Thursday, June 02, 2005

Yeah, I'm Lazy, What Now?

1. My birthday was motherfucking awesome. It was a three day binge of nothing but drinking AND I LOVED EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT. I should have got my pictures put on a disc because in everything one I was a) wearing a crown b) throwing the "westside" sign c) closing my eyes. I don't remember most of Wednesday night, so I would say the mission was definitley accomplished.

2. I spend way too much money at the bar. I'M NOT BITCHING ABOUT IT THOUGH. Tuesday night here is the "new Saturday" because a band plays every Tuesday at this bar. I think I might accomplish my goal of becoming a regular at a bar. Is it Tuesday yet?

3. We got some some lame ass drama going on in life right now that involves friends and boys. I'M SORRY THAT I LIKE IT WHEN A BOY PUTS HIS ARM AROUND ME, DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME A GODDAMN ULTIMATIUM (thanks Jenn) ABOUT IT? I'm basically going through the girl version of "bros before hos" and I don't like it. Not one bit. I have a crush on the ONE guy that I should have stayed away from. You sure know how to pick 'em Kate.

4. I didn't realize that my brother was an alchoholic until I turned 21. He's lucky I just turned 21 and still enjoy buying 18 year olds beer, because in a few months I am absolutley NOT going to leave the bar to buy them beer anymore. I probably still will because I'm a pushover so score for my brother that his sister is a pussy who can't say no.

5. When someone gives me a $2 tip at work, the first thought that enters my mind is "THIS WILL BUY ME A 40 TONIGHT." I'm a classy broad, yo.

6. I got my grades back and I got one D, one A, one B and two C's. I KNEW I hated Russia the most out of all the countries in the world. That D just confirmed it. Why am I even bitching, I deserved that D and I still got credit for the class. Fuck yeah bitch. I start my math class June 13th and I'm really pumped about it. No, really I am. I love classes called "Quantitative Literacy" because I TOTALLY understand what that means.

7. I might be going to one of my co-workers weddings with my bosses son as my date which is awesome because I've had a crush on him forever. I'm not really sure if it was just drunk talk, but HE asked ME so I'm hoping it does happen. I have his number though, and he doesn't have mine, so that blows because you have no idea how much balls it is going to take for me to call him. We're talking major, bigass balls here. I'm not sure if that'll happen. Everybody please send me stop-being-a-pussy-and-grow-some-balls vibes my way. It would be greatly appreciated.

8. My mom bought "Superhero Popsicles" and you have no idea how much joy those things have brought into our house these past few days. It's pathetic and glorious at the same time.

9. My friend's dad is going to Kentucky for a few days and is picking me up a carton of P-Funks for $25. How fucking sweetass is that? I'm paying $5.05 right now and I feel like I've been raped each time I buy a pack (appropriate analogy). Why don't I just quit? Because I'm a douche bag. I thought that was obvious.

10. This list took me way too long to write. I think I got rusty by not updating for a few weeks. That's why I shared such useless information. At least I didn't tell the story about how I was babysitting and my uncle's dog threw up AND THEN ATE HIS OWN VOMIT. I told my cousin Andrew "Good lord, I can't eat anything now after seeing that" and he replied "just think about pizza!" You give great advice Andrew and I thank you for that. Sorry, you heard the story anyways. If you have that awful mental image in your head, just listen to Andrew and think about pizza, bitches.


Ariel said...

Oh...My...God...a new post. I think I'm going to pass out from shock. Ok I'll stop being a smartass now since I hadn't posted in awhile before last night. Ok now for my list in response to your list.

1. I'm really glad you had a good 21'st birthday because mine sucked ass...and because I love you of course. I want to see your drunkass princess/gangsta pictures.

2. Good luck accomplishing your goal of becoming a bar regular. Seeing bands and drinking, wooooooo!

3. There's always lameass drama, it's inevitable, especially when it comes to STUPID BOYS!

4. You're going to be 50 and still buying beer for underagers.

5. Nothing classier than a $2 bottle of liquor.

6. You have to take a class during summer?

7. Okay you know you can do it! You just have to stop being a chicken shit.

8. Yay for fun food.

9. We have all these places called like "Dirt Cheap Cigarettes" here in good ol' Kentucky, it's even classier than $2 alcohol.

