Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Today Is Not Friday. It's Wednesday.

ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS. My stomach is in a constant state of butterflies because I can't fucking WAIT for the Superbowl to start. Here at the store, it's almost like Christmas time again with everyone sending their out of state relatives and friends t-shirts, hoodies and hats to wear for the game. I'm too broke to buy a shirt right now (I do have an Urlacher one though) so they better win so I can buy a Superbowl champs shirt. Emily's coming here to watch the game with me and my friends, granted that the bar we're going to still has tickets available. The bar is always shown on tv for big sports events, so if you're in Chicago, look for me making my big tv debut. It's going to be spectacular.

Only one more day of work after today and then I'm off until Tuesday, aw hell yeah. When I told my boss I needed these days off he asked "Are you going out of town?" I said "No, I have a wedding Friday and then Monday...for...the....Superbowl."
"You're going to the Superbowl?"
"No...I'm just going to be a drinking.....a lot."
He's made fun of me since then for taking the day off, but whatever. I think it's cool that I have a boss I can be that truthful too. Yes your employee does take the day off so she can celebrate properly the night before, but I'm hardcore man. Surprised you didn't know that. (John Phil, I will be very dissappointed if you don't know the line before that.)

Last night was Megan's last hurrah because she starts student teaching February 5th. Well her last Tuesday hurrah anyways, and seeing as Tuesdays are like our Fridays or something, it made me very depressed. WHY MUST SHE ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING WITH HER LIFE. God, I thought she was going to waste away as a waitress while I toiled away at the UPS Store. Who needs real jobs, at least we can still go out and get drunker than I have been in quite some time any day we want! Christ I need to grow up.

So. I saw Carey last Saturday and went home with him, but kept my chastity belt on again. When he drove me home, he still didn't ask for my fucking number. I just saw the "He's just not that into you" Sex and the City episode last week and I wish to god I hadn't because it's so true. Oh so true. Stupid fucking Sarah Jessica Parker. Reason number two I'm pissed (well I guess I'm not really "pissed" at Carey, I just feel pathetic): his friend P.J stole my Bears lighter. And then to top it off, P.J, who likes Megan, actually called her today. IMAGINE THAT, a boy calling a girl. I wish I had any idea what that was like. Assholes, the both of them.

I ordered a phone off Ebay because my phone (seriously- there is no other explanation) dissappeared right before New Years. I've been using my dad's old phone from 1973 which runs out of batteries after two minutes of talking on it - not annoying at all. I just bought a replica of the phone I lost, but it's a used one and I'm nervous that it's going to be a piece of shit. It better live up to its condition that was described as "good" - let's hope that means I can at least have a four minute conversation now.

My parents are leaving tomorrow and will be gone skiing until Sunday. How excited am I about this? Very. Very fucking excited. Only my mom won't be here Friday to help me curl my hair HOW THOUGHTLESS CAN ONE PERSON BE. A new standard has been set.

The next time I talk (type) to you bitches, the Bears will be the crowned (what now Dennis Green) Superbowl Champions. Defense always win, and Peyton Manning, you ain't got shit.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Countdown: Nine Days

1. I got my dress back Wednesday, and Diana's grandma did an awesome job on it. It's still a tad, tad big, but at least it doesn't look like I'm wearing a skirt with a giant oversize t-shirt on anymore, according to Diana. While I was at her grandma's I said, "Awesome. Now all I need is shoes and I'm set." She asked what size I wore, and then said she had a pair she was about to give to Goodwill, so I should try those. I was terrified (seems like an exaggeration, but who wouldn't be expecting something hideous, and since I can never tell the truth I would have been like "Oh my god! These are great! I love them, they're perfect!" even if they were a bright orange color), but she pulled them out and they were Pointy. Black. Just the right size heel. I was amazed. So yeah, I got my shoes from a 76 year old lady, but they're (seriously) perfect and I ain't got no money for shoes anyways. I also borrowed a purse from her. Diana's Grandma's: One Stop Shopping For All Your Wedding Attire Needs.

2. Why do we have no goddamn decaf tea in our house. Because it's freezing balls I had to have a cup while down here in the dungeon, and now I'm going to be up all night when I have to be up at 9:00 am. Yes I could just go to Jewel and buy some, but then I wouldn't get to ask my mom constantly why she doesn't buy any more, and she wouldn't get the chance to say "I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN BUY THE FOOD AROUND HERE." Yes you are mom, yes you are.

