Friday, April 29, 2005

The Writing's On The Wall

Signs I go to bed too late: I overslept for class today. The class I had to hand the paper in. I'm awesome. I still handed that awful piece of shit in, but good lord I felt like a dumbass oversleeping for my 2:00 pm class. Then I forgot my purse so I didn't have my student ID to print out the paper with. Before I could even print it out, I had to sign on the computer in the lab and had to go on 5 different ones to find one that let me on. After handing in the paper I tried to sell back three books for some money and got back $9.50. Collectively. Not per book. Please stop raping me, University Bookstore. The first hour I was awake was not the greatest, but I'm done bitching, I swear.

Signs my friends are awesome: my brother, Jewel's-Number-One-Cashier, is a douche. He didn't get tickets for Tom Petty because he claims his friend can "hook us up with free ones." Apparently he has ties with mobsters. I hate not having tickets for concerts; my friend Diana always wants to go to concerts hoping to score a free ticket aka "miracle" outside before the show starts. I hate that shit. If I'm going, I want to have a ticket in my hand, reassuring me that I WILL get inside the venue and I WILL see the band. Anyways, Kelly the old roomie, called me today asking if I wanted to go to the concert, and that she would pay for my ticket for my birthday. And that's not counting "the drinks I'll buy you on your birthday." Fuck yeah Kelly, I love you.

Signs my birthday is coming up: I looked at the clock today when it was 5:12 pm. On Friends Ross had to guess a birthday and he said "May 12th." It's now offically 12 days until my birthday.

Signs I'm a douche bag: Today, not April 25th is Gabe's birthday. So now he gets two "happy birthdays". I'm sorry I messed up, please find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope you have a wonderful time at your precious Maxdon's tomorrow, although I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. Have fun drinking your irish coffee, jack and cokes, beer and irish car bombs. I'm glad you're keeping your heritage alive, just please don't get alcohol poisoning in the process. Well it is your birthday, your half century birthday at that, so get that poisoning if you want. You've earned it. Plus it'll be a good story to tell the kids when they get older.

Signs I have too much time on my hands: I've talked to Jenn for way too long today. Not that I don't enjoy every minute of it lady, but christ, stop asking me questions like "is it peer or peek?" "ion or eon?" And stop offending people by leaving random comments everywhere. You know some people take these blogs seriously. Didn't your mom ever tell you to treat others as you want to be treated? Or to "stop being like peanut butter"? Or no wait, that's my mom. God bless you Pammy. Move to Chicago so we can drink together, goddamnit. New Mexico sucks, bitches.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Sad-Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands

I have a 7 page paper due tomorrow at 2:00 pm so I did the most sensible thing I could think of when I got home from class - took a 3 hour nap. Then I watched American Idol. Then I called a bitched to my friend for 30 minutes. Then I watched the rest of the Bulls game. Then around 11:00 I thought maybe, just MAYBE I should start this goddamn paper. And here I am, 2:30 am and I'm done bitches. Am I the best bullshitter in the entire world? I'm pretty sure I am. This is quite possibly the shittiest paper I've ever written, but I don't give a fuck now because I'M DONE. I didn't even do it straight through for those 3 and a half hours. I of course had to check my email and my this stupidass blog for comments every 15 minutes because I'm a psycho. I told myself that I would be done by 3:00 because 3:00 meant that it was last-cigarette-and-beer time. Apparently that's all I really need for motivation. A nicotine addiction and a craving for beer at all times. Whatever gets the job done.

I felt kind of stupid turning to my best friend Megan for pity about this paper. I called and bitched and moaned how I had no idea how to do this paper and it had to be SEVEN PAGES LONG, oh the horror. Once I said that, she goes "Kate, guess how long the paper I'm writing has to be." I'm thinking 15, 20 or god forbid 25 pages. Not even close. She has a 45 page page due Friday. That isn't a typo. It was to be 45 FUCKING PAGES LONG. I would shoot myself in the head if I was faced with a 45 page paper. At least she's an English major and shit like that, but christ. This isn't Novel 101 she's taking, it's just a goddamn creative writing class. I'm glad I don't go to ISU.

