me laugh how Chicago seems to come alive and undress at the same time when the weather finally cracks 50 degrees for the first time in months. Windows rolled down, flip-flops on, forget about the sweaters IT'S 50 DEGREES! If only I wasn't stuck in this godforsaken store and could actually enjoy it. God I can't wait for spring. And to be out of work at 7:00.

Some old dude just came in, and after I gave him his receipt said, "Last time I came in you were curled up in the back taking a nap." Caught, on the job, sleeping. Not really sleeping, more like just being a lazy fuck. Could be worse, right? At least I wasn't masterbating OR WAS I.

Keri and I, with our boyfriends and some other friends went to see the Dropkick Murphys on Wednesday and then both died Thursday morning when we had to go to work. It was an awesome concert, considering I didn't know any of the songs save for Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced and Amazing Grace on the bagpipes which I love love love with a passion. Keri and I were really annoying throughout the concert, continuosly yelling "YOU'RE IN MY SEAT" to whoever was in front of us at the general admission, standing room only show. But it was funny to us. It's kind of detrimental for us to hang out together because we can be doing something that is extremely NOT funny everybody else but we're making each other laugh so we keep doing it. Over and over. A couple Sundays ago we were at her boyfriend's house and Keri was making up songs on Pat's guitar. You know, songs about black people and asian people having kids, aka "blasians" (My dad is Danny Glover, my mom is Kristi Yamaguchi, put 'em both together and you get a blasian!) and No Buttsex on the Sabbath (Wait to Saturday, wait til Saturday as not to piss off Yahweh). This went on for a good three or four hours and I laughed the entire time. Wow, do we sound like a riot together or what. I'm making us look bad here, but we're really fun girls! Or at least we think so. I'm gonna shut up now.

My Brother Bear comes home today and I am super duper excited. It'll be the first time he's home since January and the first time my whole family can celebrate him being 21. Awhile ago I was telling my mom we needed to have a family drinking night at the bar when J.P gets home cause he can finally go to the bars with us and she asks, do we always have to drink when we hang out as a family? Yes mom, we do, especially when it's called FAMILY DRINKING NIGHT. We don't play no Scrabble on our family nights WE DRINK TIL WE PASS OUT. Not really. More like til when the beer runs out and we have no other choice. Same thing!

The parade was....awesome. As always. Can't wait til next year.

It Always Comes Back To This

2008-03-07T17:46:00.003-06:00

I'm seeing Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (the Swell Season) in concert. I'M SEEING THE FUCKING SWELL SEASON IN CONCERT. I've seen Glen before with his band the Frames but oh my god. This is about equal to me seeing Dylan or Rufus Wainwright for the first time, the I!-might!-pee!-my!-pants!-I'm!-so! excited! Too bad I have to wait until June 18th. JUNE 18TH. Why the hell did tickets have to go on sale so damn early. This is only going to cause four months of butterflies in my stomach because I am that excited. The Swell Season! Can't fucking wait.

I got my sweet-ass tax return last week and holy lord was it a lot of money. Well probably not a lot of money for people who have actual jobs, but a lot of money for me, considering I have a fake job. The type of job where I get pissed if it's busy and I can't read at least 100 pages of my book. You know what this money means? I'm having a good ol' time in Vegas baby, when I go in April. It may be gone in 25 minutes but it'll be fun while it lasts.

I got my hair cut a few weeks ago, probably shorter than I've ever had it in my entire life. I also got bangs. Do you have any idea how much thought I put into the idea of these bangs? You'd never even guess because the answer would be absurd and I would be ashamed. I was terrified to get them because the last time I had them, probably in seventh grade, they would curl all funky on me if I didn't straighten or dry them with a hair dryer. This time, about a decade later, they just dry magically straight without me having to mess with them at all (we'll see how well they work once I have to deal with humidity though). They're more side-swept bangs, but nonetheless they are bangs and they dry. Straight. Without me doing anything. Does this excite anybody else except for me? No? Well you SHOULD be excited because it's considered a miracle. Seriously - ask Benedict.

I bought an album on a whim a couple weeks ago from this band called The Helio Sequence. The "if you bought _____, you'll like _____" part of iTunes is probably the best thing since.....ever. I can't even thing of a simile for it here because come on, is sliced bread really THAT great. But anyways, the album, Keep Your Eyes Ahead by the Helio Sequence is as delicious as the "if you bought _____, you'll like _____" part of iTunes. (That'll be the new simile from now on, but must shorten it somehow.) It's all I've listened to for the past three weeks. I am not exaggereating. It's only 37 minutes long and as soon as it's over I just start it again. I think about hearing the first song, Lately, and get all jittery cause I want to hear it so bad, IT'S THAT GOOD. I need to get a life.

I'm here at work where it's T-minus 100 minutes until my weekend starts and I'm off until Tuesday. This weekend is the Southside's Christmas because it's the Southside Irish Parade on Sunday. It's pretty much all we talk about after New Year's Eve because it's our next big holiday. It's supposed to be cold Sunday which blows, but really who notices when you're drunk all day anyways.

I was really sick all last week, my twice yearly so-tired-and-achy-I-can't-get-out-of-bed-for two-days-sickness. I was feeling a tad better by Wedensday and went to see The Kite Runner with my mom and her friend at this art center we have by my house. I had a dry cough, but it had only really been bad when I was laying down in bed, I hadn't had any coughing attacks or anything of the sort yet. I had just bought some cough drops and had those and a bottle of water with me in case things got bad but I really wasn't worried about it. (Like cough drops do shit anyways, I think it just made me feel better to have them.) But wouldn't you know it, as soon as the goddamn movie started I couldn't stop coughing. I lasted for about 45 minutes, sweating and coughing my balls off, trying to muffle the cough with my shirt, sucking down cough drops like it was my job and drinking the water to no avail. Finally I couldn't handle it anymore and told my mom "I have to leave, I can't take it anymore". She says to me, "Did you try the cough drops?" OH, THE COUGH DROPS. HOW SILLY OF ME. OF COURSE! WHY HADN'T I THOUGHT OF THAT. THE COUGH DROPS! Christ on a cracker mom, really? I mean I love my mom and everything but sometimes I really wonder what she thinks before she says something. LIKE I HADN'T TRIED USING THE FUCKING COUGH DROPS TO STOP COUGHING. My mom - what the hell would I do without her.

I think I lost my camera. That kind of blows. Understatement of the year.

Once A Huskie, Always A Huskie

2008-02-19T18:39:00.000-06:00

I still cannot believe that shooting really happened at Northern. I was at work when my co-worker told me what was going on and it was almost surreal seeing the aerial views of the campus, with the buildings I had class in, the library where I worked, the commons I walked across everyday for four years, and then to see those places with ambulances and students being carried out on stretchers - it was almost too much. It's weird that something like this, a guy opening up fire on an unsuspecting geology class and killing five students can make me want to be back in DeKalb. Not nessecarily to be back in college, but to be surrounded by my fellow students and mourn with them. You never think it's going to happen anywhere, let alone the school you spent four years of your life at and graduated from. How terrible, how fucking terrible.

I had more to write about but I feel stupid writing abou my taxes, or songs I'm in love with or anything else after writing that papagraph. Everyone's thinking of you NIU.

I Should Be Good for Another Month Now

2008-02-01T17:48:00.000-06:00

1. Last Friday I met Keri, her boyfriend and some friends up at the bar. I hadn't seen Keri yet that day, she was gone by the time I got home from work and when I saw her at the bar all I could say was "you have to be kidding me." She was wearing a red t-shirt with a black zip-up hoodie. I was wearing a red t-shirt with a black zip-up hoodie. We always say we want to go to the bar with the same outfits on and then we finally do it, unknowingly. We must be SISTERS or something. Later my friend Catherine told me her sister asked if we were co-workers. Catherine said no, why. Because we were both wearing our "uniforms." Ker, we need to consult each other from now on if we're meeting at the bar.

2. On the way home from work Tuesday night I got a flat tire. I made it all the way home, I only live a couple miles away, but I was just laughing because my god did my parents sell me a piece of shit car. I got home, told my dad and he basically looked at me and said, well you better get out there before the snow starts. Uh, you mean "we" dad? WE should get out there? I think he was getting his pronouns mixed up. Makes sense, he did have to take kindergarden twice. So anyways, my dad went out there with me and I now know how to fix a flat tire. When we were out there my dad said, "see, this is why you need a boyfriend, to take care of things like this for you." OR I could just impress my future boyfriend by my flat-tire-fixing-knowledge, how about that? The day had started out with near 50 degree temperatures but five minutes after we were done and it was fixed, it was near zero, with the wind chill making it even colder and snow blowing. Now that is what I call "Chicago weather."

3. I just finished an awesome, awesome book the other day, What is the What by Dave Eggers. I had been wanting to read it forever and finally found it at the library. It's about this guy Valentino who was one of the Lost Boys of Sudan who comes to live in America after over a decade of being on the run in his country because of a brutal war. The first two-thirds is great, then it slows down a bit but the end totally had me crying. At work. My co-worker Randy caught me and said, "It's good to see my homie has a softer side." Isn't it though Randy? This book though, totally worth the wait.

4. Keri and I made good on our promise to be non-fat in '08 and joined Weight Watchers three weeks ago. I've lost just under 6 and she's lost just over 6 pounds - altogether, twelve pounds of lard has vanished. My pants not being so fucking tight on me is probably the best thing in the entire world, EVEN BETTER THAN A BAG OF DORITOS. We will be skinny come Las Vegas in April, you just watch.

5. I lost my turqoiuse ring. Again. Like seriously lost it. Last time I thought I lost it outside a bar and it ended up being in my pocket. This time I lost it in between doing laundry and changing the sheets on my bed. How the FUCK am I able to find it after I think I lost it outside but can't find it in my own goddamn house. I didn't freak out for a week because I just figured it'd pop up somewhere but it hasn't. And that makes me sad, so sad because I love that ring. Now I have to go back to that Cabos San Lucas flea market I bought it from six years ago, who's going with me.

6. My brother finally turned 21 on January 14th. He was going to be back at school for it so Keri and I had decided a long time ago that we were going to drive out to Akron and surprise him to celebrate because no O'D can be sans famile come your 21st birthday. Well except me, but I had no other choice really. We stayed at his frat house Saturday night but got a hotel for Sunday. Oh my lord did we have fun. I'm at work so I can't put pictures up now, but I will at some point. He was so surprised to see us (I was so nervous! assholes), it was great. Sunday night was his birthday at midnight so we went to a bar and J.P rightfully puked outside of it after many shots. We hit up a few other bars, ending at one that had dancing which was the perfect way to end the night because how else would I have gotten 800 pictures of J.P and Keri dancing the robot, HOW ELSE. Thank god we went back to our room though because he later puked in his bed. Beebs, I'm so glad you're 21 now. O'D's are gonna overtake Western Ave, you just watch. Now come home soon so we can celebrate properly on the Southside.

7. My mom and dad are gone for the weekend, skiing in the Upper Penninsula on Michigan. Before I left for work today my mom called and after we talked for a minute goes, "What time is it there?" Mom, you're not in fucking Hawaii - you know in Michgan you're only an hour ahead of us. But I can see why it would be so confusing! She's one of those people that if you're in a different time zone and she asks you the time, she'll then ask, "Chicago-time?" No mom, why the fuck would we be telling you the time in Chicago IF WE'RE NOT IN CHICAGO. Christ on a cracker she drives me crazy.

8. How awesome would it be if the Giants won on Sunday, HOW FUCKING AWESOME. I doubt it, mainly because their quarterback looks confused, and for lack of a better word, retarded, whenever he's on the field, but c'mon, do it. Win for my sake. Forget the money, forget the ring, do it for ME.

9. I've been at work since 11 and since we got a shite-load of snow yesterday, it has been dead all. fucking. day. Me and my co-worker called our boss and asked if we could close early, around 1:00, when we're always open until 7:00 and surprisingly, or really unsurprisingly, he said no. What makes it worse is that Keri and her boyfriend called off work and have been texting me constantly saying "come home" because they've been drinking all day. This going to be the longest hour and twenty minutes of my life. If yout wo don't saev me a Guinness I will kill you.

10. The album For the Birds by the Frames is the best album ever to listen to as night as I'm reading. It came out awhile ago and has been on my iPod forever, but I'm just getting around to listening/being obsessed with it now. Listen to it, love it, and give me money as thanks later.

Misinterpreted Command, Said By My Aunt To Me: "You Open It Up, I'll Stick It In"

2008-01-04T00:53:00.000-06:00

She was talking about opening the oven to put the cookies in, pervs.

I just heard the song D.A.N.C.E by Justice for the first time a couple days ago and love it. I don't know what's wrong with me this year, I've been getting into dance-y/electronic-y music like LCD Soundsystem, Hot Chip, and now Justice, though granted DANCE is the only song I've heard by them. But I love it. Is that so wrong? My sister may make fun of me but I can take that. I got my brother to like at least one Hot Chip song, so take that Kerianne. All together I think I've gotten some kick ass music this year. Besides the above mentioned there's the Shins, Peter, Bjorn and John, the Once soundtrack, Beirut, the National, Tokyo Police Club (who I finally started to like two months after I bought the record), Mark Ronson and the Shout Out Louds (which I just bought a couple days ago and LOVE). There were only a few "eh's" - mainly Rilo Kiley and the Good the Bad and the Queen, which I don't dislike by any means, it's just not my favorite. Overall 2007, you get two thumbs up for music.

It's official: my brother isn't the only flamer in the family anymore. Yesterday Keri got me my Christmas present - our long-awaited sister's tattoo we've only been talking about getting for 2 1/2 years. It's a black flame on the inside of our right foot next to the ankle and it looks majestic. Keri printed up a "Sweetheart Award" on the internet as her way of telling me what her present was (don't ask me) and after I give her a hug, yay yay I'm excited! she goes "we can't rub our tattoos together though." She has a foot phobia equivalent to my touching-of-the-face phobia so she didn't want to me "force" her to rub our feet together. What is the FUCK even made you think I would want to do that? That thought hadn't, and would not have, entered my mind, but now it is my life goal to get us to "rub our tattoos" together. Sorry girl - you shouldn't have given me the idea. Flamers for life!

Besides that, Christmas was pretty low-key. For the first time ever part of my mom's family (aunt, uncle and cousin) from Arizona came in for it. I got a sweet Houndstooth pattern coat that Keri IS NOT JEALOUS OF AT ALL, an iTunes gift card from my bro, three bras, a hotel room to stay in when we go to Vegas (although I really didn't think they'd make us sleep on the streets) and some other little stuff. We just ate and stayed in our pajamas all day until me, my cousin Hallie and my best friend Megan went to the bar later to meet up with friends. Some things never change. Also: the present I gave Keri made her cry. I win!

The highlight on my New Years Eve: my friend Kelly getting hit by a cork coming off a champagne bottle in the back of the head at the bar. I'm still laughing about it. I didn't kiss anybody at midnight but did kiss the gay-esque guy who gave us a ride home later. Thank you, guys who's name I can't remember for the life of me now. I've got some resolutions I intend to keep, namely lose weight to look good for Vegas (50 pounds or bust!), get a new job and start writing shit down so I don't forget to do some many little things all the time. I even have a little notebook to keep in my purse now so this last one MIGHT actually happen. The losing weight hopefully too; it's back to Weight Watchers next week. I'm gonna stop dieting and START LIVING BITCHES.

Book report: Loved loved LOVED Black Dogs by Ian McEwan and Astonishing Splashes of Colour by Claire Morrall. Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro was brilliant (I feel like an impostor saying that word because I'm American but I'm doing it anyways - screw you England) too; Ms. Mac's recommendations never leads me astray. I just finished another Margaret Atwood book, The Robber Bride and while it was good, it took me awhile to get into; I might have to take an Atwood break for the time being. I just started Lullaby by Chuck Palaniuck or however you spell his name and just by the synopsis on the back, I think I'm going to like it. I have been a reading MACHINE lately.

If anyone can find Andy Dick's MTV show "The Assistant" from about four or so years ago on DVD I will give you a million dollars. Watching clips of it on YouTube just doesn't cut it.

So we finished with a shitty ass 7-9 record. At least we beat the Packers TWICE BITCHES. I'll take that as a consolation prize any day.

Knock Yourself Out

2007-12-12T23:45:00.000-06:00

The book I finished today namechecked the book I'm starting tonight. Freeeeeeaky.

The Bears season in one word? Tragic. Just fucking tragic.

The song Playboy by Hot Chip makes me feel, I wish to god I could think of another word here but I can't, sexy. Sex machine-ish. Boner-ish. Listen to it yourself and disagree with me I DARE YOU.

I am DONE Christmas shopping.

I got my oil changed for the first time by myself - I am now an official grown-up. Or at least getting closer.

I have off Christmas Eve. I would've been off by 3:00 anyways BUT STILL. I'm excited.

Will is still a fucking psycho. Really, I should start carrying Mace with me. Or an axe.

I hadn't read much in the past month but read three books in the past nine days. I'm awesome. Yes I'm bragging about reading skills: I gotta cling to what I've got.

I've been looking for a dark red colored purse forever and found one at Payless Shoes of all places. For $4.00. FOUR fucking dollars. I'm awesome.

Seriously, the band Hot Chip is the cat's pajamas AND the bee's knees combined.

And finally, a picture of me. At San Diego. In the ocean. Glowing.

Hey Al, You Ever Had Your Salad Tossed?

2007-11-28T23:56:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I could not have asked for a better Bears to have gone to. I said I was going to pee my pants if Hester returned a kick and then I had to do it TWICE. Thanks Devin. And in the same quarter at that? Made things a little bit chillier for me. There was a Bears win in overtime, another fourth quarter comeback and Hester returning two kicks, but on top of all that, I got a free Bears scarf! For being pretty! Or just because I walked into the stadium! But still! Could my life get any better? I submit that it cannot. Well then it got worse because Will turned into a complete fucking asshole to end the night because he can never leave well enough alone, but I'm not letting anything spoil me having seen the best football game ever. Our seats were pretty high up and I had a small-to-medium heart attack the first time I walked up those steps to row 24, but I don't think you could possibly have a bad seat at Soldier Field. Awesome, awesome AWESOME fucking game. Will may be the biggest fuck-up I've ever met, but at least he took me to the game, thanks bitch. And thank YOU, Devin Hester. And thank you, old-ass lady who gave her old-ass boyfriend an old-ass blowjob in the row right in front of me. The game wouldn't have been the same without you.

Just in case you aren't aware of how awesome Devin Hester, aka the Windy City Flyer, is, watch this clip on YouTube of him returning a kick in college against Duke. Not safe for work. Will cause instant boner.

So I went to California and came home last Monday. Watch for me to be on the Price is Right on December 11th - the lady in the row behind us got called up and won 10 grand so we're thinking we might be on for a second when the camera was on her in the seats. What a shitty looking studio though. I don't think they've updated anything in there since Bob Barker started. Drew Carey was funny though, in between commercial breaks. And then we did all that other jazz, Gruman's Theatre, tried an In-N-Out burger, the Kodak Theatre and the Hollywood Wax Museum which I thought was would be lame but ended up being a blast. Anytime I can stroke Jesus's beard and cup Angelina's boobs has to be a good time. We also went to the Griffith Observatory which was cool, seeing the Hollywood sign and stuff, ate at the Saddle Ranch where Bret Michaels took Heather and her family out to eat (I know! You hate me you're so jealous!), bought a pair of huge-ass Nicole Ritchie-esque sunglasses (my sole reason for going out there), went to San Diego for a night, won $14.25 playing Bonus Poker at a casino (I cashed that bitch out), went swimming in a heated pool at her aunts while our friends waited for snow flurries back here in Chicago BUT DIDN'T SEE A GODDAMN CELEBRITY. Not Paris, not Britney, not Lindsay, not even fucking Tara Reid. But I did have some lady, one of Diana's cousin's friends, ask me incredulously at the bar, "You drink BEER?" I think I scared them with my Miller Lite. There's a reason for my beer belly lady - it has been well earned.

Has anyone besides me ever heard of the show Sports Action Team? I've been trying to spread the word about this show because it's hysterical and have yet to meet someone who's seen it. They show it around 11:45 or midnight on NBC on Sundays, depending on when the Sunday night game ends. It's a documentary/improv type show a la The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm about a group of sports reporters who are all terrible at their jobs. It's only on during the football season I'm pretty sure, so you only have a short time left to catch it. This though, is the best clip ever. A comment someone left on that clip says it all - "Leave it to a Raider or Raiders fan to shoot someone." Actually they spelled it "r8r" but I won't subject you to that OR WILL I.

I'm not the hugest Killers fan in the entire world. By a long shot. I like Mr. Brightside and one or two others but hated their new songs, especially Read My Mind. A song that makes me love them though is their cover of Joy Division's Shadowplay they did for the Ian Curtis biopic Control. Listen to it, love it and thank me later.

Ever since I saw the TLC reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I realized I have seen my future. I hope to god I don't have sextuplets, but I'm pretty sure if I ever get married that's what my relationship with my husband will be like. God I love that show. And Run's House on MTV - Russy is the funniest unintentional kid ever. Really, I do have a life I SWEAR. I can't help it if I saw a Jon & Kate marathon two weeks ago and then two hours of Run's House last week. I gotta have something to keep me going since the fucking writer's strike is still going on. WORK IT OUT ALREADY, I WANT TO WATCH JON AND STEPHEN AGAIN.

Will spelled the word "ruin" as "rune". I've never wanted to punch someone in the face with such urgency before. I'm done. Done done done done DONE.

Public Service Announcement

2007-11-25T22:59:00.001-06:00

I went to the AWESOMEST BEARS GAME IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TODAY.

Just wanted to share.

Bathroom, Restroom, Washroom, W.C, Porta-Potty, Take Your Pick

2007-11-21T15:57:00.000-06:00

Some guy just came into work and asked if we "had a latrine." We're not in the fucking trenches buddy.

I Fought In The Old Revolution

2007-11-10T13:55:00.000-06:00

Besides Angelina givng birth to Shiloh, nothing that happens in Hollywood really affects my life. Then the Writer's Guild has to be a complete fucking douche bag and go on strike. The rest of you could bitch and moan about having to watch reruns of the Daily Show, but me? I was actually planning on seeing one of those shows, Live with Jimmy Kimmel. What perfect timing assholes. Had it been any other time in my life it wouldn't affect me, but it's pretty clear that this is a direct assault on me. I have been pinpointed and I DON'T LIKE IT. Why are you singling me out of every other fannypack-American-flag-t-shirt-cowboy-hat-camera-slung-around-the-neck wearing toursit? I promise not to wear that t-shirt anymore if you LET ME SEE MY JIMMY KIMMEL.

I don't think I mentioned this yet - my sister Kerianne is finally a contributing member of society. No, she didn't start giving blowjobs for money (yet) SHE GOT A JOB. Since getting her first paycheck she has pretty much been my favorite person (after Billy Baldwin and before Thomas Jefferson) mainly because she buys beer for me! It is delightful! I love my sister having money! Way to go Kerianne - already making more money than your older, wiser, beautiful-er, more talented sister. I'm not bitter at all!

Since I discovered on Sunday while at the bar watching the Pats-Colts game that Miller Lite had peel-off labels to win a t-shirt, it has been my life goal to win one (who says I don't have determination now motherfuckers). Last night, after seeing way too many "sorry" 's I finally saw a "congratulations!" Aw hell yeah, in 4-6 weeks I will be wearing my very own XXL Miller Liller Chicago Football t-shirt. Seriously it was kind of pathetic how excited I got when I finally won one. Then Keri had to steal my thunder and win one later too. LET ME HAVE THE SPOTLIGHT FOR ONCE. Mine'll probably be prettier.

Before Halloween I had wanted to carve a pumpkin but before I could the squirrels ruined them outside, so my mom got me and Keri some free ones at the store earlier this week. I had my own little carving party Wednesday accompanied by me myself and I and carved the SHIT out of that pumpkin. I just followed some stencils we had so although they weren't free-hand carvings, the ghost and headless horseman I did still looked pretty fucking cool. (I am 23, carve pumpkins by myself and am ridiculously proud of them - guys start forming the line to the right) I come home from work yesterday and my dad says to me "Did you see your pumpkin won 1st place?" My dad, I found out later from my mom, literally went to the store with the sole intention of buying a first place ribbon. Found it. Bought it. And stuck it on my pumpkin. My dad does not do shit like this. Seriously. Ever. Nothing even remotely like this. He doesn't even know my birthday. Or my middle name, most likely. The last time he did something like this was in third grade when I did good on a math test (the good ones were few and far in between) and he bought me the Da-da cd, of "I'm Going to Disneyland" fame. God that cd ROCKED. The thought of him buying this at the store makes me smile cause aw, my dad does love me! Not like that fact was ever in question but too cute dad, too cute.

Before work Tuesday I pulled into 7-11 to get some coffee. I was close to the car on the left of me but figured I could swing the car in without having to back up because my depth perception is usually pretty off (though not as bad as Diana's. Her car is five feet long and watching her parallel park you'd think she was backing up a semi). I guess I have more faith in my depth perception that I really should because I hit the car. It was only some minor dents because I was going about a 1/2 a mile per hour but oh my god my heart started beating so fast I thought I was going to hyperventilate. A million thoughts were racing through my head WHERE'S THE INSURANCE CARD DO I EVEN HAVE INSURANCE DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME AM I HAVING A HEART ATTACK EVERYONE IN THE STORE IS STARING AT ME THEY ALL HEARD ME HIT THE CAR I THINK I'M DYING. I go in the store and ask whos SUV it is and it's some younger, but still older than me, guys car. We go outside, he sees the dent and scratches and goes "Don't worry about it." What? Are you serious? Do my ears deceive me? Hark, the herald angels sing? He wouldn't even let me buy him anything from 7-11. I was still shaking because I was so nervous, but seriously, how fucking awesome is that. The lady at the counter was like "that was really nice of you to come in and fess up to it." Who gives a shit what I did, HE is the nice one by not even caring at all. I can't wait for someone to hit me now (fingers crossed!) so I can react in the same way. But only if they're going super slow too cause if not I'll sue the shit out of them.

The Raiders are kicking to Hester tomorrow. You'll be sooooorrrryyyyyy.

Also: J.P, I don't even know if you read this, but you are an asshole for going to Eastern AND NOT EVEN COMING HOME TO VISIT US. You're dead to me.

SERIOUSLY, Who Doesn't Have A Boner

2007-11-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

Amy Winehouse

Nicole Richie

Tax-Deductible Charity Organizations

2007-10-28T16:33:00.000-05:00

You know what blows? When your favorite football team goes from almost winning the Superbowl one year to being fucking 3-5 the next year. Goddamnit. It's just like the White Sox not even making it to the play-offs in the 2006 season. It's not like I'm giving up on the Bears or anything, dragging my ass out of bed to watch football on Sundays is what I look forward to most all week, but throw me a goddamn bone here. Three fucking interceptions IN THE END ZONE Brian Griese? Really? Was that nessecary? Where's Orton when you need him.