3. This article made me laugh really hard, especially the "What is going on with today's white nationalists?" Really guys, you gotta step it up a little bit. The guy say he's ashamed to be a neo-Nazi, and if that doesn't ring a bell with you, I don't know what will.

4. The other day, Larry, this guy who comes into the store pretty much everyday because his company has packages delivered there told me I "looked like a million bucks." It was a gross exaggeration, but made me realize how disgusting I must look every other day that I show up after having just rolled out of bed 20 minutes prior. It's amazing the difference a shower before work makes. I think it's finally starting to resonate with me.*

5. My boss owns two UPS Stores; his other one is about an hour away and he has me work there once in a great while. I fucking hate going out there - usually I leave 10 minutes before I have to be at work, and now I have to leave 60. Oh oh, but he gives me an hour of travel time! Too bad it takes two hours, going there and back, asshole. The only part I get excited about is that it's in a posh (are only English people allowed to use that word?) downtown neighborhood up north and there's an Old Navy and Borders right down the block. IMAGINE THAT. Like I don't have an Old Navy or Borders 10 minutes from my house. But whatever gets my rocks off, right? Apparently it only takes an Old Navy within walking distance of my work. Easy to please, yo.

6. I heard Joe Jackson's Steppin' Out song on the radio last week; I almost hate hearing new songs that I love now because I have no means of downloading them at all (not that it's a new song - it came out in '82). It's an awesome song though, and if you can download it, I hate you.

7. I told my date for the wedding, Tommy, that I was excited that he's tall (6'4) because I could wear heels then and not worry about looking like a giant. His reply was "Can you dance in heels?" in a real you-better-say-yes-or-I'm-gonna-be-really-pissed-off voice. I told him no worries, that my shoes would be off probably within five minutes of being there anyways. Anything to not make my 19 year old date mad at me. My dad told me Tuesday that I was robbing the cradle by taking him. Shut up dad I REALIZED THAT ALREADY.

8. nephelai0820: kris just broke my door. i locked it and she busted through
yaya5120: good lord
nephelai0820: and the knob is broke, woo hoo!
yaya5120: good thing you weren't beating off
yaya5120: OR WERE YOU
nephelai0820: haha, i was just going to say how am i going to keep them off when i play with my willy?
nephelai0820: *out
yaya5120: keeping them off your willy could pose a problem also
nephelai0820: you are wise
yaya5120: why do you think I'm the older sister
nephelai0820: lezzz-be friends

I don't talk to my sister nearly enough on AIM anymore. Oh the good conversations I'm missing out on. Quit playing with yer dinghy Ker.

9. I'm finally reading Truman Capote's In Cold Blood, I mean I only bought it three months ago, what's the rush. After this book, I'm taking some of your suggestions, plus The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen and We Need to Talk About Kevin, by Lionel Shriver. I already read The Secret Life of Bees Bill, but thanks anyway. The books you guys suggested better be good or I am going to beat some ass.

10. Do you know what COLTS stands for?
Count On Losing The Superbowl - HEY-O

*Not that I never shower, I DO. Just never before work - I'd rather get 30 more minutes of sleep. I'm glad I cleared that up because I'm sure you were all under the impression that I had never taken a shower before in my life.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Bears

Brian Urlacher pointing the way to Miami.

The Bears are in the Superbowl. Each time I read or hear someone say those words, my heart does a little leap because I still can't believe it's true. Yeah, I was alive back in '86 when they won, but I was one and a half - the only memory I have of it is a shirt I won in a pool my parents put my name in. But Keri stole that shirt from me, so I guess that doesn't even count anymore (bitch). I'm pretty at the age of 22 I'll be able to remember it this time, or at least take a lot of pictures to jog my memory. I've been sure of a Bears Superbowl appearance since early this season, even requesting off from work Monday January 5th around Christmas time. Confident? You bet your fucking ass I am. I wish I could have been at the bar to watch it, but I'm kinda broke so had to settle for watching it at a friends, where I had to explain every single thing that happened on the field to my two friends I was watching it with. I thought I knew little about the rules, and trust me, I do ( I just learned what "hashmarks" are after that intentiontal grounding penalty that resulted in a safety - thanks Bro) , but I must have explained what a challenge is at least twice and also why it wasn't a touchdown each time the ball was caught by a Bears player. But why am I bitching about that, THE BEARS ARE IN THE SUPERBOWL BABY! Being a Chicagoan is pretty sweet right now. I can only hope that it'll be even sweeter come February 4th around 9:00 pm or so - watch out Colts.

