I dedicate this blog to a lady to means everything to me. She's my friend, my lover, my confidante, my human punching bag and most importantly, my sister. I know I talk about Keri a lot already, but she's one cool bitch and has decided she needs a whole blog dedicated to her. I have nothing better to do with my time, so here you go lady.
Kerianne was born into this world on August 20, 1985, which means she's only 15 months younger than me. I had all my parents attention for only 6 short months before she barged in on all of us. I remember it just like it was yesterday. We used to beat the shit out of each other when we were younger, and still do sometimes. She knows she has it coming though when she comes into my room at 6:30 am and steals the shirt I was going to wear for work. Or steals my Jeff Buckley cd, making me think I lost it for the 83rd time. She knows that going Buckley-less automatically sends me into seizures, but she does it to me anyways. You know why? I think it's because she hates me. There really is no other reason, because she does have her own copy. But anyways, besides that, she's a pretty sexy beast.
-She takes me under her wings on New Years Eve when I have no plans
- She gets hit by a car chasing the goddamn dog
- She runs into fences at full speed, leaving marks of the grid on her face
- She loses her loaner cell phone
- She doesn't know the way to Jewel, the same Jewel that is less than a mile from our house and has been her whole life
- She once got a dyke haircut. Good lord, if I had a picture of that day, it would be gold. Solid gold.
- She loves Rufio as much, if not more, than I do
-She drove me around for 3 years because she was smart and got her licsence at 16, unlike me
- 3 songs define our childhood: "Man Needs a Maid" by Neil Young, "Oklahoma Sweetheart" by George Thoroughgood and "You Gotta Be" by Desiree. Holy fuck (HI DAD) we're we cool
- Her first concert was the Dixie Chicks
- We can recite Wayne's World, Tommy Boy and Napoleon Dynamite word for word
- She alone though can recite all of Sister Act: Back in the Habit
- If she could, she would survive on cheese fries
- She's the one person I could say "That thing on Rameses is on right now!" and would know exactly who I was talking about and what channel it was on
-She's the one who got me addicted to saying "Fuck yeah bitch"
- She has humungous boobs
Sister lady, I could go on about you forever. Who else would I fight over Phil with? "I chose her." I just looked at that picture frame thing you gave me for Christmas and I still laugh everytime I see that picture with the makeup all over our faces. Goddamn do I wish I could post it on here.
Ok, I'm under pressure to end this because you're going to bed soon, or else it would be a ton better. I can't think of anymore embarassing moments right now, but I'm sure a ton will hit me once I post this. You're my favorite sister ever, with the exception of Beebs, of course. Only 4 more days till this weekend, fuck yeah bitch.