Thursday, April 28, 2005

Sad-Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands

I have a 7 page paper due tomorrow at 2:00 pm so I did the most sensible thing I could think of when I got home from class - took a 3 hour nap. Then I watched American Idol. Then I called a bitched to my friend for 30 minutes. Then I watched the rest of the Bulls game. Then around 11:00 I thought maybe, just MAYBE I should start this goddamn paper. And here I am, 2:30 am and I'm done bitches. Am I the best bullshitter in the entire world? I'm pretty sure I am. This is quite possibly the shittiest paper I've ever written, but I don't give a fuck now because I'M DONE. I didn't even do it straight through for those 3 and a half hours. I of course had to check my email and my this stupidass blog for comments every 15 minutes because I'm a psycho. I told myself that I would be done by 3:00 because 3:00 meant that it was last-cigarette-and-beer time. Apparently that's all I really need for motivation. A nicotine addiction and a craving for beer at all times. Whatever gets the job done.

I felt kind of stupid turning to my best friend Megan for pity about this paper. I called and bitched and moaned how I had no idea how to do this paper and it had to be SEVEN PAGES LONG, oh the horror. Once I said that, she goes "Kate, guess how long the paper I'm writing has to be." I'm thinking 15, 20 or god forbid 25 pages. Not even close. She has a 45 page page due Friday. That isn't a typo. It was to be 45 FUCKING PAGES LONG. I would shoot myself in the head if I was faced with a 45 page paper. At least she's an English major and shit like that, but christ. This isn't Novel 101 she's taking, it's just a goddamn creative writing class. I'm glad I don't go to ISU.

Lately Emily has been driving me crazy. Usually nothing really bothers me about her because I can tell her to shut up if I'm crabby and all those other good things being best friends entails, but she did something last week that I still can't seem to let go of. I ran out of toothpaste on Monday, and forgot to put a new tube in the bathroom, so I used hers twice. On Tuesday night I go to brush my teeth and her toothpaste isn't in there. She fucking HID it from me underneath the bathroom sink. I couldn't believe it. I had used hers twice bitches, TWICE. It's fucking toothpaste for christ's sake. Was it really nessecary to hide it from me? I never use her stuff, even though we share a bathroom. At first I thought I was just being stupid and petty, because after all, it is just toothpaste, but that's the point. It's just fucking toothpaste. Keri and Jenn reassured me that she was just being a douche bag and I'm not just acting like a crazy person. Of course I'm a pussy and won't say anything to her, I've just been acting like a douche to her and she probably has no idea why. But I can't bring myself to tell her why. I thought I had let it go last week, but the more I think about it the madder I get. So now everything she does annoys the fuck out of me. I had just woken up from a nap today, and was watching American Idol when she came home. We both saw Constantine leave and she starts screaming about how ludacris that is that he's being sent home. Shut the fuck up bitch, I just woke up from a nap. I don't care about Constantine. I wouldn't care if my mom called and told me the dog died right now. I'm a crabby bitch when I wake up, so leave me alone. This is probably the worst example in the entire world that I'm trying to get across right now. Basically, I think the summer apart from her is something I'm really looking forward to at the moment. I'm sure I'll miss her like a banshee once I get home, but right now it's sounding pretty good. Just don't ever hide your goddamn toothpaste on me and everything will be fine.

I did talk to my mom yesterday and she said they finally paid off the mortgage on our house this month. I guess that addition we put on 10 years ago was pretty pricey. But in celebration they finally decided to get DSL at home, which I'm excited about because I'm a dork. So hopefully in a few weeks by the time I get home there'll be DSL and no more dial up. Thank god.

A few last ramblings: My sister is a whore and I love you for it lady. Please let me live vicariously through you. My brother is going to prom next Friday and unfortunately I won't be there to embarass him while they take pictures. He also got promoted to cashier at Jewel, everybody please congratulate him. I have green eyes. Just incase you were wondering. I'm broke and decieding whether to spend my last $5.00 on a pack of cigarettes or a galloon of milk. Only one more research paper to write. Anyone know anything about adopting kids from China? Save me a trip to the library, where I have 3 books that are two months overdue. I'm an awful person. But you knew that already, bitches.


Bill B. said...

I remember my Final Exam in this Physical and Mental disability course I was taking was a 20 page paper and a presentation. Mostly I just took all the information I found while researching and kept explaining it in detail until it sounded really thorough. I thought the paper was a joke when I proof read it but I got a B+ on it and an A on the presentation. You could tell she was a shitty grader because she just underlined things of importance to see if they were in there and really didn't care if you said anything meaninful about them.
The roomate thing.......oh man if you only knew how bad roomates can get. This guy Jesus was the worst roomate ever. He was my second at the barracks and this guy was so weird, he would never split any costs like for cable or anything and he was always so fucking quiet. It drove me nuts and I ended up moving out. I mean it's not like you used her toothbrush (wink wink, do that now). Peace out woman.

Jenn said...

I'm SO sorry I didn't get to get on to chat with you. I have a trainee and it's a bitch to play on the net now. All that matters is that you fucking finished, bitch!

Tell Megan I feel for her. I'm glad I never went to college. If my son ever say's that I'll hurt him. I hope he never finds your blog. But the fucking URL just may give me away. Damnit, bitch.

Dude, I KNEW you wouldn't get over the Emily thing. I wouldn't either. I was also going to tell you that you'll start noticing shit she does more than before if at all and different shit's going to bother you. Roomates are a bitch. Sad enough, it usually turns sour. I know, way to rain on your gahdamn parade, forgive me. Dude, I'm gonna send you toothpaste and address it to Emily. I'm gonna leave a note telling her to please give it to you. IT'S JUST FUCKING TOOTHPASTE BITCH!

I'm glad your parents are getting DSL. I don't like when you don't come online when you're there 'cause you're bitching that it's too cold or too slow. Fuck that, get online this summer, bitch.

Congratulations brother! That's awesome. Now you can buy me lunch. Hi Keri! I like tacos too, bitch.

Hah! I just noticed how much I cursed on this damn post and it's 'cause you were cursing and got me started. I noticed I ended every damn paragraph in bitch too and I wasn't even trying. Aint that a bitch, BITCH?

Anonymous said...

What do you study? How to be an idiot? You're an honor roll student right?

Jenn said...

Katie, we both got GREAT anonymous comments. We seemed to have offended someone today when we went on our comment run. Funny thing is we didn't say anything bad. I don't get it. Hey, Mr/Mrs anonymous, at least we let you know who we were, pansy. We love you!

Katie, we fucking rock!

doym said...

You live an interesting live, I wish I could find that much to bitch about so well, I just have work…..ahh work… oh well I guess I’ll have to give it a go.

From your stories I’m stoked I didn’t go to uni as well, I was never any good at putting my thoughts on a page, ehh I don’t care now.

Love your blog, going to be a regular read, thanks


Jay said...

katie if your sisters a slut, hook me up, I'm going through withdrawls

and yeah, don't whine about 7 page papers, bitch. I had to turn in fuckin 15 page ones for my survey poli sci classes, imagine when I go to fucking law school and have to write a book

btw, I miss you :D