Lately Emily has been driving me crazy. Usually nothing really bothers me about her because I can tell her to shut up if I'm crabby and all those other good things being best friends entails, but she did something last week that I still can't seem to let go of. I ran out of toothpaste on Monday, and forgot to put a new tube in the bathroom, so I used hers twice. On Tuesday night I go to brush my teeth and her toothpaste isn't in there. She fucking HID it from me underneath the bathroom sink. I couldn't believe it. I had used hers twice bitches, TWICE. It's fucking toothpaste for christ's sake. Was it really nessecary to hide it from me? I never use her stuff, even though we share a bathroom. At first I thought I was just being stupid and petty, because after all, it is just toothpaste, but that's the point. It's just fucking toothpaste. Keri and Jenn reassured me that she was just being a douche bag and I'm not just acting like a crazy person. Of course I'm a pussy and won't say anything to her, I've just been acting like a douche to her and she probably has no idea why. But I can't bring myself to tell her why. I thought I had let it go last week, but the more I think about it the madder I get. So now everything she does annoys the fuck out of me. I had just woken up from a nap today, and was watching American Idol when she came home. We both saw Constantine leave and she starts screaming about how ludacris that is that he's being sent home. Shut the fuck up bitch, I just woke up from a nap. I don't care about Constantine. I wouldn't care if my mom called and told me the dog died right now. I'm a crabby bitch when I wake up, so leave me alone. This is probably the worst example in the entire world that I'm trying to get across right now. Basically, I think the summer apart from her is something I'm really looking forward to at the moment. I'm sure I'll miss her like a banshee once I get home, but right now it's sounding pretty good. Just don't ever hide your goddamn toothpaste on me and everything will be fine.

I did talk to my mom yesterday and she said they finally paid off the mortgage on our house this month. I guess that addition we put on 10 years ago was pretty pricey. But in celebration they finally decided to get DSL at home, which I'm excited about because I'm a dork. So hopefully in a few weeks by the time I get home there'll be DSL and no more dial up. Thank god.

A few last ramblings: My sister is a whore and I love you for it lady. Please let me live vicariously through you. My brother is going to prom next Friday and unfortunately I won't be there to embarass him while they take pictures. He also got promoted to cashier at Jewel, everybody please congratulate him. I have green eyes. Just incase you were wondering. I'm broke and decieding whether to spend my last $5.00 on a pack of cigarettes or a galloon of milk. Only one more research paper to write. Anyone know anything about adopting kids from China? Save me a trip to the library, where I have 3 books that are two months overdue. I'm an awful person. But you knew that already, bitches.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Praise Be To Nero's Neptune

It's amazing how much I accomplish when I'm trying to put off doing something else. Today I cleaned my room inside and out when I should have been starting my paper due on Thursday. The last time my room got cleaned this good was probably 4 months ago when I had a really big test to study for or something. Dusted, vaccuumed, did 3 loads of laundry (I even folded and put them away instead of leaving them on the floor for 5 days), changed my sheets, cleaned out my drawers - I did it all bitches. And I have Professor Spencer to thank for it.

I completely jinxed myself when I was professing my love for the weather we were having. Last weekend everyone was wearing tank tops and skirts, and this past weekend it was freezing balls out. I had to break out the socks, people, that's how cold it was. In a matter for 12 hours it went from 80 degrees to about 35. They were even talking about snow flurries, but luckily those passed us by. Not that the weather stopped me from having a good time. On Saturday I went to a bar with Emily and it just so happened that almost half the people who went to Florida with us were up there too. It was so fun to see everyone again. Emily and I went back to this kid Chris's apartment where the two of them proceeded to go off into a room together. Ten minutes later Emily comes out saying that Chris had fallen asleep while they were kissing. I laughed for about 20 minutes about that. I'm sure she would love to know I was telling that story to the entire world. We left around 4:30 am and went to Steak 'n Shake to spend money that I didn't have. Before the night had started Emily decieded that we were going to make the most of this night, since it's techinically her last weekend here. A party + the bar + Chris's place + Steak 'n Shake + not coming home until the sun was out = we did a damn good job of making the most of that night. To us at least anyways, and that's really all that counts.

I was talking to my mom the other day and she told me how she was talking to my aunts at my cousin's Communion party, and they said they want to take me downtown for my birthday and stay over night in a hotel. I'm excited about it, cause who doesn't get excited about free food, drinks and a hotel stay, but it's going to be bizarre. I can just see my three aunts ordering martinis or shit like that, and me going "uhh...I'll take a Miller Lite." These are my aunts on my dad's side, and of course I love them, but they're all a little high maintenence. I'm much more like my mom's side of the family, save for the horrible eyesight, even though none of them really live around here, they're all in Arizona, Michigan or Minnesota. My whole dad's side lives pretty close to us (well much closer than Arizona anyways) and I see them a shitload more than my mom's side, but I still feel closer to her side. They're all really uptight and conservative which drives me crazy. They all freaked out when I got a tattoo and every single time they see me or Keri with our noses pierced they say "Now what is the point of that? Why did you do that to yourself?"There is no point to a piercing, bitches. Christ, why can't they understand we just want to look cool? Plus I can't smoke in front of them. I just have to keep repeating to myself "free drinks."