The one saving grace? Devin Hester man, Devin Hester. If I could have his babies I would give him sextuplets just to show my appreciation. I don't know if he would actually appreciate being my babies' daddy to six kids, but I'll worry about the details later. I wish teams would stop being such pussies and just punt to him, but who can blame them for not, the guy gets at least 40 yeards it seems on every return. So I can't blame them, but I will hate them for it because most of the time it's the most exciting part of the game, seeing what holes he's gonna find in the defense and how far he's going to get. I want a Hester jersey for Christmas. J, Ker, you listening?

I am finally taking advantage of my weeks paid vacation I get at work and going to California on November 13th thru the 19th. Everytime I talk about it I get either California Love by Tupac, Goin to California by Led Zeppelin, California by Phantom Planet or California by Rufus Wainwright in my head. Ninety-nine percent of the time it's Tupac, but it's good to know I have options. (Why are there not as many Illinois songs? I am going to do something to rectify that situation pronto). I'm going with Diana and we're staying with her aunt and cousins, whom I love almost, if not more, than my own extended family. While there we're going to the Price is Right on the 14th (which Diana is way too excited about, I could really give a shit) and Jimmy Kimmel on the 15th, which I am way too excited about. Can I really afford this vacation? No I cannot, but I'm doing it up anyways. One of the first thoughts that popped into my head when I realized we'd be there a Sunday was "oh my god, I might miss the Bears game", but fret not kiddos, it's a Sunday night game on NBC, there is a god. I can't wait to pop my California cherry.

Five Minute Book Club Meeting: Read We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. Ms. Mac, having such impeccable taste, said it was one of her favorite books and since reading it, I whole-heartedly agree with her. It's a book written in letters from a wife to her husband recounting their marriage and the birth and upbringing of their son, Kevin who goes on to do a Columbine type (I'm not giving anything away here) massacre at his school. Kind of made me scared to have kids, but god was it a good book.

I got the new Radiohead album the other day (I didn't give them any money for it, I'm broke, lay off) and am not a huge fan of the whole thing, but love, love the song All I Need, which is the reason I bought (with monopoly money) it after hearing it on the radio. There are a couple good songs though, so get it cause it's free and you can't beat that OR CAN YOU.

The Lions coach Rod Marinelli said last week that they'd rather kick the ball into Lake Michigan then kick it to Devin Hester. So after EVERY SINGLE (no it did not get old at all!) punt/kick-off, before breaking into a commercial, they would show a ball getting tossed in the lake and floating around for a few seconds. The first time they did it my back was to the tv and my mom's telling me "the ball was in the lake!" I told her about the quote and how they were probably joking, but she was honestly confused for a minute about how the ball got kicked into the lake. Come on Mom. I know the stadiums right on the lake but nobody could throw (maybe Tom Brady?), let alone kick the ball into the lake, let's think about this seriously for a second. And then later she asked me what inning it was. Is it time for the home already mom?

Me and Keri have this thing where we're obsessed with the song Elephant Love Medley from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. It's a duet between Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman's characters and before we sing it, one of us has to pick if we're going to be Nicole or Ewan (I know, who wants to hang out with us now?). We hadn't done it in a couple months I don't think when on the way home from the bar Friday night, as Keri was driving and I was in charge of the iPod, I asked her "who do you want to be?" Without even thinking about it she says "Ewan". And then we belted our hearts out. I'm sure Diana was thrilled in the backseat. Is it possible to be in love with your own sister? No? Okay. Just asking. Forget I said anything.

We got it. Challenge it.

Talking Quotes

2007-10-13T18:46:00.000-05:00

I had a dream last night that my sister wanted to get a tattoo. A tattoo of the earth with the word "Imagine" ABOVE it. I know, sounds pretty awesome right? The only problem is I have a tattoo of the earth with the word "Imagine" UNDERNEATH it. Oh my god people I was ANGRY in this dream. Like crying hysterically angry because I was so mad that she was going to get the same tattoo as me. Listen up bitch, if you EVER decide to do that, I can't stop you, but I will hold you down and spit in your ear. What now.

Thursday night we went out and I locked my keys in my car outside the bar (it was really far, then I fell in some tar, the night really was not up to par) so Will gave me a ride home because he was out too. Then he got really angry for some reason and we fought for the umpteenth time about how I don't like him like that, but he doesn't understand why, come just admit you have feelings for me and good lord, shut the fuck up because if I have to explain myself one more time I am going to shoot you in the fucking face afterwards. So I told him to leave and went to bed. I wake up the next morning to three text messages. I now present you with thee texts:

Will at 4:47 am: This is the last message I send you I truly care about you and I know it means nothing to you but if you ever have a change of heart - it gets cut off.
Will at 5:08 am: Ya this is the worst night ever not only did I lose you but I got hit by a car walking home and they drove away drunk drivers - cut off again. (Run-on sentences much?)
Lisa, his sister, at 6:08 am: Hey did you and my brother get in a fight tonight? He got hit by a car on the way home from your house. He is at home and out of it.

I don't know what I expected these text messages to say, but him getting HIT BY A FUCKING CAR was not one of them. Not like it's funny, it's not funny at all, but come on, yes it is a little bit. He's fine, his back hurts him, but he's still up and functioning considering he GOT HIT BY A CAR, ROLLED ONTO THE WINDSHIELD AND THE CAR JUST DROVE OFF. I didn't get why he was walking in the first place, but his car wouldn't start and he only lives about 7 blocks away so he just walked. Every time I tell someone I can't help smiling and laughing about it, not because I am a terrible person, but because it's just so fucked up. He got hit by a car. He then texted me (I know, it's the most logical thing I can think of to do when I am involved as the "hit" part of a hit and run). He finishes walking home. God WHY CAN I NOT STOP LAUGHING ABOUT THIS.

The other day at work some old dude, at least 70, came in to send something out. He had on a t-shirt with one of those yellow smiley faces on it that said "Smile if you swallow". I actually made a conscious effort to NOT smile the entire time I was helping him, like he was really going to call me out on being a "swallower" if I cracked a tiny smile. I just never pictured myself having to worry about a customer knowing if I swallow or spit. I guess there's a first time for everything.

I just bought an album on iTunes called Gulag Orkestar by this dude named Beirut and it's awesome. It has an Eastern European-gypsy-like tinge to it which I would never expect to be attracted to, but I obviously have a huge boner listening to it right now. It's an older one, I guess he just put out a newer one last month, but I'm working on it in chronological order so fuck off. iTunes is my lover.

Reading update: I just finished No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy and it was super good. Way different from The Road, but written in the same literary style which I really like. It's simple, with barely any commas, apostrophes and no talking quotes (the technical term eludes me), which I love. I mean I love books with no talking quotes, not talking quotes themselves. Talking quotes can go to hell for all I care. I have Torette's and all I can say is talking quotes. TALKING QUOTES.

If you guys missed the Ken Burns documentary The War last week, then I feel really bad for you. If you ever find yourself with 14 hours to spare, rent this and laugh, cry and be amazed like I was/did. It was seriously faaaaaaantastic.

It's The First Of The Ascension

2007-10-05T18:51:00.000-05:00

I stupidly tried out the "update your template" button the other day and can't undo the changes. I hate how the archives look now and can't do anything about it. It also erased my stat counter thingy (the techinical term for it). How will I ever find out now what people searched for to find my blog, HOW WILL I EVER KNOW. I am aggravated.

So Cubs fans, it was over pretty much as soon as it started. I almost hope for your sakes they win at least one game tomorrow cause to go out 0-3 is embarassing. I don't know anything about that because the Sox went 11-1 in the playoffs. And then they won the World Series - not sure if you remember that. We were at the bar Wednesday for karaoke but instead it was filled with Cubs fans watching the game. One of my friends, and I use that word in the loosest way possible, is a Sox fan too and was being a complete tool about the whole thing, clapping when the Cubs struck out, that kind of shit. She went to ASU for two years, so she reasoned her rooting for the D-backs by saying every chance she got "Arizona is my second home." Ok, makes sense, but still, you are annoying. By the end of the night it had changed into "I've lived in Arizona my whole life and would die for the Diamondbacks! I grew up there! I used to manage the team! Before that I was a third base coach! I hit the game running home run in the '84 World Series!" Which is really weird, seeing as I remember being in French class with her in high school for four years. Must have been a dream. Christ on a crucifix, I WILL ASSASINATE YOU NICOLE IF YOU DO NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I bought a cd by Tokoyo Police Club yesterday and aren't sure if I like it. Cool - I love wasting my money.

It's almost 90 degrees here in Chicago. And it is NOT June like I keep thinking it is. Seriously, each time I see the date or am reminded that it's October I'm surprised. Time to get ready for Flag Day, or no, I mean Halloween. They're one in the same to me anyways.

My parents finally came home last Friday. Keri and I were out and they didn't get home until about 1:00 am while we didn't get home until 4:30. So what did we do? I convince Keri that we should go jump in their bed to say WELCOME HOME! to them, who cares that it's almost 5:00 am - we haven't seen them in three weeks. So then we jumped in their bed and laid there for about five minutes talking really loudly and being annoying. My dad really appreciated it more than my mom did, I'm sure of it. Anyways, so you guys have been back for a week now.....when are you leaving next. Don't overstay your welcome. And yes, I am 23 years old.

If my family doesn't humor me and go apple picking with me either Saturday or Sunday like I've been pleading with them to do for the past week, I'm never talking to any of them again.

Throw The Rock

2007-09-27T18:52:00.000-05:00

My parents finally come home tomorrow, or at least I think tomorrow, considering I haven't talked to them since Saturday and their lasseiz-faire attitude towards letting us know just where in the continental US they are right now. It just better not be today because oh lordy, there is cleaning to be done. I did the kitchen pretty spectacularly yesterday, as I was cooking dinner at that (move over Susie Homemaker), and of course not ten minutes after I'm done, my sister comes downstairs to eat and leaves cheese all over my sparkling countertops. I exaggerate greatly, it was more like four shards of shredded cheese but come on. Please take care to wipe off the countertops as to not enrage me greatly. I can't wait for mom to get home so things can get back to normal with her as the enrager, while I am the enragee.

Another great thing about mom and dad coming home? Will can stop begging to stay over at my house. I don't get the attraction anyways, as he has his own condo, plus why would you want to stay the night with someone who makes it pretty obvious she does not want you there. Oh, that's right - it's because I'm a pushover, I almost forgot.

So Green bay is 3-0 and the Bears are 1-2. Great Rex Grossman, great. I think if Lovie hadn't have finally announced he's gonna pull Grossman for Griese next week, the whole city of Chicago would have boycotted. Not really, but we all would have definitley wondered what the fuck else Rex could possibly do as the "last straw". Throw 84 interceptions? Sounds pretty final to me.

If you've never read any Margaret Atwood, you must. Right now. Ms. Mac and I, because we are this awesome, have pretty much started our own Transcontinental Book Club (fuck you Oprah. Just kidding, I love you!) and it's been revolving around Atwood for the past couple weeks. I've only read two of them, The Handmaid's Tale and The Blind Assasin, but loved both of them. After reading The Handmaid's Tale first, I thought maybe all her books would be the same type, but they definitely are not, consisdering again I've only read two. So if you are in a funk of reading shitty books, check out some Maraget Atwood and love Ms. Mac and I later.

Mark Ronson, who's album I raved about in my last post, has done a version of Bob Dylan's song Most Likely You Go Your Way and I'll Go Mine. And it is fantastic. Imagine that, my singer du jour of yesteryear and my singer du jour of the present year, mashing it up together - loves it. And now I can't find it on youTube, but believe me, it's out there. BELIEVE ME.

If Keri doesn't have a tuna casserole waiting for me when I get home, somebody is going back in their cage.

Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before

2007-09-18T17:41:00.000-05:00

Thank you, thank you Chicago Bears, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT. Well really I'm talking about Devin Hester, but I refuse to bitch about Rex Grossman anymore. He is our quarterback no matter how much you whine so just accept it and shut the fuck up. I have - I'm just wanting for the rest of Chicago to follow en suite.

My friend Maribeth's baby was christened this past Sunday. Or more like her baby made us go to church for 20 minutes before she would let us start drinking and eating - same thing. Her baby is hands down, the cutest baby in the entire world and that fact makes me nervous to have kids. Will my kids not be as cute as her? Will I think my own children are ugly? Will I hold it against my kids that they're ugly, if they are? Will my friends secretly think my baby's ugly? Can I blame them for that? Am I a psycho? Sometimes this question seriously worries me because I have no qualms about calling out an ugly baby. Not to their face or the parents by any means, but hey, I call it like I see it. I'm doomed to have ugly children.

I kind of went on a bender this past week and drank from Tuesday thru Sunday. I wasn't going to drink at all Sunday because I felt shitty from Saturday night, and then I end up drinking from 3:00 pm (football and Pepsi just don't have the same ring) until 2:00 am. Not drinking at all turns into ELEVEN hours of it. I am a disgusting, disgusting person.

My sister and I saw the Frames again last Saturday. I just want that band to follow me around around for the rest of my life providing the soundtrack, is that really too much to ask? While we were at the concert or "Block Party" there were a couple random stands with food and clothes. At this one stand, a lady bought t-shirts at a thrift store and turned them into, unfortunately, tube-tops. But I had to buy one that said, "I still call it Comiskey" because I DO still call it Comiskey, U.S Cellular Park (where the Sox play) is just too ugly and I refuse to use it. So I may never wear this shirt, but it is still the most awesome thing I've ever bought, Charelston Chews notwithstanding.

If I get a boner from nothing else in life, I get one from a guy who smells good. Preferably Hugo Boss because oh my GOD that smell is delicious. Some guy just came into work smelling super good and now his scent is lingering and I am in heaven. Just thought you might all want to know - I don't like to keep good news to myself.

My brother got me a $25 iTunes gift card for my birthday a couple weeks ago. Just because I had the "free" money, I really wanted to spend it right away even though there was nothing that was musically catching my ears at the moment. So on an impulse I buy the new Rilo Kiley album because I love love LOVE the first single, Silver Lining. Yeah, and the rest of the cd blows (sorry Bill, you probably love it). Maybe because I've only listened to it twice, but I can't even bring myself to listen to it again. Then the other cd I bought was The Good, The Bad and the Queen, another one of Damon Albarn's side projects. That cd is actually pretty awesome and I've listened to it a ton, but each time I do, I wish he'd step it up a notch and the music would get faster. But regardless, a great cd and I totally don't regret buying it. Then I waste the last $4 on some stupid compliation cd of new music and only like three of the songs. But then, THEN about five days after I spent the last of the money, I discover a cd that I must buy, there is no other choice, I will die if I can't listen to it RIGHT NOW - Mark Ronson's Versions. It's a bunch of (surprise!) covers, and it doesn't matter whether you know the original or not, you love the songs regardless. He covers everything from Britney Spears to Radiohead to the Kaiser Chiefs to the Smiths. It's the most addicting cd ever, and if you hate it then I hate you. That's just the way it has to be.

My parents have been on vacation since last Tuesday and they could have been gone all my life for how much I miss them and want them to come home right now. That's supposed to mean I wish they would never come home, but now that I re-read it, it sounds like I can't ever move out on my own or something - definitely not the case. It's just, you know, feel free to stay on vacation for as long as you want! Somehow, someway, Keri and I will find a way to manage with out yous guys.

I Fucking Love This Song. And This Website

2007-09-12T19:01:00.001-05:00

Valerie - Amy Winehouse

Sarah, Catherine, Salman, Bailey

2007-09-05T18:51:00.000-05:00

My sister, her friend Amy and I were at the bar last Thursday, and as we walk in, the guy-girl duo on stage is singing Building a Mystery by Sarah McLachlan. Now I don't ever really want to hear Sarah McLachlan, but in a bar of all places? How does that happen, at one of their practices the girl suggests, "Sarah McLachlan! That'll rev up the crowd!"? And then the guy agrees with her? I can't fathom it. You know what really did rev me up though, the sixty John Mellencamp songs the bar played in between the duo's set. I can't get enough of the Coug.

My friends and I celebrated my other friend Catherine's birthday Wednesday through Saturday last week - I think my liver almost went out on me Sunday morning. My mom said to me at one point, "Why do you have a friend that's so young?" Christ mom, if I was 35, maybe that would be an appropriate questions, but I'm only 23. Give me a break here. But I am getting old. Frig.

I stopped reading the Salman Rushdie book the other day. It got to a point where I was dreading reading it, until I remembered, oh right, it's not required that I finish it, I can use my FREE WILL, return it, and start a book I'm actually interested it. This free will thing, sometimes I forget about it. Now I'm reading The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood and am pleasently pleased as punch pie ( I can't get enough alliteration) by how good it is. And probably because it's like going from reading Homer's the Odyssey to a Babysitter's Club book.

So my parents sell me a car and two days later the tail lights and the dashboard lights are out. Thanks, assholes. But really though, thanks cause you better be paying for it. M & D are leaving on their annual two week vacation next Tuesday, sweeeeetass. Just me, Keri and the dog. Bailey can get pretty crazy sometimes, so it should be a good time. As long as she doesn't roll in her own shit again and I have to try in vain to lure her into the basement sink by putting a step ladder up to the sink and holding a treat above it, all because I refuse to try and pick her up. I know, I still can't believe it didn't work either. Stupid ass dog.

This weekend: The Frames and THE BEARS. God I can't fucking wait.

All Our Favorites Were Playing So We Could Shake Shake Shake Shake Shake

2007-08-30T18:19:00.000-05:00

I'm only on page 98 of the Salman Rushdie book out of 450. This is not going as planned. It's not that it's THAT hard to read, it's just not THAT easy. At this rate I could be 35 by the time I finish it. But it will be worth it, right? It better be because I could have read three books in the amount of time I've already put into this one. Dang a rang.

I cannot stop eating today at work. I've had a bowlful of cantaloupe, a bag of Kellogg's Special K cereal, a turkey sandwich, a small bag of Doritos and animal crackers and just now I'm eating a Three Musketeers. And it's barely 6:oo. If I didn't know for sure I wasn't pregnant (praise the lord!) I'd be a little worried right now. I better get this out of my system now though - me and Keri are going on a super diet starting September 1st for the entire month. Will I actually be able to drag my fat ass onto the treadmill and stop drinking beer? Most likely not on the latter, but I better cause I will NOT lose this contest to Keri. I'm gonna be eating so many carrots my skins gonna turn orange.

Guess who finally got their very first car, at the ripe old age of 23? That would be me, bitches. It's a brand new 1995 Pontiac Bonneville with only 146,000 miles on it! With no cd player! And it kinda smells like a wet dog inside! The sellers, who I call Mom and Dad (no relation), drove a hard baragin, but I drove off in that sweet new ride, so really, who got the better deal here. Freedom. Finally.

My friend Catherine turned 21 last night, so me and my sister met up with our friends at the bar "for one beer", which of course turned into us not coming home until 4:00 am. While at the second bar of the night, and in the middle of me and my sister DOMINATING at bags (yes they have a set of bags in the bar, no I don't know why) I started talking to this guy who I had noticed looking at me once or twice. As soon as he starts talking, I realize he has a lisp. A fucking lisp. I realize this is not his fault, he was born with it or something, but really, a lisp? There's nothing more discerning (am I using that word right?) that hearing a guy say something to you for the first time in a lisp. I'm sure I'm coming off as judgemental, or bitchy, but you know you all think the same thing, just admit it. Lisps. I can't do it.

Thank god football season is starting soon because the White Sox are just depressing me. I went to a game last Friday and there was more Red Sox fans there than White Sox fans, it was pathetic. I mean, I still love them, but why are they making it so fucking hard right now. Rex Grossman, make sports exciting for me again. September 9th, hurry the fuck up.

No work tomorrow to go to Jazz Fest, so excited. Next Saturday, seeing the Frames again with Keri. Even more excited.

Thank God For Cellphones

2007-08-26T22:48:00.000-05:00

I'm downstairs in the basement on the computer and Keri is upstairs in her room watching tv. She calls me from her room to let me know To Catch a Predator is on MSNBC right now. Sister, you are the best.

You! Me! Dancing!

2007-08-17T18:10:00.000-05:00

The Peter Bjorn and John concert was most likely, one of the most magical moments of my life. Free tickets? Check. Not-too-crowded venue? Check. Awesome opening band? Check. PB&J playing every single one of my favorite songs? Check. Peter jumping into the crowd on the last song, my FAVORITE song, and playing the guitar surrounded by people about five feet from me? Check. Me getting backstage and having a threesome with Bjorn and John? Maybe next time. And there will be a next time - they're coming back September 25th and come hell or high water, I will be there. Aw hell yeah.

I chopped off my hair. Like really really chopped it off. As in 13 inches, which I donated to Locks of Love because I'm such a wonderful person and all that jazz. I wash it, I let it air dry, and I am good to go - pretty much the best haircut ever. I've gotten a lot of compliments on it (I know, I can't believe how humble I am either), but most importantly, I love it. Whenever I get it cut, the lady will ask if I part my hair, and I say, yes, I part it on the left, my left. It never fails that they part it for me, about a centimeter from the middle of my head and it looks awful. I was panicing for a couple of minutes looking at my newly shorn hair all wet and parted basically in the middle because it looked terrible, but as soon as I put my part in the right place I stopped hyperventilating because I looked smashing. Ok, Ok I'll get over myself, but really, I love it. Love it love it love it.

The nail on my ring finger must have gotten snagged on something and since I can't seem to stop picking at it for the life of me, I will soon have a very short nail on that finger, a very tragic thought for me. I realized I am seriously one of those Oh-My-God-I-Broke-A-Nail-Type Girls, and I am totally okay with it. Bring me the clear nail polish PRONTO.

I finally sucked it up last week and paid my library fine - a whopping $17.60. I had been on eBay scouring for books to buy when I realized I needed to stop being a dumbass and BUYING books when I could just pay my fine and then get books for FREE. Sometimes you have to spell it out for me. I've been on a reading binge this past week, reading The Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon and Lucky by Alice Sebold. Chabon's book was pretty good because I fell in love with the cranky balding Jewish policeman character and the concept was different - Israel had only existed for three months before they lost a war to the Palestinians so the US government let all the Jews come to Alaska for 60 years until the "Reversion" was to go into effect and the land would return Alaska and the Jews wouldn't be able to live there anymore. And it was kinda a murder mystery. But not even really cause I don't get into mysteries really. Really. Lucky was okay. I like her fiction better, The Lovely Bones, actually one of my favorite books ever. Lastly I'm finally reading some Salman Rushdie, Midnight's Children, which I should be doing right now but instead I'm typing out a stupid post. And going on way too long about this subject. Moving on.

Since I've been working five days a week here I've been getting off every Saturday, something that enormously excites me. Last weekend I had Friday off too because my friends and I were supposed to go camping, and as it happens with every other plans we make, of course it never happened. Instead I spent about 95% of the weekend in Diana's pool, having a grand ol' time. It was probably one of the funnest weekends, and all we did was drink and swim. I don't want summer to ever ever end. Maybe I COULD live in weather like this year round. Must. Stop. Crazy. Talk.

I want to see Superbad super bad. Oh man, the creatives juices are flowin now!

The short, Mexican mailman who drops off the mail at work has a crush on me. Every Saturday he would bring in pizza for lunch and I would let him listen to the Cubs game, if the Sox game wasn't already on. I haven't seen him lately because I haven't been working Saturdays, but he came in today instead with lunch. Everytime he asks me if I believe in God, and I never really have an answer cause I don't know what my opinions are when it comes to religion anymore, but if I have to become a Bible-thumper for free pizza, I'll do it.

This lady who has a mailbox here at the store came in a few minutes ago and said "Hi Katie Bear!" Now I love this lady, she's really nice and we always talk for a few minutes, but hold the phone, did you really just call me "Katie Bear"? Why do I always have animal nicknames, with K-dawg in college and now this? I get it - clearly I do not look human, but must you lay it on so thick?

North American Scum

2007-08-02T18:47:00.000-05:00

Lollapaloza is this weekend and again, because I'm an idiot, didn't get tickets. I was trying to talk my brother into trying to sneak in with me Saturday but he's being a douche and won't go with me. (The Cold War Kids Jay, THE COLD WAR KIDS!) but today I got a phone call that made it all better. I didn't recognize the number and being a pussy, I didn't pick it up but they left a message. It was my favorite radio station XRT calling to tell me I WON TICKETS TO SEE PETER, BJORN AND JOHN AT A LOLLAPALOZA AFTERSHOW ON SUNDAY. Aw hell yeah bitches! This is a band I've been dying to see for awhile and now I get to see them FOR FREE. There was no way to even buy tickets, you had to win them through the radio staion, a fact that makes it even cooler. This is so much better than the Chris Cornell concert I won but couldn't go to. I AM SO EXCITED.

I went on a date last night with this guy I've known since I was 17, Jim. It was weird in the fact that normally we're always drunk when we hang out and I've known him for so long but the fact that I've known him for so long also made it better than a normal first date. Make sense? Thought so. He's a giant asshole but he's nice to me, and plus who doesn't want to be taken out to dinner? I really doubt this is going to go anywhere, but it would be nice if it did. Plus maybe it would get Will to stop basically declaring his love for me (we went out for TWO MONTHS, PLEASE SHUT UP), and that would be a very nice thing.

So I kind of had a mental breakdown at work Tuesday. I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me, it's not even like customers were being assholes, but I just got so overwhelmed and was on the verge of tears for an hour until I actually DID cry. Not sobbing hysterically by any means, but even our UPS driver told me to go have a cigarette because he could tell I was so upset. I know (almost) everyone hates their job and complains, so I try not too that much, but damn. I just hate this place so much. I know I need to get a new job, I'M TRYING but the trying ain't going nowhere. Katie, a year after graduation: still at the fucking UPS Store.

New musical obsessions: Elvis Perkins and LCD Soundsystem. Check out Elvis if you want to cry and LCD if you want to dance. I remix them cause I like to cry while I dance.

I finished Harry Potter On Monday night, or more like Tuesday morning since it was 3:00 am. That is turtle speed compared to my sister who was done by 10:30 pm Saturday (the day after we bought it) and my brother who started reading around 3:00 pm Monday and had only 100 pages left when I went to bed at 3:00 am. I'm not going to spoil anything but still, maybe you shouldn't read the rest of the paragraph if you don't want to know anything. All I can say is I was disappointed. It could have been an awesome ending but instead it was very non-awesome. I expected better out of you J.K. Much better. Still though, a good book. Just not the ending I wanted or expected. Wah wah, why doesn't the world cater to me.

