Thursday, March 31, 2005

In The Court Of The Crimson King

Who's a giant pussy? I am! I am! Today in class I was talking to Antonio and it was a normal conversation, we finally got over the you-showed-up-at-my-apartment-unannouced-and-I-basically-told-you-to-go-home thing. I never told you about that? That's because I was a giant bitch about it and didn't feel like sharing with the entire world how much of a whore I am. Anyways, things are finally normal between us, it's not the awkward " how was your weekend?" stupid shit. I now feel totally comfortable telling him to stop being an asshole to the teacher AND HE LISTENS TO ME. I love it. Back to me being a giant pussy - he asked me in the middle of class if I wanted to hang out on Sunday and I said yes. Why? I'm pretty sure it was because I coudln't think of a lie fast enough. The more that I think about it though, the more I realize that I'm not really dreading it. I mean for starters, it's going to be Sunday. If it were Friday or Saturday night, that would be different (he just got a job as a busboy, so I'm thinking that's why it's on Sunday). And now I know him better. Not really, but you know what I mean. Before it was weird, I had only known him for a week before he asked me out, but now I've been talking to him since January, so it won't as awkward. And you know what? I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. Not like I want to have babies with him (good lord, can you imagine our children? Probably not because you've never seen either of us, but they would at least 9 feet tall). Plus he still has a monotone voice and breathes really loud, but hey, maybe now that I know him better I can say "Stop breathing so fucking loud." That's what friends are for, right?

I hate all of my classes. Every single one of them. Usually each semster theres at least one I don't mind going to. Not this time. Every class is torture to make myself get up and go to. I know I shouldn't bitch because I don't have a job and all I have to do is go to class at 2:00 everyday, I don't mean for it to sound like I have "the hard life" cause I obviously don't. I'm doing pretty shitty this semester in 2 of my classes, which is great. I'm not one of those people who HAVE to have an A in the class or god forbid, at least a B. If I can pass with a D, then it's all good to me. And my parents don't freak out about grades either. They just say, "Four years Kate, we're helping you for 4 years. Then you're on your own." But a D still isn't good. I've never been this lazy before in school. I've always been the best procrastinator in the world, but this semester is just fucking awful and I can't wait for it to be over. I don't even know what I'm trying to get at here, but bottom line - I fucking hate school and CAN'T FUCKING WAIT for summer.

Emily told me while she was at work that she had a present for me. I got all excited thinking she stole me some more Andes mints or something, but she gets home and hands me some paper. Words to "The Boy is Mine". Great present bitch. Next time you want to get me a "present" you better make it some food or I'm going cut up those stupid ripped jeans you bought for $70. Again, she doesn't read this. Why am I talking to her.

Who didn't remind me to call my advisor? Bitches.
Gabe, I still haven't found your song, but I'm still looking. You better keep your weekend open to come out here.
I'm completely broke. I have money for one more pack of cigarettes and that's it.
I've been living off $50 of food since February 1st. I'm fucking starving man. But I've probably gained 5 pounds. No I will not tell you my secret.
Bill, it should have been Anwar going home. I hate him with a passion. Or serial rapist Scott. He frightens me.
I have to go home next weekend for a stupid wedding shower. I'm really looking forward to it.
Keri, bark twice if you're in Milwaukee.
The song on the title of this post reminds me of smoking in Ben's room freshman year listening to King Crimson on his record player, fucked up out of our minds. God I miss those times.
Jenn, you ain't nothing but a pussy.
I want to go to a concert.
Ariel stop harassing me with text messages, GOSH. Oh wait, maybe you won't get that since you're the devil and didn't like Napoleon Dynamite. Sorry there were no vampires to slay in it.
This weekend will blow because I am broke. Someone with money please adopt me. And then shower me with love (money) and buy me pretty things (beer and P-Funks).

