Now That I Finally Found the One Thing I Denied

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. That's my "Annie" impression. It's 1:00 am, and for some reason I am in the best mood ever. No reason whatsoever for it. Maybe it's because I can listen to music again. Or maybe it's because I got to catch up with Billy Jack and Jenn. Not that I was really that far behind, since I did still talk to you guys sporadically, but still. You're going to wish I never came back online because I'll be harassing both of you so much. I get my phone back tomorrow, so it's a phonedate, I decided. Can you stay up past 9:00 pm for once Bill? Be a big boy. It's weird not having my phone. I know for a fact that I don't have it at all, but I keep thinking that I hear the ring I get when I recieve a text message, or go to pull it out of my purse to check the time. And to think at one point I never wanted a cell phone, until I got to school sophomore year and had to get one because my townhouse had no land line. I'm not even ashamed of the fact that I'm obsessed with it. So what if my friend picks me up and I made him or her turn around if I forgot it. Like I ever get an important call, but still. I love my cell phone, even though it is a piece of shit. How the hell did I mess up the mic for it. I hadn't even dropped it in over a week, which is a landmark for me. I bet I won't even have one missed call when I get it back, but I'll lie and say I had 5 or 6, so just go with it.

So, on to the things I regret from this past weekend. On Thursday, me and Emjo get trashed at our place, then go to our friend Dan's, who's friend Joe was up for the weekend. Apparently Joe liked me and wanted to "hook up" (not my words) with me. I ended up outside with him, even though I had already decided that nothing was going to happen between us, because I have to at least be attracted to someone for something to happen, and that was not happening with Joe. I end up kissing him and I couldn't help laughing the whole time, which really annoyed him. I finally told him I was going inside, and he sat next to me. He was trying to massage my shoulders, which didn't feel good, it just hurt, and then he starts fucking touching my face. For all of you who don't know, I fucking HATE when people touch my face. I was too much of a pansy to tell him to stop, but I was almost hyperventilating while he was doing it. I even wipe my face off when my mom kisses me on the cheek. I finally grabbed Emily and told her I was going home and that Joe was not walking me home, no matter how many times he told he was going to. So I regret kissing him, because if I had refused more, then maybe he wouldn't have thought he "had a chance with me", but I need to grow some balls first. Even thinking about him touching my face right now is making me want to throw up. I need to stop talking about this.

So Saturday, Eric comes to up to visit, with my friend Jeff too. They're at Connor's, and I go over there to hang out. One of his roommates had some Vicodin and some other random pills, which I take, even though I was drunk already. Regret number 2. We end up going to a bar, and I sneak in because I'm a badass. The same one as last time, with the same bouncer and everything. We're only there for a little over an hour before we all leave, and Eric comes back to my place with me. Regret number 3. Maybe I don't really regret that, even though I should, considering his circumstances back at home. I'm just more like a horrible bitch. An awful, awful person. I don't know why I did it. It had been awhile, and I really, really just wanted some ass, I'm not going to lie. Not like that makes to any better. I probably shouldn't be writing about this, but this thing feels like a diary, even though people read it, which is bizarre. I was telling Emily today, that maybe I do have morals, because I could have gotten ass with Joe, but I didn't. She just laughed saying oh yeah, it's much better that you slept with the guy who has a girlfriend. Shut up Emily.

It's official: Katie is broke. I spent my last $3 today on a pack of Pall Mall Lights. You know you're broke when you get the cheap cigarettes. Only about 2 more weeks until Thanksgiving though, when I work for 3 days and get some money. Then I work all of December, which I can't wait for. Working at the UPS Store during Christmas is like hell, but I love most of the people I work with and when it's that busy, it really makes a 10 hour day go by a lot faster.

I still can't find C'est La Vie Bill, so you should sent it to me. Pronto. Thanks again for sending me Kazaa Lite for the 84th time, you really are the best Brummy ever. You have to watch Animal Jam with me sometime this week, or I'll throw a fit. I've waited long enough goddamnit. And Jenn, it was lovely talking to you on AIM until you stopped talking, bitchface. I mean, I love you. I'm sure you had a very good reason. If you don't, just make one up, I'll never know the difference.

I now have 12 songs online to keep me happy. Only 788 to go. I think I'm going to have one more glass of wine. Boxed wine, bitches.

It's now I know do I stay or do I go, and it is finally I decide, that I'll be leaving in the fairest of the seasons