Hey It's Me, I'm Dynamite And I Don't Know Why

I've come to a conclusion, a very important conclusion: every band should have a violin in it. If every band featured a violin as prominently as the Frames do, the world would be a better place. Or at least my world would be a better place, and that's really all that counts. Keri and I saw the Frames on Wednesday and the entire time we were about five feet from the stage, close enough that Keri could've given the lead singer Glenn that handjob she was really to. Maybe next time Ker. They didn't play Fitzcarraldo, which was a major bummer, but they did play a lot of other awesome songs, so I'm trying not to dwell on that. One other important conclusion that was drawn Wednesday night? I hate drunk bitches who push their way past you and then for the next hour bump into you and your sister trying to dance when there is clearly no room to do so. Goddamnit.

The concert was up on the Northside, actually right down the street from Wrigley Field, where me and Keri are totally out of our element as Sox fans. Wednesday also happened to be a the night Mark Buerhle threw a no-hitter against the Rangers. What the fuck - I have the be in Cubs territory for this event? If I hadn't have had a job interview early the next morning we totally would have gone into some Cubs bar and bragged about Marky Mark. And then probably gotten beat up, but it woulda been worth it.

On Friday we went to the bar to hear Diana's boyfriend's band and I brought my Peter Bjorn and John cd to listen to on the way. I have yet to see it since then, and it's killing me. How the fuck does a cd just dissappear inside a car? I lost my last phone the same way - the truck ate it. Goddamn Ford Expedition black holes.

Today it was a high so far of 80 degrees outside, so me and three of my friends went downtown to the Lincoln Park Zoo to see a free concert in the park, Umphrey's McGee, a band I've paid quite a bit of money to see in the past. I don't know why it surprised and annoyed the shit out of me that it was crowded as fuck. Maybe the 80 degree weather? The free concert? Just the fact of going to the zoo on a nice day? Those all could have been a factor I'm guessing. Just call me Matlock.

I met on guy, Will, last Friday night and was telling my mom about him on Saturday when I got home from work. We were outside at the time and then walked in a minute later and sat down at the kitchen table with my dad:
Mom: So does Will like the same sports and music you do?
Me: Oh yeah, he's really into sports, but he's a Cubs fan.
Mom: Well there could be worse things.
Dad: NO THERE COULDN'T BE.

At least my dad has his priorities straight. Job? Who cares if he has one of those (which he does), HE'S A CUBS FAN. That's strike one two AND three right there. Hey-o, check out that sports analogy.

So the other day I was clipping my toenails (sexy) and clipped right through my iPod earphones wire. I don't even have anything else to say about that.

I'm still STILL reading The Human Stain. I'm starting to annoy myself I'm taking so long. I'm pretty close now, but just never get the urge to read it cause it doesn't interest me at all. This could potentially be a spoiler, so don't read this if you want to read the book, but it bugs me that none of Coleman's kids look black at all. I know Coleman passes as white even though he's black, so his kids probably wouldn't be that dark skinned, but really? None of his four kids gave him away, despite the fact that they're half black? Not a single one of them came out a little darker skinned? I like to concentrate on the stupid shit. After this book I'm sucking it up and paying my fine at the library. I'm sick of these shitty eBay books.

Are ya'll ready for the scariest picture in the entire world? Cause I have it right here for you. This was over Easter Weekend when us three plus three of our friends were over drinking in our kitchen Friday night. Yes, we do have shirts on that say "O'Donnell University" because my mom is queer and bought them for us for Christmas, don't hate. God knows what the fuck I was laughing at, but your eyes are not playing tricks on you, I really do look like a braying donkey when I laugh. Awwwwwwwesome. You're welcome J.P and Keri for putting this on the intraweb so everyone can see us at our sexiest.

If I wake up tomorrow without swollen lymph nodes it will be a glorious, glorious day.

I'm Gonna Give You A Try

I sign up to win random concerts all the time on the radio station XRT's website and never win. Until Monday when I win tickets to see Chris Cornell in an "intimate concert" on Tuesday afternoon at 1:00 pm. Do you see the timeframe there? I find out I win on Monday. The concert is Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon at that. I'm not even a huge Chris Cornell fan (although I bet Jenn is going to bust a nut reading this), but it would've been cool to see him in a really small venue. Goddamnit XRT. Could we work on the timing next time?

At the bar last Thursday I saw a kid I used to babysit for. How fucked is that? I mean jesus christ, I'm only 22. Shouldn't I be at least 30 before that happens? So I didn't REALLY babysit for him, it was more for his 6 year old sister and 10 year old brother, but regardless he was there too and I was technically his babysitter. He was only 20 years old, apparently he knew the bouncer, but good lord. I thought hearing that kids I used to babysit for were in high school was weird. Now we're taken it to a completely different level: me buying them beer at the bar.

If I don't get to see Peter Bjorn and John May 8th, I am going to go apeshit on somebody. You have been warned. Now, get my mom to lend me money to buy their concert tickets on Saturday morning. God damn Swedish people.

So I'm trying this new thing called "not drinking for an entire month". Any bets on how long it's going to last? I give you until Saturday at 10:30 pm. Must. Resist. $1.25. Bottles. Tomorrow.

My new favorite tv show which I've only seen about 10 minutes of? Human Giant on MTV.
"I want to use your balls as earrings?"
"I was only making conversation."

Do you have any idea how expensive it is to be tested for HIV? Jesus christ. I knew I didn't have it, but I just wanted to be 110% sure I had a clean slate. I guess that's what you pay for peace of mind, but a little warning about the price for peace of mind would have been nice. Also, the other lesson I learned from this whole "Do I have AIDS? We'll know when I get the results back" situation is don't tell your best friends sort-of boyfriend you took the test because in order to clear a way at the bar he will yell "Watch out - she has AIDS." And it can be transmitted by me bumping into you. Sorry mister, but you know you had it coming when you didn't immediately move outta my way.

So....now you know way too much about me. But hey, at least you know it's cool if mine and your blood accidentally mix, right? And before I did look kind of AID-sy, admit it, what with my gaunt figure and swollen-prone lymph nodes. You can be rest assured now, I don't have the AIDS. Let the blood inter-mingling begin.

R.I.P author of my favorite book, Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut.

I Laugh More Often Now, I Cry More Often Now, I Am More Me

The Peter Bjorn and John album (PB&J, bitches) Writer's Block is so, so awesome (I really need to start using a thesaurus). Who knew Swedish bands were so addictive? Well I guess lots of people considering ABBA but I was not one of them, until now. I get obsessed with one of the songs at a time and play it 500 times in a row, something that I'm sure has not annoyed my dad at all this week. But I gots to have my dancing and singing when I'm getting ready to go out at night, sorry Dad.

Wow White Sox. You really started off the season with a bang, losing 12-5 to the Indians. I know I know (J.P) it's the first game of a long, long season, but if things continue this way, I am going to be crabby about 85% of the time this summer, something I, along with everyone else I know I'm sure, am really looking forward to. (Today at work, the older lady I work with asked me "How many games do the Sox play in a season, 16?" Give or take a few Kathy, give or take a few.)

My mom's been in Arizona for the past week and I have to go to O'Hare to pick her up tomorrow. So, it's just been me and my dad in the house. I know I've mentioned it before, but I have a weird relationship with my dad. I always feel awkward around him when we're one on one, which is completely stupid considering he's my dad and has been there since day one. I'm not very good with small talk anyways, but with my dad I'm just terrible. Even though my mom will be annoying me by tomorrow by 9:00 pm at the very latest, I'm so glad the buffer zone is coming home. Can you tell I'm a daddy's girl?

