Wednesday, January 19, 2005

We're All Looking At A Different Picture Through This New Frame Of Mind

During my anthropology class today, my professor was saying how he had travelled all over the world digging up old people and studying them. Anthropology was my major when I first came to college but I switched it to history because I like history more, even if there isn't really any job options after I graduate. Well yeah, there are some, but most likely when I say I want to work in a museum after graduation, I mean in the gift shop or as a janitor. I say I want to be a curator, but really, I don't even know what a curator does. But anyways, my joblessness isn't the point I'm going to make here.

When I was in class, I realized I don't want to stay in Chicago my whole life. I love Chi-town (even though I never even heard it called that until I was about 17) to pieces, but I want to see what else is out there. And after I graduate is going to be the time to do it. I won't be tied down to anyone who has a job somewhere else ( I will be a spinster) and certainly won't have any little kiddies to drag around. So if I want to apply for a job in London, I can do it. Or Boston, or San Francisco or New York or Seattle for that matter. I got really excited about the prospect of moving somewhere completely new. I mean, how fucking cool would that be, to move to London. It would be ballsy certainly, motherfucking ballsy, but I think I could handle it. Don't you think everyone would accept me with open arms once they hear my precious Chicago accent? Maybe not, but it's better than a Texan accent, right? Right?

Thinking about all that makes graduation seem less frightening. And that's all I'm really looking for, something to look forward to so I won't be a hysterical mess crawled up in the fetal postion the night before graduation. It will also make my parents happy when they realize I won't be moving back home after college. I'm such a good daughter.

Other than that epiphany, class was pretty boring today. I found out that I have a test on February 24th though, which blows because that's the day my family leaves to go on our ski trip. Here's to hoping I can sweet talk the teacher into letting me take it early so I don't have to miss the trip. I'm really looking forward to going skiing, so that bastard better not mess up my plans. Or maybe I can feign the death of my grandpa again (I'm not jinxing them, they're both already dead) to be able to go. Mom will help me figure something out as the date gets closer.

Emily is driving me to a new level of insanity. I mean, I love the girl to death, but now she's done something that might end with me stabbing her repeatedly. She's gone on the goddamn Atkins Diet. This means that she says the word "carbs" about 19,000 times a day, no exaggeration. It is now known as "the c-word" and the next time she says it, I'm going to go crazy.

"God Katie, why did your mom buy these M&Ms? Do you know there's 18 carbs in 3 of them?"

"I had to throw out all my pasta. You don't even want to know how many carbs are in it."

"I can't drink beer anymore. It has too many carbs and you know carbs are the devil."

"All I can eat is chicken because it doesn't have too many carbs. You know, I'm only supposed to eat 80 carbs a day."

"No way, I can't eat any of those nachos! I bet it has like 55 carbs in one of them."

Then I stabbed her.

I keep telling her not to say "the c-word" in front of me because I'm going to go apeshit if she says it one more time, but it's no use. She says she's only going to try it out for two weeks, but I know these two weeks are going to be the longest of my life. Please god, let her lose those dreaded 15 pounds so she can shut up about it already. She only weighs like 120 anyways, but I've given up telling her she doesn't need to lose any weight. It's like talking to a brick wall. I think I'm going to make spaghetti with garlic bread and a side of potatoes tomorrow, just to make things difficult for her. I can be a great friend (sometimes), but not when carbs are involved. When carbs are involved I turn into a bitchface.

Lastly, I would like to clear up what I said about Asians yesterday because I feel like a douchebag. I didn't mean I don't like Asians at all, I just meant that Asian history is not my forte. It's not only Asian history I don't like, I also don't enjoy learning about any of the world before the 1500's, save for the Egyptians who were some cool motherfuckers. It's not ignorance either, because I have studied it, and then afterwards decided my hatred. I know some people really get into it, and I'm sure it's enthralling for them, but it's not for me. It you wanted to talk about the French Revolution or World War II or the Great Depression though, I'm all ears. Speaking of history, you all should watch the History Channel on January 30th because they're going to have this special on Pompeii, the city in Italy that was destroyed by the volcano and was left perfectly preserved. History rocks, bitches.


Cowe said...

