Monday, February 13, 2006

Ode To Kerianne

Whenever I want my hair cut into layers, my sister is ready with the shears.
Whenever I need to borrow a turtleneck, my sister's closet is wide open.
Whenever I'm feeling down about myself, my sister is there to laugh at me.
Whenever I really want to punch someone, my sister's face is there for me.
Whenever I really want to talk to my brother, but he's busy, my sister is there for me instead.
Whenever I want someone to rub my feet, my sister willingly gets out her oils.
Whenever I want to move to a foreign country, my sister agrees to go with me.
Whenever I get drunk and fall, my sister is there because I pull her down with me.
Whenever I need money, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need to get to Jewel, my sister takes me there without hesitation.
Whenever I ask "Whad they say?", my sister is always there to say "I don't know".
Whenever I need someone to make me a blanket, preferabely with ballerinas on it, my sister steps up.
Whenever I need someone to jump off the neighbors swingset and rip her shorts in the process, my sister gladly complies.
Whenever I need to gang up on my mom, my sister backs me up.
Whenever the Bears need to win the play-off game, my sister will come home from Ireland and be the goddamn bad luck charm.
Whenever I want to drink a 40, my sister is always game.
Whenever I need someone to eat nachos with, my sister is there.
Whenever I need someone to steal my clothes, my sister does it without having to be asked twice.
Whenever I need someone to be my twin, my sister does it if no one else offers.
Whenever I need a paper for my Irish class, my sister sends one to me.
Whenever I need a sister, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need some information on baboons, my sister sends me her files.
Whenever I need all the back issues of Growing up Jewish, my sister hands them over.
Whenever I need someone to call because Michelle Kwan backed out of the Olympics or to remember Pete's Dragon or I'm drunk or I need to hear THE MIDNIGHT CLUB or no one else will answer their phone, my sister always picks up.
Whenever I need something to blog about, my sister always unselfishly suggests herself.

6 comments:

doym said...

Your really lucky to have such good siblings, I wish my brother was that nice, all I can say is whenever I need someone to blame me for their short comings/crappy drunk and stoned life, my brother is there.

When I need some one to hate me with a blind rage for no justifiable reason my brother is willing.

Wow, there's a downer! Back to you, you’re really lucky, that’s cool!

Kurt said...

Quite an odd, i mean, ode.
Having siblings I can count on myself, I totally understand. I especially liked "Whenever I need money, my brother is there for me."
It is clear you appreciate the special bond you share. I hope that she gets it, too. BTW, was she the one taking your picture while the creepy old man fondled you? Way to be there, sis!

J O'Dizz said...

people, people, please, i do not deserve all this attention. sure i may be willing to give my sis some cashola here and there, but that just means shes willing to hook me up with some beer when i need it. heres a little lesson for you all: you give a little, you get a little.

Rat In A Cage said...

Can your sister warm up Chicago a little before this weekend?

It's mid 80s here.

What's with the 13 degree forecast for my arrival Saturday night?

keri said...

whenever i just need someone to hold me down and spit in my ear - katie is the first to volunteer

whenever i need some info on incest related topics - katie is right there with her numerous file folders and infinate knowledge

whenever im in need of a cigarette because ive "quit smoking again" - katie is the first to bitch about it then give me a cigarette

whenever i need someone to boss me around so that i can follow their orders because ive been doing that since i was born - katie wont hesitate to step in

whenever i have an embaressing moment - katie is sure to remind me of it for the rest of my life

whenever i write in a diary when i was 9 - katie is first to read it and still quote out of it 11 years later

whenever i cant remember the lyrics to frosty the snowman - katie will sing out the "humpity hump hump, humpity hump hump" part for me (isnt that how it goes???)

whenever i need a hit man to cut off half my brothers finger - sister is there with the door in hand

whenever my sister feels the need to hump a statue in the middle of my university in ireland - i bring her right to that same statue i had humped just a month earlier


well sister, looks like we are meant to be hermanas forever. i love you like a banshee and can't wait to see you this weekend

just one more...

whenever i dont feel like eating my meal anymore - katie is first to stand up and hit her head on a lamp so the glass shatters into our meals

Jenn said...

My brothers suck!

Whenever I wanted to cry for hours on end my brothers had no problem waiting for mom and dad to leave the three of us alone.