1. I went to Subway today, to spend $5 I should have been saving for Great America because I was hungry and wanted a goddamn 6 inch BLT on wheat. As I went to pay, I handed her my debit card, and she just stood there with it for 30 seconds, because another worker was on the phone trying to get the machine you swipe it through fixed. I would have offered cash, but I didn't have any, so after 30 seconds she goes, "Just take it, the machines broken." Fuck yes, I got a free Subway meal today, and so did the girl behind me. After us they put a sign on the window, saying they're not accepting debit until it was fixed. I couldn't have picked a better three minute time span to go to Subway.
2. Keri's phone broke last weekend during a tough obstacle course in Beer Olympics. She claims it doesn't bother her she can't get a new phone until my parents come back from vacation next Monday (their 54rd vacation in the past six months by the way), like she's so much cooler than everyone else who depends on their cellphone. We bow down to you, Kerianne, she-who-can-live-without-her-phone-for-two-weeks-and-claim-shes's-a-ok-with-it. Liar. I really don't care how you feel about it, WHAT ABOUT ME? God, now I have no one to text message when I watch Supernanny. You heartless bitch.
3. HOW DOES THE SHUFFLE BUTTON ON KAZAA WORK? For the love of god, why is it so complicated.
4. I'm going to Great America tomorrow, with Emily, Stephanie and her boyfriend Sean. Opening day actually isn't until Saturday, she got promotional tickets for half the price some magical way, so there'll only be like 3,000 people there. This means no hour waits outside the rollercoasters, ohhhhh yeaaaaaaah. That's my Macho Man Randy Savage impersonation.
5. Emily had a Mary Kay party on Sunday (no, she's not 45) and it was actually a good time. We basically got drunk on Margaret and put on makeup. Who knew foundation was so magical and why am I just discovering this now?
6. I have one week of classes left and then finals. I'm excited in one sense to be done with classes, but that means I have a shitload of shit to do in these next two shitty weeks. I've only gone to 5 classes this week, but goddamnit, I didn't miss bowling and Kurt, prepare to congratulate me - I broke my highest score of 113 and bowled a 115. It was just a freak accident though, my next game was a 75. I think I'm probably the only person to take a bowling class and consistently get worse.
7. My 18 year old cousin Kathleen stayed here last night, with two friends because they were going to a concert here and didn't want to drive home afterwards. She's a cute girl, but we don't really see each other enough because she lives an hour away from me at home, so it was cool that she got to come here, even if she did only give me an hours warning. She had given me money to get vodka for them, but then they didn't want it anymore since they had to leave at 7 am this morning. I put her $20 on the dresser, and told her as she was leaving. In a really over excited voice she goes, "Oh cool, thanks so much Kate!" Um, I didn't just give you a $20, I was just returning the $20 you gave me but didn't spend. This story is definitley not translating well, but I already typed it out so you're stuck with it. Suckers.
8. I work with this kid Ron at the library, who is super nice, but annoys the fuck out of me because he still asks me the stupidest questions, even though he's worked there for 3 months. Today I was sitting at the desk, my back to him, who was sitting at the table. He called my name, I turned around, and he asked, "Do you want some of this milk?" It was one of those little cartons of milk. Who the fuck shares milk? I know he was just trying to be nice, but really Ron, you don't have to share everything with me. Especially not your milk. It's not even like I was staring lustily at his carton of milk either. I wouldn't have even know he was drinking it had he not made me turn around. I don't know what I was expecting out of the same kid who said he "saw me doing my workout." It's called walking to class Ron. "Me" and "working out" don't belong in the same sentence anyways.
9. Speaking of working out, or lack thereof, in my KNPE class we had journals due today, that were supposed to keep track of our workout schedules. Working out doesn't seem so bad when you just make it up. I have to run the 1.5 mile again Tuesday. That I can't make up.
10. Right now the best song in the world is Intimate Secretary by the Ranconteurs. Don't debate me.
Friday, April 28, 2006
I'm Just Consistently Inconsistent
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
I'm A Million Different People From One Day To The Next
Waking up to a good song on the radio makes it so much easier to get up.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Good News
1. I found my graduation dress at the VERY FIRST store I looked in.
2. The Sox are back on track after a semi-shitty start, winning 6 out of their last 7 games.
3. Bible Night was a success. Read about it here.
4. I have three boxes of Crispix.
5. New Gilmore Girls episode tomorrow. Hells yeah bitches.
6. Keri successfully snuck into the bar for her friend's birthday on Thursday.
7. I lost my purse that same night, but Keri is a miracle worker and got it back the next day. Nothing was taken out of it either. Jesus loves me, this I know.
