Thursday, November 11, 2004

My Moments of Glory

I finally finished my paper. I skipped my 2:00 and 3:30 class because I needed to take a nap badly. My head was throbbing. Then when I got up, I did the damn paper in 45 minutes . 45 fucking minutes. I could have been done with it last night, instead I drag it out for 24 hours. I didn't feel like going to my night class either, so I walked there, handed in the paper and told my teacher I was sick, so I wouldn't be staying. Fuck yeah, I'm awesome. That makes a grand total of ONE classes that I have been to this week. I'm definitly going to both tomorrow, so it'll be 3 out of 9. How's that for lazy. I really need to get back on track. I'm not going to miss anymore until finals week, I swear. I only have 3 weeks left of classes anyways. That's crazy, I didn't realize that until now. But anyways, now that I've bored you all out of your skulls, I'll move on.

I always have ideas of what I want to blog about. Like clothes people wear that I hate, other blogs that annoy me, or the fact that Christmas music was being played in Old Navy on November 1st, but I'm always way too lazy to go into detail about any of that. Maybe I should write most embarassing moments? I can't come up with any other ideas. Let's start out with the away mesage that my sister Keri currently has up:

nephelai0820: didnt you fall down the stairs at st christina too?
nephelai0820: LIAR

Embarassing Moment Number 1:
Goddamn her, she always saves the stupid things I say for the whole world to see them. St. Christina was the grammar school we went to for K thru 8th grade. In 6th grade, I had broken my glasses and at the time didn't own contacts yet, so I had to go to school blind as a bat. I mean, I'm really fucking blind with no contacts or glasses. Things have to be 2 inches from my eyes if I want to try to read it with no glasses. So my teacher is leading my class outside for recess or something, and as a rule, we always had to line up in two lines, one for boys and the other for girls. As we were walking down the stairs, I tripped and went flailing down the stairs. I went down head first, thumping down each stair, right between the two lines, so everyone got a full view of my underwear as my skirt flipped up. I got up, at the bottom, completely mortified as my teacher is going, "Are you ok? Do you need to go the nurse? Did you break anything?" I reassure her I''m fine, and we go outside and I immediatly start crying. I wasn't hurting at all, I was crying because I was so embarassed. All my friends were standing around me, and I tried to play it off that my head hurt, that's why I was crying. Good lord was that embarassing. Maybe I did hit my head and that's why I'm so messed up today. I guess I could blame it on that.

Embarassing Moment Number 2:
It's September of my freshman year in college. It also happens to be Family Weekend, so my sister and mom come up for the day, to take me shopping and out to eat. My mom's friend Nancy's nephew goes there too, so all five of us go out to eat at Applebees. Everyone was was finishing up their food, but being done already, I get up to go have a cigarette outside. I should mention right now that the light above our table was not actually hanging over the middle of the table, but it was more like right over me because the table must have been moved before we sat down. (Are you following me?) Failing to realize this, I stand up and smash my head right into the light, smashing the glass and the lightbulb. I stand there for a minute, horrified, before everyone in the whole goddamn restaurant turns around, stares at me, and then slowly starts clapping. The manager rushes over, asking if I'm ok, probably not wanting me to sue him or something. I'm fine, once again (I swear I have a head made of steel), and even though everyone was pretty much done with their food, we all get new plates of food, plus a free dessert. I was so embarassed, I once again start crying even though I'm not in any pain. To hide my crying, I'm on my knees, crawling all over the floor, picking up shards of glass just because I didn't want to look at anyone. I finally sit down, and my mom keeps reassuring me that everything is ok, but she is just pissing me off talking about it. She tells me to go have my cigarette, but I refused for a couple of minutes because I didn't want to walk past all the people who had clapped for me. I do end up going outside because lordy did I need a cigarette to calm my nerves. Now I can't go into an Applebees without someone going, "Hey, remember when..." But I swear my little incident must have changed some rules, because I was just there with Emily's family last month and now all the lights are much higher and not within hitting-my-head distance.

That's it for now. I have plenty more, like the time when I was 13 and was on a swing in my backyard talking to my crush, Matt, when I broke the swing. My mom insisted that the chains had rusted through (the swing was about 10 years old), but I never accepted that. I was a lardass who actually broke a swing. In front of my crush at that. As everyone always says, "You'll look back one day and laugh at this!" I can laugh about all of them now, but good lord, did I have to be embarassed that hardcore so many times in my life?

One thing I've never done is fall up the stairs. Have you ever witnessed someone fall up the stairs? I can laugh about it for weeks afterwards. There's just something about it that makes me laugh like no other. I probably just jinxed myself. I'm sure I'll have another incident to add here in a week or two. Now that I think about it, I did fall up the stairs once, last year in my townhouse. But I lived alone at the time, so no one got to witness it. I don't think that counts. Go fall up some stairs, bitches. And tell me all about it.


Jenn said...

I laughed so hard! Thank you so much! I can't think of any of my embarrassing moments, but I know I have some. Mostly, when I was drunk though. Which is probably why I can't remember. But my friends could probably tell you. That still counts right? Don't worry Katie, my love for you is unconditional!

Katie said...

Thanks for accepting me for who I am Ma! Lordy, if we're counting embarassing things we've done while drunk, then I could write a book. A novel at that. With a new sequel every weekend.

Jenn said...

HAHAHAHA! Me too! Me too! Your comment was just as funny as your post!

Jay said...

holy shit the lights were that low?? I mean it did make me giggle but I was like, shit...thank god it was you and not me cause I'm so damn tall I'd have ran face first into it.

thank you for giving me a good reason to never go to applebee's, besides the obvious references to mass marketed pop culture eateries on office space.

random date: "lets go to applebees"

jay: "fuck you bitch, I'll hit my face on a light."

your good deed for today is done katie. you make kenosha proud.

Bill B. said...

Haha when you told me about hitting your head the first time I laughed for quite a while. You're antics are wild kyle katie!!! that's the new word for crazy, WILD KYLE!!!

Jenn said...

HAHAHAH JAY! That's great!