I can't believe I failed to mention this last time I wrote, but a book finally made me cry, Feast of Love by Charles Baxter. It wasn't the best book ever, but I think I'm learning that not every book has to be for me to like it. If it makes me cry, that's good enough for me. At least it was better than City of God by E.L Doctorow because as soon as I read the last page of that one, my first thought was what the fuck did I just read. It was a super-ass confusing book, one of those books without an ending at all, which I am cool with as long as I fucking UNDERSTAND IT AT LEAST. Christ on a crucifix. Right now I'm working on The Human Stain by Phillip Roth and though it's not bad by any means, I just can't get into it so it's taking me forever. So. There's my monthly book report.

Keri and J.P come home this weekend for Easter and I am so friggin pumped cause I haven't seen J since he left for the semester in January. Keri, eh not so much cause I just saw you, plus you'll be home on the 18th for the Frames (!!) concert, which by the way will be the sweetest concert ever, not counting Rufio. I think we're having a family drinking night on Friday, with some lame-ass theme like Jeopardy or something but don't tell Keri I said it was lame cause she's uber excited for it. So yay! Jeopardy themed drinking night! How does that even work! We'll find out on Friday!

What the fuck, I have to wait two more goddamn weeks for a new Gilmore Girls episode? That is very unnecessary, CW Network.

Last weekend I read the old diaries I used to keep from eighth grade to freshman year and good lord. I was riveted by my own life - the boys I used to have crushes on, going to the mall to get guys numbers with my friends, my obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio, how I first tried cigarettes (and was magically "addicted" a week after trying them), my first kiss, how I got grounded all the time, the boys who supposedly liked me but then never called (if only I could tell the 14 year old me that some things would never change), and a whole bunch of other queer shit. I must have called Megan at least six different times just to read passages outloud to her because the things she and I said and did most of the time were so ridiculous and funny. I was a stereotypical boy-crazy 13 and 14 year old girl that started about 85% of my entries with "GOD, DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW FUCKIN HOT MATT IS!!" Which, by the way is a hard habit to break. You have no idea the struggle I have each time I start a new post on this blog.

And lastly, for the Picture of the Week, or rather the Picture of Whenever I Feel Like It, the worst piece of mail my dad has even gotten. And of course I say that because they didn't capitalize the D in our last name, which is a major no-no. Jesus christ, you have no idea how long I laughed about this when I got it out of the mailbox, only because my dad really is the most remarkable woman I've ever met.

Up Against The Walls

It's weird how a good song coming on my iPod will automatially put me in a good mood. I don't know why it surprises me - obviously I know every song on here, but it's so much better when it comes on through the shuffle as opposed to me picking it out to play. The song this time? Truth Doesn't Make a Noise by the White Stripes. I have all the White Stripes albums on here, I have no idea how (maybe because of my brother?), but never listen to them unless it's through the shuffle. Then that song came on one day and changed my life. Or not really, but I'm feeling dramatic today. It really makes me want to learn how to play the piano cause it's awesome, motherfucking awesome. Plus, how sweet is that title. Truth doesn't make a noise? Thank you Jack White for vocalizing that, cause I had no idea.

Megan might be moving back to the town she went to school in for a job at a radio station. The thought of that happening scares the shit out of me because seriously WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. Meg is literally my right arm: we hang out at least five or six times a week and she's the one person around here who will go with me to the bar open til 5:00 because of my pathetic hope of finding a boyfriend there (I am aware of how delusional I am only because she points it out to me all the time). Everyone knows when I'm somewhere, Meg is too and vice versa. I don't think they'd recognize us without each other. So really, the prospect of her moving terrifies me. But she did say there's a UPS Store down there too, so I could move too! And then I shot her. Why must my best friend actually grow up and get a job. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS.

But really, this working at the UPS Store is getting old. It's coming up on a year that I graduated and I'm still there. I have been trying to look lately, but really have no idea how to even start. My resume is so impressive though, I don't get how a sweetass job hasn't just fallen into my lap already.

So I work at the UPS Store, still live with my parents, don't have a car, don't have a boyfriend and am pretty much broke all the time. I just depressed myself even more, if that's even at all possible. If the truth doesn't make a noise then why is it fucking screaming at me right now, answer me that Jack White. Where's my knife when I need it.

Writer's Block, The Opposite Of

The Parade. The best day of my life? Possibly. Emily came in for it, and goddamn, I was so proud of her for keeping up with me and my friends the entire day. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but we drank for about 13 hours, from 11:00 am to midnight or so. Disgusting? Yeah. But worth it? You know it. We must have walked at least six miles that day, and goddamn, my legs were feeling it for the next two days. I'm glad to say now that I am fully recovered, everywhere except for my stomach which is grossly enormous right now. I honestly gained about five pounds over the past couple days. The bingeing needs to start, PRONTO. I put all my pictures up on Shutterfly.com, but don't really know if I can link them here, so there's that. I mean, your guys life wouldn't be complete unless you saw a picture of me pushing Emily in a grocery cart, right? Right. Southside Irish Parade, oh how I love you. (My mom was telling her friend how there were 18 arrests throughout the day and I chimed in "Well at least no one died." Because that's how you determine a good parade from a bad parade. "Were there any deaths?" "No." "SUCCESS!" ) We're the Southside Irish and we're Irish to the core, we come from the Windy City as our fathers did before.... yeah, we got our own theme song, jealous?

Keri went back to school today, and now it's just me, my mom and dad again. Grrrrrrreat. We did go out with a bang though, staying out til almost six am yesterday. It could have been 5:00 am if the Irish assholes hadn't stolen our cab in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot though. Seriously, Irish guys, straight off the boat that is, have got to be the most annoying people in the entire world. I met a bunch of them last Sunday and jesus christ. Annoying, they are just so goddamn ANNOYING. The accent only takes you so far, and then the hat-stealing, cigarette-taking and ass-smacking takes over and I can't stand you. But otherwise, I had a grand old time drinking a shite-load, singing at the top of my lungs to "Don't Stop Believin", dancing terribly for way too long, spending too much money and having to gyp the cab driver cause Keri and Amy had spent all theirs. Kerianne Kristine, you owe me your life.

Why do boys ask for phone numbers and then never call you. I'd really love to understand the logic behind that. It's not like I just slipped you my number or anything YOU ASKED ME FOR IT. Why the asking if there will be no follow thru? Goddamnit.

St. Paddy's Day week is over and I'm sad. It's kind of like the Christmas season being over. We had the parade and then a week later the actual day and now what do I have to look forward to? Cinco de Mayo? Flag Day? HOW CAN I PICK JUST ONE.

I saw the play Wicked on a beautiful, beautiful day this past Tuesday. It hit 70 fucking degrees already. I actually woke up early (ok, noon) just to read outside before having to get ready to go. I know I talk about this every year around this time, but I am so excited about the upcoming warm weather. This is my favorite time of year, when the thought of 60 degree days practically gives me a boner. Impossible you might think, but I'm proof otherwise. Of course since Tuesday it's been cold out, but it's coming man, it's coming. This is why you gotta have four seasons. You take it for granted if you don't have to live through the shitty stuff along with the good stuff. Don't even give me the bullshit saying otherwise cause I AIN'T LISTENING.

Keri and I saw, for her Christmas present from me, the comedian Brian Reagan on Thursday, and he was fucking hysterical. I don't even know what else to say about him, besides that you should check him out if you get a chance. Also, thank you RELUCTANTLY.