8. I only have three weeks of classes left.
9. I'm going to Six Flags Great America next Friday.
10. I don't have work this weekend.
11. I'm getting an IPod for my birthday/graduation.
12. I went to all of my classes in one day for the first time in three weeks.
13. I have someone I can call about a job when I graduate.
14. Did I mention I got my dress in the first store? Goddamnit I'm awesome.
2. The Sox are back on track after a semi-shitty start, winning 6 out of their last 7 games.
3. Bible Night was a success. Read about it here.
4. I have three boxes of Crispix.
5. New Gilmore Girls episode tomorrow. Hells yeah bitches.
6. Keri successfully snuck into the bar for her friend's birthday on Thursday.
7. I lost my purse that same night, but Keri is a miracle worker and got it back the next day. Nothing was taken out of it either. Jesus loves me, this I know.
8. I only have three weeks of classes left.
9. I'm going to Six Flags Great America next Friday.
10. I don't have work this weekend.
11. I'm getting an IPod for my birthday/graduation.
12. I went to all of my classes in one day for the first time in three weeks.
13. I have someone I can call about a job when I graduate.
14. Did I mention I got my dress in the first store? Goddamnit I'm awesome.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Now I'm Going To Go Have A Cigarette And Beer In The Thunderstorm
1. Conan O'Brien is coming to Chicago in May, and I applied for tickets the minute he announced how to get them. I still haven't heard anything back and its been about 3 weeks. It couldn't possibly be any worse timing, it being finals/birthday/graduation week, but if I could see Conan on my birthday, I could die happy. Conan, give me tickets, for the love of god. Please.
2. Tomorrow at the library we have a Student Appreciation Party. They show their appreciation by giving us free pizza. "Free pizza" is probably the best two-word combinations in the world, after "free beer". I love my job. Nowhere else would I get paid to read the newspaper, do my homework and drink on Thursday nights. Why can't I just be a library liason for the rest of my life.
3. I think Spring is here, for good. I don't want to jinx it, but this week has been awesome out. This time of the year is the best - people have been stuck inside since November, so the minute it hits 50 degrees, everyone is wearing flip-flops and skirts, driving with their windows rolled down, blaring music. I love living in Chicago, because getting all four seasons really makes me appreciate the warm weather. I don't know if I could live somewhere were it was 80 degrees year round. Sometimes I talk about the weather too much, my roommates make fun of me because I tell them what the weathers going to be like according to my trusty Yahoo! each day, but goddamnit, SOMEONE needs to tell them when there's going to be a chance of PM showers.
4. Last night I had a dream ( I know, I KNOW trying to explain your dreams is stupid because they don't make sense and no one cares, but this will be short, promise) that I met Bob Dylan before a concert of his. Usually he's a pretty stand-offish guy (I totally know because I've met him, like, so many times) but in the dream we totally made out. I MADE OUT WITH BOB DYLAN IN MY DREAM. He gave me his autograph too, and was just the nicest guy in the entire world, joking around and what not. I woke up right after the dream, or so it seemed, and it put me in the best mood for the rest of the day. I've finally learned how to start my day off right: making out with aging rockstars.
5. J.P was jealous he missed out on Russian Night, so we're having Bible Night this Friday. My family is going to celebrate Good Friday by getting drunk and dancing to Michael Jackson. I can think of no other appropriate way to prepare for the rising of our Lord. My mom is going to be Goliath, my Dad is Judas for betraying us by having the firehouse Saturday morning, J.P is Ezekial, and Keri and I are Cain and Abel. Ker, I love you, but I'm going to have to kill you. No offense. Water shall be turned into wine this night, and christ on a crucifix (literally!), I'm excited about it.
6. Exactly a month from right now I'll be celebrating my 2x2nd (can I get a hoo-hah?) birthday. I can't really go out the night of the 12th because graduation is at 9:00 am on the 13th, which sucks ass. I don't even know how I'm going to be able to celebrate anyways, knowing that my life is coming to an end 24 hours later. Every couple of days Emily'll say, "Only 33 more days to graduation" and I'll cover my ears and say "LA LA LA LA LA" because jesus, IT'S COMING UP SO FAST AND I'M KIND OF FREAKING OUT.