The weekend of the Superbowl is probably going to be the best weekend ever because that Friday my friend Maribeth gets married, and I have off Friday through Monday. I'm still going with my friend's 19 year old brother, which might sound pathetic, but to whoever thinks that I say, shut up, I couldn't find anybody else, so shove it. Also, I love commas. I go to Diana's grandma's tomorrow to try on my dress, and hopefully it fits like a glove now, not a tent in the chest-al area like it was before (plus-sized every else but up there - I always get screwed). I'm so anxious to try it on with makeup and my hair done, ok no one cares, but I am excited. Motherfucking excited. Best weekend ever, coming up in twelve days.

The second best thing to happen this week, other than da Bears? I found my ring I lost last Tuesday. I was at the bar with Megan on Friday and wearing the same zip-up I had on Tuesday. I reached in my right side pocket, for no apparent reason and felt my ring in there. The look on my face as I pulled it out probably scared Megan, but in my mind I looked like I had just found out I won the $300 million dollar lottery. It must have flown off my finger, bounced off the car door and landed in my pocket. That sounds kind of improbable, but that's really the only explanation for it. Now that I've been given a second chance with the only piece of nice jewelry I own (except for my mom's birthstone ring), I have to get it fitted because I will be damned if I lose it again. Reunited and it feels so good.

Carey is a douche bag. I'm never talking or thinking about him again. Outloud at least, let's be realistic.

I need a good book to read. Out of the past six or seven books I've read, I've only really liked one of them. Most of the ones I didn't like were ones I had bought as opposed to just getting out from the library, so from now on I'm not buying a book until after I read it and love it. I want a book that will grab my attention and not let go until I'm done. I want a book that will make me cry and make me sad at the prospect of finishing it. I mean christ, is that too much to ask? I've been avoiding the library lately because I owe it about $20 (I should have KNOWN better than to rent a DVD from there, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME), but I'm gonna have to suck it up because my brain is melting from the terrible books I've read lately. Give me some suggestions, or even better, pay my library fine.

It's gonna be twelve long days of Sports sections about whether Good Rex or Bad Rex will show up, Lovie and Tony being the first African-American coaches in the Superbowl (one of thems bound to win, I can just feel it) and comparisons to the '85 team. Twelve long, long days. February 4th, hurry up.

You better start makin'
Your Super Bowl plans.
But don't get ready or go to any trouble
Unless you practice
The Super Bowl Shuffle.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Since I Got A Digital Camera, You Have To Deal With Pictures Of Me. All The Time.

Here is the Very Retarded Cosby Family Christmas Potrait. Seriously, we all look like we have brain damage. You can all agree, it won't hurt our feelings. I think it's just my mom's bright ass red lipstick and my dad's horribly bloodshot eyes, cause next to them the three of us almost look like models. Not that they give us much to look better than.

Ma souer et moi. I was trying to push her out of the shot. Didn't work as well as I thought it did.

My best friend Megan and me on New Years Eve. She always looks at me like that.

I only put this on here to show off Megan's Olsen twin-ness that she was so proud of in this picture. I'm her green-eyed lady, ocean lady and she's my brown eyed girl. Even though she has blue eyes. I hope this picture was really late in the night to explain why my eyes look like they're going in different directions. There were other people at the party, I swear - it wasn't just the two of us.

Self portrait on Christmas, the day I got the camera. I have can't-shut-my-mouth-syndrome. We're working on a cure.

My friend Lauren and I some random Tuesday we went out.

That same Tuesday. I love this picture, even though I look like creepshow. And am also getting violated by Julie. It was okay though - she had been gone working in Washington D.C since August. Her tongue felt so natural there, like it had never left.

He wasn't even working last night. The first Tuesday since May that I've been to where he hasn't been there too. Goddamnit. God fucking damnit.

In other heart breaking news, I lost my turquoise ring last night. I've been bitching for the past month about how I wanted to get it fitted so I wouldn't feel like it was going to fly off my finger, especially when it's cold out, and then last night it finally happens. I'm hoping to god Lauren finds it in her car but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. I've had that ring since I went to Mexico man, four years ago. I am so sad. So so sad.

