Wednesday, January 04, 2006

"What Should I Say About That One-Night-Stand?" "You Had A One Night Stand." "Brilliant!"

ONE. Tonight is Jenn's last night working the graveyard shift. I don't think anyone realizes what a sad moment this is for me. I'm a night owl and talk to Jenn literally every single night while she's at work, granted I'm not drunk and puking somewhere and she's not off. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I'm despondent. Who is going to entertain me Jenn? WHO? I really don't think you considered me at all in this decision. Now I'm not despodent, I'm angry. How could you Jenn, how could you. You know how to cut me right to the core Baxter. TWO. Keri comes home THIS WEEK. Yay. On Saturday we shall be reunited and we shall celebrate by getting drunk. Something out of the ordinary I know, but trust me, you'll enjoy it. THREE. I got a sweet new camera phone yesterday. My orginal phone broke over the summer so I had been using my dad's old ghetto ass phone that was about 5 years old. I could only talk for 10 minutes before it would run out of batteries. The best part? I got the phone for free thanks to my brother getting a new phone. Can't beat the 2 for 1 deals. Hells yeah bitches. FOUR. I had been wanting to see the movie Crash forever, and finally rented it yesterday. If you haven't seen it, go out today and see it. It was super-ass good. Am I good at describing things or what. FIVE. I'm starting a diet tomorrow. I've had two "last orders of cheese fries", one last "chocolate shake", 15 "last cans of pop", 4,800 "last cookies" and for 6 days in a row I've been meaning to "get on the treadmill for at least an hour." But goddamnit, tomorrow is the day. Unless we get pizza, then by golly January 5th will be the day. I swear! SIX. People have found my blog in the past week by searching for the following, "I want to fuck Katie", "mother and daughter fucking", "giantass", "asia takes it up the ass", "I hate Katie ohio", "I don't want a real job" and "I don't want my family and parents anymore." Not to brag, but I'm the number one website when people search for fuckable Katies. Don't be jealous. SEVEN. I don't feel like commenting tonight, but I swear I will soon. Not that any of you care, I don't mean to make it sound like "Please don't cry because I haven't left any lame as comments lately. The world revolves around me and you know it" but I feel bad because you comment for me. And then I just get lazy. Really really lazy. So soon, I will leave you all who comment here a wonderful magnificant magical comment. John, I had Portillo's today, how about dem apples? EIGHT. On New Years Eve my best friend and I got dressed up and went to a bar near my house. I told her I wasn't going home until at least 2:30 and she agreed. I was double fisting (I love saying that because I think it sounds so gross) all night, so was pretty drunk by about 1:45. Plus I couldn't walk anymore in my giantass heels. These heels were over an inch bitches. My delicately arched feet aren't used to that. So in other words, I was the giant pussy of the night who made us go home early. Sorry lady. NINE. On Christmas we went to my Uncle John's house, and later after we were all drunk, we took a picture where all of us had hats on, because they had done that 22 years ago when there was no grandkids yet, blah blah. (Do we know how to party or what) My uncle put on a hockey helmet, and he looked like a mentally challenged person. It was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen. (Except for the time when Keri got her dyke haircut. Nothing will ever top that.) This won't sound funny to anyone else, but I needed to post it here so 20 years down the road I can read this, mentally picture it, and cry laughing again. Then we all started dancing to "Dancing Queen" and "Who Let the Dogs Out". God I wish I was kidding. TEN. I started writing this, wanting to number the different topics, completely forgetting again how this stupidass enter key doesn't work. Then I got angry. Then I didn't even want to post. Then I thought "Fuck you keyboard, I'm going to number them despite you." I totally showed that keyboard. I love getting unnessecarily angry at inanimate objects.


Jenn said...

Hahaha! Your title is fucking BRILLIANT!

I'm still here! And I was supposed to be off over an hour ago. Looks like I'll be here for another hour or so. I still haven't finished these gahdamn evaluations! Bullshit.

Plus, I don't wanna leave because I'm sad. I'm SO gonna miss you. The sun is gonna make me go blind and the rest of the nocturnal world won't know what to do without me to share their problems with when it's the middle of the night. But, mostly I won't get to talk to you as much. You better start liking text messages, bitchface. Just keep practicing. Who the hell am I going to cry to about all my damn boy problems!! This sucks.

Dude, put that freaking camera phone to use when Keri gets back! I wanna see if she looks as cute as her sister when she winks at me. Oh and one of you falling down would make my year.

Because of how you reviewed Crash, I'm gonna watch it. I swear we review music and movies the same damn way. We fucking rock!

I'm gonna start that diet tomorrow too. Wait, it is tomorrow. Make that the next tomorrow. No, seriously.

It's like I told you, people find your XXX blog because of the crazy shit you talk about. Actually, I'm almost sure mine is worse, but you manage to get the weirdest hits based off word searches.

Hah! You commented for me tonight. You loooooove me!

I want a picture of you in the dress. Pronto. Hurry up brother!! Oh yeah. I called you on New Years and I wasn't even drunk. Did you get my message? Thanks for not answering. I cried.

Dude, I always tell Mariah I'm gonna get her a helmet with GPS. I always imagined it looking something like what you're describing your uncle. I'm NOT mean. Her brother started it.

Show that fucking keyboard. Bastard. I still haven't showed my browser here at work. Hence you fixing my last post for me. It's like my ex. (baby daddy) Won't fucking stop being a loser and pissing me off. Fuck him and the browser! You think someday he'll know I compared him to a browser?

Bill B. said...

Katie you smelly pirate hooker...what's the good word. Why don't you go back to your home on whore island..(haha sorry I was watching Anchorman earlier and I kept laughing my ass off at those lines. Anyhow gangsta are you motivated for your final semester at school? I am so proud my little Katie has grown up, I think at one time we were freshmen together, but then I became a bad bad person who smells like cheese. Happy New Year sucka!

Rat In A Cage said...

You're insane. I love it.

HMT said...

(I'm chuck norris for this joke)


*I hear drips*

doym said...

“That really escalated quickly”, what did you mean by “I was double fisting”, I just about fell of my chair, it’s not your normal run of the mill drinking term here, but it is usually preceded by drinking though hahaha