Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hey Al, You Ever Had Your Salad Tossed?

Seriously, I could not have asked for a better Bears to have gone to. I said I was going to pee my pants if Hester returned a kick and then I had to do it TWICE. Thanks Devin. And in the same quarter at that? Made things a little bit chillier for me. There was a Bears win in overtime, another fourth quarter comeback and Hester returning two kicks, but on top of all that, I got a free Bears scarf! For being pretty! Or just because I walked into the stadium! But still! Could my life get any better? I submit that it cannot. Well then it got worse because Will turned into a complete fucking asshole to end the night because he can never leave well enough alone, but I'm not letting anything spoil me having seen the best football game ever. Our seats were pretty high up and I had a small-to-medium heart attack the first time I walked up those steps to row 24, but I don't think you could possibly have a bad seat at Soldier Field. Awesome, awesome AWESOME fucking game. Will may be the biggest fuck-up I've ever met, but at least he took me to the game, thanks bitch. And thank YOU, Devin Hester. And thank you, old-ass lady who gave her old-ass boyfriend an old-ass blowjob in the row right in front of me. The game wouldn't have been the same without you.

Just in case you aren't aware of how awesome Devin Hester, aka the Windy City Flyer, is, watch this clip on YouTube of him returning a kick in college against Duke. Not safe for work. Will cause instant boner.

So I went to California and came home last Monday. Watch for me to be on the Price is Right on December 11th - the lady in the row behind us got called up and won 10 grand so we're thinking we might be on for a second when the camera was on her in the seats. What a shitty looking studio though. I don't think they've updated anything in there since Bob Barker started. Drew Carey was funny though, in between commercial breaks. And then we did all that other jazz, Gruman's Theatre, tried an In-N-Out burger, the Kodak Theatre and the Hollywood Wax Museum which I thought was would be lame but ended up being a blast. Anytime I can stroke Jesus's beard and cup Angelina's boobs has to be a good time. We also went to the Griffith Observatory which was cool, seeing the Hollywood sign and stuff, ate at the Saddle Ranch where Bret Michaels took Heather and her family out to eat (I know! You hate me you're so jealous!), bought a pair of huge-ass Nicole Ritchie-esque sunglasses (my sole reason for going out there), went to San Diego for a night, won $14.25 playing Bonus Poker at a casino (I cashed that bitch out), went swimming in a heated pool at her aunts while our friends waited for snow flurries back here in Chicago BUT DIDN'T SEE A GODDAMN CELEBRITY. Not Paris, not Britney, not Lindsay, not even fucking Tara Reid. But I did have some lady, one of Diana's cousin's friends, ask me incredulously at the bar, "You drink BEER?" I think I scared them with my Miller Lite. There's a reason for my beer belly lady - it has been well earned.

Has anyone besides me ever heard of the show Sports Action Team? I've been trying to spread the word about this show because it's hysterical and have yet to meet someone who's seen it. They show it around 11:45 or midnight on NBC on Sundays, depending on when the Sunday night game ends. It's a documentary/improv type show a la The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm about a group of sports reporters who are all terrible at their jobs. It's only on during the football season I'm pretty sure, so you only have a short time left to catch it. This though, is the best clip ever. A comment someone left on that clip says it all - "Leave it to a Raider or Raiders fan to shoot someone." Actually they spelled it "r8r" but I won't subject you to that OR WILL I.

I'm not the hugest Killers fan in the entire world. By a long shot. I like Mr. Brightside and one or two others but hated their new songs, especially Read My Mind. A song that makes me love them though is their cover of Joy Division's Shadowplay they did for the Ian Curtis biopic Control. Listen to it, love it and thank me later.

Ever since I saw the TLC reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I realized I have seen my future. I hope to god I don't have sextuplets, but I'm pretty sure if I ever get married that's what my relationship with my husband will be like. God I love that show. And Run's House on MTV - Russy is the funniest unintentional kid ever. Really, I do have a life I SWEAR. I can't help it if I saw a Jon & Kate marathon two weeks ago and then two hours of Run's House last week. I gotta have something to keep me going since the fucking writer's strike is still going on. WORK IT OUT ALREADY, I WANT TO WATCH JON AND STEPHEN AGAIN.

Will spelled the word "ruin" as "rune". I've never wanted to punch someone in the face with such urgency before. I'm done. Done done done done DONE.

1 comment:

Ms Mac said...

Have you runed him for all other women?