Tonight is my last "school night" of the year. Tomorrow around 3:00 pm I will be done learning about India, Russia, China, anthropology and modern European women FOREVER. Thank god. I don't think I've ever hated five classes so much in my life. Since I go home on Friday, every single day is a milestone that I feel the need to tell everyone about.
"This is my last Saturday to get drunk here."
"This is the last time I'll wake up here on a Sunday."
"This is the last time I'll watch Desperate Housewives here."
"This is the last time I'll finish off a gallon of milk and throw it away here."
I don't think it's really hit me yet that I'm going home for the summer on Friday. The fact that my 21st birthday is on Thursday is something that I am fully aware of, but leaving the next day is something I don't want to think about. Of course I'll be here over the summer a lot because Emily and Carly are staying here, but I'm still sad about it. Emily and I are fine now, I finally stopped acting like a bitch, so now I'm going to miss her like a banshee.
Last night I had two huge tests to study for and a three page paper to write. Needless to say, I was a little bit crabby and overwhelmed. I started to get angry as I was writing my paper, because of how DARE this school screw me over with this awful final exam schedule. Basically whenever I write a paper I get mad and to get out my anger I name my paper something that expresses just how fucking angry I am that I'm sitting here writing a 6 page paper when I have much better things to do with my time, like lay on the couch eating swiss cheese watching Roseanne reruns (how's that for a runon sentence?). The one I wrote yesterday I named "Modern European Women are douche bags." I didn't realize how often I did this until I saw all the other documents names - "I hate India" "China blows" "Russians are pussies" and the most angry of all, "stupid journals." Can you feel my bitterness that caused me to use the harshest word possible, "stupid" to describe those goddamn journals? Yes, it does make me feel a little bit better knowing I'm writing a paper I named "Russians are pussies", I won't deny it. I am very lame and easily amused.
My mom sent me a finals week care package last week and in it was a bunch of food, including a few Laffy Taffy's. On each one there are two jokes that some little kid writes, and on the one I got is a joke that doesn't even qualify as a joke. Since I've told everyone and their mother this joke so far, I have to share it with everyone here.
Why don't cats have any money?
Because they don't have any pockets.
Does anyone get this? I told my friend Nick and he was like "WAIT DON'T TELL ME....it has something to do with purr-se or paws or something." No, there is no pun in there. Because they don't have pockets? What the fuck does that mean? This joke made me unnessecarily angry. Why did this kids parents allow him to send in this joke? And how did Laffy Taffy people approve it? Is there something I'm missing? I'm going to hunt down Robert M. Fulton from Missouri and slap him around for a little bit for making me read this joke and for my heart rate go through the roof because of my anger. All I want to know is, who's coming with me?
Things I learned over the weekend:
1. People don't like it when you and your friend Mike tell them you fucked their mom and dad. And they liked it. Confrontations ensue.
2. My friend Chris is the best ever. He bought me beer, cigarettes and nachos. Now if that isn't love, I don't know what is.
3. I oversleep for important lunch dates with Emily if she's not here to wake me up.
4. Encouraging people to take shots of the salsa is not a good idea because then they make you take one too. Your mouth burns for an hour just because you didn't want to look like a pussy.
5. Seeing someone trying to steal a cigarette from your purse and calling them out on it IS THE BEST EVER.
I turn 21 in 1 day, 21 hours and 59 minutes. Holy shit, can you handle it bitches?