Mandatory birthday update: 15 days. Holy shit, I think I just peed a little bit.

Speaking of birthdays, I would like to wish my future husband a very merry birthday, even though it's a day late. You're an old man today Gabe, joining the ranks of Jenn in age. Don't worry, in less than a month she'll be older than you again. I hope you get a ton of good presents or at least took the night off work and got shitfaced. Just try to stay out of the truck, or at least remember to turn the lights off this time. You make your fellow Taurus proud. When are you going to pick up the present I bought you, your very own little JTR? Or is it JRT? I can't remember. Same thing anyways. Happy Birthday Gabe.

Damn, I've been trying to download the Dylan song Positively 4th Street for an hour and it's not happening. Why you gotta act like a bitch, Bob?

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Pussy, Papers and Parents

I have a stat counter on this page, and it keeps tracks of the people who read this stupidass blog of mine. It also tells me if someone looked up a word on Google or something and my page came up. The best part - it tells me what word they searched for to get my site. I've only had it happen like 3 or 4 times so far, but I looked at it today and someone searched for the phrase "high dollar pussy" AND MY PAGE CAME UP. I wrote about about how I saw Million Dollar Baby and "cried like a pussy" during it. Then in another post I said "I'm not even high." Put the three together and I've got me some high dollar pussy on this blog. I love it. Sorry to disappoint that guy who was looking for porn. Do people really look for porn on Yahoo anyways? Apparently.

One of my research papers got pushed back to next Monday, May 2nd. Praise the lord. I don't care what I said about you before, my tiny Korean teacher, you're my favorite now. Plus you make me laugh everytime you say "Anything curious?" when you want to ask us if we have any questions. You're the best Hee-jin.

The battery in our smoke alarm just went out 3 hours ago so it's making the chirping noise. And it won't stop. I feel like I'm going through Chinese torture or something. I was hoping it took some AA's, but of course not, it needs one of those goddamn rectangle type batteries. My dad would be so ashamed of me right now, not replacing the battery within 15 seconds. Other things my dad would be horrified to learn about me:
1. Sometimes, once in a great while, I accidently leave the oven on after I take the food I was cooking out. Last year in my old place I left the gas on all night. After I realized it, I was thanking god I didn't light a cigarette in the house that morning.
2. That I don't lock car doors within 5 seconds of getting in them.
3. I drank Budweiser once. BUT I SWEAR I HATED IT THE ENTIRE TIME.
4. One time while playing with matches I burned a hole in my pillow case.
5. I hate Steely Dan.

My dad and I have a weird relationship. I think the correct term for it is "awkward." Why that is, I have no idea. I don't like doing things with just my dad. When we go out to eat, he asks me questions like "so what are you going to do with your life?" No dad, you're not supposed to ask me stupid questions like that, that's what uncles are supposed to ask at Christmas parties. As my father you should KNOW that I have no plan and will be living in the basement until I'm 45. But it's weird, even the things we do have in common we're total opposites about. For example, we both love classic rock. But he hates Bob Dylan, whereas I love him (have I mentioned that?). The ONE Grateful Dead song he likes, One More Saturday Night, is one of the Grateful Dead songs I hate with a passion. He can listen to Styx, Rod Stewart, the Doobie Brothers, Boston and the Eagles and not want to throw up. He doesn't like the Beatles or Led Zeppelin.....I think you get the picture.

