Monday, October 31, 2005

On A Bluer Ocean Against Tomorrow's Sky

1. This past week was the best week of my life. October 26th, 2005 was the best day of my life. Since I wanted to go home and watch the game with my Dad on Thursday, I wasn't expecting them to win and it didn't hit me right away with that last out Juan threw to Paulie. My friend Stephanie started crying and I was almost mad that the tears weren't coming to me. Christ, I tear up at commercials, why can't I cry when the White Sox win their first World Series in 88 years? I've since made up for it, and then some. I cried at the rally they held downtown on Friday when Frank Thomas talked to the crowd. I cried when I saw Paul Konerko holding his week old son. I cried reading articles about how wonderful the Sox work together as a team, not as indiviual superstars, in the Tribune. Now I almost feel sad that it was over so quick but I'm so glad I was able to see it. I'll be telling my grandkids about the 2005 White Sox team. Jerry Reinsdorf, if you don't offer Paul the money he deserves, and sign him for at least 5 years, I will hunt you down and kill you. Don't make me angry.

2. My mom buys me a pumpkin each year but I've never gotten around to carving it. I actually did do it this year and it looks fucking awesome. I carved out the old-school Sox logo on it and it turned out pretty damn good if I do say so myself. I made Emily take pictures of it with her digital camera, and you can bet your ass I'm going to post them on here when she gets them online.

3. I didn't go to a single class this week. Not one. Both of them were cancelled Monday, so that left only 5 I had to go to. Only 5 classes over the course of 3 days and I couldn't manage to go to any of them. I decided it was Sox Celebration Week and gave myself a week long vacation. I will never survive in the real world.

4. One of the classes I have to take is my huge history research paper one. The whole course is based around a 25 page paper and the work that goes into writing it. Our 20 page rough draft was due Saturday at noon. I had 4 pages done already for a previous assignment, but didn't start the last 16 pages until 6 pm Friday. I got 11 done that night, and wanted to wake up at 8 am to finish but of course overslept and got up at noon. I didn't finish until 5 pm Saturday and emailed it with some bull shit excuse for being late. The paper sucked ass but I did get some consolation in winning the award for Biggest Procrastinator in the Entire World. Please don't even try to compete with me.

5. I went to a bar yesterday with some friends for a Halloween party and was very original with my costume. It took me weeks to come up with such a clever idea, I didn't just put it together at the last second. I wore my AJ Pierzynski shirt and black mascara underneath my eyes so it looked like the grease outfielders wear. God I am so fucking creative. Why I didn't win first place I'll never know.

6. I will be reunited with my Sister in the Homeland in 20 days. I might be changing my return flight so we can see Dylan in Dublin on the 26th. Seeing him for the 9th time, with my sister, internationally at that. Does life get any better? I submit that it cannot. (Has anyone ever seen the comedian Brian Regan on Comedy Central? If you haven't, do it up now bitch.)

7. So how bout dem Bears? They won for the 3rd straight week and are now first in their division. Do I smell a Super Bowl in January? Probably not, but I'm getting greedy now. The Sox have spoiled me. Kyle Orton, please do something about your beard. I don't think its supposed to go that far down on your neck. You are frightening all the children.

8. Since I started my diet in September I've lost 11 pounds. Now I only look 4 months pregnant, not 5! Who knew that eating less made you lose weight? I'm going to market this new-fangled diet and make billions. The best part? I haven't changed my drinking habits at all. I drank 5 days this week and still lost 2.4 pounds. Now if that isn't the awesomest fucking thing in the entire world, I don't know what is.

9. I went to bed around 2:30 last night and woke up at 9 am in Emily's bed. She wasn't home, so it's not like I sleep-raped her, but what the fuck? One time last semester I woke up on the couch in the front room after having gone to bed in my room. And one time when I was a lot younger I sleep-walked to the back door and tried to open it to get outside. I'm going to tell Emily and Carly to start locking their doors when they go to bed at night from now on. I would flip out if someone came into my room sleep walking, and probably shit myself. (I get startled so easily its annoying.)

10. I don't know why I number the paragraphs.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


I have never ever been prouder to have been from the Southside of Chicago than this moment right now.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Jizz, Sox, Dad, Shitfaced and Rosa

When I do a BlogSearch thingy for "jizzing myself" (sorry for getting graffic HMT. I had to get my point across somehow) why does my page not come up? But when people search for "Canadian minimun wage", "is toothpaste necessary?" and "white sox fans are fags" it pops right up? Is there no justice in this world? For the person who needed to ask Google whether toothpaste was necessary, the answer is YES. It is always YES. Didn't your mom teach you anything? Christ.

