Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Hoping Everything's Not Lost

Yes I AM going to Ireland in November. Jealous? This trip is henceforce dubbed "Sisters in the Homeland." Keri, as I've mentioned once or twice before, is a dirty whore and therefore studying abroad in Limerick, Ireland during the fall. I bought (or my mom put on her credit card for me to pay her back) a ticket a week or so ago to go see her during our Thanksgiving break. She doesn't have that week off (who knew the Irish didn't celebrate the Indians and Pilgrims getting along in perfect harmony, just like ebony and ivory?) but we'll make her skip class that week regardless so we can go to the pub every night and (hopefully) get impregnanted by Irish men with sexy ass brogues. That way my kids can at least be 75% Irish. My mom screwed us over by not being Irish at all, so we're only 50%. Thanks a lot Mom. But anyways, fuck yes bitches, I am finally accomplishing one of my New Year's Resolutions by going to visit Kerianne. Well I mean I have gained that 45 pounds I was planning on, but I don't want to brag about that here.

I have really accomplished one other goal though so far this summer by taking the summer math class. We had our first test last week and I got a motherfucking A on it. I can't remember the last time I got an A on a test, let alone a MATH class. Needless to say I put it on the refrigerator. Then I went to class today and realized 20 minutes before it started that I had forgetten to do this short 20 point project that was due today. As Keri put it "You have ONE class and you forget to do this project?" Shut up bitch.

This past Saturday was my co-worker's wedding that has been three years in the planning. I remember thinking back then, "jesus christ, I'm be 21 by the time that wedding comes along" and now it's already come and gone. It was a lot of fun though. I ended up going with Brad, my bosses son, and now I'm never going to hear the end of it from certain people who I see at work each day. He was a good date though. There was plenty of dancing, door-holding and drink-getting which I throughly enjoyed. I love when a guy opens up the door for you. I think I'm more old fashioned that I realized. So what if I think women should be barefoot in the kitchen and not be allowed to speak unless spoken to? THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.

Now that Amanda is gone on her THREE WEEK LONG HONEYMOON (Mexico, Hawaii AND a cruise. Good lord, they are going to need a vacation from each other when they get back) I'm working a lot more, which blows, but at least I'll be making some decent money finally. All of which basically has to go to paying my mom back, but still. This week I work Monday-Saturday. What is this, slave labor? Goddamnit. At least I'm in air conditioning all day becuase it has been hot as fuck here for the past 2 weeks. We hit 96 degrees Friday, which was the highest it's been here in three years. I know you bitches in New Mexico or California experience worse on a daily basis probably, but I'm not used to this shit. I would much prefer to be swimming though. My mom insists that "we have a pool!" because we have a spa in the backyard, but can you swim laps in a spa Mom? I didn't think so.

The White Sox are the best team in baseball right now. I think the entire Southside has been on a high these past few weeks. Granted we lost the series to the Cubs, 2 games to 1 this past weekend, which kind of sucked becuase it gave Brad bragging rights at the wedding, but regardless, we're number one bitches.I still haven't been to a game yet, but I bought this package deal the other day at work, so Comiskey here I come. Next stop, World Series. I'm most likely just jinxed them. Prepare to read about the Sox losing their next 42 games in a row.

To answer your question Rat in a Cage (I can't think of your real name at the moment, or even if I know it at all), I think you should visit Chicago for St. Patty's Day. I've never been to the parade downtown, I just go to the one on the Southside, which I think is a ton of fun, but I don't know if it's just because all my friends and family are there and we all have a good time. What I'm basically trying to say is, I'm not sure if an "outsider" (for lack of better words) would find it as fun as we do. But I'm thinking, if you like to drink and like Irish people, you would have a wonderful time. I am not helpful at all. Southsiiiiiiiide, bitches.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

You're Goddamn Right I Got The Blues

This past weekend was the Chicago Blues Fest downtown at Grant Park which basically meant that I spend most of my weekend on the train down there, sneaking beer in and sitting in the grass listening to some motherfucking awesome music. We saw John Mayall and the Bluesbreakers with guest Mick Taylor (I can now say that I've seen 1/5 of the Rolling Stones in concert), Buddy Guy (he's a blues legend and huge here in Chicago) and Mavis Staples (that lady's got the blues and she ain't afraid to show it). Buddy Guy was the highlight on Saturday night. I've wanted to see him in concert forever, and I finally got too, for free on top of it. Does it get any better? I submit that it cannot. I wore a white skirt on Thursday night there and of course stepped in mud. I'm just now washing it, so I'm pretty sure it's ruined. I will be a horrible wife and mother some day. All of my kids clothes will have mud and grasss stains on them because I wait 4 days to try to wash them out. I'm smart.

This past weekend has solidified the fact that I will never ever live anywhere but Chicago. Of course I want to travel and shit like that, but I can't imagine raising a family anywhere but the Southside of Chicago. There is so much pride on being Irish and from the Southside of Chicago that if I wasn't from here it would be really annoying. It was awesome being downtown, listening to music and looking up at the skyline that was the backdrop of my entire weekend. I can't imagine having kids and them not knowing what it means to live in Chicago. I sound like a douche bag right now, but I fucking love Chicago, so lay off me man.