One thing we do have in common - we both suck ass at math. When I was in first grade I remember asking him to check my math homework, to make sure it was all right. He OK'ed it, but when I got it back the next day I had one wrong. The lesson I learned? Never let your dad check your homework when he's drinking with his friends. The lesson he learned? Your daughter will never forget the time you screwed her on her math homework and will remind you of it for the rest of your life. The math genes don't run in the family, bitches.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Picture Book Of The Pyramid And Postcards of Billy The Kid

Today I had to take the math placement test I've been bitching about. Emily told me that when she took it, about 80% of it was fractions, so I called my brother to have him refresh my memory on how to add, subtract, divide and multiply fractions, thinking I was going to be money because I remembered how to do all that shit once he told me. He asked me if I remembered how to do simple alegbra, like 2x-y=4, but I had a seizure when he mentioned that stuff, so I knew it would be a lost cause for him to even try to reteach me it. So I open up the test packet, and it's all alegbra. Every single question. I was fucked. Needless to say I did really really bad on it and placed into a 098 class, one that I wouldn't even get credit for taking because it's basically just a course to refresh your memory on algebra. But I found out after taking the test that I really didn't even need to take it, I could just take Math 101, which I'm going to do at the community college by my house back at home this summer. Thank god I'm taking it over the summer when my brother and mom will both be able to help me, or else I would be royally screwed and absolutely fail. I can remember the year the Magna Carta was signed (1215) but once you shove letters AND numbers mixed together in my face I'm lost. C'mon, I'm a history major. When am I going to have to ever solve for X? Never bitches, never.

It's been really nice out these past 2 weeks and that means one thing here - drinking outside. I love it. I missed being able to stand around and drink, seeing people I haven't seen in forever. I missed carrying around 8 beers in my purse and having them be fuckass warm by the time I get to the last three. I missed being able to wear skirts. I missed my beloved flip-flops (screw you Jenn, you probably just have ugly feet). I missed being able to go outside, have a cigarette and not come back in with frostbite on my fingers. I missed warm weather and I'm so glad to have it back.

I turn 21 in 21 days. It's getting so close, I kind of get butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. (I'm queer.) I know, I know, I talk about it a lot, but I just can't believe it's actually going to happen. But it really is going to happen, just like I really graduated high school and really went to college. I'm REALLY going to be 21. Fuck yeah bitches.

I had another freaky ass dream last night. This time it involved someone with an ax chasing me. I always wondered why every morning my sheets are kicked almost all the way off the bed. It's because someone is always trying to fucking kill me in my dreams. How pleasent.

I had to hand in one research paper already, only two more to go. In the next week I have to read a book for one and get a shitload of sources for the other. They're due on Wednesday and Thursday, so I keep telling myself I need to start them this weekend, but in reality on Tuesday and Wednesday night I'll be crying and slitting my wrists because I'll hate myself for putting them off until then. I know exactly how the situtation will happen, yet I do nothing to change it. No wonder I barely have a 2.0 GPA.

I'll leave you with the conversation Emily and I had while watching Jimmy Kimmel, who had Lisa Marie Presley on as a guest.

Emily: It's weird to think Elvis died so long ago but his daughter is still pretty young, she's only 35 or 36 I think. What year did he die, like 1963 0r 64?
Me: I'm pretty sure it was 1977.
Emily: Really? I thought it was longer ago....oh wait....did some president die in 1963 or something then?
Me: You're getting John F. Kennedy and Elvis confused? I swear to god, only you Emily, only you.
Emily: Shut up.

Time for my nightly bowl of cereal. Eat your Wheaties, bitches.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Nowhere Mom, I Turned Out Perfect

Mom: Is everything ok? You seem a little hesitant in your answers.

Me: I'm having a beer outside, enjoying the nice day. What could be wrong?

Mom: Where did I go wrong raising you?

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Don't You Feed Me Lies About Some Idealistic Future

...I'm not going to Vegas. I hate money.
...I have a test tomorrow that I have yet to start studying for. Fucking anthropology. YOU'RE NOT MY MAJOR ANYMORE. Leave me alone.
...Yet Scott "Baby Mama Beater" Savol is still in the running. How do you people live with yourselves? LOOK AT HIM. He's a future serial rapist.
...I was taking a nap and my mom called to tell me about something stupid on tv. I don't like you right now Mom, for various reasons.
...I have two papers due Monday, a 5 pager and a 3 pager. I hate myself.
...I had a freaky dream during my nap. It was Revelations type shit. And I didn't even watch that stupid ass mini series on NBC.
...It was cold out today.
...I have to read a 400 page book by Tueday. Why did you have to write such a long autobiography Ghandi? Why? Why?
...Steak 'n Shake was not as good as I remember it being.
...I've been trying to get this one Nina Simone song for 3 days and IT'S NOT FUCKING DOWNLOADING.
...The gas station didn't have P-Funks or Camel Lights. I hate Marlboro Lights.
...I've been abnormally crabby all day. Don't talk to me.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