Totally thought I was getting paid today. Totally did not.

Countdown: 5 Hours And 39 Minutes

2007-07-20T17:43:00.001-05:00

So yeah, I stood in line this morning before work with my sister to get a wristband for later today when the last Harry Potter book comes out, what's it to you? The fact that I'm 23 and did this just makes me even cooler. I just got off the phone with Keri and decided we're going to go to the bar for an hour or so before we leave to get in line at 11:30. Going to the bar, then to get Harry Potter, then home to read. We're awesome. So so so fucking excited to read this book. And so so so sad at the same time that it's the last one. I will be done with this book come Monday MARK MY WORDS. I am so ominous.

I am seriously going to have an intervention for all the old ladies of Oak Lawn that order shit from QVC and the Home Shopping Network. TURN OFF YOUR TV OR GET A FUCKING HOBBY THAT DOESN'T COST YOU MONEY. How about knitting? Yarn can't be that much. Or get into pro wwrestling like my grandma was. Anything but ordering off those goddamn tv stations. Do you ever actually KEEP anything? It drives me crazy to see them come in here day after day. Every single week the same people come in and spend $50 or more just returning everything they buy. I thought you were supposed to get wiser with age. Apparently not.

After way too many years of working at this here UPS Store, guess what I just done earned. PAID HOLIDAYS AND A WEEKS PAID VACATION, bitches. Aw hell yeah, moving on up. I hope I stay here for the rest of my life!

One time, at least six or seven years ago, my mom came back from food shopping and said, "I got something for you Kate." I was hoping ice cream, maybe swiss cheese or a pony, but it was none of the above. I asked what and she proudly held up a bottle and said "KETHUP!" It's been an ongoing joke that only I find funny since then because while it's very true that I like ketchup, I don't think I've ever jumped up and down or drooled from the mouth when my mom has brought some home. Everytime she says she bought me something since then, my first guess is always KETCHUP!, but the other day she was looking in the pantry for some reason and goes, "Kate, we have paper bags!" If I had been packing a lunch at the time or trying to make puppets this would have made sense, but I was eating a bowl of cereal. Some kids (23 year olds?) get excited over cupcakes or Doritos, but my mom gets me ketchup! and paper bags! Life is good living at home.

Last week I got a free gift card in a magazine or something for a free book on tape, or rather book I could put and listen to on my iPod. It's really bizarre listening to a book on my iPod though. I feel like I'm concentrating so hard on trying to remember names and keeping the story line straight that I don't really enjoy it. Ok that's not true cause it's a pretty good book so far (The Falling Man by I don't remember who) but still, I'm not sure if I am a Person Who Listens To Rather Than Reads Books. Usually I'm reading while listening to my iPod. Now the book is ON the iPod and it throws me all off. I obviously can't read another book. I just have to sit there. And listen. And NOT fall asleep. This book-on-iPod shit is boring.

I still have to get my costume ready for later. I hope my mom's done sewing my cape.

Back To Black

2007-07-12T15:10:00.000-05:00

I know songs in commercials are a big deal for some people, but I've gotten into some good songs through that medium, so I don't mind it. The latest one is an M&M's commercial with The The's This Is the Day. I'd heard the song before, but now can't stop listening to it on YouTube, where the video is. Also, I don't who's ballsy-er, The Band or The The. I think The Band. Ain't nobody got bigger balls than Robbie Robertson.

I'm seeing Dylan this Sunday for the first time in about three years, in Indianapolis. Will got me these tickets for my birthday but now I'm going with Diana instead because she has a friend down there we can stay with. Sure there's going to be a screaming three month old baby, we have to sleep on the floor and Diana will probably make me listen to the Grateful Dead/Widespread Panic/String Cheese Incident the entire ride down there, but I'll take any of those over two days of Will bitching about his job and me pretending to care by nodding a lot and saying "yeah" and/or "that sucks" about 8400 times all the while screaming in my head NOBODY LIKES THEIR JOB PLEASE SHUT UP. And they call it puppy loooo-uh-uh-vveeee. So anyways, Dylan! Yay! The eternal question: Will I finally have his love child? I'll let you know Monday.

One more reason I wish I had HBO: Flight of the Conchords. I watched the first episode yesterday on a free podcast on iTunes and it was really funny. Why can't more things be free. Besides my love of course, because that's free for everyone! Except John Mellencamp.

One of my favorite things about summer is all the seasonal fruit that comes out, besides my brother (he's out year-round). My mom brought back some cherries and peaches from Michigan last Sunday and I am not exaggerating ONE BIT when I say they were the most delicious things ever. Seriously, it's pathetic how happy strawberries, cherries, watermelon and peaches make me - I think I'm a fruitopheliac, WARN YOUR GARDENS. My mom and I went to the farmer's market today to buy some more but I've been spoiled forever by those brilliant! cherries. Damn you Michigan DAMN YOU.

Last Saturday Diana, Lauren and I were in the Burger King drive-thru, and Lauren, sitting shotgun, jumped out of the car because she knew someone in the car ahead of us she hadn't seen in awhile. In her excitedness or something, she didn't close the car door and a minute or so later when she realized it was still open, ran back to close it really quick. She forgot the windows were down and went to close it by pushing on the window. She almost dove through the open window before catching herself and I then pee'd myself laughing. I love my friends.

2007-07-09T12:50:00.000-05:00

It Won't Let Me Type A Goddamn Title

1. Yeah, I know I've been a slacker lately, but I just feel like I have nothing to say. You know how when you haven't talked to someone in a long time, when you do finally talk, sometimes it's awkward because you feel like there's so much you SHOULD have to say that you can't think of TO say? But if you talk to someone everyday, you just talk about normal stupid shit that you wouldn't really remember to talk about if it had been awhile? No? It's just me? Well that's how I feel. Yeah shit goes on in my life, but when it's been so long since I've done an actual post, I feel like everything I say has to be a really good story or funny or something. I don't know. I'm probably just lazy. ANYWAYS, I'm gonna try for ten here but no promises.

2. I actually had the following conversation with my friends a couple weeks ago. Back on my birthday, on the way to the Sox game, for whatever reason Lauren said something about Alexander Graham Bell inventing the lightbulb:

Diana: No, Thomas Jefferson invented the lightbulb.
Lauren: Ohh....right.
Me: DUMBASSES, Thomas Jefferson was our third president. Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb.
Diana: You went to college Katie. We didn't.

Then just last night, we were laughing about it telling our friend Claudio and he says,

"But wait, was Thomas Jefferson actually a president?"
Me: "Yeah he was our third. He bought the Louisiana Purchase....?"
Claudio: "Oh right. I was thinking of Benjamin Franklin."

And he's in the process of applying to law school. My friends need to stop smoking so much pot.

3. I broke up with Will last month after I got sick of his too-nice ways - I don't take no shit from NO ONE. A few days after we broke up I heard that he was renouncing the Cubs as his baseball team and becoming a Sox fan. If we hadn't of been broken up already, that would have done it for me. He had been a Cubs fan his whole life and then one day just switches sides. How does that even happen, I would love to know. Now he just looks like a huge idiot because the Sox are in fourth place and the Cubs are only a handful of games outta first. God, I don't know why it gets me so riled up. I think I'm just over protective of my Sox, but christ that turns me off so much. I'll never say this again, but I hope the Cubs win it all this year ( I know it's laughable, that's why I don't feel bad saying it) just so he realizes he's the biggest douche bag in the entire world. Stick with your team, bitch.

4. One last Sox thing: after god knows how many weeks of keeping us in limbo about whether they were gonna sign Mark Buerhle, they finally signed him today to a four year deal. Jesus christ Kenny Williams, took you long enough. But thank you thank you thank you for doing that.

5. Keri and I saw the movie Once about a month ago and I finally got around to buying the soundtrack while I was in Arizona. Well then it magically got all scratched up in my luggage on the way home and I had to buy it again on iTunes, but nonetheless, I finally got it and it's been my obsession du jour for the past two weeks. You know how sometimes you love a song so much it's almost like you can feel a knot in your chest you want to hear it so bad? Yeah, that's how this whole cd is, especially the song Lies. Buy this cd and see this movie because both are the best ever.

6. I've read a couple good books lately: The Road by Cormac McCarthy (such such SUCH a good book). I was almost done reading it the night before we left for Arizona and knew I had to finish it then because I was going to cry and didn't want to do it on the airplane. While at the bookstore in O'Hare, me and some old dude went to reach for the same book, No Country for Old Men by the same author and ended up talking for a few minutes about The Road and other books we had both read and loved. Then another lady asked me if I was a big reader and could I recommend a book for her to read on the plane, so I suggested The Kite Runner. I really wish I knew if she liked the book or not - I always get nervous when I recommend a book I love to someone because I'm afraid they won't like it as much as me and I'll have to kill them, but I guess that's just the way things happen sometimes. I've also read Beasts of No Nation by Uzodinma Iweala (really good too) and just finished today Suite Francaise Irene Nemirovsky, which took me awhile to get into but was worth it in the end. The backstory about the author is almost better than the story itself though - she was a Russian Jew who moved to France way before WWII, converted her and her kids to Catholicism, not even necessarily because of Hitler, but was captured, sent to a concentration camp, died in 1942 there and this book was discovered sixty years later. How the hell do you compete with that.

7. I love summer. I fucking LOVE summer. Even if it's just sitting outside in the sun reading, I love it. Or if it's going downtown to the Taste Of Chicago Friday to see a free Black Crowes concert with my friends, I love it. Or swimming in Diana's backyard. Or sitting outside by myself reading, getting severely sun burnt, soon to be joined by my sister to start drinking at 2:00 pm, soon to be joined by my brother after he got off work at 5:30 and then get more beer, soon to be joined by my dad after he got home from the bar with his friends, and then soon to join my bed when I was drunk by 8:30 pm. Just a random example, really. Moral of this story? I LOVE SUMMER.

8. I have a zit right in the middle of my eyebrow. Awwwwwwwwwwesome.

9. The countdown for Harry Potter has begun. Less than two more weeks to wait for the seventh book I don't know if I can handle it. I think Harry's going to die and I'm trying to prepare my tear ducts for it, but I don't think anything can. July 21st HURRY UP.

10. I read in Cosmo yesterday that your boobs can keep growing into your mid-twenties. This means two more years of wishful thinking. Best news I've heard all year, bitches.

The Horror

2007-06-28T16:30:00.001-05:00

I honestly, HONESTLY said to my friend today, "I'm not mad at you. I'm just dissappointed." WHY AM I ALREADY TURNING INTO MY MOTHER AT 23.

Christ I'm Bored

2007-06-16T13:27:00.001-05:00

Reasons I Am Jubilant:

1. My best friend Megan, who I haven't seen in a month is home for the weekend. Oh May-gan how I've missed you.

2. The new White Stripes cd comes out Tuesday. Icky Thump could possibly be the most awesome song in the entire world and if you haven't heard I don't even know what to tell you except you can't be a pimp and a prostitute too.

3. Keri's graduation party is today. Flippy cup what? Time to bring out the big guns again and embarass every person who challenges us. I'm queer.

4. I get to be at work instead of helping out for aforementioned party and not see my mom go batshit trying to get everything ready by 6:00. There is a god.

5. I'm going to Arizona with my family next Friday, for very decidedly non-jubilant reason. My grandma died. But she was old (87), had a good life and was in a lot of pain and is probably better off (does that sound terrible? I really hope not). So on the bright side, I get to see my mom's side of the family who I haven't seen in at least five years. And I get off work for 5 days. Always seeing the silver lining. RIP Grandma Kay.

6. The song 1234 by Feist. I dare you to listen to that song and NOT be jubilant. Or pee yourself a little. I do both.

Non-Jubilant Things:

1. My itchy, itchy sunburn I got Wednesday.

2. Pussying out and not breaking up with Will Thursday.

3. Being broke until Wednesday.

Hey Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken

2007-06-07T02:50:00.000-05:00

I hate when I hear a good song on the radio, then call the station to find out the name of the song only to have them not answer. Why WXAV 88.3, why would you do that? I tried remembering lyrics so I could Google the shit out of it, but the one line I remember isn't getting me anywhere. Answer your motherfucking phone, motherfuckers. Stupid college radio stations.

I bought a Camera Obscura album (Let's Get Out of This country) on iTunes a week or so ago and haven't stopped listening to it since. Ch ch ch check it out, especially I Need All the Friends I Can Get and Razzle Dazzle Rose. If the song name Razzle Dazzle Rose doesn't make you listen to it, I don't know what will. Thank you Spinner.com.

So I have a boyfriend now. And I don't even really like him because he's too nice. Who bitches about that? Apparently me because I'm an ungrateful knobjob. For my birthday he got me Bob Dylan tickets in Indianapolis on July 15th. We're going to a Sox-Cubs game on the 24th. And the Bears home opener on September 16th. He puts up a mad style fight if I even try to buy him a beer at the bar. He gave me keys to the condo he just bought. It's like I've been handed everything on a silver platter and I hate it. Reading this paragraph over I just sound like a douche bag, but seriously. My own set of keys already? Slow it down a notch Rico Suave. Plus he wears black. All the time. And black shorts, white socks folded (!) over and black shoes. It takes all my strength each time I see him in this get-up not to spontaneously combust. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Wah wah my life is terrible because my boyfriend is TOO NICE TO ME. What a terrible dilemma.

I got asked "how far along I was" the other day at Jewel as I was buying a 12 pack of Miller Lite and a pack of cigarettes. I wish I was kidding.

I'm going downtown with Keri tomorrow to see this movie called Once which is only playing at this one theatre on the Northside. It's supposed to be 90 degrees out with 45 mile an hour winds. I need all the hairpray I can get. This should be interesting.

I thought I had more but this is all I can throw up right now. Sorry Canadian Bitch, I'll try to do better next time. But this is enough to shut you up for at least a minute, right? I meant that in the best way possible, swear!

Team O'D vs Team World

2007-05-14T23:38:00.000-05:00

We won. Naturally.

O'D domination.

Busy Busy Busy

2007-05-09T21:48:00.000-05:00

Thursday: Work from 8:15 am - 2:30 pm
Drive 6 hours with my mom to Ohio to get J.P
Drink. A lot.

Friday: Wake up at an ungodly hour to drive back to IL
See Keri graduate from college then celebrating by
Drinking. A lot.

Saturday: Drive back home
Go to Sox game with friends at 6:05 pm
Celebrate my 23rd birthday at the bar later by
Drinking. A lot.

Sunday: Wake up severely hungover, hopefully
Wish my mom happy mother's day
Go to Bulls play-off game with Will at 2:30 pm
Watch the Bulls win by
Drinking. A lot.

Monday: Work from 2:30 - 7:30 pm
Recuperate

Tuesday: Go to Sox game with Will, Diana and Rich
Sit in first row on the third base line
Drink. A lot

Best. Week. Ever.

New Addiction:

2007-05-08T23:12:00.000-05:00

Actually buying songs on iTunes. I might never stop.

I Would Rather Be Anywhere Else But Here Today

2007-05-01T16:54:00.000-05:00

One for the discovered better late than never category: De Stilj by the White Stripes. Every song is sweet. Just fucking sweet. I burned this from a friend freshman year of college and just got around a month or so ago to listening to it the whole way through. It has currently replaced Peter Bjorn & John as my Obsessively Listened To Record For Three Weeks. While that is my OLTRFTW (it practically rolls off the tongue!), Elvis Costello's Oliver's Army is my Obsessively Listened Song Of The Past Two Days. My eyes lit up like there was a Big Mac in front of me when I discovered my dad had borrowed his friend's best of Elvis Costello cd and I could put it on my iPod. Aw hell yeah bitches.

Megan and I went downtown again Sunday to Millenium Park because the weather was just as awesome as it was last Sunday when we went to the zoo. Megan, also known as the Worst Maker of Pot Brownies in the Entire World (look it up), made the worst pot brownies in the entire world. You'd think I would have known better, but I just discovered this quality about her Sunday. Jesus christ those things were terrible. Everytime we burped for the rest of the day, it was the brownie coming up. Sexy, no? But hey, at least she tried. And I may have only had half of one cause it was all I could manage (or because of what a "giant pussy I am" according to my "best friend"), but that was all I needed, so shut the fuck up about it.

So we ate some brownies then rioted after we listened to the Bulls sweep the series with Miami on my mom's oldass Walkman. Just the two of us. With our pots and pans. We always come prepared.

My mom flew back out to Arizona yesterday because my grandma had some kind of surgery. I was excited about her being gone til she told me my dad would be home. Every night this week. No firehouse for him - he's in some class at the Chicago Fire Academy downtown. Goddamnit. I rioted some more after I heard this news.

So this Cubs fan I found for myself (or Diana found for me) is pretty nice. And pretty cute. And I'm pretty sure he likes me. Or better yet, I KNOW he likes me. But this is me were talking about here, right? These things never happen, or work out, for me. Looks like the tide is changing, bitches. I just really need to move out of my house now cause Papa O'D is NOT happy with me staying the night at his place. Surprising, I know.

I got some awesome new Chester the Molestor sunglasses at Old Navy the other day. Picking up those five year olds should be easier than ever now. This is mine and Megan's reflection in the giant Bean in Millenium Park, taken with my goddamn cell phone because I forgot my goddamn camera. Not bitter at all.

My birthday (23 - good lord) is coming up and Diana's taking me to the Sox game for it. Keri graduates May 11th, yaaaaay. Brother and sisters reunited for the summer, can't wait. Beebs, you best be ready to get your backyard baseball on when you get home. Artie's been wondering why his window isn't shattered yet. Blues Fest is the weekend of June 2nd. Keri's graduation party is June 9th. I might MIGHT get to go to a Bulls play-off game if Will turns out to be a badass and actually does get tickets (I'll believe it when I see it). So much to look forward too, I love it.

Customer of the Day, digging through her wallet for another penny:
"Oh, this is a Canadian penny. Do you take those?"

Hey It's Me, I'm Dynamite And I Don't Know Why

2007-04-23T01:01:00.000-05:00

I've come to a conclusion, a very important conclusion: every band should have a violin in it. If every band featured a violin as prominently as the Frames do, the world would be a better place. Or at least my world would be a better place, and that's really all that counts. Keri and I saw the Frames on Wednesday and the entire time we were about five feet from the stage, close enough that Keri could've given the lead singer Glenn that handjob she was really to. Maybe next time Ker. They didn't play Fitzcarraldo, which was a major bummer, but they did play a lot of other awesome songs, so I'm trying not to dwell on that. One other important conclusion that was drawn Wednesday night? I hate drunk bitches who push their way past you and then for the next hour bump into you and your sister trying to dance when there is clearly no room to do so. Goddamnit.

The concert was up on the Northside, actually right down the street from Wrigley Field, where me and Keri are totally out of our element as Sox fans. Wednesday also happened to be a the night Mark Buerhle threw a no-hitter against the Rangers. What the fuck - I have the be in Cubs territory for this event? If I hadn't have had a job interview early the next morning we totally would have gone into some Cubs bar and bragged about Marky Mark. And then probably gotten beat up, but it woulda been worth it.

On Friday we went to the bar to hear Diana's boyfriend's band and I brought my Peter Bjorn and John cd to listen to on the way. I have yet to see it since then, and it's killing me. How the fuck does a cd just dissappear inside a car? I lost my last phone the same way - the truck ate it. Goddamn Ford Expedition black holes.

Today it was a high so far of 80 degrees outside, so me and three of my friends went downtown to the Lincoln Park Zoo to see a free concert in the park, Umphrey's McGee, a band I've paid quite a bit of money to see in the past. I don't know why it surprised and annoyed the shit out of me that it was crowded as fuck. Maybe the 80 degree weather? The free concert? Just the fact of going to the zoo on a nice day? Those all could have been a factor I'm guessing. Just call me Matlock.

I met on guy, Will, last Friday night and was telling my mom about him on Saturday when I got home from work. We were outside at the time and then walked in a minute later and sat down at the kitchen table with my dad:
Mom: So does Will like the same sports and music you do?
Me: Oh yeah, he's really into sports, but he's a Cubs fan.
Mom: Well there could be worse things.
Dad: NO THERE COULDN'T BE.

At least my dad has his priorities straight. Job? Who cares if he has one of those (which he does), HE'S A CUBS FAN. That's strike one two AND three right there. Hey-o, check out that sports analogy.

So the other day I was clipping my toenails (sexy) and clipped right through my iPod earphones wire. I don't even have anything else to say about that.

I'm still STILL reading The Human Stain. I'm starting to annoy myself I'm taking so long. I'm pretty close now, but just never get the urge to read it cause it doesn't interest me at all. This could potentially be a spoiler, so don't read this if you want to read the book, but it bugs me that none of Coleman's kids look black at all. I know Coleman passes as white even though he's black, so his kids probably wouldn't be that dark skinned, but really? None of his four kids gave him away, despite the fact that they're half black? Not a single one of them came out a little darker skinned? I like to concentrate on the stupid shit. After this book I'm sucking it up and paying my fine at the library. I'm sick of these shitty eBay books.

Are ya'll ready for the scariest picture in the entire world? Cause I have it right here for you. This was over Easter Weekend when us three plus three of our friends were over drinking in our kitchen Friday night. Yes, we do have shirts on that say "O'Donnell University" because my mom is queer and bought them for us for Christmas, don't hate. God knows what the fuck I was laughing at, but your eyes are not playing tricks on you, I really do look like a braying donkey when I laugh. Awwwwwwwesome. You're welcome J.P and Keri for putting this on the intraweb so everyone can see us at our sexiest.

If I wake up tomorrow without swollen lymph nodes it will be a glorious, glorious day.

I'm Gonna Give You A Try

2007-04-12T02:22:00.001-05:00

I sign up to win random concerts all the time on the radio station XRT's website and never win. Until Monday when I win tickets to see Chris Cornell in an "intimate concert" on Tuesday afternoon at 1:00 pm. Do you see the timeframe there? I find out I win on Monday. The concert is Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon at that. I'm not even a huge Chris Cornell fan (although I bet Jenn is going to bust a nut reading this), but it would've been cool to see him in a really small venue. Goddamnit XRT. Could we work on the timing next time?

At the bar last Thursday I saw a kid I used to babysit for. How fucked is that? I mean jesus christ, I'm only 22. Shouldn't I be at least 30 before that happens? So I didn't REALLY babysit for him, it was more for his 6 year old sister and 10 year old brother, but regardless he was there too and I was technically his babysitter. He was only 20 years old, apparently he knew the bouncer, but good lord. I thought hearing that kids I used to babysit for were in high school was weird. Now we're taken it to a completely different level: me buying them beer at the bar.

If I don't get to see Peter Bjorn and John May 8th, I am going to go apeshit on somebody. You have been warned. Now, get my mom to lend me money to buy their concert tickets on Saturday morning. God damn Swedish people.

So I'm trying this new thing called "not drinking for an entire month". Any bets on how long it's going to last? I give you until Saturday at 10:30 pm. Must. Resist. $1.25. Bottles. Tomorrow.

My new favorite tv show which I've only seen about 10 minutes of? Human Giant on MTV.
"I want to use your balls as earrings?"
"I was only making conversation."

Do you have any idea how expensive it is to be tested for HIV? Jesus christ. I knew I didn't have it, but I just wanted to be 110% sure I had a clean slate. I guess that's what you pay for peace of mind, but a little warning about the price for peace of mind would have been nice. Also, the other lesson I learned from this whole "Do I have AIDS? We'll know when I get the results back" situation is don't tell your best friends sort-of boyfriend you took the test because in order to clear a way at the bar he will yell "Watch out - she has AIDS." And it can be transmitted by me bumping into you. Sorry mister, but you know you had it coming when you didn't immediately move outta my way.

So....now you know way too much about me. But hey, at least you know it's cool if mine and your blood accidentally mix, right? And before I did look kind of AID-sy, admit it, what with my gaunt figure and swollen-prone lymph nodes. You can be rest assured now, I don't have the AIDS. Let the blood inter-mingling begin.

R.I.P author of my favorite book, Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut.

I Laugh More Often Now, I Cry More Often Now, I Am More Me

2007-04-04T01:28:00.001-05:00

The Peter Bjorn and John album (PB&J, bitches) Writer's Block is so, so awesome (I really need to start using a thesaurus). Who knew Swedish bands were so addictive? Well I guess lots of people considering ABBA but I was not one of them, until now. I get obsessed with one of the songs at a time and play it 500 times in a row, something that I'm sure has not annoyed my dad at all this week. But I gots to have my dancing and singing when I'm getting ready to go out at night, sorry Dad.

Wow White Sox. You really started off the season with a bang, losing 12-5 to the Indians. I know I know (J.P) it's the first game of a long, long season, but if things continue this way, I am going to be crabby about 85% of the time this summer, something I, along with everyone else I know I'm sure, am really looking forward to. (Today at work, the older lady I work with asked me "How many games do the Sox play in a season, 16?" Give or take a few Kathy, give or take a few.)

My mom's been in Arizona for the past week and I have to go to O'Hare to pick her up tomorrow. So, it's just been me and my dad in the house. I know I've mentioned it before, but I have a weird relationship with my dad. I always feel awkward around him when we're one on one, which is completely stupid considering he's my dad and has been there since day one. I'm not very good with small talk anyways, but with my dad I'm just terrible. Even though my mom will be annoying me by tomorrow by 9:00 pm at the very latest, I'm so glad the buffer zone is coming home. Can you tell I'm a daddy's girl?

I can't believe I failed to mention this last time I wrote, but a book finally made me cry, Feast of Love by Charles Baxter. It wasn't the best book ever, but I think I'm learning that not every book has to be for me to like it. If it makes me cry, that's good enough for me. At least it was better than City of God by E.L Doctorow because as soon as I read the last page of that one, my first thought was what the fuck did I just read. It was a super-ass confusing book, one of those books without an ending at all, which I am cool with as long as I fucking UNDERSTAND IT AT LEAST. Christ on a crucifix. Right now I'm working on The Human Stain by Phillip Roth and though it's not bad by any means, I just can't get into it so it's taking me forever. So. There's my monthly book report.

Keri and J.P come home this weekend for Easter and I am so friggin pumped cause I haven't seen J since he left for the semester in January. Keri, eh not so much cause I just saw you, plus you'll be home on the 18th for the Frames (!!) concert, which by the way will be the sweetest concert ever, not counting Rufio. I think we're having a family drinking night on Friday, with some lame-ass theme like Jeopardy or something but don't tell Keri I said it was lame cause she's uber excited for it. So yay! Jeopardy themed drinking night! How does that even work! We'll find out on Friday!

What the fuck, I have to wait two more goddamn weeks for a new Gilmore Girls episode? That is very unnecessary, CW Network.