Aight, I thought I might have more cause it's been awhile, but I don't. Also, iTunes is being a giant douche bag right now. And I need a shower. Badly. But here's my favorite picture from last night:

Amy, Keri, Megan, me and Maggie singing our hearts out to either Living on a Prayer or Don't Stop Believin', I'm not sure which. And then we got "shushed" by PJ - asshole. I have no idea who took this picture of us, but I love it. Happy St. Paddy's Day to ya.

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

I think I have a problem. That problem is the "Buy it NOW!" button on Ebay. I bought three books the other day and a cd today. THERE ARE REASONS THOUGH. One of the books was 1 penny. Literally one penny. Or not literally cause it was $3.49 for the shipping, but still, $3.50 for a book? Sold. Another one was 27 cents (is there no "cents" sign on the keyboard? Or am I handicapped?) and another was $1.03. I know, big spender for that last one. So overall I spent about $12 for three books. Christ on a cracker, I love Ebay.

The books, incase you care, which you don't but I'm telling you anyways because all this blog seems to be becoming is my book report, were The Feast of Love by Charles Baxter (another one I stole from Jason Mulgrew because American Dream WAS that good), City of God by E.L Doctorow and The Human Stain by Phillip Roth, both taken off the 1001 Books list. I finished Atonement a couple days ago and though it got off to a slow start ended up being pretty good. It didn't make me cry, but it had World War II (I accidentley did '!!' instead of 'II' at first and for some reason that really made me laugh. World War !! Exclamation! Ok, maybe it wasn't so funny) in it and I'm a complete sucker for anything World War I or II ( I ain't gonna discriminate) related. Good god, you can't even read this paragraph because of all the paranthesis. But am I going to fix that? No.

Those books better come soon because I'm trying to read The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova right now and it is the most terrible book in the entire world. I started it two or so months ago but stopped once I got something new and am just reading it as a filler now. I can't even describe how awful this book is. If I read the words "gasped" or "shuddered" one more fucking time I'm going to burn this book (which would be pretty daring on my part - my mom's always told us 'Books are our friends!', I wish I was kidding). But really, if anyone has read this book, actually finished it (I'm only page 268 out of 600-something) and enjoyed it, I don't think I could ever talk to you again. Someone really tell me if you've read it and liked it though. It was a best seller so someone out there has. If you're too ashamed to admit it though, I don't blame you. I would be too.

Also, I just bought a cd on Ebay BUT IT WAS AN IMPORT SO IT WOULDA BEEN REALLY EXPENSIVE AT BEST BUY. I only paid $12.48 for it PLUS I didn't go to the bar tonight, so that totally justifies it. It's by Peter Bjorn and John called "Writer's Block". Find them on Myspace (my other new music obsession, right now I'm listening to Albert Hammond Jr's [from the Strokes] album) and if you don't like the song Paris 2004 or Young Folks, you've got some issues.

What the fuck has happened to the Bears since losing the Superbowl. They've basically imploded it seems. Thomas Jones was traded to the Jets and now Lance Briggs wants to be traded too. There was a big mess about renewing Lovie Smith's contract and Ron Riveria didn't leave on the best terms either. You're supposed to all be one big happy family, according to me at least. Fucking act like it.

I bought some new green gym shoes the other day (at Payless nonetheless, another example of my big spenderness) and the check-out lady said "Oh!! And the parade is this weekend!", like she was practically reading my mind. I was all "I know! I had green shoes but I've had them for so long there's holes in the bottom so these are perfect." Everyone really IS Irish on Parade Day, even the Hispanic Payless Shoe Store lady.

Yesterday I went over to Megan's and we watched Supernanny and Rick Steve's Europe, made cupcakes and decorated them. How old am I again, because whenever I go over to Megan's I seem to turn into a 46 year old married mother of three or something. Not that I don't have fun doing it though. Megan, being my best friend and extremely funny and me, being the most easily amused person in the entire world, are probably the best combination in the entire world. She makes me laugh so hard sometimes that I don't even want to imagine how boring my life would be without her. I mean I'd drink a lot less, sure, but man without her, life would be pretty dreary. I totally got tres tres lucky in the best friend AND sister department. I must have been Florence Nightengale in a former life or something. We DO share a birthday so it's totally plausible.

The other day at work some old guy came in and as I was helping him said "WHAT ARE YA, 6 FEET TALL?" No, old-ass man, I am not 6 feet tall, I am 5'10 goddamnit. What makes you think you can say that to me? I can't say "Wow, you really have that old man stink going on, don't you?" or "Does everyone get that wrinkly when they're as close to their death bed as you are?" NO, because that would be considered "rude", so why do you think you can say that to me? No I don't play basketball, no I don't play volleyball, no I'm not wearing heels. And I'm not even THAT tall. Tall, but not Lisa Leslie-tall for fucks sake. Aggravated.

Eight fascinating paragraphs! You're welcome!

Top 10 Sister Moments

Here it is bitch, you can stop whining now. Love you!

1. Let's get this out of the way first - the dyke haircut. This haircut was not Keri's fault, although she was rocking a short hairdo for a little while which looked super cute on her. One day we went to Boric's to get our haircut, which is the cheap place to go to when you just need a trim because being only $9.99, you don't really want to trust them when you need a completely new style. When we walked out of Boric's that day, after both of us just getting a trim, I had a dyke sister. The lady had styled her short hair in the dyki-est way possbile. I don't even know how to explain it: it was just dykey. We had to walk home that day (I think we were about 13 and 14 ) and I could not stop laughing. Keri was really embarassed, but did I care? Obviously not because as I type this here at work eight years later, I'm still laughing hysterically at the thought of it. The mental picture of that haircut Ker, has gotten me through many dark times.

2. The other obvious one: the time she was driving me to the store and asked "wait, which way is Jewel?" Keri got her liscense before me (yeah yeah shut up) and we were going to Jewel, the local grocery store not too far from our house. This store has been in the same location our whole lives, it's probably about a mile away, and we had been there god knows how many times prior to this trip. As she was backing out of the driveway she stopped, looked at me and says, "Wait. Which way is Jewel?". I don't think I even answered her because I was too busy making fun of her. I really shouldn't though because I get turned around really easily too (each time I leave a store in the mall, I start walking in the same direction I just came from), but I do anyways. It's my job as the older sister: never let the younger ones forget anything stupid that they said/did.

3. The first Rufus Wainwright concert we went to - this will finally be a nice one. We saw Rufio back in February 2004 at the Riviera Theatre on the Northside of Chicago. It was on a Wednesday so we both came home from school for the night to see him and took the train down. It was pretty much the best concert that either of us have ever been to, he played everything off Want One, the album both of us were obsessed with at the time. He had a backing band which allowed him to play all the songs - we've seen him a few times since solo, and it's not the same because he can't sing all the songs without other people. For the encore Rufio and the entire band came out in witches costumes and sang "Oh What a World" and It. Was. MAGICAL. That concert has been the bar to measure up to and so far he hasn't come close again. We've seen him three other times, and each time he's awesome and flamingly homosexual, but it'll never be as awesome and flamingly homosexual as the first time we saw him. After the concert we met up with my friend Chris, drank with his friends, took the train back to his dorm and the both of us almost pee'd on the Blue Line we had to go so bad. The End.

4. The Christmas about three years ago when you made me one of those fleece blankets you tie together with ballerinas on it. Best Christmas present ever, lady. J.P, you could one up her here if you bought me a tv.

