Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Scene

Background information: My mom made french onion dip on Christmas Eve for our Very Cosby Christmas. She also made waffles on Christmas morning. I had some of what I thought was the leftover dip on Christmas evening.

Keri: I want some of that french onion dip.
Me: It's in the orange container in the fridge, I just had some.
Keri: No, it's in this clear container.
Me: No it's not, I just ate some out of the orange container.

Keri opens clear container, which is clearing containing the leftover dip.

Me: What the fuck was I eating then? It didn't taste the best, but I ate it for at least five minutes.
Keri: I think it's waffle batter.

I run upstairs to ask my mom.

Me: Mom, what is this stuff?
Mom: Waffle batter.
Dad: You'll be puking later, it had raw eggs in it.

Fast forward to 8:00 am this morning: I puke my brains out. I puke out waffle batter. FUCKING WAFFLE BATTER. Goddamnit, HOW DID I GET THE TWO CONFUSED. I have to stop thinking about it or I'm going to throw up again.


I got J.P tickets for me and him to see the Raconteurs at the Riviera Theatre on December 30th for his birthday/Christmas. When he came home Saturday, I realized I didn't know where I had put the tickets that had just arrived in the mail Wednesday. I was going crazy looking for them in my room, on my mom's desk and all over the house. As a last resort I looked in our paper recycling bin, and there they were. IN THE GODDAMN GARBAGE. Had it been a Tuesday, they would have been outside in the garbage can and gone forever. I am so very, very lucky. And so very, very goddamn stupid.


I got a digital camera for Christmas. It was a total surpise! I had no idea I was getting it! And it is the most awesome thing ever. I also got a hair straightener from J.P, the Disney animated movie Robin Hood (jealous Bill?) from my Seeeeestor and a few other things, but those are the winners right there. It was a very good Christmas.


Keri and I were running around getting my mom and dad stocking stuffers a few days before Christmas and went to Sports Authority to get my dad a Bears division winners t-shirt. It said $20 on it, but when the girl rang it up, she said "$2.67."Me and Keri were confused but weren't gonna fight the awesome price. We totally thought we got a good deal, or more likely that the computer scanner thing just fucked up the price. So my dad opens it on Christmas and goes, "Oh, nice.....it's from last year." It's from when the Bears were divison champs last fucking year. And of course it was the first thing he noticed. The most observant people Keri and I are not.


The best song in the entire fucking world, don't even try to fight it: I Got the Blues by the Rolling Stones.


I've learned that I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't so I gotta take what I can get when it comes my way. I'm never going to get married if this awesome trend continues.


My new diet is called "Drink Too Much Coffee Until You Feel Sick and The Thought of Food Makes You Want to Throw Up" and has been working out quite nicely this past week. Or maybe I should just eat waffle batter more often. Between the two of them I can't even imagine how I'm going to go to the bar and drink tonight, but where there's a will there's a way. Or rather when there's a Miller Lite I can't turn it down. Katie: Creating Custom Sayings For Every Occasion.


Last thing in this novel: As forementioned, (is that one word? I have no idea) we had a Very Cosby Christmas on Christmas Eve which entailed drinking at the bar for the Bears game, sweet Christmas sweaters and hats, a turkey dinner, drinking and dancing to Christmas songs (I love you Mariah!) and then me ditching them to go to the bar. I am the most unphotogenic person in the entire world (seriously - you should see the rest of the pictures I'm in - but you won't), but here's everyone: Cliff, Claire, Theo, Denise and Rudy (Sondra and Vanessa were busy) in our Cosby Family Portrait. Ok, this thing is stupid and I can't get the picture to show up on here, plus my fingers are frostbitten, so I'll leave you all in suspense. We all look like retards though. I never say that word, but really that is the only word that comes to mind when I look at the pictures. A Very Retarded Cosby Christmas. I ain't politically correct, bitches.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

My Dreams Is Fading Down the Railway Line

Good Rex, is that you? Could it be? Thanks for making an appearance every five games or so. Fuck yeah bitches, 11-2: what you gonna say about da Bears now. Devin Hester, you are all that is man. Miami, here we come.

At work we exchanged gifts today and I got Let It Bleed and Sticky Fingers by the Stones. My Christmas is complete. At least until I get my digital camera from my parents.

Work is actually busy now and it sucks. I get annoyed just that much easier now with customers because I've told myself since May I would NEVER be there come Christmas for the busy season, and yet here I am. WHY AM I SO GODDAMN LAZY. Jesus christ, January 1st I'm making a fucking resume, no matter how hungover I am.