Last weekend I read the old diaries I used to keep from eighth grade to freshman year and good lord. I was riveted by my own life - the boys I used to have crushes on, going to the mall to get guys numbers with my friends, my obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio, how I first tried cigarettes (and was magically "addicted" a week after trying them), my first kiss, how I got grounded all the time, the boys who supposedly liked me but then never called (if only I could tell the 14 year old me that some things would never change), and a whole bunch of other queer shit. I must have called Megan at least six different times just to read passages outloud to her because the things she and I said and did most of the time were so ridiculous and funny. I was a stereotypical boy-crazy 13 and 14 year old girl that started about 85% of my entries with "GOD, DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW FUCKIN HOT MATT IS!!" Which, by the way is a hard habit to break. You have no idea the struggle I have each time I start a new post on this blog.

And lastly, for the Picture of the Week, or rather the Picture of Whenever I Feel Like It, the worst piece of mail my dad has even gotten. And of course I say that because they didn't capitalize the D in our last name, which is a major no-no. Jesus christ, you have no idea how long I laughed about this when I got it out of the mailbox, only because my dad really is the most remarkable woman I've ever met.

Up Against The Walls

2007-03-27T01:16:00.000-05:00

It's weird how a good song coming on my iPod will automatially put me in a good mood. I don't know why it surprises me - obviously I know every song on here, but it's so much better when it comes on through the shuffle as opposed to me picking it out to play. The song this time? Truth Doesn't Make a Noise by the White Stripes. I have all the White Stripes albums on here, I have no idea how (maybe because of my brother?), but never listen to them unless it's through the shuffle. Then that song came on one day and changed my life. Or not really, but I'm feeling dramatic today. It really makes me want to learn how to play the piano cause it's awesome, motherfucking awesome. Plus, how sweet is that title. Truth doesn't make a noise? Thank you Jack White for vocalizing that, cause I had no idea.

Megan might be moving back to the town she went to school in for a job at a radio station. The thought of that happening scares the shit out of me because seriously WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. Meg is literally my right arm: we hang out at least five or six times a week and she's the one person around here who will go with me to the bar open til 5:00 because of my pathetic hope of finding a boyfriend there (I am aware of how delusional I am only because she points it out to me all the time). Everyone knows when I'm somewhere, Meg is too and vice versa. I don't think they'd recognize us without each other. So really, the prospect of her moving terrifies me. But she did say there's a UPS Store down there too, so I could move too! And then I shot her. Why must my best friend actually grow up and get a job. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS.

But really, this working at the UPS Store is getting old. It's coming up on a year that I graduated and I'm still there. I have been trying to look lately, but really have no idea how to even start. My resume is so impressive though, I don't get how a sweetass job hasn't just fallen into my lap already.

So I work at the UPS Store, still live with my parents, don't have a car, don't have a boyfriend and am pretty much broke all the time. I just depressed myself even more, if that's even at all possible. If the truth doesn't make a noise then why is it fucking screaming at me right now, answer me that Jack White. Where's my knife when I need it.

Writer's Block, The Opposite Of

2007-03-19T02:34:00.000-05:00

The Parade. The best day of my life? Possibly. Emily came in for it, and goddamn, I was so proud of her for keeping up with me and my friends the entire day. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but we drank for about 13 hours, from 11:00 am to midnight or so. Disgusting? Yeah. But worth it? You know it. We must have walked at least six miles that day, and goddamn, my legs were feeling it for the next two days. I'm glad to say now that I am fully recovered, everywhere except for my stomach which is grossly enormous right now. I honestly gained about five pounds over the past couple days. The bingeing needs to start, PRONTO. I put all my pictures up on Shutterfly.com, but don't really know if I can link them here, so there's that. I mean, your guys life wouldn't be complete unless you saw a picture of me pushing Emily in a grocery cart, right? Right. Southside Irish Parade, oh how I love you. (My mom was telling her friend how there were 18 arrests throughout the day and I chimed in "Well at least no one died." Because that's how you determine a good parade from a bad parade. "Were there any deaths?" "No." "SUCCESS!" ) We're the Southside Irish and we're Irish to the core, we come from the Windy City as our fathers did before.... yeah, we got our own theme song, jealous?

Keri went back to school today, and now it's just me, my mom and dad again. Grrrrrrreat. We did go out with a bang though, staying out til almost six am yesterday. It could have been 5:00 am if the Irish assholes hadn't stolen our cab in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot though. Seriously, Irish guys, straight off the boat that is, have got to be the most annoying people in the entire world. I met a bunch of them last Sunday and jesus christ. Annoying, they are just so goddamn ANNOYING. The accent only takes you so far, and then the hat-stealing, cigarette-taking and ass-smacking takes over and I can't stand you. But otherwise, I had a grand old time drinking a shite-load, singing at the top of my lungs to "Don't Stop Believin", dancing terribly for way too long, spending too much money and having to gyp the cab driver cause Keri and Amy had spent all theirs. Kerianne Kristine, you owe me your life.

Why do boys ask for phone numbers and then never call you. I'd really love to understand the logic behind that. It's not like I just slipped you my number or anything YOU ASKED ME FOR IT. Why the asking if there will be no follow thru? Goddamnit.

St. Paddy's Day week is over and I'm sad. It's kind of like the Christmas season being over. We had the parade and then a week later the actual day and now what do I have to look forward to? Cinco de Mayo? Flag Day? HOW CAN I PICK JUST ONE.

I saw the play Wicked on a beautiful, beautiful day this past Tuesday. It hit 70 fucking degrees already. I actually woke up early (ok, noon) just to read outside before having to get ready to go. I know I talk about this every year around this time, but I am so excited about the upcoming warm weather. This is my favorite time of year, when the thought of 60 degree days practically gives me a boner. Impossible you might think, but I'm proof otherwise. Of course since Tuesday it's been cold out, but it's coming man, it's coming. This is why you gotta have four seasons. You take it for granted if you don't have to live through the shitty stuff along with the good stuff. Don't even give me the bullshit saying otherwise cause I AIN'T LISTENING.

Keri and I saw, for her Christmas present from me, the comedian Brian Reagan on Thursday, and he was fucking hysterical. I don't even know what else to say about him, besides that you should check him out if you get a chance. Also, thank you RELUCTANTLY.

Aight, I thought I might have more cause it's been awhile, but I don't. Also, iTunes is being a giant douche bag right now. And I need a shower. Badly. But here's my favorite picture from last night:

Amy, Keri, Megan, me and Maggie singing our hearts out to either Living on a Prayer or Don't Stop Believin', I'm not sure which. And then we got "shushed" by PJ - asshole. I have no idea who took this picture of us, but I love it. Happy St. Paddy's Day to ya.

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

2007-03-07T17:40:00.000-06:00

I think I have a problem. That problem is the "Buy it NOW!" button on Ebay. I bought three books the other day and a cd today. THERE ARE REASONS THOUGH. One of the books was 1 penny. Literally one penny. Or not literally cause it was $3.49 for the shipping, but still, $3.50 for a book? Sold. Another one was 27 cents (is there no "cents" sign on the keyboard? Or am I handicapped?) and another was $1.03. I know, big spender for that last one. So overall I spent about $12 for three books. Christ on a cracker, I love Ebay.

The books, incase you care, which you don't but I'm telling you anyways because all this blog seems to be becoming is my book report, were The Feast of Love by Charles Baxter (another one I stole from Jason Mulgrew because American Dream WAS that good), City of God by E.L Doctorow and The Human Stain by Phillip Roth, both taken off the 1001 Books list. I finished Atonement a couple days ago and though it got off to a slow start ended up being pretty good. It didn't make me cry, but it had World War II (I accidentley did '!!' instead of 'II' at first and for some reason that really made me laugh. World War !! Exclamation! Ok, maybe it wasn't so funny) in it and I'm a complete sucker for anything World War I or II ( I ain't gonna discriminate) related. Good god, you can't even read this paragraph because of all the paranthesis. But am I going to fix that? No.

Those books better come soon because I'm trying to read The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova right now and it is the most terrible book in the entire world. I started it two or so months ago but stopped once I got something new and am just reading it as a filler now. I can't even describe how awful this book is. If I read the words "gasped" or "shuddered" one more fucking time I'm going to burn this book (which would be pretty daring on my part - my mom's always told us 'Books are our friends!', I wish I was kidding). But really, if anyone has read this book, actually finished it (I'm only page 268 out of 600-something) and enjoyed it, I don't think I could ever talk to you again. Someone really tell me if you've read it and liked it though. It was a best seller so someone out there has. If you're too ashamed to admit it though, I don't blame you. I would be too.

Also, I just bought a cd on Ebay BUT IT WAS AN IMPORT SO IT WOULDA BEEN REALLY EXPENSIVE AT BEST BUY. I only paid $12.48 for it PLUS I didn't go to the bar tonight, so that totally justifies it. It's by Peter Bjorn and John called "Writer's Block". Find them on Myspace (my other new music obsession, right now I'm listening to Albert Hammond Jr's [from the Strokes] album) and if you don't like the song Paris 2004 or Young Folks, you've got some issues.

What the fuck has happened to the Bears since losing the Superbowl. They've basically imploded it seems. Thomas Jones was traded to the Jets and now Lance Briggs wants to be traded too. There was a big mess about renewing Lovie Smith's contract and Ron Riveria didn't leave on the best terms either. You're supposed to all be one big happy family, according to me at least. Fucking act like it.

I bought some new green gym shoes the other day (at Payless nonetheless, another example of my big spenderness) and the check-out lady said "Oh!! And the parade is this weekend!", like she was practically reading my mind. I was all "I know! I had green shoes but I've had them for so long there's holes in the bottom so these are perfect." Everyone really IS Irish on Parade Day, even the Hispanic Payless Shoe Store lady.

Yesterday I went over to Megan's and we watched Supernanny and Rick Steve's Europe, made cupcakes and decorated them. How old am I again, because whenever I go over to Megan's I seem to turn into a 46 year old married mother of three or something. Not that I don't have fun doing it though. Megan, being my best friend and extremely funny and me, being the most easily amused person in the entire world, are probably the best combination in the entire world. She makes me laugh so hard sometimes that I don't even want to imagine how boring my life would be without her. I mean I'd drink a lot less, sure, but man without her, life would be pretty dreary. I totally got tres tres lucky in the best friend AND sister department. I must have been Florence Nightengale in a former life or something. We DO share a birthday so it's totally plausible.

The other day at work some old guy came in and as I was helping him said "WHAT ARE YA, 6 FEET TALL?" No, old-ass man, I am not 6 feet tall, I am 5'10 goddamnit. What makes you think you can say that to me? I can't say "Wow, you really have that old man stink going on, don't you?" or "Does everyone get that wrinkly when they're as close to their death bed as you are?" NO, because that would be considered "rude", so why do you think you can say that to me? No I don't play basketball, no I don't play volleyball, no I'm not wearing heels. And I'm not even THAT tall. Tall, but not Lisa Leslie-tall for fucks sake. Aggravated.

Eight fascinating paragraphs! You're welcome!

Top 10 Sister Moments

2007-03-06T00:04:00.000-06:00

Here it is bitch, you can stop whining now. Love you!

1. Let's get this out of the way first - the dyke haircut. This haircut was not Keri's fault, although she was rocking a short hairdo for a little while which looked super cute on her. One day we went to Boric's to get our haircut, which is the cheap place to go to when you just need a trim because being only $9.99, you don't really want to trust them when you need a completely new style. When we walked out of Boric's that day, after both of us just getting a trim, I had a dyke sister. The lady had styled her short hair in the dyki-est way possbile. I don't even know how to explain it: it was just dykey. We had to walk home that day (I think we were about 13 and 14 ) and I could not stop laughing. Keri was really embarassed, but did I care? Obviously not because as I type this here at work eight years later, I'm still laughing hysterically at the thought of it. The mental picture of that haircut Ker, has gotten me through many dark times.

2. The other obvious one: the time she was driving me to the store and asked "wait, which way is Jewel?" Keri got her liscense before me (yeah yeah shut up) and we were going to Jewel, the local grocery store not too far from our house. This store has been in the same location our whole lives, it's probably about a mile away, and we had been there god knows how many times prior to this trip. As she was backing out of the driveway she stopped, looked at me and says, "Wait. Which way is Jewel?". I don't think I even answered her because I was too busy making fun of her. I really shouldn't though because I get turned around really easily too (each time I leave a store in the mall, I start walking in the same direction I just came from), but I do anyways. It's my job as the older sister: never let the younger ones forget anything stupid that they said/did.

3. The first Rufus Wainwright concert we went to - this will finally be a nice one. We saw Rufio back in February 2004 at the Riviera Theatre on the Northside of Chicago. It was on a Wednesday so we both came home from school for the night to see him and took the train down. It was pretty much the best concert that either of us have ever been to, he played everything off Want One, the album both of us were obsessed with at the time. He had a backing band which allowed him to play all the songs - we've seen him a few times since solo, and it's not the same because he can't sing all the songs without other people. For the encore Rufio and the entire band came out in witches costumes and sang "Oh What a World" and It. Was. MAGICAL. That concert has been the bar to measure up to and so far he hasn't come close again. We've seen him three other times, and each time he's awesome and flamingly homosexual, but it'll never be as awesome and flamingly homosexual as the first time we saw him. After the concert we met up with my friend Chris, drank with his friends, took the train back to his dorm and the both of us almost pee'd on the Blue Line we had to go so bad. The End.

4. The Christmas about three years ago when you made me one of those fleece blankets you tie together with ballerinas on it. Best Christmas present ever, lady. J.P, you could one up her here if you bought me a tv.

5. When we went on our first official "Sister Date" to see the Divine Secret of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood movie and then out for coffee afterwards. The movie was kinda terrible (remember how horrible those little girl actresses were? christ), the word "ya-ya" stuck with us. Nine times out of ten whenever I call Keri she answers the phone saying "YA-YA!" (or "Hey baby, where you at?" in her best smooth-black-man voice) because that's what I'm under in her phone. You'll always be my ya-ya, bitch.

6. When I visited Keri in Ireland, my one goal, besides making a baby with an Irish guy, was to buy one of those Irish hats. At one point during the week I kinda turned into a psycho crying and yelling at Keri ( I'm sorry again - I hate even thinking about it) one night. I'm not sure if it was the next day or not (but it makes a better story if it was, so I'm going with it), I was going to go into Limerick by myself to buy a hat. At the last minute Keri said she'd come with me and we took the bus into town. I was embarassed (I don't know why) to say the hat was for myself, so when I was in the hat store, I said it was for my dad, and ended up with a hat 500 times too big for my head because I'm stupid. Who knew you had a head size? For future reference, I am not a 7 1/2. But anyways, we walked around Limerick even though it was freezing balls out and stopped at a pub called Charlie Chaplin's for a Guiness. I was just glad to have Keri all to myself for a few hours cause the rest of the time Amy and Eileen were with us. I still hate them. So anyways Ker, thanks for coming with me to Limerick even though I was a raging psycho bitch the night before. Does this here bus go to Lime-rick?

7. How people think we're twins all the time. Just the other day I was at the bar and people started yelling "KERI" at me, before realizing it wasn't her. And those people call themselves your friends, for shame. When people ask if we really do look alike, I just say you're the skinnier, bigger-boobed version of me. But that's how I describe J.P too, so it probably doesn't mean much. It still weirds me out that people think we look alike, so much alike that you can have conversations with girls I went to school with for 12 years pretending to be me. And it's not weird at all that you didn't correct Lisa. Not weird at all

8. All the good shit you're gotten me in to: Sondre Lerche, The Frames, Paddy Casey, Mic Christopher, Harry Potter. Especially for Harry Potter. Remember how hard I cried at the end of the 6th book? I love books that make me cry, Harry made me cry, therefore I love you too. I did give you Rufus and Jeff Buckley though, and let's face it, those two beat all the other ones combined. Oh, and I gave you Donnie Darko. You LOVE Donnie Darko.

9. One time a few years ago, before the UPS Store moved to the new location, only me and you were home, I think the other three were on vacation or soemthing, and you brought me lunch to work, even though we had been fighting (surprise!) before you took me to work. You put a note in the bag that said "I love you Sister. Happy eating!", and I still have it on my mirror in my room. You probably don't remember this at all, but I do because it was another example about how I was a huge bitch to you, but you were still nice to me. Way to make me always look bad.

10. The last one isn't one thing specifically, but just in general how you are the best sister ever. My friends love you, probably because you're easy. Megan even claims to be a pseudo-sister (she's looking forward to you coming home on Friday too, fyi) because she's jealous she doesn't have a sister. And yeah we fight, but what sisters don't? Queer ones, that's who. I told you before how it was hard for me to think of "sister moments" we had when we were little, but it's cause we weren't close until we were about 14 or 15. Before we were 14 it was all about fighting and kicking each other in the backseat of the van, me telling you to do things (ok, that hasn't changed) and pretty much just hating you in general. And now? Now I feel bad for the girls who don't have a sister because they have no idea what they're missing out on. I love you lady and can't WAIT to see you on Friday. Sister, reunited.

THE END. Finally, the whining stops.

Your Post Is Coming Soon Ker, Promise

2007-03-01T00:14:00.000-06:00

Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post on your blog. Comment back if you post it on your site. No comment regarding whatever songs that might come up.

Will I get far in life? It's A Hit - Rilo Kiley
How do my friends see me? Midnight Rambler - Rolling Stones
Where will I get married? White Shadows - Coldplay
What is my best friend's theme song? Haiti - The Arcade Fire
What is the story of my life? Turn the Page - Metallica
What was high school like? A Higher Place - Tom Petty
How can I get ahead in life? Danny Boy - Rufus Wainwright
What is the best thing about me? I Wanna Be Your Lover - Bob Dylan
How is today going to be? Desolation Row - Bob Dylan
What is in store for this weekend? Lover Come Back to Me - Billie Holiday. I'm excited now.
What song describes my parents? Nothing Better - The Postal Service
What song describes my grandparents? In My Arms - Rufus Wainwright
How is my life going? 6th Avenue Heartache - The Wallflowers
What song will they play at my funeral? California Love - Tupac
How does the world see me? Dream Brother - Jeff Buckley
Will I have a happy life? Coming Up - Paul McCartney
What do my friends really think of me? Different Drum - Linda Ronstadt
Do people secretly lust after me? Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers
How can I make myself happy? Against the Tide - The Radio Dept.
What should I do with my life? Workin' 9-5 - Dolly Parton
Where have all the good people gone? Amsterdam - Coldplay
Will I ever have children? Apple Suckling Tree - Bob Dylan and The Band
What is some good advice? Dream Awake - The Frames
What is my signature dancing song? The Ballad of John and Yoko - The Beatles
What do I think my current theme song is? Piggies - The Beatles. (I wish I was kidding)
What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Natural Anthem - The Postal Service
What type of men/women do you like? Hosanna - Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack. Gay ones, apparently.

A Thousand Different Versions Of Yourself

2007-02-19T02:17:00.000-06:00

I bought The Shins new album Wincing the Night Away last Friday and haven't stopped listening to it since (besides for the moment right now when my Ipod is on shuffle and "What a Girl Wants" by Christina Aguliera is on, but I won't mention that). The last four songs are kind of forgettable, but the first seven? Awesome. Just fucking awesome. Especially "Sleeping Lessons" and "Sea Legs". You must buy (like me because my dad won't let me steal music on his computer THE NERVE) or illegally download this album and then thank me later.

I first heard about the book 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die on Ms. Mac's blog (though I'm mad too that the Kite Runner isn't included because it's the best book ever) and have since kind of become obsessed with reading the entire list. I can cross off 41 books right off the bat, which really makes the task so much less overwhelming now. If I even made it to 500, I'd be happy with that. There's a couple Jonathan Franzen books in it and just having finished The Corrections about 30 minutes ago, I think I'll cross the rest off his books off the list. It was okay, just okay. It didn't even make me cry and was basically a story I feel I've read 30 times already about grown up children being annoyed by their elderly parents and fighting about stupid shit. I don't know how to explain it, it was just a disappointment. A 568 page disappointment. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A BOOK TO MAKE ME CRY, GODDAMNIT. If Atonement doesn't do it, I've sworn off reading for good.

Yesterday, at the last of three bars I went to during the course of the night, I saw Brad, my boss' son I went to Amanda's wedding with back in June of 2005. I don't think I had seen him since then so we talked for a majority of the night which was kind of surprising because usually when we saw each other at the bar we would talk for a minute or two then say bye. About 20 minutes into the conversation he asked "Have you lost weight?" (I knew he looked confused when he saw only two double chins on me instead of four) and I said yeah, a little and he said "You can tell - you look really good." That pretty much made my night right there. Year even. Seriously I think I would be the most easy to please girlfriend/wife. Just telling me I look like I've lost weight would pretty much get you off the hook for anything. I hope my patheticness is properly conveyed here. But anyways, thank you Brad, from the bottom of my heart. Call me.

Last night I came home at 5:30 am and since our stupid ass garage door opener won't work in the freezing cold, I had to go in the house, hit the open button in there, then start the car back up to put it away. As I went back out to the car, Bailey followed me out, probably because she hadn't been out since 10 pm or something. I came back in the house, ate the food I had gotten (the answer to the "have you lost weight question" will pretty soon be a "no" with the way I've been a bottomless pit lately) and then went upstairs to bed. My mom woke me up this morning telling me I had left the dog outside until 8:00 am when she woke up to her barking. I left Bailey out in the freezing cold for about 2 1/2 hours because I am a monster. She probably hates me now, which really is no big thing since I've never liked her in the first place anyways BUT I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE, I'M SORRY BAILEY. Oh my god, the guilt. I can't deal with it.

I burned my hand with scalding hot tea today and now I'm a cripple. I'm insanely jealous of the 100+ inches of snow New York got. Kerianne, I swear I'll finish your sister's post soon when I stop being so lazy. I am extremely pissed about how little money I'm getting back from my taxes. Keri and I are seeing The Frames on April 18th, hell yeah. I have a crush on Nate from Beauty and the Geek - christ, who knew that show was so addictive. The Southside Irish Parade is coming up so soon I can already taste the corned beef and cabbage.

I saved the best news for last: I FOUND A PAIR OF JEANS THAT FIT. I went shopping last Friday and in the first store ( New York and Company), the first pair of jeans I tried on fit like a motherfucker (do you even have ANY idea how well motherfuckers it? Almost as well as gloves). They were dark and long enough for me and pretty much completed my life. I hope all of you experience half as much joy these jeans have brought to my life at some point in your lifetimes.

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE

2007-02-13T23:24:00.000-06:00

I was gonna put a picture of me trying to wink, but it's too scary looking. Thank you PostSecret for reassuring me.

And You Go Home And You Cry And You Want To Die

2007-02-06T23:25:00.000-06:00

God Morrissey, HOW DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FELT SUNDAY NIGHT.

I still don't want to talk about it. I don't want to read the paper, dissect the game, talk about Rex and the defense or watch ESPN. That was rough, man. I've been spoiled as a Chicago fan, with the Bears in '85, the Bulls for six years and then the Sox last year - I wasn't ready for it. My friend Kelly reassured me "We're young Kate - we can wait 21 years for this to happen again." I really really hope I don't have to wait that long, but if I do, I can handle it. We still had a really good season and went to the fucking SuperBowl goddamnit. Lots of people didn't even think the Bears would make it that far. I still don't wanna talk about it though. The wounds are too fresh. I'm queer.

In other slightly less depressing news, I had an awesome time at Maribeth's wedding. You know when you look forward to something for so long and then it finally happens and all you can think is "eh" ? There are no "eh's" when I think about this wedding. We danced almost the entire night and took full advantage of the open bar: if that's not the makings of a good night, then I don't know what is. Tommy was a great date, though maybe taking someone who actually knows how to dance isn't a great idea for a person who is terrible at dancing but does it anyways. Sorry Tommy. I wish my friends got married more often.

I got paid Monday and kind of went insane on Ebay buying books. Not really cause all together they cost about $16, but still, not a good idea to spend your money on stupid shit when you owe money to about six different stores/persons (please, take your money advice from me - I am most qualified). I am superass excited about these books though because they all come highly recommended. The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen (my friend Dan), An American Dream by Norman Mailer (Jason Mulgrew) and Atonement by Ian McEwan (1001 Books you should read in your lifetime). I've always read like a banshee but I think the shitty books I've read lately plus going out too much and not reading before bed has had me in a drought. I'm still in the middle of In Cold Blood by Capote, but I swore to myself I'd be done with it come Thursday, come hell or high water. (Also, I'd like to point out this is the first Tuesday in god knows how long that I haven't gone out. I'm pretending it's because I want to read for three hours before bed, but really it's cause we got some snow today and no one wanted to drive, but let me pretend it's a step in the right direction.)

In other book news, because the previous paragraph about books was so thrilling!, the final Harry Potter book is coming out July 21st. I pre-ordered it already and can't wait, though I'm sad at the same time that it's the last one. If you've never read Harry Potter, you have five months to catch up before it comes out. Hurry up and get started.

Here are some pictures from the wedding:

I love this picture with Lauren, me and Tommy, even though I look like a creep. I have my mouth closed for once though, it's a first.

Tommy and his hunchbacked date, Katie.

Diana and me - I am totally one of those people I hate who takes way too many pictures with myself in them, even though I hate pictures of myself. Then why do I want pictures with everyone? I make no sense. I used to make fun of Emily for always taking pictures of herself with another person, and then I do the same thing. I need to start being more candid. Also need to cut out the gummy smiles.

I don't know how Kelly can smile after the Superbowl. I am angry.

Today would have been the parade downtown for the Bears. Thanks for your condolences Sophia, Bill and Jenn via text. I'm still so depressed.

Today Is Not Friday. It's Wednesday.

2007-01-31T23:57:00.000-06:00

ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS. My stomach is in a constant state of butterflies because I can't fucking WAIT for the Superbowl to start. Here at the store, it's almost like Christmas time again with everyone sending their out of state relatives and friends t-shirts, hoodies and hats to wear for the game. I'm too broke to buy a shirt right now (I do have an Urlacher one though) so they better win so I can buy a Superbowl champs shirt. Emily's coming here to watch the game with me and my friends, granted that the bar we're going to still has tickets available. The bar is always shown on tv for big sports events, so if you're in Chicago, look for me making my big tv debut. It's going to be spectacular.

Only one more day of work after today and then I'm off until Tuesday, aw hell yeah. When I told my boss I needed these days off he asked "Are you going out of town?" I said "No, I have a wedding Friday and then Monday...for...the....Superbowl."
"You're going to the Superbowl?"
"No...I'm just going to be a drinking.....a lot."
He's made fun of me since then for taking the day off, but whatever. I think it's cool that I have a boss I can be that truthful too. Yes your employee does take the day off so she can celebrate properly the night before, but I'm hardcore man. Surprised you didn't know that. (John Phil, I will be very dissappointed if you don't know the line before that.)