5. When we went on our first official "Sister Date" to see the Divine Secret of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood movie and then out for coffee afterwards. The movie was kinda terrible (remember how horrible those little girl actresses were? christ), the word "ya-ya" stuck with us. Nine times out of ten whenever I call Keri she answers the phone saying "YA-YA!" (or "Hey baby, where you at?" in her best smooth-black-man voice) because that's what I'm under in her phone. You'll always be my ya-ya, bitch.

6. When I visited Keri in Ireland, my one goal, besides making a baby with an Irish guy, was to buy one of those Irish hats. At one point during the week I kinda turned into a psycho crying and yelling at Keri ( I'm sorry again - I hate even thinking about it) one night. I'm not sure if it was the next day or not (but it makes a better story if it was, so I'm going with it), I was going to go into Limerick by myself to buy a hat. At the last minute Keri said she'd come with me and we took the bus into town. I was embarassed (I don't know why) to say the hat was for myself, so when I was in the hat store, I said it was for my dad, and ended up with a hat 500 times too big for my head because I'm stupid. Who knew you had a head size? For future reference, I am not a 7 1/2. But anyways, we walked around Limerick even though it was freezing balls out and stopped at a pub called Charlie Chaplin's for a Guiness. I was just glad to have Keri all to myself for a few hours cause the rest of the time Amy and Eileen were with us. I still hate them. So anyways Ker, thanks for coming with me to Limerick even though I was a raging psycho bitch the night before. Does this here bus go to Lime-rick?

7. How people think we're twins all the time. Just the other day I was at the bar and people started yelling "KERI" at me, before realizing it wasn't her. And those people call themselves your friends, for shame. When people ask if we really do look alike, I just say you're the skinnier, bigger-boobed version of me. But that's how I describe J.P too, so it probably doesn't mean much. It still weirds me out that people think we look alike, so much alike that you can have conversations with girls I went to school with for 12 years pretending to be me. And it's not weird at all that you didn't correct Lisa. Not weird at all

8. All the good shit you're gotten me in to: Sondre Lerche, The Frames, Paddy Casey, Mic Christopher, Harry Potter. Especially for Harry Potter. Remember how hard I cried at the end of the 6th book? I love books that make me cry, Harry made me cry, therefore I love you too. I did give you Rufus and Jeff Buckley though, and let's face it, those two beat all the other ones combined. Oh, and I gave you Donnie Darko. You LOVE Donnie Darko.

9. One time a few years ago, before the UPS Store moved to the new location, only me and you were home, I think the other three were on vacation or soemthing, and you brought me lunch to work, even though we had been fighting (surprise!) before you took me to work. You put a note in the bag that said "I love you Sister. Happy eating!", and I still have it on my mirror in my room. You probably don't remember this at all, but I do because it was another example about how I was a huge bitch to you, but you were still nice to me. Way to make me always look bad.

10. The last one isn't one thing specifically, but just in general how you are the best sister ever. My friends love you, probably because you're easy. Megan even claims to be a pseudo-sister (she's looking forward to you coming home on Friday too, fyi) because she's jealous she doesn't have a sister. And yeah we fight, but what sisters don't? Queer ones, that's who. I told you before how it was hard for me to think of "sister moments" we had when we were little, but it's cause we weren't close until we were about 14 or 15. Before we were 14 it was all about fighting and kicking each other in the backseat of the van, me telling you to do things (ok, that hasn't changed) and pretty much just hating you in general. And now? Now I feel bad for the girls who don't have a sister because they have no idea what they're missing out on. I love you lady and can't WAIT to see you on Friday. Sister, reunited.

THE END. Finally, the whining stops.

Your Post Is Coming Soon Ker, Promise

Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post on your blog. Comment back if you post it on your site. No comment regarding whatever songs that might come up.

Will I get far in life? It's A Hit - Rilo Kiley
How do my friends see me? Midnight Rambler - Rolling Stones
Where will I get married? White Shadows - Coldplay
What is my best friend's theme song? Haiti - The Arcade Fire
What is the story of my life? Turn the Page - Metallica
What was high school like? A Higher Place - Tom Petty
How can I get ahead in life? Danny Boy - Rufus Wainwright
What is the best thing about me? I Wanna Be Your Lover - Bob Dylan
How is today going to be? Desolation Row - Bob Dylan
What is in store for this weekend? Lover Come Back to Me - Billie Holiday. I'm excited now.
What song describes my parents? Nothing Better - The Postal Service
What song describes my grandparents? In My Arms - Rufus Wainwright
How is my life going? 6th Avenue Heartache - The Wallflowers
What song will they play at my funeral? California Love - Tupac
How does the world see me? Dream Brother - Jeff Buckley
Will I have a happy life? Coming Up - Paul McCartney
What do my friends really think of me? Different Drum - Linda Ronstadt
Do people secretly lust after me? Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers
How can I make myself happy? Against the Tide - The Radio Dept.
What should I do with my life? Workin' 9-5 - Dolly Parton
Where have all the good people gone? Amsterdam - Coldplay
Will I ever have children? Apple Suckling Tree - Bob Dylan and The Band
What is some good advice? Dream Awake - The Frames
What is my signature dancing song? The Ballad of John and Yoko - The Beatles
What do I think my current theme song is? Piggies - The Beatles. (I wish I was kidding)
What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Natural Anthem - The Postal Service
What type of men/women do you like? Hosanna - Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack. Gay ones, apparently.

A Thousand Different Versions Of Yourself

I bought The Shins new album Wincing the Night Away last Friday and haven't stopped listening to it since (besides for the moment right now when my Ipod is on shuffle and "What a Girl Wants" by Christina Aguliera is on, but I won't mention that). The last four songs are kind of forgettable, but the first seven? Awesome. Just fucking awesome. Especially "Sleeping Lessons" and "Sea Legs". You must buy (like me because my dad won't let me steal music on his computer THE NERVE) or illegally download this album and then thank me later.

I first heard about the book 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die on Ms. Mac's blog (though I'm mad too that the Kite Runner isn't included because it's the best book ever) and have since kind of become obsessed with reading the entire list. I can cross off 41 books right off the bat, which really makes the task so much less overwhelming now. If I even made it to 500, I'd be happy with that. There's a couple Jonathan Franzen books in it and just having finished The Corrections about 30 minutes ago, I think I'll cross the rest off his books off the list. It was okay, just okay. It didn't even make me cry and was basically a story I feel I've read 30 times already about grown up children being annoyed by their elderly parents and fighting about stupid shit. I don't know how to explain it, it was just a disappointment. A 568 page disappointment. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A BOOK TO MAKE ME CRY, GODDAMNIT. If Atonement doesn't do it, I've sworn off reading for good.

Yesterday, at the last of three bars I went to during the course of the night, I saw Brad, my boss' son I went to Amanda's wedding with back in June of 2005. I don't think I had seen him since then so we talked for a majority of the night which was kind of surprising because usually when we saw each other at the bar we would talk for a minute or two then say bye. About 20 minutes into the conversation he asked "Have you lost weight?" (I knew he looked confused when he saw only two double chins on me instead of four) and I said yeah, a little and he said "You can tell - you look really good." That pretty much made my night right there. Year even. Seriously I think I would be the most easy to please girlfriend/wife. Just telling me I look like I've lost weight would pretty much get you off the hook for anything. I hope my patheticness is properly conveyed here. But anyways, thank you Brad, from the bottom of my heart. Call me.