There Could Be Nothing Better Than

...having a gallon of milk in the fridge for my morning bowl of cereal.
...having money for a pack of cigarettes.
...having plans for Friday even though it's only Monday.
...knowing my 21st birthday is in 29 days.
...seeing a fucking awesome movie today, Million Dollar Baby, and crying like a pussy for the last 45 minutes of it.
...skipping night class to go see that movie. with Emily.
...the Postal Service cd Give Up. cheese.
...asking my three year old cousin Liam why I can't take a turn shooting the basketball and him saying "Because my mom said you can't."
...possibly going to Vegas in June.
...being on a softball team with the name "Looking to Score."
...our team being fully sponsored by a bar that's 2 blocks from my house.
...going home and getting along with my mom for three days.
...being given a hand-picked flower in class today.
...getting drunk phone calls from my sister.
...hearing my brother play the Simpsons theme song on his new aucostic guitar.
...a new episode of Desperate Housewives.
...knowing the answer to the Final Jeopardy question.
...knowing spring is here, hopefully to stay.
...still liking my haircut almost two months later.
...the smell of rain.
...buying strawberries, shortcake and Cool Whip to make Strawberry Shortcake.
...having a few beers before class to enjoy the nice weather.
...looking forward to going to Steak 'n Shake for dinner tomorrow.
...having clean sheets, clean towels AND a clean room.
...having a new camera to take pictures with.
...knowing people at my job back home miss me and want me to work there over the summer.
...having grapes, apples and strawberries in the fridge.
...looking forward to going to tons of Sox games this summer.
...making an unnecessarily long list of reasons to be happy and forgetting all about how insane my life is going to be these next few weeks. I'm happy, hope you're happy too, bitches.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

The Resentment Rides High But Emotions Won't Grow

I'm going home tomorrow for the weekend, and I'm kinda looking forward to it. Megan will be home too, so at least it won't be too boring. Plus I can scam some money out of my brother, hopefully. I've only been home for one night since this semster began in January so it'll be nice to eat some good food for once. I'll get good Chicago pizza! Go to Huck Finns for coffee 400 times! Drink my mom and dad's liquor they hide in the basement! Watch a VHS tape just for the sake of having a VCR in the house! Steal more toilet paper! It's going to be glorious.

My brother and I have a date for July 16th. He's buying me a ticket so we can go see Tom Petty and the Black Crowes. He says I have to pay him back but I'm planning on trying to get out of that by saying it's going to be my birthday present from him. Nevermind the fact that I haven't gotten him anything yet and his birthday was January 14th. Keri keeps trying to get in on the sibling date too, but get the hint, bitch. WE DON'T LIKE YOU. Plus we don't want to associate ourselves with the type of people who get hit by cars while chasing after dogs (no offense). I mean, c'mon. Look both ways next time. (Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're alive and stuff. Who else would buy me Rufio tickets? That's all you're good for {no offense}). (I love parantheses.)

Emily and I are definitley going to Nashville this summer. Well I say definitley even though we don't have any plans set in stone yet, but you have no idea what Emily is capable of. Unlike me, she gets good ideas and ACTUALLY FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH THEM. I know, mindblowing. Since she hosted that sex toy party, she got a free 2 night stay in a hotel pretty much anywhere in the US. I don't know why we picked Nashville, I guess because it's close enough to drive to (8 hours), but it's not Indiana, Wisconsin or Iowa. We stopped in Nashville to eat on the way down to Florida and decided we liked it, so Nashville, here we come. We were thinking about flying, but the cheapest we found was not cheap enough for us. I bet she'll have the hotel booked by the end of this month. We won't be going until August so we're got a while to look forward to it, but I can't wait. Gas prices better not shoot up to $4.00 a gallon like she says is supposed to happen. I don't trust anything she says though. After all I did have to teach her how to find books in the library today. I don't know how the two are connected, but come on. Then she reminded me how I have a 2.45 GPA. Shut up bitch.

I finally went to my advisor on Tuesday. I bitched and moaned about it, then it turns out I didn't even have to make an appointment, I just walked in and talked to the guy. He got me into my senior thesis class, which is fucking awesome since you need to be on senior standing to take it, and I'm 5 credits shy of the 90 I should have. (No one has to read this, I just need to get this shit out about school for a minute). I'm not looking forward to this class at all (does anyone ever actually look forward to going to class? I'm so unique) but I don't want to leave it for my last semester either, so I need to take it in the fall. Because next year will be my LAST YEAR IN COLLEGE. I'm on track bitches and should graduate in May 2006. That is if I stop acting like a pussy and take my math class. Let me talk about for a minute how math screwed Katie over three years ago.