So I've been on Cloud 93 for the past day. Why you ask? Have I mentioned that the White Sox are in the World Series? And how they're up 2-0 against the Astros? And how Paulie hit a grand fucking slam last night? Or how Scottie Podsednik hit his 2nd home run of the postseason, without having hit a single HR all year, to win the game in the bottom of the 9th? Or how this is probably the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me, probably because I was only 1 when da Bears won in 1986? And how at least 5 people call me after each game because I'm the first person they think of when the Sox win? Oh I have mentioned all that already? Sorry. Just put up with this for a couple more days, then I'll shut the fuck up. But until then, its all Sox all the time. Apparently I can't get enough of asking questions when explaining my love for the Sox. I never claimed to be creative.

Now I don't want the Sox to lose a game Tuesday or Wednesday, but if they do, I'll be able to get drunk with my dad Thursday and watch the game. I haven't been able to watch a game with him yet because he was at the firehouse when I went home 2 weeks ago. Please don't lose tomorrow though. I have a date with a lady friend to go watch the game at a bar that has 50 cent drafts. The Sox winning + 50 cent beers + a sexy lady. Life could not get any better.

This weekend was probably the best one of my life. I saw a Beatles cover band Friday and fell in love with George all over again, all the while sneaking beer into the bar and getting completely shitfaced. Completely fucking shitfaced. Not as bad as Emily though, who doesn't remember racking up a $47 tab on just shots, the walk home, making me order nachos, spilling her change all over trying to scrounge up the other $2.59 we needed and falling asleep in my bed with me. Then she woke up at 8:00 am and was at work by 9:00. I bow down to her, because I had work at 1:00 pm and felt like I was still drunk for the first hour. Then we did the same thing on Saturday night. Fuck yes, I love my roommate.

On a sad note, Rosa Parks died today at 92 years old. I remember when I was in grammar school, once every few weeks we would get "Book Orders" and I would always beg my Mom to order me $100 worth of The BabySitter's Club, Sweet Valley, Goosebumps or other random books. Needless to say I was a huge book worm as a kid, and still am to this day. Anyways, one week in 3rd grade I think, I ordered a biography on Rosa Parks, just out of curiousity. I was amazed at her story; she alone had sparked the Montgomery bus boycott back in 1955 because she refused to move to the back of the bus. Ever since then I've learned so much more about her, but I still remember that she had a brother named Slyvester from that first book I read on her. God knows why things like that stick with me but for some reason it did and I've always admired Rosa, not so much for having a brother named Slyvester, but for doing refusing to give up her seat. In reality she was refusing so much more. RIP Rosa Parks.

Monday, October 24, 2005

What Now Houston?


We are two wins away from me:
1. Jizzing myself
2. Getting my second tattoo
3. Going back home Thursday IF Game 5 is even necessay to get drunk with my dad

I still can't stop smiling. Paulie and Scottie, please let me have your babies. PLEASE. It's the least I can do.


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

One Too Many Mornings

1. Today at work, me and a guy I work with were "arguing" back and forth about the Sox and Cubs. The graduate assistant who works there walked into this conversation and asked us to explain how baseball is played. After 5 minutes or so he got the general concept of the game since he follows cricket. As I was leaving he said "I will watch the Sox game Sunday. Go Sox!" I successfully made the Indian guy at work a Sox fan instead of a Cubs fan. Sweetass.

2. I started a 12 page midterm due Tuesday at 12:30 pm at 11:00 pm Monday night. I got done with 1 of the questions, went to bed at 1 am, woke up at 5:45 am, got the second one done, went to work, then class where I lied to my teacher telling him "essay 1 didn't attach to my email so I couldn't print it", came home, took a 3 hour nap, finished the last essay and had it emailed by 9:30 pm because that's when I "got home from work." God I'm awesome.

3. I leave exactly a month from today to go to Ireland to visit my sister. This is going to be the longest 31 days of my life. Bob Dylan is going to be playing in Dublin the day I leave to come home. Why do you hate me Bob? Why?

4. I got my first paycheck on Friday and by the end of the day I had spent $100. The day I get paid I'm broke again. I blame it on my mom for not stopping me from buying 2 shirts and 1 pair of shoes at Old Navy. Of course it's not my fault.