Last night I came home at 5:30 am and since our stupid ass garage door opener won't work in the freezing cold, I had to go in the house, hit the open button in there, then start the car back up to put it away. As I went back out to the car, Bailey followed me out, probably because she hadn't been out since 10 pm or something. I came back in the house, ate the food I had gotten (the answer to the "have you lost weight question" will pretty soon be a "no" with the way I've been a bottomless pit lately) and then went upstairs to bed. My mom woke me up this morning telling me I had left the dog outside until 8:00 am when she woke up to her barking. I left Bailey out in the freezing cold for about 2 1/2 hours because I am a monster. She probably hates me now, which really is no big thing since I've never liked her in the first place anyways BUT I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE, I'M SORRY BAILEY. Oh my god, the guilt. I can't deal with it.

I burned my hand with scalding hot tea today and now I'm a cripple. I'm insanely jealous of the 100+ inches of snow New York got. Kerianne, I swear I'll finish your sister's post soon when I stop being so lazy. I am extremely pissed about how little money I'm getting back from my taxes. Keri and I are seeing The Frames on April 18th, hell yeah. I have a crush on Nate from Beauty and the Geek - christ, who knew that show was so addictive. The Southside Irish Parade is coming up so soon I can already taste the corned beef and cabbage.

I saved the best news for last: I FOUND A PAIR OF JEANS THAT FIT. I went shopping last Friday and in the first store ( New York and Company), the first pair of jeans I tried on fit like a motherfucker (do you even have ANY idea how well motherfuckers it? Almost as well as gloves). They were dark and long enough for me and pretty much completed my life. I hope all of you experience half as much joy these jeans have brought to my life at some point in your lifetimes.

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE

I was gonna put a picture of me trying to wink, but it's too scary looking. Thank you PostSecret for reassuring me.

And You Go Home And You Cry And You Want To Die

God Morrissey, HOW DO YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FELT SUNDAY NIGHT.

I still don't want to talk about it. I don't want to read the paper, dissect the game, talk about Rex and the defense or watch ESPN. That was rough, man. I've been spoiled as a Chicago fan, with the Bears in '85, the Bulls for six years and then the Sox last year - I wasn't ready for it. My friend Kelly reassured me "We're young Kate - we can wait 21 years for this to happen again." I really really hope I don't have to wait that long, but if I do, I can handle it. We still had a really good season and went to the fucking SuperBowl goddamnit. Lots of people didn't even think the Bears would make it that far. I still don't wanna talk about it though. The wounds are too fresh. I'm queer.

In other slightly less depressing news, I had an awesome time at Maribeth's wedding. You know when you look forward to something for so long and then it finally happens and all you can think is "eh" ? There are no "eh's" when I think about this wedding. We danced almost the entire night and took full advantage of the open bar: if that's not the makings of a good night, then I don't know what is. Tommy was a great date, though maybe taking someone who actually knows how to dance isn't a great idea for a person who is terrible at dancing but does it anyways. Sorry Tommy. I wish my friends got married more often.

I got paid Monday and kind of went insane on Ebay buying books. Not really cause all together they cost about $16, but still, not a good idea to spend your money on stupid shit when you owe money to about six different stores/persons (please, take your money advice from me - I am most qualified). I am superass excited about these books though because they all come highly recommended. The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen (my friend Dan), An American Dream by Norman Mailer (Jason Mulgrew) and Atonement by Ian McEwan (1001 Books you should read in your lifetime). I've always read like a banshee but I think the shitty books I've read lately plus going out too much and not reading before bed has had me in a drought. I'm still in the middle of In Cold Blood by Capote, but I swore to myself I'd be done with it come Thursday, come hell or high water. (Also, I'd like to point out this is the first Tuesday in god knows how long that I haven't gone out. I'm pretending it's because I want to read for three hours before bed, but really it's cause we got some snow today and no one wanted to drive, but let me pretend it's a step in the right direction.)

In other book news, because the previous paragraph about books was so thrilling!, the final Harry Potter book is coming out July 21st. I pre-ordered it already and can't wait, though I'm sad at the same time that it's the last one. If you've never read Harry Potter, you have five months to catch up before it comes out. Hurry up and get started.

Here are some pictures from the wedding:


I love this picture with Lauren, me and Tommy, even though I look like a creep. I have my mouth closed for once though, it's a first.


Tommy and his hunchbacked date, Katie.



Diana and me - I am totally one of those people I hate who takes way too many pictures with myself in them, even though I hate pictures of myself. Then why do I want pictures with everyone? I make no sense. I used to make fun of Emily for always taking pictures of herself with another person, and then I do the same thing. I need to start being more candid. Also need to cut out the gummy smiles.


I don't know how Kelly can smile after the Superbowl. I am angry.

Today would have been the parade downtown for the Bears. Thanks for your condolences Sophia, Bill and Jenn via text. I'm still so depressed.

Today Is Not Friday. It's Wednesday.

ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS. My stomach is in a constant state of butterflies because I can't fucking WAIT for the Superbowl to start. Here at the store, it's almost like Christmas time again with everyone sending their out of state relatives and friends t-shirts, hoodies and hats to wear for the game. I'm too broke to buy a shirt right now (I do have an Urlacher one though) so they better win so I can buy a Superbowl champs shirt. Emily's coming here to watch the game with me and my friends, granted that the bar we're going to still has tickets available. The bar is always shown on tv for big sports events, so if you're in Chicago, look for me making my big tv debut. It's going to be spectacular.

Only one more day of work after today and then I'm off until Tuesday, aw hell yeah. When I told my boss I needed these days off he asked "Are you going out of town?" I said "No, I have a wedding Friday and then Monday...for...the....Superbowl."
"You're going to the Superbowl?"
"No...I'm just going to be a drinking.....a lot."
He's made fun of me since then for taking the day off, but whatever. I think it's cool that I have a boss I can be that truthful too. Yes your employee does take the day off so she can celebrate properly the night before, but I'm hardcore man. Surprised you didn't know that. (John Phil, I will be very dissappointed if you don't know the line before that.)

Last night was Megan's last hurrah because she starts student teaching February 5th. Well her last Tuesday hurrah anyways, and seeing as Tuesdays are like our Fridays or something, it made me very depressed. WHY MUST SHE ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING WITH HER LIFE. God, I thought she was going to waste away as a waitress while I toiled away at the UPS Store. Who needs real jobs, at least we can still go out and get drunker than I have been in quite some time any day we want! Christ I need to grow up.

So. I saw Carey last Saturday and went home with him, but kept my chastity belt on again. When he drove me home, he still didn't ask for my fucking number. I just saw the "He's just not that into you" Sex and the City episode last week and I wish to god I hadn't because it's so true. Oh so true. Stupid fucking Sarah Jessica Parker. Reason number two I'm pissed (well I guess I'm not really "pissed" at Carey, I just feel pathetic): his friend P.J stole my Bears lighter. And then to top it off, P.J, who likes Megan, actually called her today. IMAGINE THAT, a boy calling a girl. I wish I had any idea what that was like. Assholes, the both of them.

I ordered a phone off Ebay because my phone (seriously- there is no other explanation) dissappeared right before New Years. I've been using my dad's old phone from 1973 which runs out of batteries after two minutes of talking on it - not annoying at all. I just bought a replica of the phone I lost, but it's a used one and I'm nervous that it's going to be a piece of shit. It better live up to its condition that was described as "good" - let's hope that means I can at least have a four minute conversation now.

My parents are leaving tomorrow and will be gone skiing until Sunday. How excited am I about this? Very. Very fucking excited. Only my mom won't be here Friday to help me curl my hair HOW THOUGHTLESS CAN ONE PERSON BE. A new standard has been set.

The next time I talk (type) to you bitches, the Bears will be the crowned (what now Dennis Green) Superbowl Champions. Defense always win, and Peyton Manning, you ain't got shit.