It's the summer of 2002, and I'm here at Northern with my mom for my orientation (you have no idea how long it took for me to remember that word. 30 fucking minutes. I even called Keri but she was no help. I feel so much better. I'm not high, I swear). I'm going for my Bachelor in Arts because I hate math with all my soul and this way I'd only have to take one math class. So I ask the guy who was helping me figure out my schedule when I should take the math placement test to figure out what class I test into. He tells me I don't need to take the test at all, since I'm going for my BA, not BS degree. That man is a fat, fat bastard and I would kill him today if I ever found him. It turns out I DO have to take the placement test, or else obviously, how else am I supposed to know what math class to take? I wasn't looking forward to taking the test in the first place, 3 years ago when I had already been out of math in high school for a year. Now it's 4 years later and they want me to take the test? I can't even remember how to subtract big numbers from each other. I'm going to place into the lowest math class and end up having to take 2 classes, with the way it works here at NIU. I'm getting a degree in history for christs sake. Why must the system screw me over and make me take math? I thought cruel and unusual punishment was outlawed in this country.

And I'm done talking about school.

Today in the library while Emily was checking out her books, the guy helping her goes to me, "Neil Young. Awesome" cause I was wearing the shirt I got at his concert. Instead of saying, "Fuck yeah, I'm awesome and so are you for loving Neil" or "What's your favorite song?" I go, "Did you hear he had a brain aneurysm this past week? He's fine now though." The guy was like "Thanks for almost giving me a heart attack." I laughed and said, "Sorry, I just have to pass the word on to all his fans." Why did the first thing that popped out of my mouth have to be about his brain aneurysm? Way to keep the conversation light, Kate. I like talking to myself in third person.

Everyone have a wonderful weekend and get drunk. Alot. I'll try to do the same. It's the least I can do. Southside, bitches.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Why Today Was Good (I'm So Fucking Descriptive)

1. I was asleep by midnight and woke up at 9 to study for a test. I spent the next 4 hours reading a little bit, studying for an even less amount of time, taking a shower and falling asleep for an hour. But do I still think I did pretty good on my test? You're goddamn right I do.
2. Pita Pete's was giving out free pitas again if you signed up for a credit card. Fake social security number? Yes. Fake phone number? Yes. Fake address? Yes. Am I invincible? Yes. I love you Pita Pete's.
3. I finally went to Wal-Mart today and got food. It was getting bad, I felt like I was forcing myself to be anorexic. It was the worst 4 hours of my life. Out of the $50 my mom gave me for food, I spent $31 of it on food. I'm smart.
4. I bought some ice cream. None of that other stuff could have happened and my day still would have been wonderful because of that fact.
5. Emily actually asked me this question: "How does it work when I go to the library? Do I just go up to the desk and tell them what books I want?" Have you ever been to a library, Ms. I-Have-A-3.5-GPA?
6. Her other great quote of the day: "Man, I don't feel fat at all right now cause I just shit out that whole pita." Oh how I love you Emily.

The number one reason why yesterday sucked ass - The Illini lost. I was so fucking excited about this game. It was the first time I've paid attention to basketball since the Bulls ruled the world. So in other worlds, I'm spolied. The Bulls never let me down and lost the championship, so I expected nothing less from the Illini. It was such a good fucking game too. They were down, and then tied it with only a minute or 2 left, then they lost by 5 points. I felt like crying. I talk to myself way too much when watching sports games. Really, it's awful. If I saw myself I'd think I was a crazy person. It's times like this when I need my brother. I made him call me after the game so I could get sports talk out of my system. Then my mom even got on the phone and said, "Oh honey, I'm sorry. It'll be ok" like she's trying to talk me out of killing myself something. Relax bitches, I just get too into sports, but I'll live. I'll save the suicide for when the Bears get to the Superbowl and lose. (Not like that would happen, the Bears would win 600-12, guaranteed.)