Last night was Megan's last hurrah because she starts student teaching February 5th. Well her last Tuesday hurrah anyways, and seeing as Tuesdays are like our Fridays or something, it made me very depressed. WHY MUST SHE ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING WITH HER LIFE. God, I thought she was going to waste away as a waitress while I toiled away at the UPS Store. Who needs real jobs, at least we can still go out and get drunker than I have been in quite some time any day we want! Christ I need to grow up.

So. I saw Carey last Saturday and went home with him, but kept my chastity belt on again. When he drove me home, he still didn't ask for my fucking number. I just saw the "He's just not that into you" Sex and the City episode last week and I wish to god I hadn't because it's so true. Oh so true. Stupid fucking Sarah Jessica Parker. Reason number two I'm pissed (well I guess I'm not really "pissed" at Carey, I just feel pathetic): his friend P.J stole my Bears lighter. And then to top it off, P.J, who likes Megan, actually called her today. IMAGINE THAT, a boy calling a girl. I wish I had any idea what that was like. Assholes, the both of them.

I ordered a phone off Ebay because my phone (seriously- there is no other explanation) dissappeared right before New Years. I've been using my dad's old phone from 1973 which runs out of batteries after two minutes of talking on it - not annoying at all. I just bought a replica of the phone I lost, but it's a used one and I'm nervous that it's going to be a piece of shit. It better live up to its condition that was described as "good" - let's hope that means I can at least have a four minute conversation now.

My parents are leaving tomorrow and will be gone skiing until Sunday. How excited am I about this? Very. Very fucking excited. Only my mom won't be here Friday to help me curl my hair HOW THOUGHTLESS CAN ONE PERSON BE. A new standard has been set.

The next time I talk (type) to you bitches, the Bears will be the crowned (what now Dennis Green) Superbowl Champions. Defense always win, and Peyton Manning, you ain't got shit.

Countdown: Nine Days

2007-01-26T01:56:00.000-06:00

1. I got my dress back Wednesday, and Diana's grandma did an awesome job on it. It's still a tad, tad big, but at least it doesn't look like I'm wearing a skirt with a giant oversize t-shirt on anymore, according to Diana. While I was at her grandma's I said, "Awesome. Now all I need is shoes and I'm set." She asked what size I wore, and then said she had a pair she was about to give to Goodwill, so I should try those. I was terrified (seems like an exaggeration, but who wouldn't be expecting something hideous, and since I can never tell the truth I would have been like "Oh my god! These are great! I love them, they're perfect!" even if they were a bright orange color), but she pulled them out and they were Pointy. Black. Just the right size heel. I was amazed. So yeah, I got my shoes from a 76 year old lady, but they're (seriously) perfect and I ain't got no money for shoes anyways. I also borrowed a purse from her. Diana's Grandma's: One Stop Shopping For All Your Wedding Attire Needs.

2. Why do we have no goddamn decaf tea in our house. Because it's freezing balls I had to have a cup while down here in the dungeon, and now I'm going to be up all night when I have to be up at 9:00 am. Yes I could just go to Jewel and buy some, but then I wouldn't get to ask my mom constantly why she doesn't buy any more, and she wouldn't get the chance to say "I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN BUY THE FOOD AROUND HERE." Yes you are mom, yes you are.

3. This article made me laugh really hard, especially the "What is going on with today's white nationalists?" Really guys, you gotta step it up a little bit. The guy say he's ashamed to be a neo-Nazi, and if that doesn't ring a bell with you, I don't know what will.

4. The other day, Larry, this guy who comes into the store pretty much everyday because his company has packages delivered there told me I "looked like a million bucks." It was a gross exaggeration, but made me realize how disgusting I must look every other day that I show up after having just rolled out of bed 20 minutes prior. It's amazing the difference a shower before work makes. I think it's finally starting to resonate with me.*

5. My boss owns two UPS Stores; his other one is about an hour away and he has me work there once in a great while. I fucking hate going out there - usually I leave 10 minutes before I have to be at work, and now I have to leave 60. Oh oh, but he gives me an hour of travel time! Too bad it takes two hours, going there and back, asshole. The only part I get excited about is that it's in a posh (are only English people allowed to use that word?) downtown neighborhood up north and there's an Old Navy and Borders right down the block. IMAGINE THAT. Like I don't have an Old Navy or Borders 10 minutes from my house. But whatever gets my rocks off, right? Apparently it only takes an Old Navy within walking distance of my work. Easy to please, yo.

6. I heard Joe Jackson's Steppin' Out song on the radio last week; I almost hate hearing new songs that I love now because I have no means of downloading them at all (not that it's a new song - it came out in '82). It's an awesome song though, and if you can download it, I hate you.

7. I told my date for the wedding, Tommy, that I was excited that he's tall (6'4) because I could wear heels then and not worry about looking like a giant. His reply was "Can you dance in heels?" in a real you-better-say-yes-or-I'm-gonna-be-really-pissed-off voice. I told him no worries, that my shoes would be off probably within five minutes of being there anyways. Anything to not make my 19 year old date mad at me. My dad told me Tuesday that I was robbing the cradle by taking him. Shut up dad I REALIZED THAT ALREADY.

8. nephelai0820: kris just broke my door. i locked it and she busted through
yaya5120: good lord
nephelai0820: and the knob is broke, woo hoo!
yaya5120: good thing you weren't beating off
yaya5120: OR WERE YOU
nephelai0820: haha, i was just going to say how am i going to keep them off when i play with my willy?
nephelai0820: *out
yaya5120: keeping them off your willy could pose a problem also
nephelai0820: you are wise
yaya5120: why do you think I'm the older sister
nephelai0820: lezzz-be friends

I don't talk to my sister nearly enough on AIM anymore. Oh the good conversations I'm missing out on. Quit playing with yer dinghy Ker.

9. I'm finally reading Truman Capote's In Cold Blood, I mean I only bought it three months ago, what's the rush. After this book, I'm taking some of your suggestions, plus The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen and We Need to Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver. I already read The Secret Life of Bees Bill, but thanks anyway. The books you guys suggested better be good or I am going to beat some ass.

10. Do you know what COLTS stands for?
Count On Losing The Superbowl - HEY-O

*Not that I never shower, I DO. Just never before work - I'd rather get 30 more minutes of sleep. I'm glad I cleared that up because I'm sure you were all under the impression that I had never taken a shower before in my life.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Bears

2007-01-23T00:33:00.000-06:00

Brian Urlacher pointing the way to Miami.

The Bears are in the Superbowl. Each time I read or hear someone say those words, my heart does a little leap because I still can't believe it's true. Yeah, I was alive back in '86 when they won, but I was one and a half - the only memory I have of it is a shirt I won in a pool my parents put my name in. But Keri stole that shirt from me, so I guess that doesn't even count anymore (bitch). I'm pretty at the age of 22 I'll be able to remember it this time, or at least take a lot of pictures to jog my memory. I've been sure of a Bears Superbowl appearance since early this season, even requesting off from work Monday January 5th around Christmas time. Confident? You bet your fucking ass I am. I wish I could have been at the bar to watch it, but I'm kinda broke so had to settle for watching it at a friends, where I had to explain every single thing that happened on the field to my two friends I was watching it with. I thought I knew little about the rules, and trust me, I do ( I just learned what "hashmarks" are after that intentiontal grounding penalty that resulted in a safety - thanks Bro) , but I must have explained what a challenge is at least twice and also why it wasn't a touchdown each time the ball was caught by a Bears player. But why am I bitching about that, THE BEARS ARE IN THE SUPERBOWL BABY! Being a Chicagoan is pretty sweet right now. I can only hope that it'll be even sweeter come February 4th around 9:00 pm or so - watch out Colts.

The weekend of the Superbowl is probably going to be the best weekend ever because that Friday my friend Maribeth gets married, and I have off Friday through Monday. I'm still going with my friend's 19 year old brother, which might sound pathetic, but to whoever thinks that I say, shut up, I couldn't find anybody else, so shove it. Also, I love commas. I go to Diana's grandma's tomorrow to try on my dress, and hopefully it fits like a glove now, not a tent in the chest-al area like it was before (plus-sized every else but up there - I always get screwed). I'm so anxious to try it on with makeup and my hair done, ok no one cares, but I am excited. Motherfucking excited. Best weekend ever, coming up in twelve days.

The second best thing to happen this week, other than da Bears? I found my ring I lost last Tuesday. I was at the bar with Megan on Friday and wearing the same zip-up I had on Tuesday. I reached in my right side pocket, for no apparent reason and felt my ring in there. The look on my face as I pulled it out probably scared Megan, but in my mind I looked like I had just found out I won the $300 million dollar lottery. It must have flown off my finger, bounced off the car door and landed in my pocket. That sounds kind of improbable, but that's really the only explanation for it. Now that I've been given a second chance with the only piece of nice jewelry I own (except for my mom's birthstone ring), I have to get it fitted because I will be damned if I lose it again. Reunited and it feels so good.

Carey is a douche bag. I'm never talking or thinking about him again. Outloud at least, let's be realistic.

I need a good book to read. Out of the past six or seven books I've read, I've only really liked one of them. Most of the ones I didn't like were ones I had bought as opposed to just getting out from the library, so from now on I'm not buying a book until after I read it and love it. I want a book that will grab my attention and not let go until I'm done. I want a book that will make me cry and make me sad at the prospect of finishing it. I mean christ, is that too much to ask? I've been avoiding the library lately because I owe it about $20 (I should have KNOWN better than to rent a DVD from there, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME), but I'm gonna have to suck it up because my brain is melting from the terrible books I've read lately. Give me some suggestions, or even better, pay my library fine.

It's gonna be twelve long days of Sports sections about whether Good Rex or Bad Rex will show up, Lovie and Tony being the first African-American coaches in the Superbowl (one of thems bound to win, I can just feel it) and comparisons to the '85 team. Twelve long, long days. February 4th, hurry up.

You better start makin'
Your Super Bowl plans.
But don't get ready or go to any trouble
Unless you practice
The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Since I Got A Digital Camera, You Have To Deal With Pictures Of Me. All The Time.

2007-01-18T01:23:00.000-06:00

Here is the Very Retarded Cosby Family Christmas Potrait. Seriously, we all look like we have brain damage. You can all agree, it won't hurt our feelings. I think it's just my mom's bright ass red lipstick and my dad's horribly bloodshot eyes, cause next to them the three of us almost look like models. Not that they give us much to look better than.

Ma souer et moi. I was trying to push her out of the shot. Didn't work as well as I thought it did.

My best friend Megan and me on New Years Eve. She always looks at me like that.

I only put this on here to show off Megan's Olsen twin-ness that she was so proud of in this picture. I'm her green-eyed lady, ocean lady and she's my brown eyed girl. Even though she has blue eyes. I hope this picture was really late in the night to explain why my eyes look like they're going in different directions. There were other people at the party, I swear - it wasn't just the two of us.

Self portrait on Christmas, the day I got the camera. I have can't-shut-my-mouth-syndrome. We're working on a cure.

My friend Lauren and I some random Tuesday we went out.

That same Tuesday. I love this picture, even though I look like creepshow. And am also getting violated by Julie. It was okay though - she had been gone working in Washington D.C since August. Her tongue felt so natural there, like it had never left.

He wasn't even working last night. The first Tuesday since May that I've been to where he hasn't been there too. Goddamnit. God fucking damnit.

In other heart breaking news, I lost my turquoise ring last night. I've been bitching for the past month about how I wanted to get it fitted so I wouldn't feel like it was going to fly off my finger, especially when it's cold out, and then last night it finally happens. I'm hoping to god Lauren finds it in her car but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. I've had that ring since I went to Mexico man, four years ago. I am so sad. So so sad.

Last thing: Why is finding a pair of jeans that fit you like asking for the fucking moon? Everytime I got shopping for them I get angry; I don't know why I do it to myself so often. I don't have a dime to spare now, but come income tax check time, I'm getting a pair custom fitted at Levi's. And then all my problems will be solved. There will also be world peace and Rosie and Donald will be friends once again. I'm not the only one who's going to benefit from this great create-your-own-jeans invention, so you can see why it is of upmost importance.

Bears, Whining, Haircut, Tired - Sounds Like The Makings Of A Great Post

2007-01-15T22:43:00.000-06:00

THE BEARS WON. They won! It's the first playoff game I've ever seen them win in my lifetime (well I mean of course I was alive in 1995, but don't remember watching it, I was in fifth grade), and oh my lord, it was spectacular. A nail bitter at the end, but Gouldie pulled through for us, god love him. And Rex, dude, you were great. A few mistakes here and there, but you stepped it up when it counted. You bascially told all those naysayers to shut the fuck up. I hope they listen. Watch out Saints - I know you might be "America's Team" right now, but not for long bitches, not for long. Oh man - best day of my life yesterday. Save for when February 4th rolls around I mean.

I went home with a guy a few weeks ago (J.P, don't read this. This is why I hate knowing you read this stupid blog), but didn't sleep with him because Megan convinced me it was the smart thing to do. Leave him wanting more, right? So the next time I see him (he's a bartender at a bar I go to a lot) he's decent to me, but we don't talk much, but I gave him the fact that he was working and tried not to think about it too much. Then I see him the following Saturday and he ignores me. I see him the next Tuesday and he hardly says a word to me. I spent way too much time analyzing everything I said, thinking I had creeped him out or something. ANYWAYS, he's been nice to me the past few times I've seen him, but it hasn't been anything worthwhile. So I see his friend Saturday night, and me and Meg hang out with him all night. Towards the end, without me mentioning his friend at all, he tells me his friend likes me, liked how "I didn't sleep with him the first night and thought he ruined his chances with him because he thought I saw another girl kiss him, but he's shy." My head almost exploded. What a fine way of showing me he liked me - by hardly talking to me at all. I mean I know he says he's shy, but goddamnit. I put myself out there the night I went home with him, it's not like he'd be asking me anything blindfolded with no idea what he was going into. I wanted to scream when P.J told me all that about Carey. I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. I was finally starting to not obsess and move on, clearly getting the hint he wasn't interested. And now this. Gaaah, I just needed to get that out because I can't believe it. Can't fucking believe it. Quit messing with my head bastard.

Sorry I just needed to get that out - way too make a short story long Kate. So anyways, I got my haircut Thursday and it is delightful. It't not too different, but it's different enough and I love it. Layers, they're not as scary as you think - who knew.

Saturday I wasn't planning on going out because we were going to the bar at 11:30 am for the Bears game and I wanted to get my $40 worth. Instead I go out until 5:30 in the morning. How the fuck do I go from not going out at all it staying out until 5:30 am? I mean granted it was fun, but if I had stayed in I could have avoided a mindfuck, spending the last of my money and being so tired for the game that I came home after the Chargers-Patriots game and was asleep before my head hit the pillow at 7:00 pm. And then slept until 1:00 pm. So maybe it wasn't so bad in retrospect, but I missed Desperate Housewives. Shit bitch.

Going to the bar tomorrow. I'm hoping I might possibily have good news, but with my track record so far, let's not count on it. I will however drive myself fucking insane thinking about all of this until I get to the bar around this time tomorrow. Awesome.

You Decide

2007-01-13T11:17:00.000-06:00

I have two Internet Explorer windows open here at work.

One is a Google search for "black pointy toe shoes" for the wedding I have coming up.

The other is ESPN, the articles for today's football games.

Am I a dude or a lady, I have no idea.

Make Me Shine

2007-01-11T01:57:00.000-06:00

1. I love my Ipod almost as much as I love swiss cheese (and that is A LOT) but when I'm listening to it downstairs while on the computer it drives me crazy because I turn around to make sure no one is about to sneak up behind me about 56 times a minute. The fucking dog almost gave me a heart attack 15 minutes ago for christs sake. I don't know who I think is going to sneak up behind me at 2:00 in the morning considering only my mom and brother are home and they're both sleeping, but Mr. Stranger Danger is always out there lurking. Therefore, the constant checking of what could be behind me will never stop. I should've brought my nunchucks down here.

2. Thriller just came on. WHERE ARE MEGAN AND KERI WHEN I NEED THEM.

3. I've been sick for the past few days, from Sunday-Wednesday, but it's finally over. The one part that I have no problem with being sick? The losing of the weight part. I lost about five pounds over those few days, and I plan on keeping them off, no matter how unfeasible that may seem. I totally needed something like this to jumpstart my diet, and here it was, handed to me practically on a platter because of the unexplainable and weird sickness I get after I do a certain thing. I have to get this checked out. But really, maybe I should do this certain thing more often. It's doing wonders for my figure.

4. On Sunday I'm going with my Dad to the bar near my house to watch the Bears kick Seattle's ass in the second round of the play-offs. Well it's $40 all you can drink and eat, so I'll either be drunk and elated, or drunk and crying on my dad's shoulder. Let's all hope for the former. But really, come on Bears. More importantly COME ON REX GROSSMAN. Please please please let the good Rex come out Sunday. For your sake, and for the city of Chicago's sake. We will never forgive you if you fuck this up for us. At least I won't and I KNOW you don't want that on your conscious for the rest of your life.

5. I paid my first student loan today. $140 down, only $498,745.12 to go.

6. I never ended up getting my hair cut Saturday because who knew every salon closed before 4 pm on Saturdays, but I really am tomorrow. It requires me getting up at 11:00, even though I don't have work until 2:30, but I'm still planning on it. I, however, do not know what my hand will be planning tomorrow when it presses the snooze button for two hours straight, but I have slept for about 48 hours in the past four days so I think I can handle it. A big "think" there.

7. I was gonna try to write out 10 paragraphs, but then I got sucked into the fad diets article on the Yahoo! main page. Now I'm contemplating whether to try the Cabbage Soup, Apple Cider Vinegar or Maple Syrup Diet. Oh the possibilities!

I Will Grow My Own Private Branch Of The Tree

2007-01-05T17:48:00.000-06:00

J.P and I saw the Raconteurs at the Riviera Theatre last Saturday, the 30th. Best concert ever? Might be. (As long as I'm not counting the first time I saw Bobbdy D, Neil Young or Rufus Wainwright). Best concert ever that I went to with my brother though? Definitely. They opened with my favorite song on the record, Intimate Secretary and it was awesome. I realize how astounding that must sound that I used the word "awesome" to describe it, but it really was. Plus I can't think of a better word to use. But really, Jack White is a beast on the guitar. The Raconteurs, see 'em if you get the chance. Preferably with your brother. And then go out to eat at a Mexican restuarant. Then take the train home and discover that the driver's side window on your car has been smashed in and the cd player/ radio has been taken. It wouldn't be a complete night without that ending. The driver's side window didn't even work anyways, it hasn't rolled down for 4 months, so we needed to get it fixed anyways. Take that, car-smasher-inners.

New Year's Eve was pretty fun. I didn't get to wear my new dress because Diana's grandma isn't done tailoring it, but no one was really dressed up anyways. We watched the Bears lose to fucking Green Bay (please leave Brett Farve) and then pretty much danced until 6:00 am. And I took about 300 pictures, but I'm too lazy how to figure out how to get them on my computer. Some day, maybe. Happy 2007, bitches.

Keri convinced me to get my hair cut so later today I'm getting some sideswept bangs and long layers put in. Which I will hate 3 hours later. Yet I'm still doing it to myself, I have no idea why. She tried to get me to get a dyke haircut, like she had a few years ago, but I said "no, because I am not a dyke like you were eight years ago." Keri, give it up already - the dyke haircut was never cool. It just made you look dykey.

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Lose 30 pounds. I originally had 50 pounds to lose to not lie on my liscense anymore, now it's down to 30. I will do this by June 1st. I have no idea how because I still can't even bring myself to get on the treadmill for an hour, and drink too much, but it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine.

2. Get a new job before I go postal (UPS-al?) and shoot eveybody who comes into this store.

3. Get a car so I don't have to ask my fucking mom everytime I want to use it. Goddamnit JUST LET ME USE IT ONCE IN AWHILE. My hands are balled up in fists right now as I type that because jesus christ, she drives me insane. Yes, it is possible to type while your hands are in fists. I got your proof right here.

4. Move out of the house. See above.

5. Find a boyfriend, get married and have a baby. Everyone's invited.

Oh man, I did a bad thing last night. I started telling my sister, but had to hang up because someone was coming into the store. She ended the conversation with "I'm not happy with you." I am about to get a reaming, kids. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Wish me luck getting my haircut. And being a a confined space with my sister. I'm gonna need it.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Scene

2006-12-26T19:38:00.000-06:00

Background information: My mom made french onion dip on Christmas Eve for our Very Cosby Christmas. She also made waffles on Christmas morning. I had some of what I thought was the leftover dip on Christmas evening.

Keri: I want some of that french onion dip.
Me: It's in the orange container in the fridge, I just had some.
Keri: No, it's in this clear container.
Me: No it's not, I just ate some out of the orange container.

Keri opens clear container, which is clearing containing the leftover dip.

Me: What the fuck was I eating then? It didn't taste the best, but I ate it for at least five minutes.
Keri: I think it's waffle batter.

I run upstairs to ask my mom.

Me: Mom, what is this stuff?
Mom: Waffle batter.
Me: I JUST ATE SOME OF THAT WITH CHIPS THINKING IT WAS THE FRENCH ONION DIP.
Dad: You'll be puking later, it had raw eggs in it.

Fast forward to 8:00 am this morning: I puke my brains out. I puke out waffle batter. FUCKING WAFFLE BATTER. Goddamnit, HOW DID I GET THE TWO CONFUSED. I have to stop thinking about it or I'm going to throw up again.

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I got J.P tickets for me and him to see the Raconteurs at the Riviera Theatre on December 30th for his birthday/Christmas. When he came home Saturday, I realized I didn't know where I had put the tickets that had just arrived in the mail Wednesday. I was going crazy looking for them in my room, on my mom's desk and all over the house. As a last resort I looked in our paper recycling bin, and there they were. IN THE GODDAMN GARBAGE. Had it been a Tuesday, they would have been outside in the garbage can and gone forever. I am so very, very lucky. And so very, very goddamn stupid.

...........................................................................

I got a digital camera for Christmas. It was a total surpise! I had no idea I was getting it! And it is the most awesome thing ever. I also got a hair straightener from J.P, the Disney animated movie Robin Hood (jealous Bill?) from my Seeeeestor and a few other things, but those are the winners right there. It was a very good Christmas.

...........................................................................

Keri and I were running around getting my mom and dad stocking stuffers a few days before Christmas and went to Sports Authority to get my dad a Bears division winners t-shirt. It said $20 on it, but when the girl rang it up, she said "$2.67."Me and Keri were confused but weren't gonna fight the awesome price. We totally thought we got a good deal, or more likely that the computer scanner thing just fucked up the price. So my dad opens it on Christmas and goes, "Oh, nice.....it's from last year." It's from when the Bears were divison champs last fucking year. And of course it was the first thing he noticed. The most observant people Keri and I are not.

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The best song in the entire fucking world, don't even try to fight it: I Got the Blues by the Rolling Stones.

..........................................................................

I've learned that I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't so I gotta take what I can get when it comes my way. I'm never going to get married if this awesome trend continues.

..........................................................................

My new diet is called "Drink Too Much Coffee Until You Feel Sick and The Thought of Food Makes You Want to Throw Up" and has been working out quite nicely this past week. Or maybe I should just eat waffle batter more often. Between the two of them I can't even imagine how I'm going to go to the bar and drink tonight, but where there's a will there's a way. Or rather when there's a Miller Lite I can't turn it down. Katie: Creating Custom Sayings For Every Occasion.

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Last thing in this novel: As forementioned, (is that one word? I have no idea) we had a Very Cosby Christmas on Christmas Eve which entailed drinking at the bar for the Bears game, sweet Christmas sweaters and hats, a turkey dinner, drinking and dancing to Christmas songs (I love you Mariah!) and then me ditching them to go to the bar. I am the most unphotogenic person in the entire world (seriously - you should see the rest of the pictures I'm in - but you won't), but here's everyone: Cliff, Claire, Theo, Denise and Rudy (Sondra and Vanessa were busy) in our Cosby Family Portrait. Ok, this thing is stupid and I can't get the picture to show up on here, plus my fingers are frostbitten, so I'll leave you all in suspense. We all look like retards though. I never say that word, but really that is the only word that comes to mind when I look at the pictures. A Very Retarded Cosby Christmas. I ain't politically correct, bitches.

My Dreams Is Fading Down the Railway Line

2006-12-12T00:45:00.000-06:00

Good Rex, is that you? Could it be? Thanks for making an appearance every five games or so. Fuck yeah bitches, 11-2: what you gonna say about da Bears now. Devin Hester, you are all that is man. Miami, here we come.

At work we exchanged gifts today and I got Let It Bleed and Sticky Fingers by the Stones. My Christmas is complete. At least until I get my digital camera from my parents.

Work is actually busy now and it sucks. I get annoyed just that much easier now with customers because I've told myself since May I would NEVER be there come Christmas for the busy season, and yet here I am. WHY AM I SO GODDAMN LAZY. Jesus christ, January 1st I'm making a fucking resume, no matter how hungover I am.

Lesson learned: you can let a guy give you a ride home and make out with him in front of your house for half an hour, but when you meet him the next day, he'll be enraptured with your skinny-ass bitch best friend if you bring her out with you. Never, ever again.

Mom: It's so nice talking to you when you're not crabby.
Me: It's just cause I'm drunk right now.
Mom: I knew there had to be a reason.

Chicago Bears vs San Diego Chargers on February 4th. I'm taking bets now.

Two Memos

2006-12-04T18:15:00.000-06:00

NFC North Division Champs, aw hell yeah. At least thanks to the defense - the offense wouldn't have even had to show up and we still woulda won 17-13. Terrible Rex Grossman, just terrible.

I totally had my ringtone "Rock the Casbah" way before that commercial came out.

That is all.

Is There Nothing I Can Say, Nothing I Can Do?

2006-12-01T19:56:00.000-06:00

Terrible. Absolutely terrible. Five motherfucking turnovers, and we still only score 13 points? Goddamnit Rex Grossman. GODDAMNIT. Okay, so it's not soley you're fault, but good lord, whose hopes weren't dashed when we recoverd a fumble with 1:52 left, only to have you throw the ball to Asante whatever-his-name-is, HIS THIRD INTERCEPTION OF THE DAY. Watching them kneel for the last minute was tragic. Just tragic. I was so pissed/despressed/violently angry after the game, I probably would have shot anybody who tried to talk to me the first 15 minutes after it was over. I'm sure I seem psycho-like, but man, that just really sucked. A win against the Patriots totally would have legitimatized the Bears, and we couldn't pull it off. I'd love to see Griese (pronounced "Greasy" - seriously, what was his childhood like) start next week but Lovie already said Grossman's not going anywhere. So help you Rexy if you don't shape up this Sunday versus the Vikings. We win this, we win the division. Keep that in mind.

