Here it is bitch, you can stop whining now. Love you!
1. Let's get this out of the way first - the dyke haircut. This haircut was not Keri's fault, although she was rocking a short hairdo for a little while which looked super cute on her. One day we went to Boric's to get our haircut, which is the cheap place to go to when you just need a trim because being only $9.99, you don't really want to trust them when you need a completely new style. When we walked out of Boric's that day, after both of us just getting a trim, I had a dyke sister. The lady had styled her short hair in the dyki-est way possbile. I don't even know how to explain it: it was just dykey. We had to walk home that day (I think we were about 13 and 14 ) and I could not stop laughing. Keri was really embarassed, but did I care? Obviously not because as I type this here at work eight years later, I'm still laughing hysterically at the thought of it. The mental picture of that haircut Ker, has gotten me through many dark times.
2. The other obvious one: the time she was driving me to the store and asked "wait, which way is Jewel?" Keri got her liscense before me (yeah yeah shut up) and we were going to Jewel, the local grocery store not too far from our house. This store has been in the same location our whole lives, it's probably about a mile away, and we had been there god knows how many times prior to this trip. As she was backing out of the driveway she stopped, looked at me and says, "Wait. Which way is Jewel?". I don't think I even answered her because I was too busy making fun of her. I really shouldn't though because I get turned around really easily too (each time I leave a store in the mall, I start walking in the same direction I just came from), but I do anyways. It's my job as the older sister: never let the younger ones forget anything stupid that they said/did.
3. The first Rufus Wainwright concert we went to - this will finally be a nice one. We saw Rufio back in February 2004 at the Riviera Theatre on the Northside of Chicago. It was on a Wednesday so we both came home from school for the night to see him and took the train down. It was pretty much the best concert that either of us have ever been to, he played everything off Want One, the album both of us were obsessed with at the time. He had a backing band which allowed him to play all the songs - we've seen him a few times since solo, and it's not the same because he can't sing all the songs without other people. For the encore Rufio and the entire band came out in witches costumes and sang "Oh What a World" and It. Was. MAGICAL. That concert has been the bar to measure up to and so far he hasn't come close again. We've seen him three other times, and each time he's awesome and flamingly homosexual, but it'll never be as awesome and flamingly homosexual as the first time we saw him. After the concert we met up with my friend Chris, drank with his friends, took the train back to his dorm and the both of us almost pee'd on the Blue Line we had to go so bad. The End.
4. The Christmas about three years ago when you made me one of those fleece blankets you tie together with ballerinas on it. Best Christmas present ever, lady. J.P, you could one up her here if you bought me a tv.
5. When we went on our first official "Sister Date" to see the Divine Secret of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood movie and then out for coffee afterwards. The movie was kinda terrible (remember how horrible those little girl actresses were? christ), the word "ya-ya" stuck with us. Nine times out of ten whenever I call Keri she answers the phone saying "YA-YA!" (or "Hey baby, where you at?" in her best smooth-black-man voice) because that's what I'm under in her phone. You'll always be my ya-ya, bitch.
6. When I visited Keri in Ireland, my one goal, besides making a baby with an Irish guy, was to buy one of those Irish hats. At one point during the week I kinda turned into a psycho crying and yelling at Keri ( I'm sorry again - I hate even thinking about it) one night. I'm not sure if it was the next day or not (but it makes a better story if it was, so I'm going with it), I was going to go into Limerick by myself to buy a hat. At the last minute Keri said she'd come with me and we took the bus into town. I was embarassed (I don't know why) to say the hat was for myself, so when I was in the hat store, I said it was for my dad, and ended up with a hat 500 times too big for my head because I'm stupid. Who knew you had a head size? For future reference, I am not a 7 1/2. But anyways, we walked around Limerick even though it was freezing balls out and stopped at a pub called Charlie Chaplin's for a Guiness. I was just glad to have Keri all to myself for a few hours cause the rest of the time Amy and Eileen were with us. I still hate them. So anyways Ker, thanks for coming with me to Limerick even though I was a raging psycho bitch the night before. Does this here bus go to Lime-rick?
7. How people think we're twins all the time. Just the other day I was at the bar and people started yelling "KERI" at me, before realizing it wasn't her. And those people call themselves your friends, for shame. When people ask if we really do look alike, I just say you're the skinnier, bigger-boobed version of me. But that's how I describe J.P too, so it probably doesn't mean much. It still weirds me out that people think we look alike, so much alike that you can have conversations with girls I went to school with for 12 years pretending to be me. And it's not weird at all that you didn't correct Lisa. Not weird at all
8. All the good shit you're gotten me in to: Sondre Lerche, The Frames, Paddy Casey, Mic Christopher, Harry Potter. Especially for Harry Potter. Remember how hard I cried at the end of the 6th book? I love books that make me cry, Harry made me cry, therefore I love you too. I did give you Rufus and Jeff Buckley though, and let's face it, those two beat all the other ones combined. Oh, and I gave you Donnie Darko. You LOVE Donnie Darko.
9. One time a few years ago, before the UPS Store moved to the new location, only me and you were home, I think the other three were on vacation or soemthing, and you brought me lunch to work, even though we had been fighting (surprise!) before you took me to work. You put a note in the bag that said "I love you Sister. Happy eating!", and I still have it on my mirror in my room. You probably don't remember this at all, but I do because it was another example about how I was a huge bitch to you, but you were still nice to me. Way to make me always look bad.
10. The last one isn't one thing specifically, but just in general how you are the best sister ever. My friends love you, probably because you're easy. Megan even claims to be a pseudo-sister (she's looking forward to you coming home on Friday too, fyi) because she's jealous she doesn't have a sister. And yeah we fight, but what sisters don't? Queer ones, that's who. I told you before how it was hard for me to think of "sister moments" we had when we were little, but it's cause we weren't close until we were about 14 or 15. Before we were 14 it was all about fighting and kicking each other in the backseat of the van, me telling you to do things (ok, that hasn't changed) and pretty much just hating you in general. And now? Now I feel bad for the girls who don't have a sister because they have no idea what they're missing out on. I love you lady and can't WAIT to see you on Friday. Sister, reunited.
THE END. Finally, the whining stops.