Countdown: Nine Days

1. I got my dress back Wednesday, and Diana's grandma did an awesome job on it. It's still a tad, tad big, but at least it doesn't look like I'm wearing a skirt with a giant oversize t-shirt on anymore, according to Diana. While I was at her grandma's I said, "Awesome. Now all I need is shoes and I'm set." She asked what size I wore, and then said she had a pair she was about to give to Goodwill, so I should try those. I was terrified (seems like an exaggeration, but who wouldn't be expecting something hideous, and since I can never tell the truth I would have been like "Oh my god! These are great! I love them, they're perfect!" even if they were a bright orange color), but she pulled them out and they were Pointy. Black. Just the right size heel. I was amazed. So yeah, I got my shoes from a 76 year old lady, but they're (seriously) perfect and I ain't got no money for shoes anyways. I also borrowed a purse from her. Diana's Grandma's: One Stop Shopping For All Your Wedding Attire Needs.

2. Why do we have no goddamn decaf tea in our house. Because it's freezing balls I had to have a cup while down here in the dungeon, and now I'm going to be up all night when I have to be up at 9:00 am. Yes I could just go to Jewel and buy some, but then I wouldn't get to ask my mom constantly why she doesn't buy any more, and she wouldn't get the chance to say "I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN BUY THE FOOD AROUND HERE." Yes you are mom, yes you are.

3. This article made me laugh really hard, especially the "What is going on with today's white nationalists?" Really guys, you gotta step it up a little bit. The guy say he's ashamed to be a neo-Nazi, and if that doesn't ring a bell with you, I don't know what will.

4. The other day, Larry, this guy who comes into the store pretty much everyday because his company has packages delivered there told me I "looked like a million bucks." It was a gross exaggeration, but made me realize how disgusting I must look every other day that I show up after having just rolled out of bed 20 minutes prior. It's amazing the difference a shower before work makes. I think it's finally starting to resonate with me.*

5. My boss owns two UPS Stores; his other one is about an hour away and he has me work there once in a great while. I fucking hate going out there - usually I leave 10 minutes before I have to be at work, and now I have to leave 60. Oh oh, but he gives me an hour of travel time! Too bad it takes two hours, going there and back, asshole. The only part I get excited about is that it's in a posh (are only English people allowed to use that word?) downtown neighborhood up north and there's an Old Navy and Borders right down the block. IMAGINE THAT. Like I don't have an Old Navy or Borders 10 minutes from my house. But whatever gets my rocks off, right? Apparently it only takes an Old Navy within walking distance of my work. Easy to please, yo.

6. I heard Joe Jackson's Steppin' Out song on the radio last week; I almost hate hearing new songs that I love now because I have no means of downloading them at all (not that it's a new song - it came out in '82). It's an awesome song though, and if you can download it, I hate you.

7. I told my date for the wedding, Tommy, that I was excited that he's tall (6'4) because I could wear heels then and not worry about looking like a giant. His reply was "Can you dance in heels?" in a real you-better-say-yes-or-I'm-gonna-be-really-pissed-off voice. I told him no worries, that my shoes would be off probably within five minutes of being there anyways. Anything to not make my 19 year old date mad at me. My dad told me Tuesday that I was robbing the cradle by taking him. Shut up dad I REALIZED THAT ALREADY.

8. nephelai0820: kris just broke my door. i locked it and she busted through
yaya5120: good lord
nephelai0820: and the knob is broke, woo hoo!
yaya5120: good thing you weren't beating off
yaya5120: OR WERE YOU
nephelai0820: haha, i was just going to say how am i going to keep them off when i play with my willy?
nephelai0820: *out
yaya5120: keeping them off your willy could pose a problem also
nephelai0820: you are wise
yaya5120: why do you think I'm the older sister
nephelai0820: lezzz-be friends

I don't talk to my sister nearly enough on AIM anymore. Oh the good conversations I'm missing out on. Quit playing with yer dinghy Ker.

9. I'm finally reading Truman Capote's In Cold Blood, I mean I only bought it three months ago, what's the rush. After this book, I'm taking some of your suggestions, plus The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen and We Need to Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver. I already read The Secret Life of Bees Bill, but thanks anyway. The books you guys suggested better be good or I am going to beat some ass.

10. Do you know what COLTS stands for?
Count On Losing The Superbowl - HEY-O

*Not that I never shower, I DO. Just never before work - I'd rather get 30 more minutes of sleep. I'm glad I cleared that up because I'm sure you were all under the impression that I had never taken a shower before in my life.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Bears

Brian Urlacher pointing the way to Miami.

The Bears are in the Superbowl. Each time I read or hear someone say those words, my heart does a little leap because I still can't believe it's true. Yeah, I was alive back in '86 when they won, but I was one and a half - the only memory I have of it is a shirt I won in a pool my parents put my name in. But Keri stole that shirt from me, so I guess that doesn't even count anymore (bitch). I'm pretty at the age of 22 I'll be able to remember it this time, or at least take a lot of pictures to jog my memory. I've been sure of a Bears Superbowl appearance since early this season, even requesting off from work Monday January 5th around Christmas time. Confident? You bet your fucking ass I am. I wish I could have been at the bar to watch it, but I'm kinda broke so had to settle for watching it at a friends, where I had to explain every single thing that happened on the field to my two friends I was watching it with. I thought I knew little about the rules, and trust me, I do ( I just learned what "hashmarks" are after that intentiontal grounding penalty that resulted in a safety - thanks Bro) , but I must have explained what a challenge is at least twice and also why it wasn't a touchdown each time the ball was caught by a Bears player. But why am I bitching about that, THE BEARS ARE IN THE SUPERBOWL BABY! Being a Chicagoan is pretty sweet right now. I can only hope that it'll be even sweeter come February 4th around 9:00 pm or so - watch out Colts.

The weekend of the Superbowl is probably going to be the best weekend ever because that Friday my friend Maribeth gets married, and I have off Friday through Monday. I'm still going with my friend's 19 year old brother, which might sound pathetic, but to whoever thinks that I say, shut up, I couldn't find anybody else, so shove it. Also, I love commas. I go to Diana's grandma's tomorrow to try on my dress, and hopefully it fits like a glove now, not a tent in the chest-al area like it was before (plus-sized every else but up there - I always get screwed). I'm so anxious to try it on with makeup and my hair done, ok no one cares, but I am excited. Motherfucking excited. Best weekend ever, coming up in twelve days.

The second best thing to happen this week, other than da Bears? I found my ring I lost last Tuesday. I was at the bar with Megan on Friday and wearing the same zip-up I had on Tuesday. I reached in my right side pocket, for no apparent reason and felt my ring in there. The look on my face as I pulled it out probably scared Megan, but in my mind I looked like I had just found out I won the $300 million dollar lottery. It must have flown off my finger, bounced off the car door and landed in my pocket. That sounds kind of improbable, but that's really the only explanation for it. Now that I've been given a second chance with the only piece of nice jewelry I own (except for my mom's birthstone ring), I have to get it fitted because I will be damned if I lose it again. Reunited and it feels so good.

Carey is a douche bag. I'm never talking or thinking about him again. Outloud at least, let's be realistic.

I need a good book to read. Out of the past six or seven books I've read, I've only really liked one of them. Most of the ones I didn't like were ones I had bought as opposed to just getting out from the library, so from now on I'm not buying a book until after I read it and love it. I want a book that will grab my attention and not let go until I'm done. I want a book that will make me cry and make me sad at the prospect of finishing it. I mean christ, is that too much to ask? I've been avoiding the library lately because I owe it about $20 (I should have KNOWN better than to rent a DVD from there, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME), but I'm gonna have to suck it up because my brain is melting from the terrible books I've read lately. Give me some suggestions, or even better, pay my library fine.