I went to jury duty for the first time this past Tuesday and actually got picked for a trial. It was kinda boring, just a civil lawsuit for a minor car accident that last three days. The lady was asking for $64,000 and we gave her $3,800. I had some hardasses as fellow jurors. It was actually pretty cool though, seeing some things actually played out that I had seen billions of times on Law & Order, like the defense attorney being a very pretty bitch, sidebars, objections and actually being on the jury myself. No Sam Waterson though. That was a dissappointment. Except for that part, totally worth the $54.60 I got and two days off of work.

Chicago and the rest of the Midwest was hit with a pretty big snowstorm yesterday and today. We were expecting at least a foot of snow, and the northern suburbs did get that much, but the Southside only got about 3-4 inches. Goddamnit Tom Skilling, you tell me I'm getting 12 inches of snow, then I want 12 fucking inches of snow. Not this slushy shit, when you were hyping it up to be the storm of the century. People that freak out around here about snow annoy the shit out of me. WE LIVE IN CHICAGO, NOT FLORIDA WHY IS THIS SO SURPRISING.

My friend Mary Beth done got knocked up and is getting hitched in February. I've been to weddings before, the latest for my co-worker in June of 2005, but this one is going to be fun. A lot of fun. Sure I might be bringing my friend's 19 year old brother as a date (it's cool, we're getting married somewhere down the line anyways, he proposed in July), but I already know he'll be the best date anyways. He's taller than me and will dance. I couldn't ask for anything more. Diana and I have vowed to lose 20 pounds by February 2nd and goddamnit WE'RE GONNA DO IT. I found a dress I want, but want to get it now in a size lower than I really fit into now. Is that just stupid, or will it be motivation? I'm pretty sure it's just stupid because it's pricey (at least for me - right now I have $71 in my account), so help me god if I don't fit into it come wedding day.

I've become kind of obsessed with the Rolling Stones. Christ, WHO KNEW they were so awesome way back when. I mean, I did, but I never believed it or thought twice about them because I fucking hate "Satisfaction". I always liked some of their other songs they play on the radio, but it wasn't until I got Exile on Main Street that I "really" listened to them, for lack of a better word. Now even songs I normally would have turned off before I turn up instead. Still not Satisifaction though. I'm not going overboard here.

I wasn't going to go out tonight cause I'm still tired from last night plus have to work at 8:45 tomorrow morning, but now I think I might have to just to get away from my mom. Can't. Stand. The. Sight. Of. Her. Or the sound; the sound is even worse. I honestly got enraged yesterday because she knocked on the bathroom door when I was in there and told me to hurry up when I had only been in there 15 seconds. We have two other bathrooms, USE THEM. Holy shit I hate when people do that. I think I have a problem.

Sorry this is lame, I started the first paragraph about the Bears Monday and am just now getting around to finishing it because of jury duty and my lack of actually using the computer here at home. I guess that's what my doing my civic duty gets you all - a shitty ass post. Maybe you should try it sometime.

Rub A Monkey's Belly On Your Head

2006-11-17T17:15:00.000-06:00

Today here at work I've gotten $16 in tips. Fourteen from one lady who sent four faxes, who made me call two different places to get the fax numbers because her hearing wasn't very good and $2 from an old guy who only made 10 copies. I guess this disproves my theory on being indifferent to customers. If I'm nice to them, they're nice to me. WHO KNEW.

About twenty minutes ago some guy came in with his girlfriend to drop off a package. He asked "Where are you from?" and I said the little part of Chicago I'm from cause I thought he thought I looked familiar or something. He goes,
"Oh, so from Chicago?"
"Yeah."
"You sound like you're from Jersey."
"Really? I've heard I have a thick Chicago accent, but never got Jersey before."
"You're from the North side at least, right?"
"No - born and raised Southside."
"Well you definitley sound like you're from somewhere on the East Coast."

Jersey, really? I mean sometimes I like to pretend I've from Boston and said "pahhk the cahh" or something, but I doubt my desire to be from Boston came out of me when I asked, "Do you want a tracking number?" Chicago, I never meant to betray or deny you. Please don't hold this against me.

Then some creepshow who has a mailbox here asked me to go out with him because he had just gotten some birthday money. I lied and said I was seeing someone because he's, as forementioned, a creepshow. This is the same guy who asked for my number when I was home from college my freshman year, and because I'm stupid, gave it to him. He called later that night around 11:30 when I was at Megan's, asking if I wanted to go out. I said no, cause I was leaving to go back to school early the next morning and he goes, "I got some beer in my car. You don't want to have one last night of fun before you go back?" Well, when you put it that way, how could I turn you down! *

Borat, just as I was hoping it was going to be, was the greatest movie in the entire world. If you haven't seen it, do it up. I also saw Stranger than Fiction last week, which was pretty good too. Next Roger Ebert, right here.

Last Sunday the Bears were on the Sunday night game against the Giants. I went to the bar with a couple friends, and my dad was up there too which some of his. This worked out very convienently for me because whenever I ran out of beer I could just mosey on over to his table and take one from their bucket. I got plastered, very plastered, something which I really hardly ever get since I drive to the bar most of the time. I think it had to do with the one jagerbomb Marty bought me early on before the game started. My friends went home, and I stayed with my dad and his one friend who was left. I didn't even rememeber this until the next day at work (the night was coming back to me slowly throughout the day) but the night ended with us dancing to the Blues Brothers (really it was Dan and John up there!) band. Hi, my name is Katie and I like to drink and dance with my dad after Bears games. I asked my dad when I got home if I was just imagining things or we really were dancing and he goes "Hell yeah we were dancing." If that "hell yeah" doesn't make it real, then I don't know what would.

Keri comes home today, actually should be home right now, and J.P comes home Wednesday. Super Sibling (anti) Sobriety Day coming up, I CAN JUST FEEL IT. Tonight I'm going with Keri to Naperville for one of her friend's birthday's, which is going to be awesome, considering I have to be the desginated driver. And have to work at 9:00 am Saturday. Sweet.

And lastly, a strange conversation I had Sunday night with a guy I had just been introduced to, a friend of a friend:
"So your name is Katie?"
"Yeah."
"Cool."
"Thanks...I really had nothing to do with it."
"I like your eyebrows."

Well, why work on losing my enormous stomach when all the guys are really looking at my sexy-ass eyebrows. Or maybe he had nothing else to compliment me on so he picked my eyebrows. Must. Stop. Analyzing. Everything. But really, eyebrows? I guess I should take what I can get.

*I asked him how old he was going to be Saturday and he said "28". I just looked at the papers he had to fill out to get the mailbox, and he's actually turning 31. Good one, pretending to be three years younger than you actually are. Fucking idiot.

If anyone can name what book the title of this stupid post is, you are all that is man. And it doesn't count if you get it Keri - you already are a man. Also, for all of you that whined and moaned that my brother never updates his blog, check it out now, bitches.

Put On Your Red Shoes

2006-11-02T18:06:00.000-06:00

I'm going to visit Keri this Saturday-Monday. I could have been there Friday-Monday, had I not been a pussy and caved when my boss asked me to work from 9am-12pm Saturday morning, even though I had already taken off. Yeah yeah, it's only three hours, but it blows nonetheless. Also, here at the store? They want us to start decorating for Christmas already. If someone comes in here within the next week wanting to send out Christmas presents, I will assassinate them. Christmas can NOT start being celebrated before Thanksgiving. If someone ran for office on that platform alone, I would vote for them. They would not win, but I would vote for them.

Halloween was a bewitchingly (yeah I made a word up, what now) good time. My friend Mary had a party Saturday that a lot of people ended up coming to depite it being in kinda-sorta-bufu. Steve, this guy I went on a date with over the summer was there, the first time I had seen him since August or so. He tried calling me two or three times afterwards, but I never answered the phone, because I'm a horrible person. (Plus he was the absolute worst kisser in the entire world. And he was shorter than me. But mostly because I'm a terrible person.) So I saw him, said hi, how are you doing, and we were civil. Awkward, yet civil. Then later on I start talking to this really nice, funny guy, George. Who I find out is one of Steve's best friends. Sometime during the night Steve clued him in as to who he was talking to, and once George found out, he said, as per Rich, Diana's boyfriend and also Steve's good friend (are you following me?) "Fuck that bitch." Wow. Nice. Not like I didn't deserve it, that's not the case by any means, but I didn't need to actually hear it. Goddamnit, now that's all I can think of - "Fuck that bitch". I want to call Steve and apologize to him, but I don't want it to look like I have an ulterior motive. I know there's people out there who don't like me, or think I'm a bitch, I'm not delusional, but it sucks ass actually hearing it. I am a terrible terrible person.

We went to the bar on Halloween, our usual Tuesady night place. The bartenders there are always really nice, giving you a free drink after you buy three or four. This time it was so crowded we were double-fisting (oh yeah), and I went up to get four Miller Lites. The guy gave me four for $5.50, which is the normal price for two beers, and which was also very lovely of him considering it was the first beers I had gotten from him all night. Later that night after last call, I went up and thanked him for the two free ones and he told me no problem because, and I quote, "You always come up and ask with a smile on your face. I kinda have a crush on you." You have no idea how nice this was the hear, because I've been told numerous, NUMEROUS times that I never smile, and always look pissed when I'm at the bar. I actually had someone in a band shine a fucking FLASHLIGHT on me one time and ask "Why aren't you having a good time?" after I had just been laughing with Megan about how people say that to me all the time. I wanted to stab that guy in the face when he did that. But, all that is water under the bridge now cause some nice, and cute, may I add, bartender has a crush on me because I'm always smiling. Fuck yes bitches. Bartender's at Rhino: 1 Lameass bands with flashlights: 0

My parents leave tomorrow for a one week trip to Arizona. Not only are they not leaving me the Expedition, but the drivers side window on the car doesn't work so I can't take advantage of smoking in it while they're gone. Is my life awful or what.

I'm 99.99% sure I'm going to get paid tomorrow, but that 0.01% is scaring me because if I don't get to see Borat tomorrow, so help me god. Also, so help everyone who will have to deal with me and my Borat-induced rage.

Better Sophia?

That Makes About A Baker's Dozen Bob

2006-10-29T22:55:00.000-06:00

Da Bears da Bears da Bears da Bears da Bears da Bears da Bears da Bears.

Hear The Beat Of The Tambourine

2006-10-13T18:25:00.000-05:00

-Going to Ohio tomorrow with my mom to visit my brother. So super ass excited to get drunk with my brother bear and his frat buddies. Plus we get to drive the Expedition down there. Yeah boy.

-David Bowie as the Friday Feature on 93.1 XRT and eight hours later here at work, still no Let's Dance? What the fuck.

-I saw The Departed (as a date with a lepruchan) and Little Miss Sunshine (with my mom, for Mother's Day - better late than never) this week. I don't go to a movie for almost an entire year then I see two in two days. Both were really good, but do yourselves a favor and see The Departed. It's good. Really fucking good. Up next? Borat. Can't wait.

-I got a nice chunk of change (yes I am aware of how queer that sounds) from my aunt for babysitting two of her kids the past two weeks. I basically got paid to watch the Gilmore Girls and Seventh Heaven everyday (seriously, who knew I had so much in common with a nine year old), make Halloween decorations galore and take them out to dinner each day. Or amaze them with my magic culinary skills for macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets. Seriously, I've never seen kids more excited about mac and cheese before. Works for me.

-I bought Stop Making Sense by the Talking Heads yesterday. Sweetass.

-I've already gotten to the point in my life where I don't care what I look like when I dance. I thought that wouldn't hit til I was a mom, but I am so glad it hit me earlier. My friends maybe aren't as excited about it, but shit bitch, if I knew how much fun it was I would have stopped caring a longass time ago. White girl dancing, watch out.

Yes I Am Nitty, Gritty And My Shirt's All Torn, But I Would Love To Spill The Beans With You Til Dawn

2006-10-06T12:02:00.000-05:00

It's a Thursday night, and I'm on my aunt's computer, watching Oprah talk to actresses 50 and over about "aging brilliantly". While the rest of my friends are out taking advantage of $1.25 bottles. Goddamnit. This babysitting business hasn't been bad at all, but I'm ready for it to be over so I can resume my normal going-to-the-bars-five-times-a-week life. My last night is tonight, praise jesus.

One of the proudest moments of my life did happen last week though - I helped Maeve study for her spelling test. All the words were homophones (is that the right word?), like dear and deer, steel and steal ect., and she was having a lot of trouble with some of those. But you know what she got on the test? 97%, motherfuckers. She is going places someday, and most likely it will be thanks to aceing that spelling test.

I went to Borders today (while the kids were at school, you know, I needed my "me" time) and bought three books. Running with Scisscors (Augusten Burroughs), The Memory Keeper's Daughter( Kim Edwards) and A Long Way Down (Nick Hornby). Can't beat those 3 for 2 deals. Book reports by at least the end of the month, promise.

I bought jeans at the Gap two weeks ago in a size I haven't fit into since high school. It's still not a size to brag about by any means, but at least shopping for pants doesn't suck ass as much anymore. I'm sure the Gap just ups the sizes to "make you feel good about yourself" as my friend Megan put it, but I'm blocking that out of my mind. I've been slacking hardcore and really haven't lost any weight in the past few months, but I'm rejoining Weight Watchers next week, hopefully. Only 30 more pounds and then I won't be lying on my liscence anymore! Must count points and go on treadmill EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. Also, must turn into a caveman.

Sweet jesus White Sox. I had "stopped believing" (sorry Steve Perry) about a month ago, but it was still a major disappointment to not get into the play-offs at all. Ok, I'll admit it. I teared up once. ONCE. I said I would root for the Twins or Tigers, but inside I am so fucking happy that the Twins are down 0-2 against the A's and kind of pissed the Tigers tied it up today 1-1. You know what my major silver lining is though? The Bears being 4-0 right now. Fuck yes bitches, the Bears defense is DOMINATING every single offense that gets in their path this year. And Rex Grossman? Me and the rest of the city of Chicago are thanking god you were worth the wait. Just keep it up for the rest of the season. Don't pull an '05 Colts on us though - I don't think we could handle it. Everyone's saying you guys have a lot to prove against the Bills Sunday, and you do. Don't fuck it up.

I'm being a pirate for Halloween. Arrrrr matey.

Drop Your Reds, Drop Your Greens And Blues

2006-09-20T17:51:00.000-05:00

1. Best book in the entire world, September edition: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I started this book at work on Friday and knew I was going to love it by page 30. I planned on staying in to read it, but around 12:30 am Megan talked me into a 40 and a few beers, but she left by 4:30 and I finished it by 6:30. So good. So fucking good. I got out Foer's first book, Everything is Illuminated, which I had heard about before, but I can't get into it. I totally ruined it for this book by reading Extremely first. I will finish it, but holy shit. Read this book immediately.

2. Best good-lord-why-did-it-take-me-so-long-to-discover-this album: Exile on Main Street by the Rolling Stones. I really can't stand most Stones song, save for Miss You, Emotional Resue, Beast of Burden, Sway and one or two others, but for the past month I was obsessed with their song Sweet Virgina. I found out it was on Exile, so I bought it, and lo and behold, and the whole fucking album is awesome. I can't stand the Stones nowadays; the best word that comes to mind when I think of them is "travesty", courtsey of Jason Mulgrew, and I couldn't agree more. But Exile on Main Street - farthest thing from a travesty as you are ever going to get.

3. The family dog, Bailey, is a giant pussy when it comes to thunderstorms. She's not allowed upstairs in our rooms any other time, but my mom will allow exceptions when it's storming out. Yesterday it wasn't even thundering, just some random lightning and a little rain, but Bailey would not stay downstairs and kept following me around (I'm the only one home, my parents are on vacation). I shut my door on her to go to bed, but then I turned into the giant pussy and let her sleep on my floor. I know, I'm practically Mother Theresa. You have no idea how much I hated myself for feeling guilty. This is me we're talking! I hate dogs! With a passion! Especially Bailey! And yet I FELT BAD FOR A DOG (who does that?), caved, and let her sleep in my room. Goddamnit.

4. This having my own car and house to myself? I'm pretty sure I could get used to it. Of course my real own place will be much better because there will not be a DOG there or 400 plants I have to water every other day (yet have only done once so far) but this'll do for now. I just hope my parents don't freak out too bad when they find out I changed the locks.

5. My friend Diana and I decided we're going to get an apartment together in May. I mean first we have to get better jobs, save up and sign the lease, but those are just minor details compared to what color scheme our front room is going to be and the end tables we'll have. Glorious glorious endtables. Diana is the one person (besides Keri, who I'm sure will practically live with us anyways) I could see living with because even though we fight like a married couple, I think that will work to our advantage. I can tell her straight up when she's annoying me, or I'm mad at her, and we fight, but it'll be over an hour later. This could turn out very bad, but she likes to clean, but isn't as anal as Emily, is kickass at decorating, loves cooking and already agreed not to hang up her "hippie shit" in the front room. This could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

6. I can't even remember the last time I saw a movie in the theatre (maybe Walk the Line?), but it was awhile ago. Not that there's never movies I want to see, there is all the time, I just never actually go see them. All that will change in November when Borat comes out. I saw the trailer for it the other day on youtube.com and I'm pretty sure it's safe to say it will be the greatest movie ever. Of all time. From here until eternity. Maybe even greater than Citizen Kane - WHO KNOWS.

7. Oh good lord. Some lady just called work because she couldn't get the tape dispenser she bought here at the UPS Store to work. I'm quitting tomorrow.

8. If the Bears play like this every game for the rest of the season, we're going to the Super Bowl. Hands down. I guarantee it.

9. My (rich) aunt and uncle are going to Italy for two weeks starting the 26th. They have five kids, three of which are in college and then a nine and twleve year old. Seamus, the 12 year old is a douche, but I've dealt with worse. Maeve, on the other hand, is my favorite cousin and is the biggest sarcastic smartass you could ask for in a nine year old. She's awesome. My aunt needs a baby-sitter to see them off to school and then be there from 2:30 on when they get home. She is going to pay me $100 a day to do this. Plus I'll still be able to work from 8:30-2:00 pm most days, and won't be spending money at all either, since I'll pretty much be living there. I am going to be rich. Very very rich. Well at least by 22 year old standards. Just in time for those student loans too. Great.

10. And finally, I am sad to report that our bigass van my parents have that seats 12, died in Wyoming. That van was good to us, carting my Girl Scout troop to whatever the fuck we did as girl scouts, moving me into the dorms and two different apartments, countless roadtrips all over America and embarassing me severely the one time I drove it to the bar (I was desperate, ok? The guy I was meeting there called and said "come down this block, there's a spot right behind me" and I said "um, no, I don't want you to see me driving this. I'm parking on Campbell".) Instead we have a brand new red 2006 Expedition. Which I will never be able to drive. Awesome.

August 20, 1985 - Twenty One Years Later

2006-08-30T17:54:00.000-05:00

Saturday Night:

I wore my pirate shirt just for you.

I forgot Brian Urlacher showed up with his claws.

I bet you totally remember what I was telling you. And totally cared. You look concerned.

Five minutes later. Ah, sweet crusty beer-soaked hair.

Well you were awake for at least two minutes on the bus.

You probably hate me for posting this picture, but what's that? I don't care. I know I said I would hold your hair for you if you puked, but I really didn't have a chance to cause of all that projectile vomitting you did without warning on the bus. Please forgive.

Sexy passed out hooker.

You want some McDonald's? You look like you want some McDonald's.

Sunday Night:

We made t-shirts on Sunday (9 of us, we're cool). Keri was "21 and still self-lubricating" (don't act like you're not impressed) and I'm "no longer her beer bitch". Praise jesus.

Keri was turning 21. Just incase you forgot. Christ I look like a barge.

The uniform of the night was gaucho pants and the t-shirts and apparently I was really happy and excited about it!

Good lord that was funny. "How did you guys get up there so fast?" We walked around it, douche bag. With age you will learn the wisdom Apryl and I have already, my little grasshopper. Or you could just listen to Apryl next time.

You had finally given up on putting the balloon back on the stick and I had taken to hitting you with it. A good time had by all.

Sexy and classy end to the night.

I think we did Keri's 21st birthday justice. Or at least she did. Puking on a bus will do that to you. You even made it to your 9 am class on Monday. You really are maturing with age, which dissappoints me a little but I'll learn to deal with it if you promise to never stop getting drunk with me. Even if we're forced (eventually it'll happen) join AA. Aight? Aight. My little sister's finally 21! We have more options than Dingbats now! I can stiff you money when you buy cases for the both of us! Oh sweet sweet revenge. (Yeah yeah I know you usually paid me, but I was totally your sugar bitch this summer, so suck it.) Happy Birthday Seeeeeestor.

Beauty Walks A Razor's Edge, Someday I'll Make It Mine

2006-08-18T00:24:00.000-05:00

Jenn texted me the other day and told me to post. Now I'm feeling the pressure and can't think of anything to white about. I could whine about how my sister left me on Monday to go back to school and then Wednesday my friend Julie left for Washington D.C for a year. In about 48 hours I was deserted by both of the people who were willingly to go to the bar with me at any given moment. This means no more Wednesdays at Dingbats, Thursdays at Bourbon Street and any other random night they would go with me. Not that I don't have other friends willing to go with me BUT I WANT JULIE AND KERI. This me staying at home business while my sister and friends move/go back to school? I am not a fan.

I'm glad to report The Saga of Katie's Library Card That Took Way Too Fucking Long to Get is finally over: I got it two weeks ago and it was a joyous occasion. I wish I was kidding about how excited I got when I saw it in the mail. Now if only I don't fuck it up and never return the books I took out, that would be great. Someone remind me to take them back on the 22nd.

Keri turns 21 on Sunday. I am really excited about this already, don't get me wrong, but it feels like she's 21 already anyways since we went to the bar together all the time and has been using my ID (and getting it with it) the whole summer. It's probably just going to feel like a normal time at the bar with her, only I will have to buy her a lot to drink and then hold her hair later as she spews (if you're going to spew, spew into this) everything she drank all over the (fingers crossed) bathroom. I got yo back sista.

So of course nothing ever materialized with that guy I gave my number to. Of course not! I mean, not like I kept hoping for three weeks either! That would be pathetic! God, what fucking karma for going on two dates this summer with another guy, and then never answering his phone calls again because he was the worst kisser in the entire world. What did I expect to happen. This is my way of justifying it, by the way, Jeff won't call me because I was a bitch to Steve, so just go with it.* It could never just be because he doesn't like me, I have to blame it on the cosmic doings of the universe. Or something like that. As long as I can pretend it's beyond my control. What the fuck am I talking about.

My parents are going on a 2 week vacation starting Labor Day, but I can't go with (not like I was invited anyways) because I have to watch the dog. That's basically why my parents were cool with me moving home. So I could be the dog sitter while they traispe the United States in our big ass van. It's good to feel loved. So anyways, big two week party/rave/orgy at my house starting September 4th. Bring your glow sticks.

I have something to admit. I, self-admitted Dave Matthews Band hater for as long as I can remember, am going to a DMB concert in September. BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME, keep in mind I haven't been to a concert all summer and my friend Kelly is a real sweet talker, who could sell ketchup to a lady wearing white gloves (Wayne's World and Tommy Boy references in this post, I am all that is man). I don't like that I'm going to this concert anymore than you do, but goddamnit I will ENJOY (suffer through) IT AND HAVE FUN (get drunk) IF IT KILLS ME.

Let's go White Sox. I don't want to be the goddamn wild card. You take the series with the Yankees (hey-o John), sweep the Tigers and then split 2 and 2 with the Royals? Jesus christ. It's getting down to the wire, so stop fucking up. If that's not a morale booster, I don't know what is.

If you're out drinking Saturday or Sunday night, say a cheers to Keri in all her finally-21-goodness. Have a good weekend bitches.

*Sidenote: I saw Jeff this past Saturday, and we didn't talk, but later that night I had a dream that my uncle's dog talked to me. A dog will talk to me, but Jeff won't? Goddamnit. No, I do not read too much into my dreams.

The Sun Is Up, The Sky Is Blue

2006-07-27T18:10:00.000-05:00

1. I am horribly, horribly bored at work. Come on, doesn't anyone want to send their family a present? Fax something? Make 300 copies? Annoy the shit out of me because you don't have the zip code? Goddamnit.

2. My mom told me she'd match my payments on my school loans that I have to start paying back in November if I quit smoking. She chose the exact moment to tell me this while I was in the bathroom. Doesn't that conversation deserve a sit down? Or a knock on my bedroom door? No, it does not. It deserves to be told through the bathroom door. So now, granted that I quit come November, I'll be done with my loans in 7 1/2 years instead of 15. Sometimes, sometimes my mom is alright. Not most of the time, but she has her moments.

3. I am not going to Lollapalooza. Why? Because I mean, then I'd have to miss my block party. Plus I wouldn't get to see the cover band I'm obsessed with on Friday. I mean, both of those things totally equal out to seeing the Ranconteurs, the Frames, Ryan Adams, My Morning Jacket and all those other lameass bands I wanted to see. I'm totally not bitter!

4. I don't even want to start talking about the White Sox because they make me so fucking angry, but something needs to be said. You have made me severly angry these past two weeks. Mark Buerhle, I bought your shirt because I loved you. You and the rest of the team, save for Jon Garland, are not reciprocating that love. Maybe this wouldn't suck so much ass for me if I didn't watch every game like it was Game 7 of the World Series, but jesus christ. Get your fucking act together and win some goddamn ball games. Ok, I feel better.

5. I lost some more weight, now a total of 16 pounds. Seriously, who knew that eating less made you lose weight. GENIUS. I weigh in tomorrow, and it's not going to be pretty, since I've gone to the bar about 54 times in the past week, plus haven't been able to stop eating the past two days, but one setback is ok. I can deal with that. Keri and I have a goal of losing 10 more pounds by her birthday August 20th. I need her around more often to talk me out of Burger King like she did last night.

6. At the bar Tuesday I had a goal of talking to this guy I have a crush on, the keyboardist of the cover band I love. I finally did it, and invited him to my friend's block party this Saturday and offered him my number "just incase he wanted to stop by Saturday". I have BALLS, man. I was so proud of myself, I've never been that forward before. Not like I was being creepy-forward (at least I hope not), but I really hope he calls. And yes I am just setting myself up for a big disappointment, but for the moment we're keeping the faith, aight? Cross your fingers bitches.

7. Still no library card. I know how worried some of you were, so I just wanted to update you. I called the library and they said "there's only one person making all the cards." How many people can possibly be applying for Alsip library cards at one time that there is a two month wait to get one? I've been bookless for too long and my reading skills are really slipping. No one bother leaving a comment, I won't be able to understand it anyways.