I'm sure I read in one of my mum's magazines that the Atkin's diet is bad for you. I remember learning about Mt. Vesuvius at school, I thought it was pretty kickass too. My history studies today, consist of trying to remember if I did anything exciting yesterday.

Oh yeah, and I truly despise London.

Peppermint Patty said...

try being in chicago with a texan accent (aka 'texas drawl', pernounced 'drawww'). then throw in living in chicago for a year, picks up accents really quick, moving back to the tex/new mex area and having a half texan, haf chikah-gee accent.


i can't wait for that pompeii show on the discovery channel. my mom went to pompeii back in the 70s and has a lotta pics from it, and i got all interested in it back in jr high and did a report/presentation over it for one of my history classes.

... said...

That's a great revelation you had! Yes, go to many many places before you have things that WILL tie you down. Poeple, I think, forget that there is a whole other world out there, outside of their worlds. I want to do much traveling as well. The farther the better. And they might not greet you with open arms, but when you call them all assrammers to put them in check, you should get some respect. Haha.....stupid eric.

I feel ya on all the 'carb that' and 'carb this' bullshit. It's everywhere! From tea to candy bars. Chocolate with lo carbs? C'mon assface, you're on a diet, don't eat a fucking chocolate bar. I just started rioting everytime I saw a low carb product, but that didn't go over so swell. My advice? Make the spaghetti and eat it all sloppy in front of her. Not trying to be mean at all to this person I don't know, I just wish death to all those on that diet. That's all.

Asian people rule, except for those ones in the arcades. Fuck them and their Street Fighter machines, they can have them. And I saw a commecial for that Pompeii special right after the last time I was watching the Pink Floyd DVD Live in Pompeii! Crazy. But yeah, I wanted to watch it as well. My parents were just there last April, they said it was amazing to say the least. But I prolly won't watch it, so you should to tell me about it.

History is cool cuz it's always happening,

When I typed this post is now history. So Fascinating!

... said...

Katie, just wanted to tell you that I made a cool-ass mix CD and named it P Funks Punks and Car Trunks! Hope you don't mind that I stole it, but I thought it was perfect.

Thanks, even though I was gonna use it anyway,

Bill B. said...

Hey rook, what's crack-a-lackin? So you're up against the Atkins eh? You should be happy you don't have that Jared from Subway bitching about how he's broke from eating there 3 times a day and shoving his fatboy pants in your face at all times. God maybe you should show her the movie Heavyweights and she'd be a proud fatass like us! God we worked hard to be at the level of awesomeness we're at so don't you go dieting and losing all that hard work Jerald Garner, son of Maury Garner. That's your new name by the way.

Jenn said...

I THOUGHT I commented on this post, but I guess I was wrong. You missed SO many posts of mine while you were out. Boo.

Just kick Emjo in the nads the next time she say's the "c-word." Hi Emily!

I love you, but I don't feel like typing :D I'll comment more later.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to start leaving anonymous comments all over the place since you all blamed me for leaving that goddamnyoujenn one.

softsunshine said...

katie, i'm a half german, half asian...your last post made me cry..i got sooo hurt i felt like playing in the traffic..

softsunshine said...

of course i lied on that previous comment. me rub you rong time....regardless...

Cowe said...

Lesbians kick ass.

stellah martiano said...

Katie, I'm on Atkins'(well it's now Atkinsesque cause I've modified it for myself.) Just flaunt your carbs in front of her, she's just being stupid anyway.

Eric, I'll try not to be so assfaced and die within the next few days. :P

I'm part asian, you bastard! Joking :) well about the bastard bit not about the part asian bit.

I was thinking about moving down the line. I've gotten sick of being in the same place doing the same things.

... said...

Oh SMK, don't listen to anything I say, or even try to believe it. I talk out of my ass all day long and nothing comes out but shit. See for yourself on ANY comment I've ever made. I think I even started lying about my name at an early age. I've done it for so long now that I actually forgot the real one...

I think it might be Magnus,

Or was it Herbert? Shit, I forgot...

stellah martiano said...

Eric, I don't believe a single word you said, after all you said whatever you say shouldn't be believed. HA!

Call me Stell, everyone else does. It's not my real name of course but it's been with me so long it might as well be.