Monday, January 30, 2006
Oh Spam, you are so happy in this picture. Or drunk - she might have been on her second wine cooler by then. I look slightly handicapped, but hey, that's the way I roll.
Bill - you are a delight and much smarter than I am, though that's not much of a compliment. Thank you for showing me how I was being an idiot and for accepting me even if I am challenged.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
This winter has sucked ass so far. We got one big snow storm, in early December and that was it. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 52 degrees. 52 FUCKING DEGREES. Not that I want it to be 4 degrees again, like it was about a month ago, but give me some goddamn snow. I almost wore flip-flops out to coffee the other day. That thought never should have even entered my mind. Curse you Mother Nature, curse you. I'm obsessed with checking what people to search for to get this site, so bear with me for this batch: "Bitches fucking bulls", "They don't want to fuck me, they want to fuck my car" (anyone ever seen the 'Mistress Car' commerical on SNL? I remember seeing it for the first time. With my Dad. Awkward.), "mother fucking daughter" and "Switzerland pussies." Ms. Mac, I'm looking at you. My sister's been home since Saturday, and it's been glorious. It kinda sucks that I had to give up her room, but I got over it. Monday night me, her and my brother got drunk on some King Cobra 40's. Thanks to two digital cameras and two camera phones between us all of the magic was caught on camera. And yes, that was the most homosexual thing I've ever said. I can't wait to get back to school so I can totally overdo it and be annoying with the pictures. Back in October I saw this band here at home on the Southside and was obsessed with them, but didn't know their name. I saw them again on Friday night and my lord, I'm in love. With all of them. Last night I was at the regular Tuesday bar AND I MET THE KEYBOARDIST. Do I know his name? No. Did I probably make an ass out of myself? Yes. Did I start humping his leg? I can't remember. But I do feel like I met a celebrity. I wish I had asked him to sign my bra. Then maybe I'd know his name. I went for my yearly eye exam the other day and instead of going down the usual .25, I managed to get a whooping .75 worse. Now I'm a -6.75. Yes, fascinating, I KNOW. If this blog is good for nothing else, it's to keep track of my future-blindness. I thought I'd be blind by the time I was 40, now I'm knocking that down to 34. I should probably start training a dog now. So how bout dos Bears? Rex Grossman, I swear to god if you don't make me happy on Sunday I'll say "Kyle Orton's beard is sexy." Don't make me make myself wash my mouth out with soap ("make me make myself"? Too many M's in that phrase? I can't decide). You too Mushin Muhammed. Prove the Panthers you moved on to the better team. Carolina is going down at 3:30 pm, Central Standard Time, bitches. Tickets were sold out in 2 minutes. Maybe because there were only a FEW THOUSANDS AVAILABLE. Goddamnit. I hate season ticket holders. Like I would have gotten one anyways, but jesus christ, let me at least pretend I would have had a chance. Jenn, I hate you for being asleep right now. You too Keri. Assrammers.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
ONE. Tonight is Jenn's last night working the graveyard shift. I don't think anyone realizes what a sad moment this is for me. I'm a night owl and talk to Jenn literally every single night while she's at work, granted I'm not drunk and puking somewhere and she's not off. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I'm despondent. Who is going to entertain me Jenn? WHO? I really don't think you considered me at all in this decision. Now I'm not despodent, I'm angry. How could you Jenn, how could you. You know how to cut me right to the core Baxter. TWO. Keri comes home THIS WEEK. Yay. On Saturday we shall be reunited and we shall celebrate by getting drunk. Something out of the ordinary I know, but trust me, you'll enjoy it. THREE. I got a sweet new camera phone yesterday. My orginal phone broke over the summer so I had been using my dad's old ghetto ass phone that was about 5 years old. I could only talk for 10 minutes before it would run out of batteries. The best part? I got the phone for free thanks to my brother getting a new phone. Can't beat the 2 for 1 deals. Hells yeah bitches. FOUR. I had been wanting to see the movie Crash forever, and finally rented it yesterday. If you haven't seen it, go out today and see it. It was super-ass good. Am I good at describing things or what. FIVE. I'm starting a diet tomorrow. I've had two "last orders of cheese fries", one last "chocolate shake", 15 "last cans of pop", 4,800 "last cookies" and for 6 days in a row I've been meaning to "get on the treadmill for at least an hour." But goddamnit, tomorrow is the day. Unless we get pizza, then by golly January 5th will be the day. I swear! SIX. People have found my blog in the past week by searching for the following, "I want to fuck Katie", "mother and daughter fucking", "giantass", "asia takes it up the ass", "I hate Katie ohio", "I don't want a real job" and "I don't want my family and parents anymore." Not to brag, but I'm the number one website when people search for fuckable Katies. Don't be jealous. SEVEN. I don't feel like commenting tonight, but I swear I will soon. Not that any of you care, I don't mean to make it sound like "Please don't cry because I haven't left any lame as comments lately. The world revolves around me and you know it" but I feel bad because you comment for me. And then I just get lazy. Really really lazy. So soon, I will leave you all who comment here a wonderful magnificant magical comment. John, I had Portillo's today, how about dem apples? EIGHT. On New Years Eve my best friend and I got dressed up and went to a bar near my house. I told her I wasn't going home until at least 2:30 and she agreed. I was double fisting (I love saying that because I think it sounds so gross) all night, so was pretty drunk by about 1:45. Plus I couldn't walk anymore in my giantass heels. These heels were over an inch bitches. My delicately arched feet aren't used to that. So in other words, I was the giant pussy of the night who made us go home early. Sorry lady. NINE. On Christmas we went to my Uncle John's house, and later after we were all drunk, we took a picture where all of us had hats on, because they had done that 22 years ago when there was no grandkids yet, blah blah. (Do we know how to party or what) My uncle put on a hockey helmet, and he looked like a mentally challenged person. It was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen. (Except for the time when Keri got her dyke haircut. Nothing will ever top that.) This won't sound funny to anyone else, but I needed to post it here so 20 years down the road I can read this, mentally picture it, and cry laughing again. Then we all started dancing to "Dancing Queen" and "Who Let the Dogs Out". God I wish I was kidding. TEN. I started writing this, wanting to number the different topics, completely forgetting again how this stupidass enter key doesn't work. Then I got angry. Then I didn't even want to post. Then I thought "Fuck you keyboard, I'm going to number them despite you." I totally showed that keyboard. I love getting unnessecarily angry at inanimate objects.