My stomach has been in butterlies all day because of a stupid situation that I got myself into. I wrote about my friend Eric that is supposedly coming to visit me tomorrow. I first met Eric in the summer of 2002, right before I was going off to college. That summer Eric and I "hooked up" twice. That bad part is, and don't think less of me when you read this, that he has a girlfriend, and has had one since his senior year of high school. He's 22 now, so they've been going out for about 4 years now. I knew that he had Bisquina (is that not the most fucked up name ever for a girl?) when we messed around 2 years ago, but I had never met her at that point, so it really didn't bother me. Nothing happened between us for two fucking years, and then all of a sudden, this past June, he got a cell phone and started calling me incessantly. I mean, every fucking day he would call me, asking for a "booty call". It was always when he was drunk, and I just brushed it off, but it got really goddamn annoying. I mean, how desperate can you be? It you're drunk, go call your GIRLFRIEND if you want some ass. Doesn't that make sense? He wouldn't give up the entire summer, but we never did anything. On the Fourth of July, I was hanging out with my friends, and all of Eric's friends, and Bisquina was there too. She didn't talk to me the entire time, so I wonder if she knows anything about me, but that's not the point right now. Eric left to drop her off at home, and then came back to the party. Right as he came back, me and Diana were about to leave. I was piss ass drunk, so I just said bye to him and left. On the way home, he called me, asking to come back so we could hook up! He is the ballsiest person I have ever met. I had just been hanging out with you AND your girlfriend, and you have the balls to ask me if I want to mess around with you? Real nice Eric, real nice. But anyways, since I've been at school, he's been calling me almost everyday, of course when he's drunk. (I swear he's drunk more than I am) He's really supposedly to come up here tomorrow, but I don't know if I want him to. I do want ass, because it's been forever, but I feel like Mega-Bitch doing it when he has the girlfriend. And rightfully so, I'm sure everybody who reads this, is thinking. You know what, screw it, I don't care if you judge me or think less of me because I am contemplating it, so think whatever you want about me. I wish I wasn't thinking about this so much, because I know for a fact he isn't. Maybe I get into these kind of situations because I've never had a long term or serious boyfriend. I've always thought of myself as a "guy's girl". I turn buddy-buddy with every guy I meet, probably because I don't really know how to act around guys. If someone does "really" like me, I don't know what to do, and end up turning them off because of my sarcastic humor or just by acting like an idiot. I just don't know how to act towards someone who really likes me, I don't take it seriously. I don't have that high self esteem of my looks, so it surprises me when someone does like me. And for fucks sake, I'm not saying that so everyone has pity for me and goes, "Oh, don't say that about yourself!" I'm not looking for that, or searching for compliments, so save it bitches.
So I don't know if I want him to come up here or not tomorrow. He's going to call tonight, so I'll have to make up my mind by then. Whenever he calls me lately, he keeps asking, "Are we going to get shagadelic?". Who says that? Who do you think you are, a suave ladies man? Nevermind, he can't think that, becuase a "suave ladies man" would not say shagadelic. He's a douche bag. I think I'm pretty much answering my own question here, abotu whether he should come up here, but we'll see. Maybe when he calls tonight, I'll be trashed and will tell him straight up that I think he's a bastard. Woah, I must mean business if i just said "straight up." Now I have Paula Abdul in my head. Emily knows this whole stupid situation, and she goes to me, "Would you ever date Eric?". Are you fucking kidding me? Maybe I complain about wanting a boyfriend, but I'm not stupid. Would you want to go out with someone who acts like Eric? I don't think so. Ok, sorry for boring you all, I think I just needed to get all this shit off my chest. And I definitly blew this situation up more than is nessecary, but oh well, I can be a drama queen sometimes.
I'm taking the cure so I can be quiet
Whenever I want
So leave me alone.
Woo, well said Elliot Smith.