Last thing: Why is finding a pair of jeans that fit you like asking for the fucking moon? Everytime I got shopping for them I get angry; I don't know why I do it to myself so often. I don't have a dime to spare now, but come income tax check time, I'm getting a pair custom fitted at Levi's. And then all my problems will be solved. There will also be world peace and Rosie and Donald will be friends once again. I'm not the only one who's going to benefit from this great create-your-own-jeans invention, so you can see why it is of upmost importance.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Bears, Whining, Haircut, Tired - Sounds Like The Makings Of A Great Post

THE BEARS WON. They won! It's the first playoff game I've ever seen them win in my lifetime (well I mean of course I was alive in 1995, but don't remember watching it, I was in fifth grade), and oh my lord, it was spectacular. A nail bitter at the end, but Gouldie pulled through for us, god love him. And Rex, dude, you were great. A few mistakes here and there, but you stepped it up when it counted. You bascially told all those naysayers to shut the fuck up. I hope they listen. Watch out Saints - I know you might be "America's Team" right now, but not for long bitches, not for long. Oh man - best day of my life yesterday. Save for when February 4th rolls around I mean.

I went home with a guy a few weeks ago (J.P, don't read this. This is why I hate knowing you read this stupid blog), but didn't sleep with him because Megan convinced me it was the smart thing to do. Leave him wanting more, right? So the next time I see him (he's a bartender at a bar I go to a lot) he's decent to me, but we don't talk much, but I gave him the fact that he was working and tried not to think about it too much. Then I see him the following Saturday and he ignores me. I see him the next Tuesday and he hardly says a word to me. I spent way too much time analyzing everything I said, thinking I had creeped him out or something. ANYWAYS, he's been nice to me the past few times I've seen him, but it hasn't been anything worthwhile. So I see his friend Saturday night, and me and Meg hang out with him all night. Towards the end, without me mentioning his friend at all, he tells me his friend likes me, liked how "I didn't sleep with him the first night and thought he ruined his chances with him because he thought I saw another girl kiss him, but he's shy." My head almost exploded. What a fine way of showing me he liked me - by hardly talking to me at all. I mean I know he says he's shy, but goddamnit. I put myself out there the night I went home with him, it's not like he'd be asking me anything blindfolded with no idea what he was going into. I wanted to scream when P.J told me all that about Carey. I DON'T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. I was finally starting to not obsess and move on, clearly getting the hint he wasn't interested. And now this. Gaaah, I just needed to get that out because I can't believe it. Can't fucking believe it. Quit messing with my head bastard.

Sorry I just needed to get that out - way too make a short story long Kate. So anyways, I got my haircut Thursday and it is delightful. It't not too different, but it's different enough and I love it. Layers, they're not as scary as you think - who knew.

Saturday I wasn't planning on going out because we were going to the bar at 11:30 am for the Bears game and I wanted to get my $40 worth. Instead I go out until 5:30 in the morning. How the fuck do I go from not going out at all it staying out until 5:30 am? I mean granted it was fun, but if I had stayed in I could have avoided a mindfuck, spending the last of my money and being so tired for the game that I came home after the Chargers-Patriots game and was asleep before my head hit the pillow at 7:00 pm. And then slept until 1:00 pm. So maybe it wasn't so bad in retrospect, but I missed Desperate Housewives. Shit bitch.

Going to the bar tomorrow. I'm hoping I might possibily have good news, but with my track record so far, let's not count on it. I will however drive myself fucking insane thinking about all of this until I get to the bar around this time tomorrow. Awesome.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

You Decide

I have two Internet Explorer windows open here at work.

One is a Google search for "black pointy toe shoes" for the wedding I have coming up.

The other is ESPN, the articles for today's football games.

Am I a dude or a lady, I have no idea.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Make Me Shine

1. I love my Ipod almost as much as I love swiss cheese (and that is A LOT) but when I'm listening to it downstairs while on the computer it drives me crazy because I turn around to make sure no one is about to sneak up behind me about 56 times a minute. The fucking dog almost gave me a heart attack 15 minutes ago for christs sake. I don't know who I think is going to sneak up behind me at 2:00 in the morning considering only my mom and brother are home and they're both sleeping, but Mr. Stranger Danger is always out there lurking. Therefore, the constant checking of what could be behind me will never stop. I should've brought my nunchucks down here.

