Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Up Against The Walls

It's weird how a good song coming on my iPod will automatially put me in a good mood. I don't know why it surprises me - obviously I know every song on here, but it's so much better when it comes on through the shuffle as opposed to me picking it out to play. The song this time? Truth Doesn't Make a Noise by the White Stripes. I have all the White Stripes albums on here, I have no idea how (maybe because of my brother?), but never listen to them unless it's through the shuffle. Then that song came on one day and changed my life. Or not really, but I'm feeling dramatic today. It really makes me want to learn how to play the piano cause it's awesome, motherfucking awesome. Plus, how sweet is that title. Truth doesn't make a noise? Thank you Jack White for vocalizing that, cause I had no idea.

Megan might be moving back to the town she went to school in for a job at a radio station. The thought of that happening scares the shit out of me because seriously WHAT AM I GOING TO DO. Meg is literally my right arm: we hang out at least five or six times a week and she's the one person around here who will go with me to the bar open til 5:00 because of my pathetic hope of finding a boyfriend there (I am aware of how delusional I am only because she points it out to me all the time). Everyone knows when I'm somewhere, Meg is too and vice versa. I don't think they'd recognize us without each other. So really, the prospect of her moving terrifies me. But she did say there's a UPS Store down there too, so I could move too! And then I shot her. Why must my best friend actually grow up and get a job. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS.

But really, this working at the UPS Store is getting old. It's coming up on a year that I graduated and I'm still there. I have been trying to look lately, but really have no idea how to even start. My resume is so impressive though, I don't get how a sweetass job hasn't just fallen into my lap already.

So I work at the UPS Store, still live with my parents, don't have a car, don't have a boyfriend and am pretty much broke all the time. I just depressed myself even more, if that's even at all possible. If the truth doesn't make a noise then why is it fucking screaming at me right now, answer me that Jack White. Where's my knife when I need it.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Writer's Block, The Opposite Of

The Parade. The best day of my life? Possibly. Emily came in for it, and goddamn, I was so proud of her for keeping up with me and my friends the entire day. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but we drank for about 13 hours, from 11:00 am to midnight or so. Disgusting? Yeah. But worth it? You know it. We must have walked at least six miles that day, and goddamn, my legs were feeling it for the next two days. I'm glad to say now that I am fully recovered, everywhere except for my stomach which is grossly enormous right now. I honestly gained about five pounds over the past couple days. The bingeing needs to start, PRONTO. I put all my pictures up on Shutterfly.com, but don't really know if I can link them here, so there's that. I mean, your guys life wouldn't be complete unless you saw a picture of me pushing Emily in a grocery cart, right? Right. Southside Irish Parade, oh how I love you. (My mom was telling her friend how there were 18 arrests throughout the day and I chimed in "Well at least no one died." Because that's how you determine a good parade from a bad parade. "Were there any deaths?" "No." "SUCCESS!" ) We're the Southside Irish and we're Irish to the core, we come from the Windy City as our fathers did before.... yeah, we got our own theme song, jealous?

Keri went back to school today, and now it's just me, my mom and dad again. Grrrrrrreat. We did go out with a bang though, staying out til almost six am yesterday. It could have been 5:00 am if the Irish assholes hadn't stolen our cab in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot though. Seriously, Irish guys, straight off the boat that is, have got to be the most annoying people in the entire world. I met a bunch of them last Sunday and jesus christ. Annoying, they are just so goddamn ANNOYING. The accent only takes you so far, and then the hat-stealing, cigarette-taking and ass-smacking takes over and I can't stand you. But otherwise, I had a grand old time drinking a shite-load, singing at the top of my lungs to "Don't Stop Believin", dancing terribly for way too long, spending too much money and having to gyp the cab driver cause Keri and Amy had spent all theirs. Kerianne Kristine, you owe me your life.

Why do boys ask for phone numbers and then never call you. I'd really love to understand the logic behind that. It's not like I just slipped you my number or anything YOU ASKED ME FOR IT. Why the asking if there will be no follow thru? Goddamnit.

St. Paddy's Day week is over and I'm sad. It's kind of like the Christmas season being over. We had the parade and then a week later the actual day and now what do I have to look forward to? Cinco de Mayo? Flag Day? HOW CAN I PICK JUST ONE.