5. Kelly drove me back to school and we got stuck in traffic for two fucking hours, making us miss tailgating for the football game. We went to the bar to watch the Sox game later and kind of harassed anybody who walked by and said they were a Cubs fan. Sorry people. We meant no harm. Then later some guy said to Kelly, "You have freckles. Don't hate God for making you that way" which made me laugh for a good 10 minutes because for one, Kelly hadn't even said anything to him and two, she barely has any freckles.

6. I get to sleep in until 1:00 pm tomorrow. You have no idea how excited I am.

7. My brother tried to get me World Series ticekts today because I was at class when they went onsale. Of course we didn't get them, I don't know why I even made him bother, but then I read in the Sun-Times that only 2,000-4,000 tickets were available. WHAT THE FUCK? Comiskey sells out at around 41,000. I'm calling the cops to report this unjustice.

8. The best first line to a song ever: "You know I smoked a lot of grass o' lord, and I popped a lot of pills, but I never did touch nothing that my spirit couldn't kill." Goddamn I love Nina Simone.

9. On Friday after I watched the game at the bar back home, this band came on to play. I think it is safe to say that they were the best fucking band in the entire world. This guy sounded just like Johnny Cash when he sang Sunday Morning Coming Down, Ghost Riders in the Sky, Folsom Prison Blues and Ring of Fire. I was in love. I SWEAR he kept making eye contact with me but that was probably just because of my erratic dancing.

10. World Series starts Saturday. I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG. Go Sox.

Monday, October 17, 2005




I never EVER thought I would be able to write that, so let me say it one more time.


Words can't explain how I feel right now. I've been a White Sox fan since birth, thanks to my dad who I'm sure would have abused us when we were younger if we weren't and today, today it paid off. It just feels so goddamn good when you've stuck with a team through thick and thin, under .500 seasons and under the shadow of the fucking Cubs your entire lifetime. LEAVE THE CUBS OUT OF IT FOX ANNOUNCERS. This is the White Sox's year, so let's concentrate on them and not the other Chicago team which sucks ass. Four starting pitchers complete games in a row? Paul Konerko, who is my lover though he doesn't know it yet, hits 2 homeruns in the series? Joe Crede, who doesn't get the appreciation he deserves, comes up big for us the entire series? AJ Pierzynski who has been involved in every single kind of controversy possible in the past week? Ozzie Guillen, the 2nd year manager who is the most likely candidate to win Manager of the Year? We couldn't ask for a better team right now even if we had the Yankee's payroll (sorry John).

I thought that no one here in DeKalb cared, but I heard fireworks after the game ended, so that made my night. Besides the Sox winning, I guess. I'm sure it was nothing compared to how the Southside celebrated tonight. I would give my right arm to be there right now.

If only this headline was true. C'mon Chris, you're my long-lost cousin, right? I'm sure having the same last name makes us related in some manner. Hook a sister up.

For anyone (Bill) who has ever asked the question "How can you be a Sox fan and not like the Cubs?", please read this article. Now, would you rather be a Sox fan or a (pussy) Cubs fan? I tried to explain it here, but that article fucking nails it on the head. Ok, I'm done with the links.

During Sox games, my brother and I talk online basically the entire time. I miss watching games with him like a banshee and really wish we lived closer so that we could watch our beloved Sox in the World Series together. Fucking Ohio. Anyways, we made this up tonight, when we were both drunk on our delirium of the Sox winning and after pledging to get Sox tattoos when they win. I give you the Sox Nation Pledge:

We pledge our allegiance, to the Sox, of the Southside of Chicago and to the pitching staff, for which it stands, one Paul Konerko, under Ozzy, unbeatable, with Joe Crede, good ump calls and the World Series forever, bitch.

Are we losers? Yes. But did we think we were motherfucking awesome after writing that? You're goddamn right we did. Go Sox.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Sox, Southside, Oversleeping, Annoyances and Apologies

I have to get the baseball talk out of the way first (mainly directed at you John, I'm sure you're the only one who pays attention). WHITE SOX WON BITCHES. 2-1, it was a good game. It kind of feels like we won dirty because there was a dispute about a call at the bottom of the 9th, but you can't reverse it now. The series is tied and we go to Anahiem from the next three games. We should win those three then wrap it up back here on the Southside (you have no idea how many times a day I knock on wood. I'm sure it really helps the team). Seven more wins and it's ours. It's been a long time coming, 88 years. We're due for a championship.

Ever since the playoffs started I've been dying to go back home to watch a game there, in some Southside Irish bar surrounded by people who will be just as into the game as I am. My mom is coming to get me tomorrow so I can watch Friday's game at home, then Kelly can give me a ride back up here since she's coming to visit me anyways. SOUTHSIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE here I come.