10. Your list was fun and I greatly appreciate the thought of a dog eating its own vomit. Here's a better one...when a dog eats its own shit. Talk to you later, bitch.

James said...

Happy belated birthday!

Jill said...

If I was single, which I dont think I ever have been. lol I would prob have a hard time asking a guy out as well. But damn girl, you sound like your a stong woman. Go for it. Hope you have a good time.

BTW, happy birthday. Ahh, to be 21 again.

Bill B. said...

Katie I'm going to get you one of those catalogs from the Native American smokeshops. You can get smokes for supercheap albeit I think you have to buy in bulk. But just imagine, you get a friend hooked on P-Funks, that friend goes and gets two of their friends hooked on P-Funks and you've got a damned demand much like Big Macs in Russia. It's a win win situation....oh and ask me how my concert went? Go ahead ask....It went freakin' awesome. Even though they played like a 40 minute setlist and it was over before I even realized what was going on, well worth it all. Later drunkard!

Jay said...

nice of you to join us katie, although jenn already ratted you out to me and said you were just afraid of being in the basement alone.

anyways, drinking is fun,isn't it?

you'll get tired of spending money at the bar, trust me on this one. or prefunk is the way to go, because on a good night I'll drop over $50 bucks easily. the key is to be a bit buzzed beforehand, although I did that on cinco de mayo and since I was already drunk thought I could drink even MORE. which resulted in a fucking insane hangover. or on my birthday when they were selling $2 dollar red stripe bottles and then we convinced the girl at the cooler to sell us the 20 remaining ones at midnight for 10 bucks because we knew the bartender, and I got even drunker. point being, booze is a recreational sport, a national pasttime, a thoughtful meditation on the meaning of life, and a way to get underage girls to do perverted things which hopefully the police will never find the videotape you mad of it.

chances are though, you'll be sick of the bar scene soon.


doym said...

HEY HEY!! welcome back, glad to see you hade an awesome birthday.

Thanks for the vomit story, a great way to start the morning

Jenn said...

Well, the reason I didn't leave you a comment sooner is because I know you're not on the internet pretty much at all in the summers. AND, I was talking to you after you typed this and everything I would have commented on I had already said to you. But I decided to comment tonight.

1. I'm glad your birthday was motherfucking awesome. You're a douchebag and never called me back. You're thee FIRST person I've ever sang happy birthday to over the phone. Especially on a message where it can be saved and played for others. I hope you feel like an asshole thankyouverymuch.

2. I spend way too much money at the bar's too. So here's the deal: a) You drink BEFORE the bar. B)Out here they don't search the girls (which is stupid) so you can take some miniatures in your purse. I don't carry purses, so find a friend that does. There's usually at least one. If there's not, see a.

3. That lame ass that drama that you speak of, isn't drama at all. It's a friend who's a drama queen dropping bullshit ultimatum's that friend's don't fucking do! She's not the one dating him, so she could fuck off. As for the "bros before hos." You're not going to marry the bro, one of the hos will eventually be your wife and so on and so forth. Fuck the bros. There's more where you found them.

4. You're brother is just like you! I think it's just fucking great that him and your sister have made you their beer bitch! I'm sure you saw it coming.

5. You really are a classy broad. I was talking to your sister and actually trying to make fun of you by telling her, "she's probably being ghetto and buying 40's" or something along those lines, when she said, "she went walking to the store to get us some 40's." Classic, just fucking classic.

6. Good job on the grades. I think so. For all the last minute shit you do, that's an A in my book.

7. Did you go to the wedding on the date yet? Get in good with the son, that only makes things better with the boss who already likes you.

8. Never heard of them. I think it's a Chicago thing.

9.. I don't think I'll ever buy a carton. You and your damn P-Funks. I can't see those things or hear P-Funks without thinking of you.

10. I've seen that whole "dog eats own vomit" thing. It is hella gross. Speaking of pizza, I tried those dipping strip slices. They're the bomb diggidy, yo.

Smoke said...

Drugs are just bad, you should try to use Herbal Alternatives as a temporary replacement to loose the dependance!

Guitar Master said...

I wish I could blog as good as you, but what I can do is give you a nice Guitar Lesson!