Enough whining. I leave you with a quote from Jenn tonight.
"What is it? Four score and 10,000 years ago? Is that right?"
Close enough Jenn, close enough. Go study some Abraham Lincoln, bitches.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

We Are Siamese If You Please

Dying to hear about my motherfucking awesome Easter Weekend: Doin it Sister Style? I thought so. Keri finally got here Friday and an hour later we started drinking. That night it was just me and her because DeKalb sucks, but we had fun anyways. Neither of us was getting drunk even though we had about 18 beers between us. She forgot her fucking Spice Girls cd so the dance party was called off, but I'm sure my neighbors were happy they were spared that. WE watched Anchorman and goddamn that movie is hysterical when you're drunk. PANDA WATCH.

Saturday we were up at the ungoldy hour of 11:00 so we went out for breakfast. We didn't realize it until a waitress called us out on it, but Keri was wearing green pants and a black hoodie and I was wearing a green hoodie and black pants. We like to color coordinate our outfits, what now bitches? Later we went to go see Hotel Rwanda at the Campus Cinema and let me tell you, seeing that movie is not a good way to start off the night. We were both like, "Uhh....I feel kinda wrong wanting to get drunk right now after seeing a million dead bodies and crying through half the movie." But we're tough bitches, so eventually the drinking commenced. My friend Sara came over and we did Drunk Easter Egg dying. We wrote mature things on the eggs like "Ya stupid bitch" (me) "You smell like poo" (Sara) and "WHAMMY" (Keri). We were going to hide them after midnight but instead played a million games of Asshole. When Keri was finally President, she made up the greatest rule ever. After each sentence you have to say " my pants."

"Keri, it's your turn to my pants."
"Whos turn is my pants?"
"Goddamnit, thanks for screwing me my pants."
"Who needs a my pants?"
"Quit being a pussy and my pants."
If anyone of you play Asshole, do that rule next time. Do it bitches, just do it.

Then the drunk phone calls started after Sara left and Carly went to bed. We must have called about 8 of my friends (some of them multiple times, my apologies) and 6 or 7 of Keri's friends. I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard at Keri. She is one of the funnest drunk people in the world and for that, I thank you sister. We woke up the next morning and after laying in bed together for awhile (we're sisters, SICK) I hid the easter eggs for her to find. I'm going to be such a goddamn good mom someday. Well besides for the fact that I had to look up online HOW TO BOIL EGGS. My mom got a big kick out of that. Then we dressed up in our Sunday best and went out to eat at Baker's Square. Thanks for lunch again lady. It was such an AFTERNOON DELIGHT. Goddamnit why didn't you leave Anchorman for me. You panda jerk.

Getting trashed makes for a good holiday weekend. One of the best Easter I've ever had, thank you very much for gracing me with your presence Seeeeeestor.

Yesterday me and Emily went to see Sideways and it was pretty good. Not "one of the best films of the year" like every critic and their mother called it, but nonetheless, a good movie. And in case you were wondering, Emily made me download The Boy Is Mine by Brandy and Monica so we can karaoke to it on my 21st birthday. The sad part is how excited the both of us are about it. I'm Brandy and she's Monica. I need to stop telling you all this. Only 43 days away, bitches.

Right now I'm talking to Jenn and she's delirious. Also kind of freaking me out. Jenn, just cause you're in the Albuqurque Playaz Club doesn't mean you're a gangsta to the core, so stop trying to brag to me. I won't think your club is cool no matter how much you tell me about it. No I'm not jealous that you're in the club and I'm not, so shut up about it already. I am kinda jealous that you're in the Straight Up Boxing Club though. How did you get one of those coveted invites? Lucky. Go get some sleep you pussy.

It was 70 degrees out today. Please don't let the cold weather come back, bitches.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Having 2 beers in your hand makes you a badass. Happy Easter bitches. Posted by Hello

Friday, March 25, 2005

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

Must stop listening to song before I go crazy.

Keri's on her way, she should be here in 3 hours. Are you fucking pumped up? You should be. I should take a nap since I was up at 10 FUCKING AM today. One of those go-to-bed-drunk-and-wake-up-uber-early days. Son of a bitch. Right now I have a massive headache and I want to cut my uterus out of my body. I will be fully recovered by at least 7:00 though. Thank you Advil GelCaps.