Ok, last thing about sports. I'll try to get it out of the way here so I don't bore everyone to tears in every post. Bill told me in a comment he can't understand how I can be from Chicago and not be a Cubs fan. Even though I already answered you, I'm putting it out here so I never get asked such a stupid question again.
WHITE SOX - White Sox fans are from the Southside of Chicago, because that's where the stadium is. (It's still "Comiskey Park" to me, I refuse to call it "Cellular Park" because that sounds so fucking stupid.) If you're a true southsider, you love the White Sox. Yeah yeah, everyone says they blow, and they do most of the time, but goddamnit they're MY White Sox. Don't even get my started on Southsiders who are Cubs fans. They are a disgrace to us all. Frank Thomas rules, bitches.
THE CUBS - Simply put, Cubs fans are pussies. There's really no better word to describe them. The Cubs play at Wrigley Field, on the Northside of Chicago. Wrigleyville is known for two things. Being rich bitches and it's flamingly homosexual nightlife. Cubs fans think they're better off than Sox fans, but they seem to forget that it's been longer for them since they've seen a World Series than it has for us. Nevermind the fact that the Titanic hadn't even sunk by the time either of them won one. Those few precious years between the Cubs winning and the Sox winning are all that counts. In the fall of '03 when the Cubs made it to the playoffs, I knew so many Sox fans who jumped on the Cubs bandwagon, and I threw up all over each one of them. I admitted it would be cool to see them in the playoffs just because Chicago would go crazy, but I would never, ever cheer for the Cubs. The thought makes me sick.

I'm not good at explaining things, but I hope that makes it clear why you can't be a Sox fan and a Cubs fan. It just doesn't work that way. It's always a good conversation starter though, asking who your team is. Either you can bond over the love you have for your team or make fun of each other for rooting for the shitty team. I've made some life long friends this way. I went on about this for far too long. Sorry.

So much for going to bed early tonight. 53 minutes Jenn. Good lord. And that's not even counting the minutes from when your phone died earlier. You're the best lady ever. Don't ever let anyone tell you any differently. Good conversations rock, bitches.

Monday, April 04, 2005

I Ended Up Becoming Something Other Than What I Had Planned To Be

Anybody else excited for the Illini-UNC game tomorrow? You should be. Too bad I have to study for a huge test tomorrow too. That can wait until after the game though. It's probably a good thing I have no money for beer because I don't think I would be the best drunk-studier. Something just tells me the two wouldn't mix well together. I'm completely jumping on the bandwagon, rooting for Uni of Illinois, but who gives a fuck. The team is from my state, therefore I should support them. It's a rule I'm pretty sure. However that rule does not apply to the Cubs. The Cubs blow and always will blow. Now that Sammy and Moses are gone, you don't have a chance. Not that my White Sox have a chance either, but shut the fuck up about it.

So my weekend blew. How was yours? If you took a shower and left the house, you're much more exciting than I am. Friday I drank some wine with Carly, but I think I hate wine now. We watched American Splendor, and Bill, I want my $12 back. Not that the movie was that awful, but I could really use that $12 right now. On Saturday I watched the Illini game and way too much VH1. Way way too much. I need to get out more.

Today I was supposed to "hang out" with Antonio, but he didn't call me. Trying to give me a taste of my own medicine assrammer? This whole weekend I wasn't dreading hanging out with him, then it got to today, and I don't want him to call anymore. I mean, if he would have called I would have gone out with him, but I was getting nervous because I'm a pansy. And then he doesn't call, and I'm sort of relieved but moreso pissed off. First I don't want him to call, and then when he actually doesn't, I get mad. I make a lot of sense. Of course everyone is thinking, "why didn't you call him?" but remember I'm a pussy and don't like calling guys. I'll be sure to give you the update on what he tells me in class tomorrow because I'm sure you're all enthralled.

I think my eyesight has gotten worse since my last checkup in December. Is that possible? I can barely read the blackboard in class anymore and today while walking to visit Emily at work I couldn't read the gas prices until I was nearly 30 feet from the sign. I just made up 30 feet, I have no idea how close I was to it, but I know I never had to be that close before. I probably just need to change my contacts. Fascinating.

Earlier today someone knocked on our door, and it was a delivery guy from Jimmy Johns (a sub place). I told them I was the only one home and that I hadn't ordered anything. I asked what address he was looking for, and he said mine. Then he goes, "It's for a Katie, do you know a Katie?" I was like "Uhh...I'm Katie, but still, I didn't order anything." So he eventually left but I felt stupid like he thought I was lying to him or something. But I think that's bizarre. He was looking for my exact address, and then for a Katie. Emily thinks someone was "trying to get revenge on me", but who orders one sandwich to prank someone with? I think if you were pissed at someone you'd order a shitload of food. Plus, who is pissed at me? It could have just been a freaky coincidence, but who knows. Oh the horrible drama in my life. Someone doesn't like me and is sending me Jimmy John sandwiches. I should call the cops.

