Hey It's Me, I'm Dynamite And I Don't Know Why

I've come to a conclusion, a very important conclusion: every band should have a violin in it. If every band featured a violin as prominently as the Frames do, the world would be a better place. Or at least my world would be a better place, and that's really all that counts. Keri and I saw the Frames on Wednesday and the entire time we were about five feet from the stage, close enough that Keri could've given the lead singer Glenn that handjob she was really to. Maybe next time Ker. They didn't play Fitzcarraldo, which was a major bummer, but they did play a lot of other awesome songs, so I'm trying not to dwell on that. One other important conclusion that was drawn Wednesday night? I hate drunk bitches who push their way past you and then for the next hour bump into you and your sister trying to dance when there is clearly no room to do so. Goddamnit.

The concert was up on the Northside, actually right down the street from Wrigley Field, where me and Keri are totally out of our element as Sox fans. Wednesday also happened to be a the night Mark Buerhle threw a no-hitter against the Rangers. What the fuck - I have the be in Cubs territory for this event? If I hadn't have had a job interview early the next morning we totally would have gone into some Cubs bar and bragged about Marky Mark. And then probably gotten beat up, but it woulda been worth it.

On Friday we went to the bar to hear Diana's boyfriend's band and I brought my Peter Bjorn and John cd to listen to on the way. I have yet to see it since then, and it's killing me. How the fuck does a cd just dissappear inside a car? I lost my last phone the same way - the truck ate it. Goddamn Ford Expedition black holes.

Today it was a high so far of 80 degrees outside, so me and three of my friends went downtown to the Lincoln Park Zoo to see a free concert in the park, Umphrey's McGee, a band I've paid quite a bit of money to see in the past. I don't know why it surprised and annoyed the shit out of me that it was crowded as fuck. Maybe the 80 degree weather? The free concert? Just the fact of going to the zoo on a nice day? Those all could have been a factor I'm guessing. Just call me Matlock.

I met on guy, Will, last Friday night and was telling my mom about him on Saturday when I got home from work. We were outside at the time and then walked in a minute later and sat down at the kitchen table with my dad:
Mom: So does Will like the same sports and music you do?
Me: Oh yeah, he's really into sports, but he's a Cubs fan.
Mom: Well there could be worse things.
Dad: NO THERE COULDN'T BE.

At least my dad has his priorities straight. Job? Who cares if he has one of those (which he does), HE'S A CUBS FAN. That's strike one two AND three right there. Hey-o, check out that sports analogy.

So the other day I was clipping my toenails (sexy) and clipped right through my iPod earphones wire. I don't even have anything else to say about that.

I'm still STILL reading The Human Stain. I'm starting to annoy myself I'm taking so long. I'm pretty close now, but just never get the urge to read it cause it doesn't interest me at all. This could potentially be a spoiler, so don't read this if you want to read the book, but it bugs me that none of Coleman's kids look black at all. I know Coleman passes as white even though he's black, so his kids probably wouldn't be that dark skinned, but really? None of his four kids gave him away, despite the fact that they're half black? Not a single one of them came out a little darker skinned? I like to concentrate on the stupid shit. After this book I'm sucking it up and paying my fine at the library. I'm sick of these shitty eBay books.

Are ya'll ready for the scariest picture in the entire world? Cause I have it right here for you. This was over Easter Weekend when us three plus three of our friends were over drinking in our kitchen Friday night. Yes, we do have shirts on that say "O'Donnell University" because my mom is queer and bought them for us for Christmas, don't hate. God knows what the fuck I was laughing at, but your eyes are not playing tricks on you, I really do look like a braying donkey when I laugh. Awwwwwwwesome. You're welcome J.P and Keri for putting this on the intraweb so everyone can see us at our sexiest.

If I wake up tomorrow without swollen lymph nodes it will be a glorious, glorious day.

I'm Gonna Give You A Try

I sign up to win random concerts all the time on the radio station XRT's website and never win. Until Monday when I win tickets to see Chris Cornell in an "intimate concert" on Tuesday afternoon at 1:00 pm. Do you see the timeframe there? I find out I win on Monday. The concert is Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon at that. I'm not even a huge Chris Cornell fan (although I bet Jenn is going to bust a nut reading this), but it would've been cool to see him in a really small venue. Goddamnit XRT. Could we work on the timing next time?

At the bar last Thursday I saw a kid I used to babysit for. How fucked is that? I mean jesus christ, I'm only 22. Shouldn't I be at least 30 before that happens? So I didn't REALLY babysit for him, it was more for his 6 year old sister and 10 year old brother, but regardless he was there too and I was technically his babysitter. He was only 20 years old, apparently he knew the bouncer, but good lord. I thought hearing that kids I used to babysit for were in high school was weird. Now we're taken it to a completely different level: me buying them beer at the bar.

If I don't get to see Peter Bjorn and John May 8th, I am going to go apeshit on somebody. You have been warned. Now, get my mom to lend me money to buy their concert tickets on Saturday morning. God damn Swedish people.