Last night Emily had a sex toy party and it was goodtimes. Then three of my friends came up from home and stayed the night. We went over to Sara and Leigh's apartment and got trashed over there. And then I called 400 people and left them singing voice mails (sorry Bill). I looked at my call list and I called some people that I haven't talked to in months, like my friend Connor. I don't even make stupid drunk phone calls that much, but the one time I do, I go all out. I don't even know what I was singing about. I would have called you Jenn, but you would have answered and I just wanted to leave voicemails. Singing voice mails at that. Awesome. Sara got her pictures back and the pictures of us singing karaoke actually turned out for her. Maybe because she didn't have a shitty disposable camera. I wish I had those on a disc to show off to everyone, but unfortunately I don't. So just picture me singing out of the side of my mouth and that should give you a pretty good mental image.

Diana left some beer here. Mary bought me a deck of cards since the cards I had suck ass. Courtney bought me a Cowboy Condom. My mom and Keri got me a Elvis lighter in Memphis. I got a postcard from Graceland yesterday. Thanks bitches.

Someone Fed-Ex me a cigrarette.

Awesome download of the day: Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Today I Ate Applesauce That Expired 2 Months Ago

I'm still waiting to die.

So I got a D on my Russia test. That's awesome. But I did get a B on my China test and an A on the journals, so that's stoppping me from shooting myself right now. I have an Anthropology test tomorrow which I have yet to start studying for. Emjo and I are going to the library bright and early tomorrow at 8:00 to study though. I can't wait. I start picking my classes for next semester in two weeks, and I decided I'm going to take my huge history thesis paper class in the fall. I think we have to do like a 30 page paper or something, so I'm really looking forward to that. I just want this semester to be over already. I have three fucking research papers due next month and it's giving me an ulcer just thinking about it. I need to call my advisor tomorrow. Don't let me forget.

Getting pictures developed is so anticlimatic for me. I get way too excited thinking I took some good pictures, and then I get them back and each one of them sucks ass. No more disposable cameras. I need to save up and get a fancy schmancy digital camera. That way I could make people take pictures 50 times in a row just to make sure my smile isn't too gummy or if I forget to suck in my stomach. Yes, I WILL be one of those annoying girls. I will post one picture on here, it's one of me slaving away on the house, not getting stoned in a bathroom. I swear.

Keri's coming up here Friday. I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT. She's bringing Anchorman, which I am way too excited to watch again. And 3 Ninjas. I'm going to watch that with my minority friend Natalia because it's her fault I had the line "Rocky loves Emily" in my head all fucking week. If only I had a VRC, that would be gold baby, solid gold. Oh, and she's bringing her Spice Girls cd. Dance party bitches. So what if me and Emily downloaded 2 Become 1 today? Don't be a hater.

Emily are I are going on a roadtrip this summer. Who wants to meet us in Nashville? You all know you want to. I'll be 21 by then, so bring it on. Throw your signs, bitches.

Were we getting stoned in our hotel bathroom? Yes. Did Emily want to kill us for being too loud? Yes. Did Sara run into a wall went she left the bathroom? Yes. Did this night make me realize I got paired up with the best roommates ever? Yes. Do I look awful? Yes. But am I having a good time? Fuck yeah bitches
 Posted by Hello

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I Kissed You In A Style Clark Gable Would Have Admired

I thought it classic.

Someday a guy will kiss me in a style Clark Gable would admire. I WILL be someone's Scarlett O'Hara. I already have an O' in my name, so I'm half way there. Goddamn I love that lyric.

So I was bored earlier today and decided to straighten my hair. That lasted for about 3 seconds before I put it in pigtails just to see how much of a fuckass I looked like. I kept them in for awhile and kind of forgot I had my hair like that when Carly came home. She walks past my room and starts laughing at my hair cause I look like a douche bag with pigtails in, obviously. I felt like a 5 year old getting caught playing with Mom's makeup. Last year when I lived with Kelly and Becky they walked into my room when I had my hair in a side ponytail a la Deb from Napoleon Dynamite. They laughed for a good 20 minutes at me. I like to do cool things with my hair when no ones around, what can I say. Don't tell me I'm the only one.