Lesson learned: you can let a guy give you a ride home and make out with him in front of your house for half an hour, but when you meet him the next day, he'll be enraptured with your skinny-ass bitch best friend if you bring her out with you. Never, ever again.

Mom: It's so nice talking to you when you're not crabby.
Me: It's just cause I'm drunk right now.
Mom: I knew there had to be a reason.

Chicago Bears vs San Diego Chargers on February 4th. I'm taking bets now.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Two Memos

NFC North Division Champs, aw hell yeah. At least thanks to the defense - the offense wouldn't have even had to show up and we still woulda won 17-13. Terrible Rex Grossman, just terrible.

I totally had my ringtone "Rock the Casbah" way before that commercial came out.

That is all.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Is There Nothing I Can Say, Nothing I Can Do?

Terrible. Absolutely terrible. Five motherfucking turnovers, and we still only score 13 points? Goddamnit Rex Grossman. GODDAMNIT. Okay, so it's not soley you're fault, but good lord, whose hopes weren't dashed when we recoverd a fumble with 1:52 left, only to have you throw the ball to Asante whatever-his-name-is, HIS THIRD INTERCEPTION OF THE DAY. Watching them kneel for the last minute was tragic. Just tragic. I was so pissed/despressed/violently angry after the game, I probably would have shot anybody who tried to talk to me the first 15 minutes after it was over. I'm sure I seem psycho-like, but man, that just really sucked. A win against the Patriots totally would have legitimatized the Bears, and we couldn't pull it off. I'd love to see Griese (pronounced "Greasy" - seriously, what was his childhood like) start next week but Lovie already said Grossman's not going anywhere. So help you Rexy if you don't shape up this Sunday versus the Vikings. We win this, we win the division. Keep that in mind.

I went to jury duty for the first time this past Tuesday and actually got picked for a trial. It was kinda boring, just a civil lawsuit for a minor car accident that last three days. The lady was asking for $64,000 and we gave her $3,800. I had some hardasses as fellow jurors. It was actually pretty cool though, seeing some things actually played out that I had seen billions of times on Law & Order, like the defense attorney being a very pretty bitch, sidebars, objections and actually being on the jury myself. No Sam Waterson though. That was a dissappointment. Except for that part, totally worth the $54.60 I got and two days off of work.

Chicago and the rest of the Midwest was hit with a pretty big snowstorm yesterday and today. We were expecting at least a foot of snow, and the northern suburbs did get that much, but the Southside only got about 3-4 inches. Goddamnit Tom Skilling, you tell me I'm getting 12 inches of snow, then I want 12 fucking inches of snow. Not this slushy shit, when you were hyping it up to be the storm of the century. People that freak out around here about snow annoy the shit out of me. WE LIVE IN CHICAGO, NOT FLORIDA WHY IS THIS SO SURPRISING.

My friend Mary Beth done got knocked up and is getting hitched in February. I've been to weddings before, the latest for my co-worker in June of 2005, but this one is going to be fun. A lot of fun. Sure I might be bringing my friend's 19 year old brother as a date (it's cool, we're getting married somewhere down the line anyways, he proposed in July), but I already know he'll be the best date anyways. He's taller than me and will dance. I couldn't ask for anything more. Diana and I have vowed to lose 20 pounds by February 2nd and goddamnit WE'RE GONNA DO IT. I found a dress I want, but want to get it now in a size lower than I really fit into now. Is that just stupid, or will it be motivation? I'm pretty sure it's just stupid because it's pricey (at least for me - right now I have $71 in my account), so help me god if I don't fit into it come wedding day.

I've become kind of obsessed with the Rolling Stones. Christ, WHO KNEW they were so awesome way back when. I mean, I did, but I never believed it or thought twice about them because I fucking hate "Satisfaction". I always liked some of their other songs they play on the radio, but it wasn't until I got Exile on Main Street that I "really" listened to them, for lack of a better word. Now even songs I normally would have turned off before I turn up instead. Still not Satisifaction though. I'm not going overboard here.

I wasn't going to go out tonight cause I'm still tired from last night plus have to work at 8:45 tomorrow morning, but now I think I might have to just to get away from my mom. Can't. Stand. The. Sight. Of. Her. Or the sound; the sound is even worse. I honestly got enraged yesterday because she knocked on the bathroom door when I was in there and told me to hurry up when I had only been in there 15 seconds. We have two other bathrooms, USE THEM. Holy shit I hate when people do that. I think I have a problem.

Sorry this is lame, I started the first paragraph about the Bears Monday and am just now getting around to finishing it because of jury duty and my lack of actually using the computer here at home. I guess that's what my doing my civic duty gets you all - a shitty ass post. Maybe you should try it sometime.