So, I finally worked up the balls to call Brad, my bosses son who was going to go with me to the wedding. I left him a message on Friday and he hasn't called me back. I hate myself for getting excited and then nothing happening. But I hate him even more for not even having the balls to call me back. If you don't want to go, cool, I'm not going to throw a fit by any means. Make something up for christs sake, I wouldn't know the difference. Even if he doesn't have my number, which he should because the phone rang, it's not like it just went to the voicemail, he could easily call the store where I work and get it, or even ASK HIS FUCKING DAD. YOUR DAD IS MY BOSS, DON'T MAKE THIS SITUATION MORE AWKWARD THAN IT HAS TO BE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU. Dear lord I hope I'm drunk next time that happens.

I have a backup plan for a date though, so screw you Bradley. I hate that name anyways. You live in Illinois, not California. I think I'm going to ask this guy Brian I've been kind of seeing, that is, if my friend doesn't have a hissy fit about it. When I said "the female version of bros before hos", why did no one tell me it was "chicks before dicks"? It slipped my mind at the time until I asked my friend and she reminded me. I thought of a better one though, "sistas before mistas." And yes, it must be spelled with an -a not -er. It just makes it just much cooler. Apparently, I have too much time on my hands.

I started my math class today and we learned about interest rates. I'm pretty sure I learned this shit in 8th grade, but I'm not going to complain. I wouldn't mind if we practiced subtracting big numbers from each other because as a 21 year old I have problems with it. Pathetic, yes? Shove it up your ass.

-I'm obsessed with the new Coldplay song.
- I can't fucking wait to buy a new dress for the wedding. OPEN BAR, BITCHES.
- I miss Emily like a goddamn banshee. I haven't seen her since I left school a month ago.
- My sister has successfully gotten into bars with my ID. Hopefully she still will after I get it changed finally.
- It's sweating balls in my basement right now. TURN ON THE AIR, CHEAPSKATES.
- I watched the Royal Tennebaums last night and thought of you Bill. Did you get a new phone yet? Give me your number, Pagoda. I haven't talked to you in eons.
- Tomorrow is Tuesday and I'm pumped (do people still say that word?) Too bad I have work from 9:30-5:30 and then class from 6-8:30. I will NOT make the same mistake I did last week. I came home at 5 am and had to be up at 7 am to open the store. I felt and looked like I was dead the entire day. Not a pretty sight kids, not a pretty sight.
- I got my first sunburnt on the summer on Thursday. Life is good when your friend has a pool that you use her for.
- I want to hold your hand, bitches.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Yeah, I'm Lazy, What Now?

1. My birthday was motherfucking awesome. It was a three day binge of nothing but drinking AND I LOVED EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT. I should have got my pictures put on a disc because in everything one I was a) wearing a crown b) throwing the "westside" sign c) closing my eyes. I don't remember most of Wednesday night, so I would say the mission was definitley accomplished.

2. I spend way too much money at the bar. I'M NOT BITCHING ABOUT IT THOUGH. Tuesday night here is the "new Saturday" because a band plays every Tuesday at this bar. I think I might accomplish my goal of becoming a regular at a bar. Is it Tuesday yet?

3. We got some some lame ass drama going on in life right now that involves friends and boys. I'M SORRY THAT I LIKE IT WHEN A BOY PUTS HIS ARM AROUND ME, DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A GODDAMN ULTIMATIUM (thanks Jenn) ABOUT IT? I'm basically going through the girl version of "bros before hos" and I don't like it. Not one bit. I have a crush on the ONE guy that I should have stayed away from. You sure know how to pick 'em Kate.

4. I didn't realize that my brother was an alchoholic until I turned 21. He's lucky I just turned 21 and still enjoy buying 18 year olds beer, because in a few months I am absolutley NOT going to leave the bar to buy them beer anymore. I probably still will because I'm a pushover so score for my brother that his sister is a pussy who can't say no.

5. When someone gives me a $2 tip at work, the first thought that enters my mind is "THIS WILL BUY ME A 40 TONIGHT." I'm a classy broad, yo.

6. I got my grades back and I got one D, one A, one B and two C's. I KNEW I hated Russia the most out of all the countries in the world. That D just confirmed it. Why am I even bitching, I deserved that D and I still got credit for the class. Fuck yeah bitch. I start my math class June 13th and I'm really pumped about it. No, really I am. I love classes called "Quantitative Literacy" because I TOTALLY understand what that means.

7. I might be going to one of my co-workers weddings with my bosses son as my date which is awesome because I've had a crush on him forever. I'm not really sure if it was just drunk talk, but HE asked ME so I'm hoping it does happen. I have his number though, and he doesn't have mine, so that blows because you have no idea how much balls it is going to take for me to call him. We're talking major, bigass balls here. I'm not sure if that'll happen. Everybody please send me stop-being-a-pussy-and-grow-some-balls vibes my way. It would be greatly appreciated.

8. My mom bought "Superhero Popsicles" and you have no idea how much joy those things have brought into our house these past few days. It's pathetic and glorious at the same time.

9. My friend's dad is going to Kentucky for a few days and is picking me up a carton of P-Funks for $25. How fucking sweetass is that? I'm paying $5.05 right now and I feel like I've been raped each time I buy a pack (appropriate analogy). Why don't I just quit? Because I'm a douche bag. I thought that was obvious.

10. This list took me way too long to write. I think I got rusty by not updating for a few weeks. That's why I shared such useless information. At least I didn't tell the story about how I was babysitting and my uncle's dog threw up AND THEN ATE HIS OWN VOMIT. I told my cousin Andrew "Good lord, I can't eat anything now after seeing that" and he replied "just think about pizza!" You give great advice Andrew and I thank you for that. Sorry, you heard the story anyways. If you have that awful mental image in your head, just listen to Andrew and think about pizza, bitches.