8. Last night I only had to spend $4.50 on one pitcher of beer. The rest Keri and I got for free from our bouncer friend Mike and a guy named Steve, who has a mad crush on Keri but is at least 37 years old. But hey, he's the singer in a band that's really popular in our neighborhood, and pretty much a celebrity (Lindsay Lohan!) to me, so you go girl. Anybody who buys me beer is alright in my book.

9. It's almost August. Shit bitch, I gotta look for a new job soon. I am very excited about that. I think it's starting to hit me that I'm not going back to NIU and everytime I think of it, I get a pit in my stomach. Funs over kid. Get a real job.

10. Last minute ramblings: Twenty minutes left of work. And I really want a cigarette but I know as soon as I light it someone'll come in. Jenn, seriously, what the fuck. Blog already or I'll slice you. I know I haven't left comments anywhere in forever, but it's just because I'm a really terrible person, so there you go. I'm exicited to go to the bar tonight for $1.25 bottles and to hang out with my sister (because I haven't done that in like, 11 hours). Never have I ever.... had an underage sister that makes me dance at the bar to Papa was a Rolling Stone when no one else is.

Best Book Of All Time

2006-07-21T17:20:00.001-05:00

To Kill a Mockingbird.

If you don't like this book, there is something seriously wrong with you.

This Machine Kills Fascists

2006-07-10T03:07:00.000-05:00

Still no motherfucking library card. Do you think libraries have a system like the police do, where they can look up my name and see my habit of book-borrowing-and-not-returning-for-seven-months? Cause in that case I'm screwed.

This past week has been the longest week of my life. I felt like I was celebrating America and Freedom and the Consitution for 3 months or something. Not that I didn't have fun drinking Wednesday through Tuesday, but what happens the year the 4th is on a Thursday or Friday? Do we start the Friday before? If you love America I guess you would. And if you don't love America you're a terrorist.

Keri, her friend Amy and I went to ISU Saturday night to say goodbye to their friend who's moving to Vegas. We played Flippy Cup and naturally it was O'D's vs the World again and we dominated. Maybe we didn't win every single time, but you're goddamn right I'm going to play it off like we did. Then tonight we were both swimming at my friend Diana's house (Keri pretty much follows me around where ever I go) and we played bags against Diana and Steve aka O'D's vs the World again. And we won, naturally. I'm almost positive we would have beat France in the World Cup, if given the chance. And yes I do realize I'm bragging about winning Flippy Cup and bags, but its hard not to when you're this awesome. I'm so glad I don't have a lack of self-esteem.

I'm still in Weight Watchers and slowly but surely the fat is coming off. I've lost 10 pounds so far and though I still have a ways to go, the motivation of my jeans fitting is almost too much for me to handle. WHO KNEW THEY WERE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE COMFORTABLE? I am finally beginning to understand why people wear them willingly when you could be wearing sweatpants instead. I mean don't get me wrong, I'll still never do that, but it's nice to know I have the option now.

Earlier tonight Keri asked if I "had any designs on Steve". Apparently that meant "do you like him". Have designs? What the fuck is that. I think she made it up, but she insists she didn't. Has anyone ever heard that saying? Even if you have, just say no anyways so she feels stupid. I feel better about myself when putting people down, so help me out here.

There's a Woody Guthrie documentary on PBS this Wednesday. Woody was Bobby D's inspiration and hero, therefore making him my inspiration and hero also. I mean I don't REALLY aspire to trapise about the country writing folk songs about America and politics, rough it during the Depression, be buddies with Pete Seeger, have a son named Arlo and die of Huntington's disease, but if that's the way things work out I'm down. This land is your land, bitches.

Never Smile At A Crocodile

2006-06-26T01:36:00.000-05:00

I have the internet in my room now. Hurrah.

The White Sox. They have the second best record in baseball, behind the Detroit Tigers. Who also happen to be in our division. Goddamnit. Everytime we win, they win and everytime they lose, we lose. Well except for tonight, though we did give a valiant effort, coming back from a 8 run deficit to go into extra innings, and then losing in the 13th. I went to two games this week, versuses the Cards and Astros, and they were both awesome games. Last season if you wanted to go to the game, you just went to the ballpark and bought tickets there. This year you actually have to plan it out ahead of time. What is that about? I mean I love the whole World Series thing, but $25 for parking now? Jesus Christ. It's a good thing I like you guys.

I didn't get to go to Blues Fest because I was as sick as a beast that weekend. I hardly ever get sick like that, and the one weekend I do I miss one of my favorite events of the summer. Stupid fucking fevers and swollen lymph nodes.

The Chicago Public Library by me sucks, so I go to one of the suburbs, Alsip, and use their library. Only they have to make it as difficult as possible for a non-suburbanite to get a goddamn library card for there. I had to get a new Chicago one first, which literally took 3 seconds, then go to Alsip, fill out a form and then wait "3 to 4 weeks." Jesus Christ, for a library card? I JUST WANT TO READ. I've been buying a lot of books lately, and I can't afford it anymore. Of course I could have avoided this if I hadn't let my old Alsip card expire like 3 years ago, but I'm getting ansty. It's been at least four weeks now. GIVE ME THE GODDAMN CARD ALSIP.

One of the days last week I was sick, I vowed that I wouldn't go to the bar for an entire week. I come up with a lot of good ideas each night when I'm going to sleep, like I'm going to stop smoking, start running and become anorexic, but I actually wanted to follow through with it to see if it made a difference in my weight. And good lord, did it ever. I know, right? Who would have thought that beer had an effect on your weight. I totally gained weight in college, but now I'm wondering why I don't weigh 350 pounds.

Obsessive song of the week: Crazy by Gnarles Barkley. They're going to be at Lollapalooza too. Living in Chicago is a delight.

It's been a really good summer so far. Good times at the bar with friends, watching the Sox win (almost) every day, my new sweetass Mark Buerhle t-shirt, not starting work until 11:00 each day this week, my gaucho pants that I practically live in because who needs jeans, but when I do wear the jeans they're a tad bit looser, seeing my favorite bar band this past Friday and getting their website so I can now stalk them on a weekly basis, getting to go to the bar with my sister and being back on the Southside where the guys are so much cuter and less obsessed with their looks than the guys in DeKalb. I win and you lose, bitches.

From The Eastern Seaboard, The Land-Locked Midwest, The Keys, The Alps, The Black Hills, And Budapest

2006-06-06T02:02:00.000-05:00

1. My graduation party was on Saturday and I'm glad to say it was an awesome party. Playing flippy cup with my friends, dad, uncles and 10 year old cousins, 12 cases of beer, a dance party that ended at 5 as the sun was coming up, enough leftovers to feed a small army, nice weather and everyone giving me cards that had checks in them made for a good time.

2. I just got overly excited that Mariah Carey's Dream Lover came on my iPod. This song reminds me of being in fourth grade, my best friend Megan and the swimming pool both of our families belonged to back them. Oh the memories.

3. I am obsessed with the Raconteur's album Broken Boy Solider. Each song I listen to is my favorite, until the next song comes on, and then that one's my favorite. The last cd I was obsessed with this much was the Postal Service's Give Up and that was about a year and a half ago. Even though this band is getting enough press as it is because Jack White's in it, it's mainly because IT'S THAT FUCKING GOOD. I feel the need to promote it as well, so go out and buy it. Holy shit I can't wait to see them at Lollapalooza in August.

4. Today I went back to DeKalb with my mom, dad and J.P to move the rest of my shit out. We needed to kill time until rush hour was over, so we went into some of the stores in town. I ended up buying a DVD at Best Buy (Bob Dylan's Dont Look Back), a shirt and pants at Old Navy and two books (The Curious Incident of the Dog at Night-Time and The Bell Jar) and a magazine just because Bob Dylan was on the cover. Budgeting? I have no idea what that word means. At least my mom couldn't yell at me, because she did the same thing, only she bought fake flowers at Michael's and hand soap on sale at Bath and Body Works. I'm pretty sure I'm my mother's daughter most of the time, but other times, I'm not so sure.

5. GRAY HAIR. Why do some people have to have GRAY HAIR.

6. My best friend Megan came in for the party Saturday and brought me a present. Inside the bag was a White Sox Uno card game, and a Us Weekly magazine that had Angelina on the cover and was "ALL ABOUT BABY!", along with balloons to put in front of the house. It's weird to realize how well someone can know you, that they know how much joy a stupid trash magazine will bring you. Having a best friend is awesome.

7. I think my left ear is smaller than my right ear because the headphone thingy won't stay in it. Someone get me a custom made headphone, pronto. Ok, last thing about the iPod. I hate listening to it when I go have a cigarette at night by myself because I feel like I'm not "aware of my surroundings" (god that sounds like I'm afraid of being raped in my backyard or something). But apparently when Rufus Wainwright comes on when I'm out there, I just dance by myself. I hope all my neighbors were all asleep.

8. The Blues Fest is this weekend and I'm fuck ass excited about it. Even though there aren't any big names this year, it'll still be fun sitting around drinking listening to good music. Hot time, summer in the city. I love Chicago.

9. I joined Weight Watchers on Thursday, and did good on the point system for one day. This week was not a good week to join, but I SWEAR I'm getting back on track tomorrow. I'm not fucking wasting $11 a week to get fatter. And plus the next time my 12 year old cousin tells me I "got fat" I'm going to fucking punch him in the face. Or start crying to my mom and Megan when I get drunk later that night, same thing.

10. Stupid 10th subject. I can't think of anything else to write, and Jenn's being no help. You'd think between a whitey and a mexi we could think of something, but apparently not. All I know is I'm missing Cheap Seats talking about an old Spelling Bee Championship, so I'm going back upstairs. Stay out of the alleys, bitches.

Annoyed, My Brother Is A Bastard, Accents, Laziness, Shiloh

2006-05-30T01:24:00.000-05:00

My brother burned me a cd I just bought him for his birthday (yeah it was January 14th, get off my back about it J), The Ranconteurs' Broken Boy Solider, and because it's burned it doesn't have the song titles on it when I play it on the computer. This is thouroghly annoying the shit out of me right now. Yeah I know I could look it up but I don't want to.

Speaking of my brother, I had this conversation with him about 2 hours ago.

J.P: Whad you have to eat?
Me: Christ where do I start... some ice cream, cantaloupe, strawberries....you could make a sandwich, there's lunchmeat in there.
J: I know, but I don't like turkey.
M: Are you serious? There's leftover baked beans in there, or you could have a bowl of cereal....oh my god I sound like Mom. DON'T EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN.
J: Cause you're getting so old.
M: Fuck you.

I don't know which I was madder about, me realizing I sounded exactly like my mom rattling off all the things to eat in the fridge or being accused of being old. We'll see how my being old comes into handy for you the next time you ask me to buy you beer. MUUUUUUULTI-TASKING.

Last Tuesday at the bar I met a guy, Patrick, from Northern Ireland. I love accents of any kind, especially Irish ones, but I could not understand a goddamn word that came out of his mouth. I must have asked him to repeat everything at least 3 times, and even then I wouldn't understand and would kind of do a half smile and nod or laugh, while thinking "please for the love of god I hope you're not asking me 'What do you do' or 'how old are you?'. I thought maybe it was just because we were drunk, but no, on the phone it was even worse. It made me wonder if I was the idiot (the answer was of course) because he never asked me to repeat anything 64 times. Or maybe he just wasn't listening anyways, but bottom line: I like the accent as long as it doesn't give me a panic attack even thinking about having a conversation with you.

My graduation party is this coming Saturday and I am dreading answering "So what are you going to do now?" 359 times because I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING. Yeah I have a job for the moment back at the UPS Store, but I feel like a giantass loser saying that, which is totally justified because saying you're back at the place you worked at in high school makes you feel pretty small. I can't even bitch though, because it's my fault, and I totally realize that, but wah wah it's still annoying. Maybe a normal person would use that was motivation, but not me. I'm still waiting for that perfect job to fall into my lap without me doing any work to get it. God, who would have thought it would be taking this long.

ANGELINA AND BRAD FINALLY HAD THE BABY. It's sad how complete my life is now.

Baseball Jargon No One Will Care About

2006-05-23T02:29:00.000-05:00

Today the White Sox played the Oakland A's and it was the first time Frank Thomas was going to be back at Comiskey Park as an opposing player, after being on the Sox for his first 16 years. I was honestly worried (I'm queer) about how the Sox fans at the park were going to react to him, whether they would boo or cheer him. A couple weeks ago the Sox's Big Hurt replacement, Jim Thome, played in Cleveland for the first time since he was traded from there to the Phillies and the crowd booed him, and it sucked to watch because he's a good guy who never said anything bad about the team he played for 13 years for (Hawk, the Sox announcer said, "DJ, am I missing something here? Did Thome say something bad about this town when he left?" and my brother has made me repeat it about 54 times because it was funny and you totally had to be there nevermind). So anyways, Frank steps up to bat, and the whole stadium cheers and gives him a standing ovation with a million signs made saying "The House the Big Hurt Built" and other stupid shit like that, and it was awesome. He even took off his helmet and waved it to the crowd to acknowledge all the cheering, which I loved. I don't know why I was so worried, but what they did in the stadium was going to reflect every other Sox fan, and I didn't want us to be known as a group of douche bags. I was a little pissed at Frank (we're on a first name basis) when he left because he didn't really leave on a high note, and that made me sad because he was my favorite player for the longest time growing up. I'm totally going on too long about this, but bottom line, I was proud to be a Sox fan today. They might have booed him later, but that's only because he hit 2 home runs and a single, so it was warrented. Bastard. Sox fans - we love you until you almost make us lose, but then when we come back in the 10th inning because of a Pablo Ozuna bunt, we still love you. Not to get specific or anything. Go Sox.

B-Sides

2006-05-18T01:27:00.000-05:00

1. My IPod is delightful. The love of my life. Probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have conversations while listening to it, Keri and I go outside and have a cigarette sharing the earphones (c'mon, you gotta when "A Whole New World" or Rufus singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" comes on), while reading my new book and pretty much everywhere else. I mean I knew it was going to be awesome but not THIS AWESOME. God I'm obsessed.

2. Holy shit, I just realized the enter key works now. Plus we have a new computer at home with a CABLE CONNECTION. But most importantly THE ENTER KEY WORKS. I just got unnessecarily excited.

3. So I graduated on Saturday, but didn't find out my grades until today, and was seriously worried about failing two of my classes, especially Anthropology. I was trying to prep my parents about that happening, but praise the lord, that wasn't even nessecary. I got a D, and immediatley called my dad and mom to give them the good news. It probably would have been better if either of them had picked up. I've never been prouder of a D and I'm not ashamed to admit it(I got a B in Bowling, I know you're all curious). I was more excited today after seeing my grades than I was Saturday. Okay not really, but now I feel like I can REALLY celebrate.

4. My birthday was pretty good too, Thursday night was fun, it being kind of the last hurrah with my friends at NIU. Then Keri and I were party animals and stayed in and drank a little on Friday (shut up, I had to be up at 6:30) with my brother and mom too, who if you're wondering "is not a fan of Keystone". Sorry I didn't splurge on some Natty Light like J.P did when you drank with him at his frat ( yeah I said it. FRAT) last week. We can't all be ballas.

5. I've been home for 4 days and already I want to assasinate my mom. Today she walked into the kitchen and said to my brother, "COULD YOU HAVE ANYMORE CABINET DOORS OPEN?" I mean, I can't believe he has no idea how expensive or dangerous open cabinet doors are. SOMEBODY COULD POKE THEIR EYE OUT. Worst of all, there's no light at the end of the tunnel this time. I'm probably home for at least a year, which I'm thinking is the minimun and it better be the maximun too. For the sake of my mom's livelihood. And my sanity.

6. I haven't quit smoking yet but I'm working on it. My friend Diana however claims to have quit, but bummed 6 from me last night. That is not how it works. Just because you're too cheap to support your habit does not mean I have to start picking up the tab. I don't know if she thinks this is going to happen all summer, but it is not. It most definitley is not.

7. I was just listening to my ipod (surprise!) and talking to Jenn at the same time and that audioblog she did of me talking when I was drunk forever ago came on. I have no idea how it got on my ipod or even how to get rid of it. Holy shit that was weird. And the timing too. Crazy man.

8. Emily's mom and stepdad gave me a $25 gift certificate to Border's for graduation, which was the perfect present for me. I ended up getting two books (The Red Tent and My Sister's Keeper, if you care, which I know you don't) but while there the book The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini was everywhere. I read it in December and now it's probably one of my favorite books ever. I have a lot of favorite books, but for some reason, just seeing it made me wish I had never read it so I could enjoy it and love it all over again for the first time. That sounds weird (and kind of creepy) but it was a fucking good book. I've felt this way about other books, but never as much with this one. And I'm going to stop now. But read The Kite Runner before I kill you.

9. Starting November 13th I owe the government $16,000. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I was expecting $20,000. Because $16,000 is totally chump change.

10. Dude, I'm a 22 year old college gradaute. It was a good weekend.

I DON'T WANNA LEAVE

2006-05-10T02:49:00.000-05:00

The One Where She Goes On and On and On and On

2006-05-08T00:53:00.000-05:00

I've only used one pen all semester, I actually haven't lost it, no one borrowed it and never returned it, and it didn't run out of ink. I've thought about it all semester (I think about stupid shit), and wondered how long it was going to last. As I was in my last class of my college life Thursday afternoon, filling out the last teacher evaluation of my college life, the pen ran out of ink. Coincidence? I think not.

Thursday was the big night out here, since no one had classes Friday. I ended up losing my roommates in the crowded bar, but found my friends from my bowling class shortly after. A bunch of us when back to her place, in the complete opposite direction of my place, and I ended up sleeping over there on one of the couches. I never thought to call my roommates to tell them I wasn't coming home, because, well they're not my parents. I woke up in the morning to a voicemail from Carly and two text messages from Emily, asking where I was, I was worrying them, and to call them as soon as possible. This is going to sound queer, but to know that they were both so worried about me made me realize I have the best roommates. And to think that we randomly found Carly to live through an ad in the newspaper. A random roommate from freshman year and a random newspaper ad-answerer were now people that worried about me when I didn't come home. How sweet it is to be loved by you.

Emily and I have drank a lot this past week (and not one sleep-walking episode!), every day except for Wednesday. As she put it, "I'm finally the roommate you always wanted." It only took you four years.

On Friday I saw my friend Susan at the bar, and she asked me old I was. I said 21, and she goes, "Oh, I want to introduce you to my cousin, he's 30 years old." Jesus, how old did you think I was Susan? I mean, not like 30's THAT old, but still. So him and I were talking, and I asked if he was a Cubs or Sox fan, and he gave some bullshit that he's a "Chicago fan", not that into baseball, football is his thing. He asked me, and I said Sox (Southsiiiiide reprsent) and that the game today made me angry, we came so close in the 9th, but then ended up losing and I "didn't want to talk about it." The way I said it, I was totally kidding, but Susan told me later he thought he blew his chances with me because I said that. Then I realized that maybe people do take seriously what I say and that I should be careful so I don't come off bitchy, but c'mon. He was shorter than me anways.

My mom told me they made the invitations for my party the other day, and they put a picture of me on my first day of kindergarden on it. Thanks mom. I was telling her how I have a take home final due Tuesday, and I haven't read either of the three books for it. She says, "Geez Kate, you gotta get your act together, you can't be waiting til the last second to do all this stuff." It's a little too late for the stop-procrastinating spchel (is that a word? I totally spelled it wrong, what now) Mom. I've gotten through 16 years of school just fine. Things ain't gonna change the last week.

Conan starts his Chicago shows tomorrow and I still never got tickets. Stupid bastard.

I'm totally going to Lollapalooza this summer with Keri to see the Frames and a shitload of other bands. And if Bill goes, I get to meet him and make Jenn totally jealous. I'm also going to this thing called Summer Camp with some friends from home over Memorial Day weekend. Finding out they would have showers was the selling point for me because no way am I going camping for four days without showering. I wasn't going to go to save money for Lollapalooza, but then my friends threatened to never talk to me again, so I guess I have no other choice.

I'll stop now regalling (is that the right word? probably not) you all with lame ass stories and start studying. Lastly though, some things people have searched for and found my blog through: "little sister bigger boobs" (please contact me, person - we can share the same sob story), "girl give me your phone no i want to fuck you" (I don't even want to ask), "a clockwork orange symbolism milk" (sorry, don't know how to help you out there), "I want someone to rub my feet" (no) and "i want the world of hurray potter" (twice no less, and that is not as typo. sorry, never heard of 'hurray' potter).

This week I turn 22 and graduate college all within 24 hours. Jesus christ, somebody get me a Xanax.

I'm Just Consistently Inconsistent

2006-04-28T00:33:00.000-05:00

1. I went to Subway today, to spend $5 I should have been saving for Great America because I was hungry and wanted a goddamn 6 inch BLT on wheat. As I went to pay, I handed her my debit card, and she just stood there with it for 30 seconds, because another worker was on the phone trying to get the machine you swipe it through fixed. I would have offered cash, but I didn't have any, so after 30 seconds she goes, "Just take it, the machines broken." Fuck yes, I got a free Subway meal today, and so did the girl behind me. After us they put a sign on the window, saying they're not accepting debit until it was fixed. I couldn't have picked a better three minute time span to go to Subway.

2. Keri's phone broke last weekend during a tough obstacle course in Beer Olympics. She claims it doesn't bother her she can't get a new phone until my parents come back from vacation next Monday (their 54rd vacation in the past six months by the way), like she's so much cooler than everyone else who depends on their cellphone. We bow down to you, Kerianne, she-who-can-live-without-her-phone-for-two-weeks-and-claim-shes's-a-ok-with-it. Liar. I really don't care how you feel about it, WHAT ABOUT ME? God, now I have no one to text message when I watch Supernanny. You heartless bitch.

3. HOW DOES THE SHUFFLE BUTTON ON KAZAA WORK? For the love of god, why is it so complicated.

4. I'm going to Great America tomorrow, with Emily, Stephanie and her boyfriend Sean. Opening day actually isn't until Saturday, she got promotional tickets for half the price some magical way, so there'll only be like 3,000 people there. This means no hour waits outside the rollercoasters, ohhhhh yeaaaaaaah. That's my Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation.

5. Emily had a Mary Kay party on Sunday (no, she's not 45) and it was actually a good time. We basically got drunk on Margaret and put on makeup. Who knew foundation was so magical and why am I just discovering this now?

6. I have one week of classes left and then finals. I'm excited in one sense to be done with classes, but that means I have a shitload of shit to do in these next two shitty weeks. I've only gone to 5 classes this week, but goddamnit, I didn't miss bowling and Kurt, prepare to congratulate me - I broke my highest score of 113 and bowled a 115. It was just a freak accident though, my next game was a 75. I think I'm probably the only person to take a bowling class and consistently get worse.

7. My 18 year old cousin Kathleen stayed here last night, with two friends because they were going to a concert here and didn't want to drive home afterwards. She's a cute girl, but we don't really see each other enough because she lives an hour away from me at home, so it was cool that she got to come here, even if she did only give me an hours warning. She had given me money to get vodka for them, but then they didn't want it anymore since they had to leave at 7 am this morning. I put her $20 on the dresser, and told her as she was leaving. In a really over excited voice she goes, "Oh cool, thanks so much Kate!" Um, I didn't just give you a $20, I was just returning the $20 you gave me but didn't spend. This story is definitley not translating well, but I already typed it out so you're stuck with it. Suckers.

8. I work with this kid Ron at the library, who is super nice, but annoys the fuck out of me because he still asks me the stupidest questions, even though he's worked there for 3 months. Today I was sitting at the desk, my back to him, who was sitting at the table. He called my name, I turned around, and he asked, "Do you want some of this milk?" It was one of those little cartons of milk. Who the fuck shares milk? I know he was just trying to be nice, but really Ron, you don't have to share everything with me. Especially not your milk. It's not even like I was staring lustily at his carton of milk either. I wouldn't have even know he was drinking it had he not made me turn around. I don't know what I was expecting out of the same kid who said he "saw me doing my workout." It's called walking to class Ron. "Me" and "working out" don't belong in the same sentence anyways.

9. Speaking of working out, or lack thereof, in my KNPE class we had journals due today, that were supposed to keep track of our workout schedules. Working out doesn't seem so bad when you just make it up. I have to run the 1.5 mile again Tuesday. That I can't make up.

10. Right now the best song in the world is Intimate Secretary by the Ranconteurs. Don't debate me.

I'm A Million Different People From One Day To The Next

2006-04-25T08:20:00.000-05:00

Waking up to a good song on the radio makes it so much easier to get up.

Good News

2006-04-18T00:36:00.000-05:00

1. I found my graduation dress at the VERY FIRST store I looked in.
2. The Sox are back on track after a semi-shitty start, winning 6 out of their last 7 games.
3. Bible Night was a success. Read about it here.
4. I have three boxes of Crispix.
5. New Gilmore Girls episode tomorrow. Hells yeah bitches.
6. Keri successfully snuck into the bar for her friend's birthday on Thursday.
7. I lost my purse that same night, but Keri is a miracle worker and got it back the next day. Nothing was taken out of it either. Jesus loves me, this I know.
8. I only have three weeks of classes left.
9. I'm going to Six Flags Great America next Friday.
10. I don't have work this weekend.
11. I'm getting an IPod for my birthday/graduation.
12. I went to all of my classes in one day for the first time in three weeks.
13. I have someone I can call about a job when I graduate.
14. Did I mention I got my dress in the first store? Goddamnit I'm awesome.

Now I'm Going To Go Have A Cigarette And Beer In The Thunderstorm

2006-04-12T12:34:00.000-05:00

1. Conan O'Brien is coming to Chicago in May, and I applied for tickets the minute he announced how to get them. I still haven't heard anything back and its been about 3 weeks. It couldn't possibly be any worse timing, it being finals/birthday/graduation week, but if I could see Conan on my birthday, I could die happy. Conan, give me tickets, for the love of god. Please.

2. Tomorrow at the library we have a Student Appreciation Party. They show their appreciation by giving us free pizza. "Free pizza" is probably the best two-word combinations in the world, after "free beer". I love my job. Nowhere else would I get paid to read the newspaper, do my homework and drink on Thursday nights. Why can't I just be a library liason for the rest of my life.

3. I think Spring is here, for good. I don't want to jinx it, but this week has been awesome out. This time of the year is the best - people have been stuck inside since November, so the minute it hits 50 degrees, everyone is wearing flip-flops and skirts, driving with their windows rolled down, blaring music. I love living in Chicago, because getting all four seasons really makes me appreciate the warm weather. I don't know if I could live somewhere were it was 80 degrees year round. Sometimes I talk about the weather too much, my roommates make fun of me because I tell them what the weathers going to be like according to my trusty Yahoo! each day, but goddamnit, SOMEONE needs to tell them when there's going to be a chance of PM showers.