Jenn, I would appreciate it if you stopped invading my privacy. I'M AN UNPHOTOGENIC PERSON. There's a reason I didn't show you the rest of those pictures. Goddamnit I hate you right now. Yes, I'm a fucking giant with a huge ass mouth and white legs. And I'm a fatty fatty 2 by 4 who can't fit through the kitchen door. I'm never showing pictures to anyone again. I'm getting my pictures developed tomorrow, but you can bet your goddamn bottom dollar I'm not putting them on a disc. I FEEL VIOLATED.

Damn, I just looked at the rest of the pictures and I really hate you for having seen them all. I can't even blog anymore. I'm too flustered. I'm never talking to you again. Bitch.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Emily and I in front of the house we helped build. This was day 3, there was more stuff we did on the last day, but this is the best house picture she took. Too bad you can't see my sexy outfit more closely. My legs were covered in orange mud. Good times in Flor-id-ia
 Posted by Hello

We Will Become Silhouettes

I was just about to go to bed, I brushed my teeth and everything, but now I got the urge to blog about my trip. I think I may have a normal sleeping pattern for the next week or so. I've been dead tired ever since I got back. Going to bed at 2 am and getting up at 6:30 will do that to you.

Florida was wonderful. I really couldn't have asked for a better time. I kept telling people before I left, "This trip only needs to be 1/4 as fun as when I did this in Kentucky." It was 6000 times better than Kentucky. I told my mom that I'm pretty sure the reason it was better was because I could drink. And the weather was more in our favor this time. In Kentucky I actually got my first tan ever and it was about 80-85 degrees everyday. Makes for some not-so-good- working conditions. This time, it was overcast for 3 of the 4 working days, so that was great. I didn't end up sweating my balls off or dying of heat stroke, but that also means I didn't get to tan my titties. Sorry Gabe. Two of the days were nice enough to go to the beach, but even then it was kind of chilly. Still much better than Chicago though, so I didn't want to bitch. There is nothing better than calling you family saying, "I just got back from the beach, what are you doing? Freezing your ass off? I'm sorry to hear that."

I knew that Florida had been hit by the hurricanes last fall, but I didn't realize that I would get to see the damage up close. Pensacola was completely destroyed by Hurrican Floyd (I think it was Floyd). It was almost as if they hadn't picked up any of the debris at all. Trees uprooted all over the place, hotel signs completely mangled, houses destroyed and lots of store still closed. I heard some people say that the government only cares about the million dollar beachfront homes and they're the first getting fixed, so the rest of Pensacola is getting fucked over. It's like they basically have no money to repair anything that was damaged. It's 6 months later and it looks like the hurricane hit last week.

Yeah, I built a house in 4 days, what now? Need me to shingle your roof? No problem. Put some OSB up? Hammer a nail in 2 pieces of wood in 3 whacks? Ok, maybe it really took me 25 whacks to get each nail in, but that was an improvement from the first day when Emily and I literally worked on this one nail for about 20 minutes. You should see my muscles. Arms of steel, baby. When we first got there on Monday, there was nothing but a concrete slab. By Thursday, there was a complete house up, roof and all. Of course the family still can't move in yet, there's tons more stuff to do, but they'll be in there by June they said. The homeowner came and worked with us for two days, and it was so awesome to work with the person who was actually going to be living there. She was so grateful and appreicative, it made you want to work harder. Sorry to get weepy on you for a minute, but what she said almost made me cry. She goes, "I've lived in my apartment for the past 11 years and it's been my life long dream to live in my own house, where my children have their own rooms. And the fact that you people are building my house for me - you have no idea how grateful I am to you." We were making her life long dream come true. That was the best thing to hear. Even though I was tired and sweaty and gross and didn't think I could possibly hammer one more goddamn nail, just remembering that I was helping someones dream come true made it a little easier. Ok, I'm done being sappy. On with the drunkeness.