So I'm trying this new thing called "not drinking for an entire month". Any bets on how long it's going to last? I give you until Saturday at 10:30 pm. Must. Resist. $1.25. Bottles. Tomorrow.

My new favorite tv show which I've only seen about 10 minutes of? Human Giant on MTV.
"I want to use your balls as earrings?"
"I was only making conversation."

Do you have any idea how expensive it is to be tested for HIV? Jesus christ. I knew I didn't have it, but I just wanted to be 110% sure I had a clean slate. I guess that's what you pay for peace of mind, but a little warning about the price for peace of mind would have been nice. Also, the other lesson I learned from this whole "Do I have AIDS? We'll know when I get the results back" situation is don't tell your best friends sort-of boyfriend you took the test because in order to clear a way at the bar he will yell "Watch out - she has AIDS." And it can be transmitted by me bumping into you. Sorry mister, but you know you had it coming when you didn't immediately move outta my way.

So....now you know way too much about me. But hey, at least you know it's cool if mine and your blood accidentally mix, right? And before I did look kind of AID-sy, admit it, what with my gaunt figure and swollen-prone lymph nodes. You can be rest assured now, I don't have the AIDS. Let the blood inter-mingling begin.

R.I.P author of my favorite book, Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut.

I Laugh More Often Now, I Cry More Often Now, I Am More Me

The Peter Bjorn and John album (PB&J, bitches) Writer's Block is so, so awesome (I really need to start using a thesaurus). Who knew Swedish bands were so addictive? Well I guess lots of people considering ABBA but I was not one of them, until now. I get obsessed with one of the songs at a time and play it 500 times in a row, something that I'm sure has not annoyed my dad at all this week. But I gots to have my dancing and singing when I'm getting ready to go out at night, sorry Dad.

Wow White Sox. You really started off the season with a bang, losing 12-5 to the Indians. I know I know (J.P) it's the first game of a long, long season, but if things continue this way, I am going to be crabby about 85% of the time this summer, something I, along with everyone else I know I'm sure, am really looking forward to. (Today at work, the older lady I work with asked me "How many games do the Sox play in a season, 16?" Give or take a few Kathy, give or take a few.)

My mom's been in Arizona for the past week and I have to go to O'Hare to pick her up tomorrow. So, it's just been me and my dad in the house. I know I've mentioned it before, but I have a weird relationship with my dad. I always feel awkward around him when we're one on one, which is completely stupid considering he's my dad and has been there since day one. I'm not very good with small talk anyways, but with my dad I'm just terrible. Even though my mom will be annoying me by tomorrow by 9:00 pm at the very latest, I'm so glad the buffer zone is coming home. Can you tell I'm a daddy's girl?

I can't believe I failed to mention this last time I wrote, but a book finally made me cry, Feast of Love by Charles Baxter. It wasn't the best book ever, but I think I'm learning that not every book has to be for me to like it. If it makes me cry, that's good enough for me. At least it was better than City of God by E.L Doctorow because as soon as I read the last page of that one, my first thought was what the fuck did I just read. It was a super-ass confusing book, one of those books without an ending at all, which I am cool with as long as I fucking UNDERSTAND IT AT LEAST. Christ on a crucifix. Right now I'm working on The Human Stain by Phillip Roth and though it's not bad by any means, I just can't get into it so it's taking me forever. So. There's my monthly book report.

Keri and J.P come home this weekend for Easter and I am so friggin pumped cause I haven't seen J since he left for the semester in January. Keri, eh not so much cause I just saw you, plus you'll be home on the 18th for the Frames (!!) concert, which by the way will be the sweetest concert ever, not counting Rufio. I think we're having a family drinking night on Friday, with some lame-ass theme like Jeopardy or something but don't tell Keri I said it was lame cause she's uber excited for it. So yay! Jeopardy themed drinking night! How does that even work! We'll find out on Friday!

What the fuck, I have to wait two more goddamn weeks for a new Gilmore Girls episode? That is very unnecessary, CW Network.

Last weekend I read the old diaries I used to keep from eighth grade to freshman year and good lord. I was riveted by my own life - the boys I used to have crushes on, going to the mall to get guys numbers with my friends, my obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio, how I first tried cigarettes (and was magically "addicted" a week after trying them), my first kiss, how I got grounded all the time, the boys who supposedly liked me but then never called (if only I could tell the 14 year old me that some things would never change), and a whole bunch of other queer shit. I must have called Megan at least six different times just to read passages outloud to her because the things she and I said and did most of the time were so ridiculous and funny. I was a stereotypical boy-crazy 13 and 14 year old girl that started about 85% of my entries with "GOD, DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW FUCKIN HOT MATT IS!!" Which, by the way is a hard habit to break. You have no idea the struggle I have each time I start a new post on this blog.

And lastly, for the Picture of the Week, or rather the Picture of Whenever I Feel Like It, the worst piece of mail my dad has even gotten. And of course I say that because they didn't capitalize the D in our last name, which is a major no-no. Jesus christ, you have no idea how long I laughed about this when I got it out of the mailbox, only because my dad really is the most remarkable woman I've ever met.