I saw the play Wicked on a beautiful, beautiful day this past Tuesday. It hit 70 fucking degrees already. I actually woke up early (ok, noon) just to read outside before having to get ready to go. I know I talk about this every year around this time, but I am so excited about the upcoming warm weather. This is my favorite time of year, when the thought of 60 degree days practically gives me a boner. Impossible you might think, but I'm proof otherwise. Of course since Tuesday it's been cold out, but it's coming man, it's coming. This is why you gotta have four seasons. You take it for granted if you don't have to live through the shitty stuff along with the good stuff. Don't even give me the bullshit saying otherwise cause I AIN'T LISTENING.

Keri and I saw, for her Christmas present from me, the comedian Brian Reagan on Thursday, and he was fucking hysterical. I don't even know what else to say about him, besides that you should check him out if you get a chance. Also, thank you RELUCTANTLY.

Aight, I thought I might have more cause it's been awhile, but I don't. Also, iTunes is being a giant douche bag right now. And I need a shower. Badly. But here's my favorite picture from last night:

Amy, Keri, Megan, me and Maggie singing our hearts out to either Living on a Prayer or Don't Stop Believin', I'm not sure which. And then we got "shushed" by PJ - asshole. I have no idea who took this picture of us, but I love it. Happy St. Paddy's Day to ya.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

I think I have a problem. That problem is the "Buy it NOW!" button on Ebay. I bought three books the other day and a cd today. THERE ARE REASONS THOUGH. One of the books was 1 penny. Literally one penny. Or not literally cause it was $3.49 for the shipping, but still, $3.50 for a book? Sold. Another one was 27 cents (is there no "cents" sign on the keyboard? Or am I handicapped?) and another was $1.03. I know, big spender for that last one. So overall I spent about $12 for three books. Christ on a cracker, I love Ebay.

The books, incase you care, which you don't but I'm telling you anyways because all this blog seems to be becoming is my book report, were The Feast of Love by Charles Baxter (another one I stole from Jason Mulgrew because American Dream WAS that good), City of God by E.L Doctorow and The Human Stain by Phillip Roth, both taken off the 1001 Books list. I finished Atonement a couple days ago and though it got off to a slow start ended up being pretty good. It didn't make me cry, but it had World War II (I accidentley did '!!' instead of 'II' at first and for some reason that really made me laugh. World War !! Exclamation! Ok, maybe it wasn't so funny) in it and I'm a complete sucker for anything World War I or II ( I ain't gonna discriminate) related. Good god, you can't even read this paragraph because of all the paranthesis. But am I going to fix that? No.

Those books better come soon because I'm trying to read The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova right now and it is the most terrible book in the entire world. I started it two or so months ago but stopped once I got something new and am just reading it as a filler now. I can't even describe how awful this book is. If I read the words "gasped" or "shuddered" one more fucking time I'm going to burn this book (which would be pretty daring on my part - my mom's always told us 'Books are our friends!', I wish I was kidding). But really, if anyone has read this book, actually finished it (I'm only page 268 out of 600-something) and enjoyed it, I don't think I could ever talk to you again. Someone really tell me if you've read it and liked it though. It was a best seller so someone out there has. If you're too ashamed to admit it though, I don't blame you. I would be too.

Also, I just bought a cd on Ebay BUT IT WAS AN IMPORT SO IT WOULDA BEEN REALLY EXPENSIVE AT BEST BUY. I only paid $12.48 for it PLUS I didn't go to the bar tonight, so that totally justifies it. It's by Peter Bjorn and John called "Writer's Block". Find them on Myspace (my other new music obsession, right now I'm listening to Albert Hammond Jr's [from the Strokes] album) and if you don't like the song Paris 2004 or Young Folks, you've got some issues.

What the fuck has happened to the Bears since losing the Superbowl. They've basically imploded it seems. Thomas Jones was traded to the Jets and now Lance Briggs wants to be traded too. There was a big mess about renewing Lovie Smith's contract and Ron Riveria didn't leave on the best terms either. You're supposed to all be one big happy family, according to me at least. Fucking act like it.

I bought some new green gym shoes the other day (at Payless nonetheless, another example of my big spenderness) and the check-out lady said "Oh!! And the parade is this weekend!", like she was practically reading my mind. I was all "I know! I had green shoes but I've had them for so long there's holes in the bottom so these are perfect." Everyone really IS Irish on Parade Day, even the Hispanic Payless Shoe Store lady.

Yesterday I went over to Megan's and we watched Supernanny and Rick Steve's Europe, made cupcakes and decorated them. How old am I again, because whenever I go over to Megan's I seem to turn into a 46 year old married mother of three or something. Not that I don't have fun doing it though. Megan, being my best friend and extremely funny and me, being the most easily amused person in the entire world, are probably the best combination in the entire world. She makes me laugh so hard sometimes that I don't even want to imagine how boring my life would be without her. I mean I'd drink a lot less, sure, but man without her, life would be pretty dreary. I totally got tres tres lucky in the best friend AND sister department. I must have been Florence Nightengale in a former life or something. We DO share a birthday so it's totally plausible.