The people we went with were fucking awesome. There was a free happy hour in the hotel each night that gave us FREE BEER AND WINE. Could life get any better? I submit that it cannot. From there we would go to a restuarant/bar and get more fucked up. I feel like I made 33 new best friends. Our roommates Leigh and Sara were fucking awesome. I actually might go to Leigh's for Easter since I'm an orphan this weekend. I made some new minority friends, Cristina, Gaby and Natalia. I love them because I could call them my minority friends, and they would just call me a dumb white girl. It's probably the closet to hanging out with Jenn I've ever gotten. I've discovered that I will marry any man who can hammer a nail in a few whacks. I just want some guy to hammer me, what can I say. The word of the trip was definitly "bitches" and that was thanks to me, thankyouverymuch. I knew Leigh was going to be my friend when someone said the name "Anthony" and she goes "Who's Anthony? Who's Anthony? My drummer", from Wayne's World. I thought me and Keri were the only ones who thought of that line whenever someone says "Anthony". I hope the same group goes back next year, when I'll finally be 21 and not be a pain in the ass asking people to go get me a drink.

St. Patricks Say, good lord was that a fun night. It worked out perfectly that it was Thursday, cause Friday was our only day off which meant we could finally sleep in. We went to this place where luckily it was only 18+ to get in. I went straight into the bathroom once I was in to clean off the giganitc X and "UNDERAGE" stamp they put on both hands. There were about 15 different bars in this place, a karaoke one, piano room, outside there were playing reggae, a big dance floor and about 800 other different rooms. I did karaoke for the first time, to Me and Bobby McGee with my other roomie Sara. I must have been loaded cause I would never do that even slightly drunk. Then all of us were in the dance part, dancing together, it was great. I kept going up to random people to dance with them, to amuse everyone else. My pickup line was "I dance like a white girl!" Worked like a charm on all the guys.

To summarize:
-We built a house, but still got loaded every night.
- Made a bunch of new friends.
- St. Patty's Day was fucking awesome.
-I listened to the Postal Service the entire way there and back home. That's 17 hours each way. And I'm listening to it again right now. I'm addicted.
- I'll get my camera developed this week, but Emily has pictures on her digital camera, so I can show you our beautiful house if you want.
-I finally got to see the Nashville skyline. Bob Dylan was right, it is pretty.
- Emily is the best friend ever. We had such a great time together, I didn't even get crabby until the drive home. And even then, I can tell her "I'm crabby, and I don't know why, so I won't be talking for the next 2 or 3 hours" and she doesn't get mad. And she competely understands that I didn't mean to be bitchy when I asked "WHY ARE YOU BRUSHING YOUR TEETH?" She loves me, crabbiness and all.
- I'm abusive in my sleep. I like to hit people's faces with my hand. And I somehow ended up on Emily's side of the bed each night. Sorry lady. Thanks for putting up with me.

I know there was more I wanted to say, but I can't think of it right now. None of this is in order or anything, I just wrote about the first things that popped in my head. I had the best time on this trip and can't wait to do it again next year. Habitat for Humanity, bitches.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

There Are Heros In The Seaweed, There Are Children In The Morning, They Are Leaning Out For Love And They Will Lean That Way Forever

Ask me where I'm going tomorrow. No really, ask. Just fucking ask me already so I shut up. FLORIDA, BITCHES. No more snow for a week. No more 20 degree days. No more homework. No more midterms to study for. I get to wear flip-flops. And tank tops. And capris. It's going to be glorious. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.

This past week has been hectic. Well as hectic as my life can be when I don't have a job, and average about 5 classes a week out of 9. Most the week was spent either catching up on sleep from the weekend (I was in bed by 12:30 TWO nights in a row) or studying for my China midterm. Ok so it wasn't really hectic, cause I was lucky and only had one exam, but it still sucked ass.

I got my hair cut. And I fucking love it. This doesn't happen often, so I'm milking it for all it's worth.