It's gonna be twelve long days of Sports sections about whether Good Rex or Bad Rex will show up, Lovie and Tony being the first African-American coaches in the Superbowl (one of thems bound to win, I can just feel it) and comparisons to the '85 team. Twelve long, long days. February 4th, hurry up.

You better start makin'
Your Super Bowl plans.
But don't get ready or go to any trouble
Unless you practice
The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Since I Got A Digital Camera, You Have To Deal With Pictures Of Me. All The Time.

Here is the Very Retarded Cosby Family Christmas Potrait. Seriously, we all look like we have brain damage. You can all agree, it won't hurt our feelings. I think it's just my mom's bright ass red lipstick and my dad's horribly bloodshot eyes, cause next to them the three of us almost look like models. Not that they give us much to look better than.


Ma souer et moi. I was trying to push her out of the shot. Didn't work as well as I thought it did.


My best friend Megan and me on New Years Eve. She always looks at me like that.


I only put this on here to show off Megan's Olsen twin-ness that she was so proud of in this picture. I'm her green-eyed lady, ocean lady and she's my brown eyed girl. Even though she has blue eyes. I hope this picture was really late in the night to explain why my eyes look like they're going in different directions. There were other people at the party, I swear - it wasn't just the two of us.


Self portrait on Christmas, the day I got the camera. I have can't-shut-my-mouth-syndrome. We're working on a cure.


My friend Lauren and I some random Tuesday we went out.


That same Tuesday. I love this picture, even though I look like creepshow. And am also getting violated by Julie. It was okay though - she had been gone working in Washington D.C since August. Her tongue felt so natural there, like it had never left.


He wasn't even working last night. The first Tuesday since May that I've been to where he hasn't been there too. Goddamnit. God fucking damnit.

In other heart breaking news, I lost my turquoise ring last night. I've been bitching for the past month about how I wanted to get it fitted so I wouldn't feel like it was going to fly off my finger, especially when it's cold out, and then last night it finally happens. I'm hoping to god Lauren finds it in her car but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. I've had that ring since I went to Mexico man, four years ago. I am so sad. So so sad.

Last thing: Why is finding a pair of jeans that fit you like asking for the fucking moon? Everytime I got shopping for them I get angry; I don't know why I do it to myself so often. I don't have a dime to spare now, but come income tax check time, I'm getting a pair custom fitted at Levi's. And then all my problems will be solved. There will also be world peace and Rosie and Donald will be friends once again. I'm not the only one who's going to benefit from this great create-your-own-jeans invention, so you can see why it is of upmost importance.

Bears, Whining, Haircut, Tired - Sounds Like The Makings Of A Great Post

THE BEARS WON. They won! It's the first playoff game I've ever seen them win in my lifetime (well I mean of course I was alive in 1995, but don't remember watching it, I was in fifth grade), and oh my lord, it was spectacular. A nail bitter at the end, but Gouldie pulled through for us, god love him. And Rex, dude, you were great. A few mistakes here and there, but you stepped it up when it counted. You bascially told all those naysayers to shut the fuck up. I hope they listen. Watch out Saints - I know you might be "America's Team" right now, but not for long bitches, not for long. Oh man - best day of my life yesterday. Save for when February 4th rolls around I mean.

I went home with a guy a few weeks ago (J.P, don't read this. This is why I hate knowing you read this stupid blog), but didn't sleep with him because Megan convinced me it was the smart thing to do. Leave him wanting more, right? So the next time I see him (he's a bartender at a bar I go to a lot) he's decent to me, but we don't talk much, but I gave him the fact that he was working and tried not to think about it too much. Then I see him the following Saturday and he ignores me. I see him the next Tuesday and he hardly says a word to me. I spent way too much time analyzing everything I said, thinking I had creeped him out or something. ANYWAYS, he's been nice to me the past few times I've seen him, but it hasn't been anything worthwhile. So I see his friend Saturday night, and me and Meg hang out with him all night. Towards the end, without me mentioning his friend at all, he tells me his friend likes me, liked how "I didn't sleep with him the first night and thought he ruined his chances with him because he thought I saw another girl kiss him, but he's shy." My head almost exploded. What a fine way of showing me he liked me - by hardly talking to me at all. I mean I know he says he's shy, but goddamnit. I put myself out there the night I went home with him, it's not like he'd be asking me anything blindfolded with no idea what he was going into. I wanted to scream when P.J told me all that about Carey. I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. I was finally starting to not obsess and move on, clearly getting the hint he wasn't interested. And now this. Gaaah, I just needed to get that out because I can't believe it. Can't fucking believe it. Quit messing with my head bastard.

Sorry I just needed to get that out - way too make a short story long Kate. So anyways, I got my haircut Thursday and it is delightful. It't not too different, but it's different enough and I love it. Layers, they're not as scary as you think - who knew.

Saturday I wasn't planning on going out because we were going to the bar at 11:30 am for the Bears game and I wanted to get my $40 worth. Instead I go out until 5:30 in the morning. How the fuck do I go from not going out at all it staying out until 5:30 am? I mean granted it was fun, but if I had stayed in I could have avoided a mindfuck, spending the last of my money and being so tired for the game that I came home after the Chargers-Patriots game and was asleep before my head hit the pillow at 7:00 pm. And then slept until 1:00 pm. So maybe it wasn't so bad in retrospect, but I missed Desperate Housewives. Shit bitch.

Going to the bar tomorrow. I'm hoping I might possibily have good news, but with my track record so far, let's not count on it. I will however drive myself fucking insane thinking about all of this until I get to the bar around this time tomorrow. Awesome.

You Decide

I have two Internet Explorer windows open here at work.

One is a Google search for "black pointy toe shoes" for the wedding I have coming up.

The other is ESPN, the articles for today's football games.

Am I a dude or a lady, I have no idea.

Make Me Shine

1. I love my Ipod almost as much as I love swiss cheese (and that is A LOT) but when I'm listening to it downstairs while on the computer it drives me crazy because I turn around to make sure no one is about to sneak up behind me about 56 times a minute. The fucking dog almost gave me a heart attack 15 minutes ago for christs sake. I don't know who I think is going to sneak up behind me at 2:00 in the morning considering only my mom and brother are home and they're both sleeping, but Mr. Stranger Danger is always out there lurking. Therefore, the constant checking of what could be behind me will never stop. I should've brought my nunchucks down here.

2. Thriller just came on. WHERE ARE MEGAN AND KERI WHEN I NEED THEM.

3. I've been sick for the past few days, from Sunday-Wednesday, but it's finally over. The one part that I have no problem with being sick? The losing of the weight part. I lost about five pounds over those few days, and I plan on keeping them off, no matter how unfeasible that may seem. I totally needed something like this to jumpstart my diet, and here it was, handed to me practically on a platter because of the unexplainable and weird sickness I get after I do a certain thing. I have to get this checked out. But really, maybe I should do this certain thing more often. It's doing wonders for my figure.

4. On Sunday I'm going with my Dad to the bar near my house to watch the Bears kick Seattle's ass in the second round of the play-offs. Well it's $40 all you can drink and eat, so I'll either be drunk and elated, or drunk and crying on my dad's shoulder. Let's all hope for the former. But really, come on Bears. More importantly COME ON REX GROSSMAN. Please please please let the good Rex come out Sunday. For your sake, and for the city of Chicago's sake. We will never forgive you if you fuck this up for us. At least I won't and I KNOW you don't want that on your conscious for the rest of your life.