This past Saturday I had work at 9:00 am, so I wasn't planning on going out. I've told myself that the past 3 weekends when I haad work that early and ended up going out and getting drunk each time. But I had a good excuse this time, the Sox had just beaten Boston to clinch, so naturally I had to celebrate. I came home at 4 am, and set the alarm for 8 am. What time do I wake up? 10:30. Sweet, I'm an hour and a half late for work. I had never worked with the guy who was working, so I'm sure I make a great first impression on him. From now on, NO GOING OUT WHEN I HAVE WORK AT 9. Or at least be home by 1 am, let's be sensible here.

I really hate when I'm the passenger in a car and the driver rolls down my window for me using the automatic window-roller-downer-thingy. If I want the window down more than I already put it, I'LL DO IT MYSELF. Or if it's not open at all, maybe I just don't want it open in the first place. I think I'm old enough to make my own decision. I'm adding this to the list of stupid shit that annoys me. While we're on the topic, I hate people who use bookbags with wheels. Is it nessecary? I remember telling Kelly two years ago that whenever I see one I just want to go over to it and kick it over. So now everytime I see one, I mentally image myself kicking the shit out of your stupid bookbag on wheels and it makes me a little bit better. Not much, but it's the only thing that keeps my rage intact when I see one.

This is probably the worst post I have ever written. Sorry bitches.

Friday, October 07, 2005

I Started Out On Burgundy But Soon Hit The Harder Stuff

1. I tried, in vain, for an hour yesterday to get Sox tickets to the American League Championship games coming up next week (I am VERY optimistic. Knock on wood). It took me two days to convice my Dad to let me buy them, even though the cheapest ones were $65(!). All that for nothing. Ticketmaster ruined my life.

2. But besides that, HOW FUCKING AWESOME ARE THE SOX DOING? There was a football game here Wednesday night which I was at, but I left in the 1st quarter after finding out the score was 4-0 Bosox. I could give a shit about the Huskies right now when the Sox are in the playoffs. I ran (read: walked as fast as my body allows) home to watch the game and the first pitch I see is Taddie hitting the 3 run homer that carried us the rest of the game. Game 3 starts in about an hour. I CAN'T WAIT.

3. I gained .7 lbs on the second week of my diet so I got discouraged and was pretty much eating whatever I wanted. I was scared to weigh myself so I waited 10 days instead of 7 and turns out I lost 4 pounds. Fuck yeah bitch. I'm sure you are all enthralled.

4. I talked to my sister yesterday and she's on her 17th day of drinking in a row in Ireland. YOU MAKE ME SO PROUD. She's also developed an Irish accent already despite only being there for 17 days. Yeah yeah yeah, you say its only when you're drunk, but every time I talk to you you're drunk so how am I supposed to know the difference? Only 43 days until Sisters in the Homeland, bitch. I talked to mom yesterday and she said "How great would it be to bring a turkey to Ireland for Thanksgiving!" I can't even fathom how great that would be Mom! A frozen turkey! In my luggage! Crossing the ocean! Shenannigans!

5. I just put in a new pair of contacts. I had been wearing the old pair since May. Sick.

6. I met a guy named Cash at the bar Wednesday night. He was from Nebraska. I didn't believe him at first because really, who the fuck actually lives in Nebraska? I called him Johnny Cash all night because I'm just so goddamn clever. I was the first person EVER to make the connection between his name and Johnny Cash's.

7. I have zero dollars to my name until Friday the 14th. ZERO. I told my mom the ComEd bill was $29 and not $19 so I should have $10 coming to me soon hopefully. I think it would best be spent on cigarettes. I am so coniving! If my kids ever do that to me (because I have kids right now. Four of them) I'll kill them.

8. I got drunk off vodka last night. Dmitri vodka. Shit bitch, that stuff is disgusting. It's all I drank freshman year and I can't even look at Dmitiri and pink lemonade anymore without throwing up all over myself. I didn't pay for it though, so I can't bitch. But I already did. Boo-ya.

9. Next weekend is Homecoming and KJ the old roomie is coming up to visit me for it. I can't fucking wait. Let's hope this time she doesn't give me a heart attack by coming up here unannounced like last time. (Check that shit out, I AM SO INTERNET SAVVY.)

10. I leave you with this: a picture of me with my finger up my nose. Why do I ruin every single picture I ever take by doing the "rock" sign? Why? I guess taking bad picture just comes naturally to me. Jealous, bitches?

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Thursday, October 06, 2005