I've come to realize that I actually like the taste of beer. I never hated it, but before I drank it because I wanted to get drunk. Well that's still the main reason, but hear me out. Kelly came up Friday, and by the time we left Saturday, we still had almost a full case of beer left (out of 2 cases, we're not pansies). So this past week I've been drinking everyday. Not getting drunk, but I just want a goddamn beer when I get done with my test, or to celebrate it being Tuesday or when I get out of bed. Therefore the new house (apartment) rule is that there must always be a case of beer in the fridge at all times. Carly and I are taking this rule very seriously. I love beer.

Keri, if you read this, you're still a stupid bitch. No offense or anything. I OFFERED YOU STEAK 'N SHAKE. You heartless bitch. Find new plans for Easter.

I bought a camera to take with me on the trip. And I'll get them put on a disc or whatever so you all (coughgabecough) can stop thinking I'm 6'4, 340 lbs, with a big gummy smile and a dyke haircut. Cause that mental image is waaay off. I only weight 320 now, thankyouverymuch. That Trimspa shit really does work. You got your living proof right here.

I've spent way too much money on clothes recently. It's kinda justified since I needed clothes for Florida, but good lord, somebody needs to stop me now. I can't stop buying green things. Now I have 2 green pairs of flip flops, 2 green shirts, a green purse and a green hoodie. That doesn't sound like a lot once I just typed it out. I WILL be the owner of a pair of green capri/ sweatpants type things soon, mark my words. I just have to find them first. Fascinating, I know.

I bought TWO new lipglosses today. I always have to have a backup when I'm on vacation. So eat your heart out Jenn.

My new obsession: The Postal Service. I burned this cd from Carly last night and I've listened to it, no lie, 14 times today. It's called Give Up and every song is wonderful. So go buy it or something.

I'm sorry I haven't left any comments at all this week. Really truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I was going to do them tonight, but don't feel like it. I have to be up in 6 hours and should go to bed. I promise when I get back I'll be all over that shit. Pinkie swear.

I won't have my phone at all this week cause I don't have nationwide coverage. It's going to drive me crazy. I expect the withdrawl to be its worst by Wednesday, then I should be over it. I hope so at least.

Everyone have a wonderful wonderful Spring Break. Most of you aren't on any type of break, but go get drunk, flash random people, have lots of sex with strangers and tan your titties anyways. You know you want to. See you Sunday, bitches.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005


Wednesday, March 02, 2005

This Is Called "I Don't Want To Do My Fucking Homework"

1. I cannot wink.
2. When I sing, I sing out of the side of my mouth, which greatly amuses Emily, Keri and KJ.
3. I am currently on a rampage of downloading Disney songs.
4. My favorite Disney movie is Dumbo.
5. I am getting my haircut this week, preferabley tomorrow.
6. My wedding song will be If Not For You by Bob Dylan
7. I got a D on my History of India test. Fuck you India.
8. But I did get a B on my Anthropology test.
9. Emily and I got an Oreo McFlurry today, and since there wasn't enough Oreos in there to satisfy us, we added 4 more when we got home.
10. That is one of the reasons why I will most likely be obese in 5-10 years.
11. I want to have 6 kids.
12. My favorite number is 12.
13. My first concert I ever saw was Rick Astley. My second was Vince Gill.
14. I have been best friends with Megan since 4th grade.
15. I'm 50% Irish and the other 50% is German, English, Scottish, Welsh and Dutch. My mom is a mutt.
16. I have an aunt and two cousins who are practicing Quakers.
17. The first pack of cigarettes I ever bought were Newports.
18. One time I took a sip out of a Pepsi can that was full of cigarette butts.
19. I have read all of the Babysitter's Club books at least 3 times.
20. I've lived in Chicago my whole life but have never been to the top of the Sears Tower.
21. I do not posess any credit cards.
22. Keri insists that one time when we were little, I held her down and spit in her ear. I refuse to remember that incident.
23. I never skipped a class in high school. I made up for it in college though.
24. I am finding out that I am more and more like my mother each day. This is a fact that horrifies me.
25. The day I graduated from 8th grade, I got in a huge fight with my mom, and I slammed my bedroom door really hard. My dad proceeded to take the door off its hinges, and in every picture from that day I have puffy eyes from crying so much.
26. I have a hard time pronouncing a lot of words. But don't fucking correct me. I hate that.
27. When I was growing up, I refused to wear any other color but purple.
28. If I could only take 3 things with me on a deserted island it would be an endless supply of Bonne Bell lipgloss, Oil of Olay mosturizer and Bob Dylan cds.
29. I went to an all girls catholic high school, but haven't gone to church or practiced lesbianism since graduation.
30. After 6 years of searching, I finally found the perfect mascara: Maybelline XXL Volume + Length. It was better than finding my soul mate.
31. I brush my teeth at least 5 times a day.
32. My ideal outfit: sweatpants and a hoodie. God I'm sexy.
33. If I could go back in time, I would go to the 1920's to be a flapper. Or the 1980's so I could get some more use out of my neon yellow spandex shorts.
34. My favorite word to say is "Goddamnit." Not "godammit" or "god damnit." It's GODDAMNIT.
35. I want to be the Olsen twins.
36. I love swiss cheese.
37. The song Old Time Rock 'N Roll by Bob Seger will NOT be played at my wedding.
38. I have an obsession with Maury Povich.
39. If I could live anywhere, it would be in Telluride or Colorado Springs, Colorado.
40. Bitches.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I'll Be The Shadow In The Cedar Room