5. I paid my first student loan today. $140 down, only $498,745.12 to go.

6. I never ended up getting my hair cut Saturday because who knew every salon closed before 4 pm on Saturdays, but I really am tomorrow. It requires me getting up at 11:00, even though I don't have work until 2:30, but I'm still planning on it. I, however, do not know what my hand will be planning tomorrow when it presses the snooze button for two hours straight, but I have slept for about 48 hours in the past four days so I think I can handle it. A big "think" there.

7. I was gonna try to write out 10 paragraphs, but then I got sucked into the fad diets article on the Yahoo! main page. Now I'm contemplating whether to try the Cabbage Soup, Apple Cider Vinegar or Maple Syrup Diet. Oh the possibilities!

I Will Grow My Own Private Branch Of The Tree

J.P and I saw the Raconteurs at the Riviera Theatre last Saturday, the 30th. Best concert ever? Might be. (As long as I'm not counting the first time I saw Bobbdy D, Neil Young or Rufus Wainwright). Best concert ever that I went to with my brother though? Definitely. They opened with my favorite song on the record, Intimate Secretary and it was awesome. I realize how astounding that must sound that I used the word "awesome" to describe it, but it really was. Plus I can't think of a better word to use. But really, Jack White is a beast on the guitar. The Raconteurs, see 'em if you get the chance. Preferably with your brother. And then go out to eat at a Mexican restuarant. Then take the train home and discover that the driver's side window on your car has been smashed in and the cd player/ radio has been taken. It wouldn't be a complete night without that ending. The driver's side window didn't even work anyways, it hasn't rolled down for 4 months, so we needed to get it fixed anyways. Take that, car-smasher-inners.

New Year's Eve was pretty fun. I didn't get to wear my new dress because Diana's grandma isn't done tailoring it, but no one was really dressed up anyways. We watched the Bears lose to fucking Green Bay (please leave Brett Farve) and then pretty much danced until 6:00 am. And I took about 300 pictures, but I'm too lazy how to figure out how to get them on my computer. Some day, maybe. Happy 2007, bitches.

Keri convinced me to get my hair cut so later today I'm getting some sideswept bangs and long layers put in. Which I will hate 3 hours later. Yet I'm still doing it to myself, I have no idea why. She tried to get me to get a dyke haircut, like she had a few years ago, but I said "no, because I am not a dyke like you were eight years ago." Keri, give it up already - the dyke haircut was never cool. It just made you look dykey.

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Lose 30 pounds. I originally had 50 pounds to lose to not lie on my liscense anymore, now it's down to 30. I will do this by June 1st. I have no idea how because I still can't even bring myself to get on the treadmill for an hour, and drink too much, but it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine.

2. Get a new job before I go postal (UPS-al?) and shoot eveybody who comes into this store.

3. Get a car so I don't have to ask my fucking mom everytime I want to use it. Goddamnit JUST LET ME USE IT ONCE IN AWHILE. My hands are balled up in fists right now as I type that because jesus christ, she drives me insane. Yes, it is possible to type while your hands are in fists. I got your proof right here.

4. Move out of the house. See above.

5. Find a boyfriend, get married and have a baby. Everyone's invited.

Oh man, I did a bad thing last night. I started telling my sister, but had to hang up because someone was coming into the store. She ended the conversation with "I'm not happy with you." I am about to get a reaming, kids. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Wish me luck getting my haircut. And being a a confined space with my sister. I'm gonna need it.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Scene

Background information: My mom made french onion dip on Christmas Eve for our Very Cosby Christmas. She also made waffles on Christmas morning. I had some of what I thought was the leftover dip on Christmas evening.

Keri: I want some of that french onion dip.
Me: It's in the orange container in the fridge, I just had some.
Keri: No, it's in this clear container.
Me: No it's not, I just ate some out of the orange container.

Keri opens clear container, which is clearing containing the leftover dip.

Me: What the fuck was I eating then? It didn't taste the best, but I ate it for at least five minutes.
Keri: I think it's waffle batter.

I run upstairs to ask my mom.

Me: Mom, what is this stuff?
Mom: Waffle batter.
Me: I JUST ATE SOME OF THAT WITH CHIPS THINKING IT WAS THE FRENCH ONION DIP.
Dad: You'll be puking later, it had raw eggs in it.

Fast forward to 8:00 am this morning: I puke my brains out. I puke out waffle batter. FUCKING WAFFLE BATTER. Goddamnit, HOW DID I GET THE TWO CONFUSED. I have to stop thinking about it or I'm going to throw up again.

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I got J.P tickets for me and him to see the Raconteurs at the Riviera Theatre on December 30th for his birthday/Christmas. When he came home Saturday, I realized I didn't know where I had put the tickets that had just arrived in the mail Wednesday. I was going crazy looking for them in my room, on my mom's desk and all over the house. As a last resort I looked in our paper recycling bin, and there they were. IN THE GODDAMN GARBAGE. Had it been a Tuesday, they would have been outside in the garbage can and gone forever. I am so very, very lucky. And so very, very goddamn stupid.

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I got a digital camera for Christmas. It was a total surpise! I had no idea I was getting it! And it is the most awesome thing ever. I also got a hair straightener from J.P, the Disney animated movie Robin Hood (jealous Bill?) from my Seeeeestor and a few other things, but those are the winners right there. It was a very good Christmas.

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Keri and I were running around getting my mom and dad stocking stuffers a few days before Christmas and went to Sports Authority to get my dad a Bears division winners t-shirt. It said $20 on it, but when the girl rang it up, she said "$2.67."Me and Keri were confused but weren't gonna fight the awesome price. We totally thought we got a good deal, or more likely that the computer scanner thing just fucked up the price. So my dad opens it on Christmas and goes, "Oh, nice.....it's from last year." It's from when the Bears were divison champs last fucking year. And of course it was the first thing he noticed. The most observant people Keri and I are not.

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The best song in the entire fucking world, don't even try to fight it: I Got the Blues by the Rolling Stones.

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I've learned that I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't so I gotta take what I can get when it comes my way. I'm never going to get married if this awesome trend continues.

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My new diet is called "Drink Too Much Coffee Until You Feel Sick and The Thought of Food Makes You Want to Throw Up" and has been working out quite nicely this past week. Or maybe I should just eat waffle batter more often. Between the two of them I can't even imagine how I'm going to go to the bar and drink tonight, but where there's a will there's a way. Or rather when there's a Miller Lite I can't turn it down. Katie: Creating Custom Sayings For Every Occasion.

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Last thing in this novel: As forementioned, (is that one word? I have no idea) we had a Very Cosby Christmas on Christmas Eve which entailed drinking at the bar for the Bears game, sweet Christmas sweaters and hats, a turkey dinner, drinking and dancing to Christmas songs (I love you Mariah!) and then me ditching them to go to the bar. I am the most unphotogenic person in the entire world (seriously - you should see the rest of the pictures I'm in - but you won't), but here's everyone: Cliff, Claire, Theo, Denise and Rudy (Sondra and Vanessa were busy) in our Cosby Family Portrait. Ok, this thing is stupid and I can't get the picture to show up on here, plus my fingers are frostbitten, so I'll leave you all in suspense. We all look like retards though. I never say that word, but really that is the only word that comes to mind when I look at the pictures. A Very Retarded Cosby Christmas. I ain't politically correct, bitches.