I started watching Cape Fear Friday night at 3:00 am. Not a good movie to watch by yourself that late at night. I must have made sure the door was locked 5 times before I went to bed.

I'm in a softball league with some friends this summer, and we're sponsored by this bar near my house. I really hope that means we get free beer or something after each game. The part I'm most excited about? Getting a t-shirt out of it. I'm trying to forget about the having-games-every-fucking-Sunday-part and maybe having to go home for practices. And good lord, the running. I haven't ran farther than a 10 feet since I was 8 years old. I get out of breath walking up 2 flights of stairs. But it will be good drunken times, I can promise you that, bitches.

Friday, April 01, 2005

I've Waited For You Winterlong

I've been eating meat again since the summer, but I still don't like to eat chicken. I buy the fake chicken stuff, which are delicious and eat those instead. Emily and I went to Applebee's in January and we each got one of the appetizer samplers as our meal (that's why I'm a broke fatass). I was going to give her my buffalo wing things cause I didn't want them, but she convinced me to try one and I LOVED THEM. A few days later we went to Wal-Mart and I bought some TGI Friday Buffalo Wings because I thought they would be as good as the Applebee ones. Good lord was I horribly wrong. The Applebee's ones were boneless, but the TGIF ones had bones and they were gross. The point of this is, I tried them last month when I bought them and thought they were nasty, but didn't throw the rest of them out, I just put them back in the freezer. So 2 months later, when I have absolutely no food, save for 3 cans of tuna, I convince myself that they couldn't have been THAT bad, right? Besides it was either eat those or my left hand. This time they were even worse. I ate them over 4 hours ago and I still feel like I have pieces of cartilage or some shit in the back of my throat. It's making me sick realizing I ate that shit. I'm not a pussy (can you tell I love that word?) when it comes to eating meat again, but theres just something about real chicken that I just can't stomach. I'll stick to my Morningstar fake chicken patties and nuggets, thankyouverymuch. Very pointless paragraph, but you know that's my specialty.

I've been on a Neil Young binge for the past 2 hours. Growing up, it was almost as if Neil was part of the family. My brother, sister and I know the words to all of his songs because my dad was obsessed with him. Man Needs a Maid has got to be one of the greatest songs ever. Ask Keri what song defines our childhood and she'll tell you that song. Or Oklahoma Sweetheart, but I'm betting she'd say Neil first. All my Dad's friends love him too, so whenever we would go on vacation with them and their families the cd holders were always stocked with Neil. One of the best concerts I ever went to was a Neil Young concert. It was September of 2000 when I was 15. My parents and their friends were going and a bunch of my friends got tickets at the last minute and they gave us all a ride down there. My parents had actual seats and we were on the lawn, but still there's nothing like trying to smoke weed and cigarettes so your parents can't see you. Damn I was a badass. This is a lame story, but I feel like I had to write about Neil since I've been listening to him exclusively all night. Just in case you were wondering, my favorite songs by Mr. Young are:
Man Needs a Maid
After the Goldrush
Harvert Moon
The Needle and the Damage Done
Cowgirl in the Sand
Sugar Mountain
Tired Eyes

I also downloaded some Metallica today which is really cool of me. I watched this thing on VH1 today about them and it reminded me how I love their song Hero of the Day, especially the version with the S&M symphony. Everybody has to at least like one Metallica song, even my mom likes Nothing Else Matters. And I love their version of Bob Seger's Turn the Page. Whenever I hear Bob singing it on the radio, I always start singing the Metallica version. I didn't know their bassist Cliff B-something died in a bus accident in 1986. Am I a douche bag for not knowing that? Probably.

This is a stupidass post, but I wasted too much time typing it all out so I'm not erasing it. Don't worry, I'll never write about chicken, Neil Young or Metallica again. I just had to get it out of my system. Happy April Fools Day, bitches.

Since I talk about my mom, dad and brother too much, I should show you a picture of the bitches SKIING in Arizona a few days ago, taken courtesy of Dad's cellphone. Don't they look like badasses with their sunglasses on? Who the fuck skis in Arizona? I hate them for going without me and Keri. Bitches.  Posted by Hello