I had a wonderful time skiing. Didn't fall once. Drank with my parents all three nights. Made Keri say "Over the weekend, you stupid bitch" 300 times. Taught my mom and dad how to play Asshole and Circle of Death. Made my dad angry by drinking Bud Light. Oh the horror of his children drinking a Budweiser brewed beer. All in all one of the funnest weekends I ever thought was possible when forced to hang out with my parents. Can't wait for next year. Hopefully it'll be Colorado and not Michigan though.

Jenn, the boycott's over. I just wanted to cause some blog drama myself. I feel so left out these days. If I ever buy a disposable camera, I'll put the pictures on a disk. Don't hold your breath though. And I will have a blast on all my vacations, thank you very much.

Ariel, I say "Fucking a", not "Fucking eh." Jason is Canadian, not me. Please don't mix us up ever again.

Keegan, I do not hate snow. I get sick of it, when it snows and we get about half an inch, then it turns into rain the next day and makes everything muddy. Either give me lots of snow or no snow at all. In the UP there was lots of snow, so I was loving it. My tragis yearns for you.

Bill, uh.......American Idol date tomorrow. Be there or be square, you dirty bitch. And I bought American Splendor this weekend becuase it was cheap. If it sucks, I want my $12 back, ya hear?

Gabe watches American Idol. His favorite color is blue, and his favorite tv show EVER was The Wonder Years. But don't make him watch Family Guy. I was watching "Best Week Ever" earlier and Winnie Cooper was on there. Man, if I had met her manager before her, that would've been me on there, making guest appaerances on The West Wing and the finale of NYPD Blue. I hate that bitch for stealing my dream.

Eric, I feel like I don't even know you anymore. We used to be so close, and then you just disappeared. I'm going to call 1-800-INVALUABLE if you don't come back soon.

Theron, you better leave a fucking comment soon. Or else. I'm very menacing so you should take me seriously.

Stella, I hope you're feeling better about Ziggy. Much love lady, much love.

Patty, Chicago misses you too.

Andrew, I'm so glad you love Rufus. We can be best friends now. Not that we ever weren't going to be best friends, but this whole Rufio thing has just solidified us for life. Congratulations on your new job!

All of you must go to Kazaa or whatever you use to download stuff (but don't lecture me on how I shouldn't download anything. I know I shouldn't but I'm a motherfucking badass) and look up "SNL". One of the files that should pop up is called "Funniest SNL line ever". Download it. Now. I know I have lame humor, but don't even try to tell me you didn't laugh once you saw it. It's a short clip, 20 seconds long, and I think I've watched it 30 times over the past two days. Now every sentence Emily and I say to each other ends with " stupid bitch." No one will find this funny at all, but thats because you're all douche bags. No offense, bitches.