Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Love Is Not A Victory March

I wasn't going to blog tonight because I'm very tired for some reason, but I think I can pop out a small one. I'm still trying to catch up on my sleep from this weekend, and even after getting 10 hours last night, I'm still dragging my ass. Trying to sleep at ISU was awful because Keri and I tried to sleep on her small ass dorm bed together. It was a wonderful thing to get back to my apartment Monday and sleep all sprawled out, not touching another person. Plus Keri kept trying to cop a feel, and that just isn't cool. Perv.

Besides getting a suckass nights sleep, I had a fucking wonderful time with Keri. On Friday we drank at my best friend's apartment, who goes to ISU also. Keystone Light was the beer of choice, and I might add, cheap beer at it's finest. The night ended with five of us girls singing church songs. Man, do we know how to throw down or what. Thank you Cahtolic school upbringing for ingraining those songs into our heads. I haven't been to church in years, but I still remember those songs like the back of my hand. If anyone would like me to serenade you, you know my number.

Saturday night was a first for me. Ladies and gentleman I would like to announce that I am a stripper virgin no more. I just reread that and it kind of sounds like I was the one taking off my clothes, but before you throw up, let me make it clear I wasn't the stripper. A friend of a Keri's friend was going to this girls birthday party, and invited a bunch of us to go with her. And good lord was it a funny night. At one point the stripper came by me and was dancing, and Keri got a picture, so I'll do my best to get it on here for you guys, don't worry. There's no experience like a stripper in a g-string shoving his penis in your face and then having some of his sweat drip on you. It was great. The best line ever, courtesy of the stripper, "I don't care if I have to pour drinks on you ladies, I'm going to make all of you wet tonight!" Guys, try that on a girl at a bar. I'm sure it would work wonders. Let me know how it goes.

Then on Sunday, we went back to Megan's to watch the Super Bowl. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to start drinking again at 4:00 and continued until midnight. We even went all out on the beer, buying Bud Light, in bottles at that. Who's the cheapass now, bitches? I had a shitload of fun that day. I think it helped that Megan's boyfriend's roommate was there, and I now have a huge crush on him. Too bad he basically knows everything about me now because we played this drinking game called Elections. When you play that game, not much is sacred anymore. If I ever meet any of you, I have to teach you how to play, it's a fun drinking game. All in all, a wonderful, marvelous Sister Weekend. Thanks for feeding me this weekend Kerianne, although we're probably even with how many fucking cigarettes you bummed off me. "I'm going to be honest with you, it smells like pure gasoline."

Gabe, I would like to formally accept your marriage propsal here. We could listen to the Doves and Jeff Buckley, once in awhile your hardcore music, and then a Bob Dylan album here and there. Look, we're already compromising! We'll be perfect together. I can just see it now, us drinking (a shitload), putting the record player on repeat (Grace, of course) and then making sweet, sweet love (doing it. a lot.). Haha, sorry I just got creepy, but "sweet, sweet love" made me laugh. Jenn already called maid of honor and Eric can be the best man. Bill, don't worry, we'll fit you in as the ringboy. I can't wait!

I just found out tonight that I might be going to Florida over spring break to do some Habitat for Humanity work. Emily and I were excited about this idea last fall, but then the hurricanes hit and the trip was cancelled, but now the trip is back on. It's only $200, where are you going to get a cheaper spring break trip than that. And we would be right on the Gulf of Mexico! I can't fucking wait. I did something like this, building houses, in Kentucky 4 years ago, and it was the best week of my life, so I'm really excited to do it again. Emily finds out more information about it on Thursday, so cross your fingers for me. The only downer - I might have to miss the Southside Irish Parade this year, which makes me want to cry. I don't think I've ever missed it, so this'll be a first. But hey, I trade cold Chicago for warm Florida? Fuck yeah bitches.

So this wasn't very short at all, but when have I ever made a short blog to begin with? That's what I thought, bitches.


Jenn said...

Keri was the one trying to cop a feel? Mmhmm. . .

It sounds like your entire weekend was kickass! As for the stripper, I almost puked. There's nothing worse then a guy in a g-string. Eww. The last male stripper I saw came up to dance with me and I took off. Then the bastard decided it'd be fun to chase me. Ugh. I finally told him, "It's not because I'm scared, it's because you're wearing panties." Then we made him go home and give us back our money. But we let him keep $20 for the taxi. It's fine if they have some sexy boxer breifs on, but a fuckin' thong?! AND you want my dollar? I think not, assrammer. I'd much rather watch female stripers. The guys are usually so buff they can't move. And I think if you're a stripper you should know how to fucking dance. These bitches now days just walk around and try to give "sexy eyes." I'm giving you my dollar, bitch, dance! And you have a nice ass.

Haha, you said "make sweet sweet love." To Gabe at that. You guys are sick. And you said doing it, alot. Katie, what's gotten into you?! I'm sure Gabe has "happy pants" as he reads this. I will be the maid-of-honor. Let's do this. We'll need a flower girl to stand with Bill. I was thinking maybe Andrew?

So when are you coming out here so we could play Elections and reveal all of your secrets?!

Katie said...

Believe me Jenn, I didn't want the stripper anywhere near me either. I even had Keri and her friend sitting in front of me so he wouldn't come near me, but of course he stepped OVER Keri and Maggie to come by me. That was the longest 10 seconds of my life, I swear to god. Some girls were getting way too into it though. And yes, seeing a man in a thong was soemthing I hoped never to see, but hey, we paid $10 and got all the beer and hard liquor we wanted, so that made up for it. The stripper was so homo erotic though. His dance movies and facial expressions were making me crack up.

I bet I'd learn a lot about you too Jenn, playing Elections. It would be goodtimes! I'll be in New Meh-e-co ASAP lady, I swear.

Bill B. said...

Katie you dyke I want to be the flower girl. Did the stripper teabag you in the forehead? Women strippers are the best and i miss them in Oklahoma.

Jenn said...

"Did the stripper teabag you in the forehead?" AHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHHA!! Good Lord, that was hilarious!! No, Andrew, I'm not easily amused. You KNOW that was freakin' the funniest.

Cowe said...

If I'm a flower girl, am I permitted to wear a thong? A female thong of course, so my junk hangs out all over the place. Don't worry, you wouldn't see it.

Bill B. said...

Katie immediately download Chelsea Girls by the Velvet's Nico's best ever. It's the song, not the album. I was some b-side from the vu and nico album. Get it now beyotch, it's like 7 minutes too.

Gabriel said...

GET THE NEW BRIGHT EYES! Then come over to my house. I will listen to your stories about college. You will listen to my stories of hauling beer around a warehouse. I will make us martinis. You will then put on the new bright eyes. Then we make babies...sweet little babies with huge intellects.


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