4. Last night I had a dream ( I know, I KNOW trying to explain your dreams is stupid because they don't make sense and no one cares, but this will be short, promise) that I met Bob Dylan before a concert of his. Usually he's a pretty stand-offish guy (I totally know because I've met him, like, so many times) but in the dream we totally made out. I MADE OUT WITH BOB DYLAN IN MY DREAM. He gave me his autograph too, and was just the nicest guy in the entire world, joking around and what not. I woke up right after the dream, or so it seemed, and it put me in the best mood for the rest of the day. I've finally learned how to start my day off right: making out with aging rockstars.

5. J.P was jealous he missed out on Russian Night, so we're having Bible Night this Friday. My family is going to celebrate Good Friday by getting drunk and dancing to Michael Jackson. I can think of no other appropriate way to prepare for the rising of our Lord. My mom is going to be Goliath, my Dad is Judas for betraying us by having the firehouse Saturday morning, J.P is Ezekial, and Keri and I are Cain and Abel. Ker, I love you, but I'm going to have to kill you. No offense. Water shall be turned into wine this night, and christ on a crucifix (literally!), I'm excited about it.

6. Exactly a month from right now I'll be celebrating my 2x2nd (can I get a hoo-hah?) birthday. I can't really go out the night of the 12th because graduation is at 9:00 am on the 13th, which sucks ass. I don't even know how I'm going to be able to celebrate anyways, knowing that my life is coming to an end 24 hours later. Every couple of days Emily'll say, "Only 33 more days to graduation" and I'll cover my ears and say "LA LA LA LA LA" because jesus, IT'S COMING UP SO FAST AND I'M KIND OF FREAKING OUT.

7. Degree's Fresh Oxygen deodorant is my lifesaver and I want to marry it.

8. The History Channel has been doing this series called "10 Days that Unexpectedly Changed the World" this past week and I've been obsessed with it. The best so far have been the Battle at Antietam during the Civil War, the assassination of President McKinley, and the letter Einstein wrote to FDR encouraging him to make the atomic bomb. I don't know why it seems weird to me that Einstein was an actual person, who was alive not even 50 years ago. My parents were born before he died in 1955 - weird, yo. I always want to put him in Galileo or Newton's category, being dead for hundreds of years, but nope. Anyways, watch it for the rest of the week from 8-10 pm. Do it because I said so.

9. Last week I bowled a 65, 68 and 70 in class. Now do you see why I get excited about getting 111? It's cool though, cause Coach said I would pass the class anyways for being able to recognize and name Smokey Robinson and Martha Reeves. He just wanted to show off he had met them and had pictures, the senile bastard. Everyday in class he turns the music on, and always puts on some Mo-town and all at once, everyone in the class starts singing the words to My Girl and dancing. I feel like I'm bowling at Rydell High and even though I hate that movie, I love my bowling class and my 80 year old bowling "coach".

10. I'm skipping my classes Thursday and Friday in order to go home and visit Keri for the night before bringing her home Friday. It's going to be awesome because we're both broke and are supposed to go to the bar for her friend's birthday. I hope we go to that free bar where they give you the free drinks all night long for free. Those are my favorite bars. Hurray for Sister's Night.

I Did This Instead Of Write My Paper

2006-04-09T11:10:00.000-05:00

Here's a list of books. The titles in bold are books I've read.
The ones in italics are books I'd like to read.
The scored out ones are those I have no intention of ever reading ever in my lifetime.
The ones with a bold ? I've never even heard of.
Those with an asterisk are those I have on my bookshelf but are as yet unread by me.

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown Loved it.
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger I'm glad read I read this in high school, when the teacher could explain everything to me. I was too slow to catch onto the symbolism by myself.
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald Loved it, and the movie too. I have a crush on Sam Waterson.
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee So fucking good. I wanted my dad to be Atticus.
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman ?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J. K. Rowling Good lord, I sobbed at the end of this book. I don't think I've ever cried harder at a fictional character dying.
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell Didn't like it in high school, I should reread it.
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
~~The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien~~ Never. Never ever ever. I read 5 pages one time and hated it.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding Started to one time, don't know why I never finished.
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J. K. Rowling I love all Harry Potter.
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ?
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini Really really REALLY good book. I couldn't put it down, finished it in 2 days.
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold Oh lordy, another one that made me sob. I think because it was partly about sisters, and I have a sister, blah blah but dear lord did I cry. Such a good book.
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut One of my favorite books. I've read it about 8 times, thanks to stealing it from my friend's brother.
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown Jenn won't get off my case about me not reading this yet. I'll get around to it, I swear. Get off my back, bitch.
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk I just read my first Palahniuk book, Survivor, and liked it, so I should read this one.
~~Neuromancer - William Gibson~~
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson ?
The Secret History - Donna Tartt ?
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte I've never read any of that British literature, like the Bronte sisters or Austen, I guess I was never in the right English classes in high school.
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
~~The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C. S. Lewis~~
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides I got this for my mom for her birthday (thanks to the comments on Ms Mac's blog when she did this) and conviently she let me read it first. I just finished it the other night and LOVED it.
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ?
~~The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien~~ Never ever ever. I have absolutely no desire to read any Tolkien.
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman ?
Atonement - Ian McEwan
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway I want to, but I don't know if it'll ever happen.
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Dune - Frank Herbert ?

Thanks to Ms Mac, cause I stole this from her and to Jenn who taught me how to do ~~this~~. But I hate people who do ~~this~~ and promise to never ever do ~~this~~ again.

Sometimes I Need A Revelation

2006-04-03T01:12:00.000-05:00

I signed up to take the Chicago Fire Department test today, the first one they've had years. If I pass and do better than Keri and J.P I will totally be Dad's favorite. Then I'll get something totally awesome, like his Pink cd, in his will.

I also signed up to take the Jeopardy test online last week. I'm sure I wouldn't pass, but it wouldn't hurt to try anyways. I was supposed to take it at 8 pm Wednesday night. I didn't remember until 10:30, when it was already too late to take it. THIS IS WHY I NEED TO WRITE SHIT DOWN.

The White Sox seasons opener was today, against the Indians. There was a rain delay for 3 hours, but it finally started up again around 11 pm. And they won 10-4. Are we going to win the World Series again? You bet your fucking ass we are.

Last night I spilled a beer on my keyoboard. I've spilled a lot of things on this keyboard in the past four years, but I'm honestly surprised it took me this long to spill a beer on it. Now the letters G and H stick whenver I go to type them. How much is a new keyboard? On a good note though, I finally found the left side Ctrl button that I had popped off over a year ago. Turns out all you have to do is pick up things and look under them to find what you are looking for. And you thought I hadn't learned anything in college.

Today I went shopping for food and they didn't have Crispix OR Wheaties. What is this world coming to?

In my KNPE 100 class (basically a health class) we're going to be measuring our body fat on Thursday. I have never been so glad to be taking a class with Emily than before because I'd really like to keep it on the dl that I'm 97% body fat. Not that they can't tell but jesus. Thank god for Emily. I thought this class was going to be a blow off but then I learned we had to run a mile and a half in class. Twice. I told my teacher to have an ambulance on hand incase I collapsed, but she just laughed at me. I didn't collapse the first time we did it in February, but goddamnit I will in May just to prove her wrong.

And if you're keeping track, as Kurt already pointed out to me on Jenn's blog:
- I am impressed with my 111 bowling score.
- I was happy with my 69% test grade.
- Running a mile and a half is my worst nightmare.

World's Biggest Underachiever and Lazyass, right here. What now.

CAPITAL LETTERS MEAN I AM ANGRY

2006-03-29T15:10:00.000-06:00

Keri and I have been working on getting our Irish citizenship, and when my dad found out he could get an Irish passport because his parents were born in Ireland, he decided to be a copycat and get his too. We all need my grandparents birth, death and marriage certificates in order to get it, and we (ok, mainly Keri) has been emailing and calling all of our relatives to see if anyone had any of them. My dad is the oldest out of 6 kids, so one would think he would have gotten all that stuff after my grandma died in 2001, but my dad can't even remember his own kid's birthdays, so we didn't think anyone would trust him with that stuff. Today I get a text message from him saying : "Hello girls, I'm sitting here filling out my passport application and I found Nana and Papa's birth certificates. - Dad." WE HAVE BEEN ASKING HIM FOR THOSE SINCE JANUARY.

I call him after bowling class (I bowled a 111 too, maybe the angriness helped) and basically say "WHAT THE FUCK DAD." He says, "Well I got this box of stuff after your grandma died, and there was this envelope. I opened it, and it had both of their birth certificates." Goddamnit Dad. You didn't think to look in this box BEFORE when we were asking about the certificates? Sure when you need something you do some digging, but not for your own FLESH AND BLOOD.

I Bargained For Salvation And They Gave Me A Lethal Dose

2006-03-27T01:24:00.000-06:00

My mom tore an article out of some magazine, probably Good Housekeeping or O Magazine or something equally good, and in it there was 10 questions to answer to narrow your field down to chose a career. A few of them were:
1. What newspaper or magazine articles to you most love to read? celebrity gossip
2. What internet sites do you mort often gravitate to? Look at your bookmarks. What stands out? perezhilton.com, pinkisthenewblog.com, I HAVE TO KNOW EXACTLY WHEN KATIE HAS TOM'S BABY
3. If you watch a game show, which categories do you hope the contestant will pick? something pop culture or Bob Dylan. Or the Bible (catholic schooling was good for something)
4. If you could write a book, what would the subject be? Bob Dylan. Or Paris and Nicole: What REALLY Happened

I am destined to be either a celebrity gossiper or a Bob Dylan historian. I don't think I needed a Bachelor of Arts to tell me that. If I had had to decide my career when I was 15, those would have been my answers too. Page Six, if you read this, give me a call. I can make assumptions about people I don't know like the best of 'em.

So that test I took three weeks over, hungover? I got a 69% on it. Failing yes, but only ONE POINT away from failing. Hells yeah. I thought I had totally bombed it, and I did, but not nearly as bad as I thought I had. And on top of that, I only missed two classes last week. In my book two is practically none at all, so I've pretty thoroughly convinced myself that I missed no classes at all. I still haven't been to anthropology since February 23rd, but so help me god, I'm going this week. Probably not on Thursday, let's not get carried away, but at LEAST on Tuesday.

Rereading these lyrics made me realize again why I love Bob Dylan so goddamn much. Why are you skipping over Chicago on your latest tour Bob? Is it because it's been over a year since I've seen you last? I've been distant for the past few months, I know, but I've changed my ways. Please reconsider.

I never really wrote anything about Spring Break, except for Russian Night, but if I had to sum it up in four words, it would be "jesus I drank alot." Seven out of nine nights were spent adding to my beer belly, and it was worth it. Other than that I worked, watched tv when I wasn't working and and spent a lot of time listening to shitty cover bands. Except for the drummer: the drummer was cute because he sang and played guitar to two Irish songs. Plus he had on a newsboy hat. Goddamnit I love guys who wear those hats.

I leave you with the conversation I had with my best friend Megan last Saturday:

Me: I feel old as shit right now.
Megan: No anal sex for you tonight.
Me: WOAH. What the hell do you think I just said?
Megan: Didn't you just say it hurt to shit?
Me: Or that I feel old as shit.
Megan: Ohhh.

Russian Night: A Resounding Success

2006-03-23T01:26:00.000-06:00

Vladdie, Emil, Papa Stalin and I singing our hearts out. I have no idea what song it was, but it most definitley was not Ted Nugent. I think Emil's still mad at you for not having Cat Scratch Fever on your Ipod, V-Money. You are being shipped to Sibera (which is not a country, ask me, I know this stuff) Friday.

Vladimir and Boris's face after someone said the word "democracy". Long live Papa Stalin. (Must give props to Keri for that caption, she wrote it first and I don't want to hear any bitchings about it.)

Thriller came on thanks to DJ Keri's Pix and Vladdie and I got a little excited.

What, you've never seen vodka in a bottle before? Maybe you should look around the liquor store more carefully next time, ye commie bastard.

8:30 pm - My mom is "tired and wants to go to bed." Says will stay up til 11.
11:00 - My dad is on his way home, ok fine, I'll stay up.
12:00 - Dad comes home.
3:30 am - Rasputin finally goes to bed after 3 hours of dancing AND EVEN HAVING A MILLER LITE. And copping feels on my ass. Sick, you're my mom.

Overall, Russian Night: Eh, I guess I had a good time. As my dad's friend Emil said, "This would never happen at my house." You're goddamn right it wouldn't because we O'D's are fucking awesome. Yeah, so maybe Keri and I stayed home on a Friday night to drink with our parents, make t-shirts with the slogan "Commies, Fur Hats and Vodka" on them, and have a three hour dance party, voluntarily at that, but don't knock it til you've tried it. Long live the motherland.

ANNOYED

2006-03-20T23:51:00.000-06:00

The next time I have the following conversation:

"What are you getting your degree in?"
"History"
"So you want to be a teacher?"
"No, I don't want to teach."
"Oh. So what do you want to do then?"
"I DON'T KNOW, LEAVE ME ALONE."

I will fucking assassinate someone.

Probably The Best Email I've Ever Recived

2006-03-10T08:01:00.000-06:00

I talked to my mom yesterday, and as I was hanging up with her, she said she was about to go online now. She's basically a computer nerd ever since she got her email address about two months ago. I sent her a quick email after we hung up because I knew she'd be excited to see she had a new one. This is the email I sent her: (Me and Keri are drinking tonight and decided we needed a theme. Russian Night is what she came up with, therefore we've been calling my mom "Rasputin" for the past few days. Makes sense, I know.)

Rasputin,
Just thought I'd sent you an email, since you're a computer nerd now, even though I just talked to you. Get excited for Russian Night tomorrow! Love you!

Love,
Anastasia

This was the reply I got about an hour later, when I checked my email at work:

Hey Natsey,

WHERE ARE YOU GOING TOMORROW? MAYBE i CAN JOIN YOU AND YOUR SEEESTER (i FORGOT HER NAME) AND HOWCOME I'M DIRTY OLD MAN ??

lOVE FROM YOUR MOMMA, RUPSEY

P.S.I finally figured out how to turn the caps off - didn't want you to think I was yelling my fool head off at you. Rupsey

The thought of her typing this (Keri said it took her about 20 minutes) and accidently hitting the caps lock, not knowing how she did it and trying to figure out how to turn it off is hysterical for me to imagine. Also, I love how she's taken to calling me "Natsey" and herself "Rupsey". I can just hear her saying "How come I have to be the dirty old man!" too. Who else do you want to be, Boris Yeltsin? This is probably funny to no one, since you don't know my mom, but good lord. It's shit like this that makes me love my mom. That and the fact she been feeding me for the past 21 years.

Have a good Spring Break bitches.

The Final 48

2006-03-09T02:14:00.000-06:00

Things I Have To Do Before 2:00 pm Friday, When Spring Break Can Officially Start:
1. work from 9-11 am
2. go to class (FOR REAL) from 11-3:15pm
3. go back to work from 5-10pm
4. write a 6 page midterm on the Irish famine
5. go to class from 11-1pm Friday
6. pack all my shit
7. burn the albums I'm obsessed with
8. hope the Hot Spot still has Buy 1 Get One Free Parliament Lights

Ok, maybe it doesn't seem so bad now thatI typed it out, but goddamn, why didn't I do 4, 6, 7 or 8 today? Maybe because going to Wal-Mart, making brownies, watching some educational tv (American Idol, Law & Order and Conan) and talking online with Keri for 5 hours was more important, ok? Yeah, I got my priorities right here.

Post 2:00 pm Friday:
1. go to Baker's Square with Keri and Mom, where we will gang up on her, making her realize how much she really doesn't miss us at all
2. commence Russian Night with my fellow Commie bastard, Vladimir
3. learn how to draw a hammer and sickle
4. Get up at 9 am Sunday have a Guinness while getting ready for the parade
5. go to the parade and drink for 12 hours
6. work a few hours here and there at thee UPS Store
7. celebrate St. Patrick's Day again on Friday at Bourbon Street
8. work on getting my Grandpa's birth certificate (I know! We're party animals!)
9. freak out because this is my last college break of any type
10. lay it on thick that I want an IPod or digital camera for my birthday/graduation. Or both, I'm not picky
11. sleep on a bed that doesn't hurt my back. Hurrah!
12. call J.P 94 million times on Friday night and Sunday afternoon. Have fun in Ohio, bitch. I mean, we'll miss you!
13. listen to my mom ask me 400 times if I've looked into "getting an internship." I did, they just haven't called me back. I know, it's weird. Yeah, I'll call them again. I know it's important. I wouldn't want to compromise my future either. I don't know, am I kidding about working at McDonalds? Love you too Mom.

Post 2:00 pm Friday wins. Can't wait, bitches.

...And That Was The Last Time I Ever Asked My Brother For A Title

2006-03-06T01:28:00.000-06:00

On Thursday I met a 44 year old gay computer science professor that teaches here at Northern, at the bar. Forty-four year old gay computer science teachers buy you JaegerBombs and for that reason, they are my favorite. Then I found out he spelled his name Geoffrey. If there was one variation of a spelling of a name I hate the most, I mean if I HAD to choose, it would be Geoffrey instead of Jeffrey. It's pronounced "Ge-off", not Jeff, and that's why your name sucks ass.

Somehow on Saturday night I pulled a back muscle or some shit, and I look like a goddamn idiot trying to do anything. Is this what it's like to be old? Because I'm 21. Not 85. Twenty-one. I shouldn't be pulling back muscles yet. I never realize how much I drop things until bending over to pick them up becomes a 5 minute process. Getting ready for work took me 20 minute when it usually only takes me about 8. Yesterday it was pretty nice out, so I figured I'd be able to wear flip-flops again and save myself the ordeal of putting on socks and shoes. I pull back the curtains to discover 2 inches of snow on the ground. I know what you're all thinking, "Could her life possibly get any worse?" THEN, if you can believe this, Jennifer Gardner trips at the Oscars BUT DOESN'T FALL. IF I get pleasure out of nothing else, it's seeing people fall. Thank you Jennifer, for giving my bad day a chance to redeem itself and failing miserably.

Since graduation is getting so close, I have a couple of last things I need to do before getting out of here. One was to take a test hungover. I have no idea what the rest of them are, but mission accomplished on that one Friday. It totally helped that I hadn't studied at all and needed to throw up for the last 10 minutes I was there. On the bright side though, at least I woke up to take it at all. The glass is always half full for me.

I go home for Spring Break this Friday and I'm overly excited about it. I haven't been home since coming back here for the semester around January 14th and can't wait to see my parents, Keri and my other friends who still live at home (that'll be me come May 13th! Yay!). Friday night is Russian Night with Stalin, Vladimir and Rasputin, also known around here as Dad, Keri and Mom and Sunday is the Southside Irish Parade. WHICH I AM LEGAL FOR THIS YEAR. Being 21 will never get old to me. Except when I actually do get old. But that's still like 4 years away. So um, those are my only plans, but still they are plans and they are goddamn good plans.

Thanks for the great advice on my never ending bladder. It's too bad I don't have a prostate (so what if I had to ask Keri to make sure girls don't have prostates? SO WHAT?), is no chance I'm pregnant, the moon didn't move all night (really!), I don't have an extra hole (that I'm aware of)and I'm pretty sure having 4 beers isn't worthy of a comparison to a fish, or else I'd have my question answered! I always go pee a lot when I drink beer, coffee or tea. For me 1 drink equals 3 pees. I mean it's just simple math when you get down to it. And I will stop talking about my bathroom habits right now.

I always think I have nothing to write about, and then I come up with such great, mind-blowing, earth shattering topics. My goal here is to really make everybody think. How I manage to do it I'll never understand.

2006-03-02T01:04:00.000-06:00

Tonight I had 4 beers and have gone pee about 12 times since those beers. Why do I have a bladder like an 85 year old woman?

Hodge Podge

2006-03-01T01:23:00.000-06:00

I Love
...Dove soap.
...that Conan O'Brien is finally back after two weeks.
...how excited I am about the fact that it might be close to 50 degrees tomorrow.
...taking 3 hour naps.
...tea.

I Hate
...being too lazy to go to my Anthropology class to find out what I got on my test last Tuesday.
...not having any food to qualm my insatiable hunger.
...staying in on Tuesday nights and not taking advantage of 50 cent drafts.

I'm Terrified
...about graduating on May 13th (the day after my 22nd birthday, if you're taking notes).
...of the drains in swimming pools.
...I'm going to oversleep every Tuesday and Thursday when I have work at 9 am.

I'm Excited
...about the Southside Irish Parade on March 12th.
...to get paid tomorrow.
...about wearing flip-flops to class tomorrow.
...the kids outside the liquor store asked me to buy beer for them Saturday. Can this blog be used against me in court? I mean, I'm just kidding anyways.

Don't be Jealous
...Ashlee Simpson is playing a concert here at NIU March 29th.
...I saw an awesome 80's cover band this past Saturday.
...I only have one midterm next week and it's take-home, motherfuckers.

I'm Mad
...I have to miss The Office every single fucking Thursday because of work.
...I never took advantage of seeing Munich, Good Night and Good Luck, Syriana and Harry Potter at the cheap Campus Cinema.
...my brother won't skip coming home for Easter to see the Strokes with me in Cleveland.

I Can't Stop Listening To
...Bloc Party's album Silent Alarm.
...The Frame's live album Set List.
...The Stroke's First Impressions of Earth.

I'm Pathetic
...because I didn't get drunk on Fat Tuesday.
...for lying to my mom about paying half of my library fine.
...for worrying that a cup of tea is going to keep me up all night, like I got to bed early anways.

I Promise
...to suck it up and stop whining about graduating college. I hope you all know I'm crossing my fingers, so this promise means nothing.
...to actually follow through with mine and Keri's plan to move to Ireland.
...to go to at least 7 of my 9 remaining classes this week.
...to stop typing. Now.

I Am Now Ready To Graduate

2006-02-24T16:31:00.000-06:00

My teacher tripped over a chair and fell in class today. My college experience is complete.

It's A Long Way To The House Of Fitzcarraldo

2006-02-22T23:42:00.000-06:00

Does anybody have any idea how I could be notified by a text message whenever anyone comments for me? Anyone? Jenn? Anyone? Jenn? Any idea? Jenn? Jenn? Do you know? Jenn? Logging onto my computer is too much work, I figured someone, maybe Jenn, might have an idea how to do this. Thanks for any help. Jenn.

Read my brother's blog now. It's about me and Keri, so you should love it.

I saw Jeff Tweedy, of the band Wilco, in concert Monday. I've never enjoyed a concert more when I didn't even know one song of the performers. And I've never enjoyed more awkward moments than when Chandler continuously put his hand on my back throughout the concert. Chandler, goddamnit, I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND. Christ, I even told you that to your face OVER A YEAR AGO. Not one for getting hints I take it.

I wish I went to ISU with my sister. I wish I had friends that had parties every single weekend. I wish I could hang a paperbag on the wall, call it art and Emily wouldn't take it down the next day. I wish Amy and I could eat entire large pizzas between us more often. I wish I could hear the conversation "Did you just call him a 'turdburger'? No, I said furburger" more often. I wish I got to dance more often to the song "Shout!". And I wish I could see myself more often on videotape dancing to the song "Shout!". The last one, not so much. Good times in Bloomington-Normal, bitches.

Kelly is coming up here one night this weekend. And I have $20 to my name. Sweetass. That just means I have to bring out my big purse and sneak beer into the bar. I am crafty.

I got an A on my first test of the semester. Sure it was in a 100 level sociology class, but still I GOT A FUCKING 'A' ON A TEST. Yes, it is on the refridgerator. When I came home and told Emily I said "You can put it on the board, yesssss!" (That's what the Sox announcers say when someone hits a home run, I just relaized most people won't know that.) When I told Keri I put it on the fridge, she said the same thing. Quite possibly the lamest story ever, but I thought it was funny, so shut your mouth.

I am obsessed with the new Strokes album First Impressions of Earth. It's a delight. Also obsessed with Google Earth. If you haven't downloaded it, do it up bitches. I was dead tired Sunday night, yet was still up until 2:00 am looking up random things while talking to J.P online. "Look at the pyramids! The buildings downtown look trippy! Whats that blue thing on our driveway?" It's addictive.

If I ever have a band I'm naming it "The Fitzwilliam Affair".

2006-02-19T23:51:00.000-06:00

I think this is probably my most favorite picture ever. I look like a horse braying while simultaneously attempting sign language and Keri is just calmy looking longingly into my eyes. Hurrah for brightly colored jackets and Sister's Weekend!

Ode To Kerianne

2006-02-13T00:46:00.000-06:00

Whenever I want my hair cut into layers, my sister is ready with the shears.
Whenever I need to borrow a turtleneck, my sister's closet is wide open.
Whenever I'm feeling down about myself, my sister is there to laugh at me.
Whenever I really want to punch someone, my sister's face is there for me.
Whenever I really want to talk to my brother, but he's busy, my sister is there for me instead.
Whenever I want someone to rub my feet, my sister willingly gets out her oils.
Whenever I want to move to a foreign country, my sister agrees to go with me.
Whenever I get drunk and fall, my sister is there because I pull her down with me.
Whenever I need money, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need to get to Jewel, my sister takes me there without hesitation.
Whenever I ask "Whad they say?", my sister is always there to say "I don't know".
Whenever I need someone to make me a blanket, preferabely with ballerinas on it, my sister steps up.
Whenever I need someone to jump off the neighbors swingset and rip her shorts in the process, my sister gladly complies.
Whenever I need to gang up on my mom, my sister backs me up.
Whenever the Bears need to win the play-off game, my sister will come home from Ireland and be the goddamn bad luck charm.
Whenever I want to drink a 40, my sister is always game.
Whenever I need someone to eat nachos with, my sister is there.
Whenever I need someone to steal my clothes, my sister does it without having to be asked twice.
Whenever I need someone to be my twin, my sister does it if no one else offers.
Whenever I need a paper for my Irish class, my sister sends one to me.
Whenever I need a sister, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need some information on baboons, my sister sends me her files.
Whenever I need all the back issues of Growing up Jewish, my sister hands them over.
Whenever I need someone to call because Michelle Kwan backed out of the Olympics or to remember Pete's Dragon or I'm drunk or I need to hear THE MIDNIGHT CLUB or no one else will answer their phone, my sister always picks up.
Whenever I need something to blog about, my sister always unselfishly suggests herself.

2006-02-09T00:09:00.000-06:00

That old guy didn't even work for the Blarney Castle, the Stone of which I'm kissing here. He just liked copping a feel on all the ladies who like kissing piss-covered stones. Delicious, I'm telling you.