The other day at work some old guy came in and as I was helping him said "WHAT ARE YA, 6 FEET TALL?" No, old-ass man, I am not 6 feet tall, I am 5'10 goddamnit. What makes you think you can say that to me? I can't say "Wow, you really have that old man stink going on, don't you?" or "Does everyone get that wrinkly when they're as close to their death bed as you are?" NO, because that would be considered "rude", so why do you think you can say that to me? No I don't play basketball, no I don't play volleyball, no I'm not wearing heels. And I'm not even THAT tall. Tall, but not Lisa Leslie-tall for fucks sake. Aggravated.

Eight fascinating paragraphs! You're welcome!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Top 10 Sister Moments

Here it is bitch, you can stop whining now. Love you!

1. Let's get this out of the way first - the dyke haircut. This haircut was not Keri's fault, although she was rocking a short hairdo for a little while which looked super cute on her. One day we went to Boric's to get our haircut, which is the cheap place to go to when you just need a trim because being only $9.99, you don't really want to trust them when you need a completely new style. When we walked out of Boric's that day, after both of us just getting a trim, I had a dyke sister. The lady had styled her short hair in the dyki-est way possbile. I don't even know how to explain it: it was just dykey. We had to walk home that day (I think we were about 13 and 14 ) and I could not stop laughing. Keri was really embarassed, but did I care? Obviously not because as I type this here at work eight years later, I'm still laughing hysterically at the thought of it. The mental picture of that haircut Ker, has gotten me through many dark times.

2. The other obvious one: the time she was driving me to the store and asked "wait, which way is Jewel?" Keri got her liscense before me (yeah yeah shut up) and we were going to Jewel, the local grocery store not too far from our house. This store has been in the same location our whole lives, it's probably about a mile away, and we had been there god knows how many times prior to this trip. As she was backing out of the driveway she stopped, looked at me and says, "Wait. Which way is Jewel?". I don't think I even answered her because I was too busy making fun of her. I really shouldn't though because I get turned around really easily too (each time I leave a store in the mall, I start walking in the same direction I just came from), but I do anyways. It's my job as the older sister: never let the younger ones forget anything stupid that they said/did.

3. The first Rufus Wainwright concert we went to - this will finally be a nice one. We saw Rufio back in February 2004 at the Riviera Theatre on the Northside of Chicago. It was on a Wednesday so we both came home from school for the night to see him and took the train down. It was pretty much the best concert that either of us have ever been to, he played everything off Want One, the album both of us were obsessed with at the time. He had a backing band which allowed him to play all the songs - we've seen him a few times since solo, and it's not the same because he can't sing all the songs without other people. For the encore Rufio and the entire band came out in witches costumes and sang "Oh What a World" and It. Was. MAGICAL. That concert has been the bar to measure up to and so far he hasn't come close again. We've seen him three other times, and each time he's awesome and flamingly homosexual, but it'll never be as awesome and flamingly homosexual as the first time we saw him. After the concert we met up with my friend Chris, drank with his friends, took the train back to his dorm and the both of us almost pee'd on the Blue Line we had to go so bad. The End.

4. The Christmas about three years ago when you made me one of those fleece blankets you tie together with ballerinas on it. Best Christmas present ever, lady. J.P, you could one up her here if you bought me a tv.

5. When we went on our first official "Sister Date" to see the Divine Secret of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood movie and then out for coffee afterwards. The movie was kinda terrible (remember how horrible those little girl actresses were? christ), the word "ya-ya" stuck with us. Nine times out of ten whenever I call Keri she answers the phone saying "YA-YA!" (or "Hey baby, where you at?" in her best smooth-black-man voice) because that's what I'm under in her phone. You'll always be my ya-ya, bitch.

