Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Scene

Background information: My mom made french onion dip on Christmas Eve for our Very Cosby Christmas. She also made waffles on Christmas morning. I had some of what I thought was the leftover dip on Christmas evening.

Keri: I want some of that french onion dip.
Me: It's in the orange container in the fridge, I just had some.
Keri: No, it's in this clear container.
Me: No it's not, I just ate some out of the orange container.

Keri opens clear container, which is clearing containing the leftover dip.

Me: What the fuck was I eating then? It didn't taste the best, but I ate it for at least five minutes.
Keri: I think it's waffle batter.

I run upstairs to ask my mom.

Me: Mom, what is this stuff?
Mom: Waffle batter.
Me: I JUST ATE SOME OF THAT WITH CHIPS THINKING IT WAS THE FRENCH ONION DIP.
Dad: You'll be puking later, it had raw eggs in it.

Fast forward to 8:00 am this morning: I puke my brains out. I puke out waffle batter. FUCKING WAFFLE BATTER. Goddamnit, HOW DID I GET THE TWO CONFUSED. I have to stop thinking about it or I'm going to throw up again.

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I got J.P tickets for me and him to see the Raconteurs at the Riviera Theatre on December 30th for his birthday/Christmas. When he came home Saturday, I realized I didn't know where I had put the tickets that had just arrived in the mail Wednesday. I was going crazy looking for them in my room, on my mom's desk and all over the house. As a last resort I looked in our paper recycling bin, and there they were. IN THE GODDAMN GARBAGE. Had it been a Tuesday, they would have been outside in the garbage can and gone forever. I am so very, very lucky. And so very, very goddamn stupid.

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I got a digital camera for Christmas. It was a total surpise! I had no idea I was getting it! And it is the most awesome thing ever. I also got a hair straightener from J.P, the Disney animated movie Robin Hood (jealous Bill?) from my Seeeeestor and a few other things, but those are the winners right there. It was a very good Christmas.

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Keri and I were running around getting my mom and dad stocking stuffers a few days before Christmas and went to Sports Authority to get my dad a Bears division winners t-shirt. It said $20 on it, but when the girl rang it up, she said "$2.67."Me and Keri were confused but weren't gonna fight the awesome price. We totally thought we got a good deal, or more likely that the computer scanner thing just fucked up the price. So my dad opens it on Christmas and goes, "Oh, nice.....it's from last year." It's from when the Bears were divison champs last fucking year. And of course it was the first thing he noticed. The most observant people Keri and I are not.

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The best song in the entire fucking world, don't even try to fight it: I Got the Blues by the Rolling Stones.

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I've learned that I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't so I gotta take what I can get when it comes my way. I'm never going to get married if this awesome trend continues.

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My new diet is called "Drink Too Much Coffee Until You Feel Sick and The Thought of Food Makes You Want to Throw Up" and has been working out quite nicely this past week. Or maybe I should just eat waffle batter more often. Between the two of them I can't even imagine how I'm going to go to the bar and drink tonight, but where there's a will there's a way. Or rather when there's a Miller Lite I can't turn it down. Katie: Creating Custom Sayings For Every Occasion.

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Last thing in this novel: As forementioned, (is that one word? I have no idea) we had a Very Cosby Christmas on Christmas Eve which entailed drinking at the bar for the Bears game, sweet Christmas sweaters and hats, a turkey dinner, drinking and dancing to Christmas songs (I love you Mariah!) and then me ditching them to go to the bar. I am the most unphotogenic person in the entire world (seriously - you should see the rest of the pictures I'm in - but you won't), but here's everyone: Cliff, Claire, Theo, Denise and Rudy (Sondra and Vanessa were busy) in our Cosby Family Portrait. Ok, this thing is stupid and I can't get the picture to show up on here, plus my fingers are frostbitten, so I'll leave you all in suspense. We all look like retards though. I never say that word, but really that is the only word that comes to mind when I look at the pictures. A Very Retarded Cosby Christmas. I ain't politically correct, bitches.

6 comments:

Bill B. said...

Well I would be jealous, Katie, but...I actually own it also. I bought it at Walmart like a month ago. Dear god am I gay for that? I buy kid movies at 1 am on Tuesday nights at Walmart alone. I even wore a rain coat and unibomber shades and drove a van. Someday I'm going to need many many hours of therapy. "the rapy" get it...I'm stopping now...Merry Christmas Katers and a happy new years.

Cowe said...

I loved your waffle batter story, it touched me in my pants.

keri said...

it's 'aforementioned.' you probably don't know that because you're not in school.

i am.

suck on that.

HMT said...

boy do we have something to talk about..

aka.. DA BEARS!

(or should we not considering we don't want to jinx anything)

(ps: I missed yer cookies this year)

HMT said...

brooooootal

Jenn said...

Hahahah! You're the best. The best dork that is. And damnit, that's a GREAT thing.

Quit pretending Bill and I don't exist. You're breaking our achy breaky hearts.