2. Thriller just came on. WHERE ARE MEGAN AND KERI WHEN I NEED THEM.

3. I've been sick for the past few days, from Sunday-Wednesday, but it's finally over. The one part that I have no problem with being sick? The losing of the weight part. I lost about five pounds over those few days, and I plan on keeping them off, no matter how unfeasible that may seem. I totally needed something like this to jumpstart my diet, and here it was, handed to me practically on a platter because of the unexplainable and weird sickness I get after I do a certain thing. I have to get this checked out. But really, maybe I should do this certain thing more often. It's doing wonders for my figure.

4. On Sunday I'm going with my Dad to the bar near my house to watch the Bears kick Seattle's ass in the second round of the play-offs. Well it's $40 all you can drink and eat, so I'll either be drunk and elated, or drunk and crying on my dad's shoulder. Let's all hope for the former. But really, come on Bears. More importantly COME ON REX GROSSMAN. Please please please let the good Rex come out Sunday. For your sake, and for the city of Chicago's sake. We will never forgive you if you fuck this up for us. At least I won't and I KNOW you don't want that on your conscious for the rest of your life.

5. I paid my first student loan today. $140 down, only $498,745.12 to go.

6. I never ended up getting my hair cut Saturday because who knew every salon closed before 4 pm on Saturdays, but I really am tomorrow. It requires me getting up at 11:00, even though I don't have work until 2:30, but I'm still planning on it. I, however, do not know what my hand will be planning tomorrow when it presses the snooze button for two hours straight, but I have slept for about 48 hours in the past four days so I think I can handle it. A big "think" there.

7. I was gonna try to write out 10 paragraphs, but then I got sucked into the fad diets article on the Yahoo! main page. Now I'm contemplating whether to try the Cabbage Soup, Apple Cider Vinegar or Maple Syrup Diet. Oh the possibilities!

Friday, January 05, 2007

I Will Grow My Own Private Branch Of The Tree

J.P and I saw the Raconteurs at the Riviera Theatre last Saturday, the 30th. Best concert ever? Might be. (As long as I'm not counting the first time I saw Bobbdy D, Neil Young or Rufus Wainwright). Best concert ever that I went to with my brother though? Definitely. They opened with my favorite song on the record, Intimate Secretary and it was awesome. I realize how astounding that must sound that I used the word "awesome" to describe it, but it really was. Plus I can't think of a better word to use. But really, Jack White is a beast on the guitar. The Raconteurs, see 'em if you get the chance. Preferably with your brother. And then go out to eat at a Mexican restuarant. Then take the train home and discover that the driver's side window on your car has been smashed in and the cd player/ radio has been taken. It wouldn't be a complete night without that ending. The driver's side window didn't even work anyways, it hasn't rolled down for 4 months, so we needed to get it fixed anyways. Take that, car-smasher-inners.

New Year's Eve was pretty fun. I didn't get to wear my new dress because Diana's grandma isn't done tailoring it, but no one was really dressed up anyways. We watched the Bears lose to fucking Green Bay (please leave Brett Farve) and then pretty much danced until 6:00 am. And I took about 300 pictures, but I'm too lazy how to figure out how to get them on my computer. Some day, maybe. Happy 2007, bitches.

Keri convinced me to get my hair cut so later today I'm getting some sideswept bangs and long layers put in. Which I will hate 3 hours later. Yet I'm still doing it to myself, I have no idea why. She tried to get me to get a dyke haircut, like she had a few years ago, but I said "no, because I am not a dyke like you were eight years ago." Keri, give it up already - the dyke haircut was never cool. It just made you look dykey.

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Lose 30 pounds. I originally had 50 pounds to lose to not lie on my liscense anymore, now it's down to 30. I will do this by June 1st. I have no idea how because I still can't even bring myself to get on the treadmill for an hour, and drink too much, but it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine.

2. Get a new job before I go postal (UPS-al?) and shoot eveybody who comes into this store.

3. Get a car so I don't have to ask my fucking mom everytime I want to use it. Goddamnit JUST LET ME USE IT ONCE IN AWHILE. My hands are balled up in fists right now as I type that because jesus christ, she drives me insane. Yes, it is possible to type while your hands are in fists. I got your proof right here.

4. Move out of the house. See above.

5. Find a boyfriend, get married and have a baby. Everyone's invited.

Oh man, I did a bad thing last night. I started telling my sister, but had to hang up because someone was coming into the store. She ended the conversation with "I'm not happy with you." I am about to get a reaming, kids. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Wish me luck getting my haircut. And being a a confined space with my sister. I'm gonna need it.