6. When I visited Keri in Ireland, my one goal, besides making a baby with an Irish guy, was to buy one of those Irish hats. At one point during the week I kinda turned into a psycho crying and yelling at Keri ( I'm sorry again - I hate even thinking about it) one night. I'm not sure if it was the next day or not (but it makes a better story if it was, so I'm going with it), I was going to go into Limerick by myself to buy a hat. At the last minute Keri said she'd come with me and we took the bus into town. I was embarassed (I don't know why) to say the hat was for myself, so when I was in the hat store, I said it was for my dad, and ended up with a hat 500 times too big for my head because I'm stupid. Who knew you had a head size? For future reference, I am not a 7 1/2. But anyways, we walked around Limerick even though it was freezing balls out and stopped at a pub called Charlie Chaplin's for a Guiness. I was just glad to have Keri all to myself for a few hours cause the rest of the time Amy and Eileen were with us. I still hate them. So anyways Ker, thanks for coming with me to Limerick even though I was a raging psycho bitch the night before. Does this here bus go to Lime-rick?

7. How people think we're twins all the time. Just the other day I was at the bar and people started yelling "KERI" at me, before realizing it wasn't her. And those people call themselves your friends, for shame. When people ask if we really do look alike, I just say you're the skinnier, bigger-boobed version of me. But that's how I describe J.P too, so it probably doesn't mean much. It still weirds me out that people think we look alike, so much alike that you can have conversations with girls I went to school with for 12 years pretending to be me. And it's not weird at all that you didn't correct Lisa. Not weird at all

8. All the good shit you're gotten me in to: Sondre Lerche, The Frames, Paddy Casey, Mic Christopher, Harry Potter. Especially for Harry Potter. Remember how hard I cried at the end of the 6th book? I love books that make me cry, Harry made me cry, therefore I love you too. I did give you Rufus and Jeff Buckley though, and let's face it, those two beat all the other ones combined. Oh, and I gave you Donnie Darko. You LOVE Donnie Darko.

9. One time a few years ago, before the UPS Store moved to the new location, only me and you were home, I think the other three were on vacation or soemthing, and you brought me lunch to work, even though we had been fighting (surprise!) before you took me to work. You put a note in the bag that said "I love you Sister. Happy eating!", and I still have it on my mirror in my room. You probably don't remember this at all, but I do because it was another example about how I was a huge bitch to you, but you were still nice to me. Way to make me always look bad.

10. The last one isn't one thing specifically, but just in general how you are the best sister ever. My friends love you, probably because you're easy. Megan even claims to be a pseudo-sister (she's looking forward to you coming home on Friday too, fyi) because she's jealous she doesn't have a sister. And yeah we fight, but what sisters don't? Queer ones, that's who. I told you before how it was hard for me to think of "sister moments" we had when we were little, but it's cause we weren't close until we were about 14 or 15. Before we were 14 it was all about fighting and kicking each other in the backseat of the van, me telling you to do things (ok, that hasn't changed) and pretty much just hating you in general. And now? Now I feel bad for the girls who don't have a sister because they have no idea what they're missing out on. I love you lady and can't WAIT to see you on Friday. Sister, reunited.

THE END. Finally, the whining stops.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Your Post Is Coming Soon Ker, Promise

Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Post on your blog. Comment back if you post it on your site. No comment regarding whatever songs that might come up.

Will I get far in life? It's A Hit - Rilo Kiley
How do my friends see me? Midnight Rambler - Rolling Stones
Where will I get married? White Shadows - Coldplay
What is my best friend's theme song? Haiti - The Arcade Fire
What is the story of my life? Turn the Page - Metallica
What was high school like? A Higher Place - Tom Petty
How can I get ahead in life? Danny Boy - Rufus Wainwright
What is the best thing about me? I Wanna Be Your Lover - Bob Dylan
How is today going to be? Desolation Row - Bob Dylan
What is in store for this weekend? Lover Come Back to Me - Billie Holiday. I'm excited now.
What song describes my parents? Nothing Better - The Postal Service
What song describes my grandparents? In My Arms - Rufus Wainwright
How is my life going? 6th Avenue Heartache - The Wallflowers
What song will they play at my funeral? California Love - Tupac
How does the world see me? Dream Brother - Jeff Buckley
Will I have a happy life? Coming Up - Paul McCartney
What do my friends really think of me? Different Drum - Linda Ronstadt
Do people secretly lust after me? Blue Eyes - Cary Brothers
How can I make myself happy? Against the Tide - The Radio Dept.
What should I do with my life? Workin' 9-5 - Dolly Parton
Where have all the good people gone? Amsterdam - Coldplay
Will I ever have children? Apple Suckling Tree - Bob Dylan and The Band
What is some good advice? Dream Awake - The Frames
What is my signature dancing song? The Ballad of John and Yoko - The Beatles
What do I think my current theme song is? Piggies - The Beatles. (I wish I was kidding)
What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Natural Anthem - The Postal Service
What type of men/women do you like? Hosanna - Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack. Gay ones, apparently.