Saturday, October 13, 2007

Talking Quotes

I had a dream last night that my sister wanted to get a tattoo. A tattoo of the earth with the word "Imagine" ABOVE it. I know, sounds pretty awesome right? The only problem is I have a tattoo of the earth with the word "Imagine" UNDERNEATH it. Oh my god people I was ANGRY in this dream. Like crying hysterically angry because I was so mad that she was going to get the same tattoo as me. Listen up bitch, if you EVER decide to do that, I can't stop you, but I will hold you down and spit in your ear. What now.

Thursday night we went out and I locked my keys in my car outside the bar (it was really far, then I fell in some tar, the night really was not up to par) so Will gave me a ride home because he was out too. Then he got really angry for some reason and we fought for the umpteenth time about how I don't like him like that, but he doesn't understand why, come just admit you have feelings for me and good lord, shut the fuck up because if I have to explain myself one more time I am going to shoot you in the fucking face afterwards. So I told him to leave and went to bed. I wake up the next morning to three text messages. I now present you with thee texts:

Will at 4:47 am: This is the last message I send you I truly care about you and I know it means nothing to you but if you ever have a change of heart - it gets cut off.
Will at 5:08 am: Ya this is the worst night ever not only did I lose you but I got hit by a car walking home and they drove away drunk drivers - cut off again. (Run-on sentences much?)
Lisa, his sister, at 6:08 am: Hey did you and my brother get in a fight tonight? He got hit by a car on the way home from your house. He is at home and out of it.

I don't know what I expected these text messages to say, but him getting HIT BY A FUCKING CAR was not one of them. Not like it's funny, it's not funny at all, but come on, yes it is a little bit. He's fine, his back hurts him, but he's still up and functioning considering he GOT HIT BY A CAR, ROLLED ONTO THE WINDSHIELD AND THE CAR JUST DROVE OFF. I didn't get why he was walking in the first place, but his car wouldn't start and he only lives about 7 blocks away so he just walked. Every time I tell someone I can't help smiling and laughing about it, not because I am a terrible person, but because it's just so fucked up. He got hit by a car. He then texted me (I know, it's the most logical thing I can think of to do when I am involved as the "hit" part of a hit and run). He finishes walking home. God WHY CAN I NOT STOP LAUGHING ABOUT THIS.

The other day at work some old dude, at least 70, came in to send something out. He had on a t-shirt with one of those yellow smiley faces on it that said "Smile if you swallow". I actually made a conscious effort to NOT smile the entire time I was helping him, like he was really going to call me out on being a "swallower" if I cracked a tiny smile. I just never pictured myself having to worry about a customer knowing if I swallow or spit. I guess there's a first time for everything.

I just bought an album on iTunes called Gulag Orkestar by this dude named Beirut and it's awesome. It has an Eastern European-gypsy-like tinge to it which I would never expect to be attracted to, but I obviously have a huge boner listening to it right now. It's an older one, I guess he just put out a newer one last month, but I'm working on it in chronological order so fuck off. iTunes is my lover.

Reading update: I just finished No Country for Old Men by Cormac McCarthy and it was super good. Way different from The Road, but written in the same literary style which I really like. It's simple, with barely any commas, apostrophes and no talking quotes (the technical term eludes me), which I love. I mean I love books with no talking quotes, not talking quotes themselves. Talking quotes can go to hell for all I care. I have Torette's and all I can say is talking quotes. TALKING QUOTES.

If you guys missed the Ken Burns documentary The War last week, then I feel really bad for you. If you ever find yourself with 14 hours to spare, rent this and laugh, cry and be amazed like I was/did. It was seriously faaaaaaantastic.

3 comments:

Bill B. said...

Haha, this is your best blog ever Katers. It made me sympathize with Will......and how he pulled the "I got hit by a car after our fight, so feel sorry for me" card. All I can see is the scene in Elf where Will Ferrel is just walking across the street randomly and he gets nailed by that taxi.

Jenn said...

I totally snagged your tattoo idea. Maybe your bad dream was in reference to me stealing your idea and it used your sister instead. Do you want to spit in my ear?

It's still weird when I read "my car" in your posts. Now you can drive me around while I get drunk. That's awesome.

Is Will okay?...
Hahahhahahahahahahha! I love you. I do.

TK Kerouac said...

who wrote the road?