7. Degree's Fresh Oxygen deodorant is my lifesaver and I want to marry it.
8. The History Channel has been doing this series called "10 Days that Unexpectedly Changed the World" this past week and I've been obsessed with it. The best so far have been the Battle at Antietam during the Civil War, the assassination of President McKinley, and the letter Einstein wrote to FDR encouraging him to make the atomic bomb. I don't know why it seems weird to me that Einstein was an actual person, who was alive not even 50 years ago. My parents were born before he died in 1955 - weird, yo. I always want to put him in Galileo or Newton's category, being dead for hundreds of years, but nope. Anyways, watch it for the rest of the week from 8-10 pm. Do it because I said so.
9. Last week I bowled a 65, 68 and 70 in class. Now do you see why I get excited about getting 111? It's cool though, cause Coach said I would pass the class anyways for being able to recognize and name Smokey Robinson and Martha Reeves. He just wanted to show off he had met them and had pictures, the senile bastard. Everyday in class he turns the music on, and always puts on some Mo-town and all at once, everyone in the class starts singing the words to My Girl and dancing. I feel like I'm bowling at Rydell High and even though I hate that movie, I love my bowling class and my 80 year old bowling "coach".
10. I'm skipping my classes Thursday and Friday in order to go home and visit Keri for the night before bringing her home Friday. It's going to be awesome because we're both broke and are supposed to go to the bar for her friend's birthday. I hope we go to that free bar where they give you the free drinks all night long for free. Those are my favorite bars. Hurray for Sister's Night.
2. Tomorrow at the library we have a Student Appreciation Party. They show their appreciation by giving us free pizza. "Free pizza" is probably the best two-word combinations in the world, after "free beer". I love my job. Nowhere else would I get paid to read the newspaper, do my homework and drink on Thursday nights. Why can't I just be a library liason for the rest of my life.
3. I think Spring is here, for good. I don't want to jinx it, but this week has been awesome out. This time of the year is the best - people have been stuck inside since November, so the minute it hits 50 degrees, everyone is wearing flip-flops and skirts, driving with their windows rolled down, blaring music. I love living in Chicago, because getting all four seasons really makes me appreciate the warm weather. I don't know if I could live somewhere were it was 80 degrees year round. Sometimes I talk about the weather too much, my roommates make fun of me because I tell them what the weathers going to be like according to my trusty Yahoo! each day, but goddamnit, SOMEONE needs to tell them when there's going to be a chance of PM showers.
4. Last night I had a dream ( I know, I KNOW trying to explain your dreams is stupid because they don't make sense and no one cares, but this will be short, promise) that I met Bob Dylan before a concert of his. Usually he's a pretty stand-offish guy (I totally know because I've met him, like, so many times) but in the dream we totally made out. I MADE OUT WITH BOB DYLAN IN MY DREAM. He gave me his autograph too, and was just the nicest guy in the entire world, joking around and what not. I woke up right after the dream, or so it seemed, and it put me in the best mood for the rest of the day. I've finally learned how to start my day off right: making out with aging rockstars.
5. J.P was jealous he missed out on Russian Night, so we're having Bible Night this Friday. My family is going to celebrate Good Friday by getting drunk and dancing to Michael Jackson. I can think of no other appropriate way to prepare for the rising of our Lord. My mom is going to be Goliath, my Dad is Judas for betraying us by having the firehouse Saturday morning, J.P is Ezekial, and Keri and I are Cain and Abel. Ker, I love you, but I'm going to have to kill you. No offense. Water shall be turned into wine this night, and christ on a crucifix (literally!), I'm excited about it.
6. Exactly a month from right now I'll be celebrating my 2x2nd (can I get a hoo-hah?) birthday. I can't really go out the night of the 12th because graduation is at 9:00 am on the 13th, which sucks ass. I don't even know how I'm going to be able to celebrate anyways, knowing that my life is coming to an end 24 hours later. Every couple of days Emily'll say, "Only 33 more days to graduation" and I'll cover my ears and say "LA LA LA LA LA" because jesus, IT'S COMING UP SO FAST AND I'M KIND OF FREAKING OUT.
7. Degree's Fresh Oxygen deodorant is my lifesaver and I want to marry it.
8. The History Channel has been doing this series called "10 Days that Unexpectedly Changed the World" this past week and I've been obsessed with it. The best so far have been the Battle at Antietam during the Civil War, the assassination of President McKinley, and the letter Einstein wrote to FDR encouraging him to make the atomic bomb. I don't know why it seems weird to me that Einstein was an actual person, who was alive not even 50 years ago. My parents were born before he died in 1955 - weird, yo. I always want to put him in Galileo or Newton's category, being dead for hundreds of years, but nope. Anyways, watch it for the rest of the week from 8-10 pm. Do it because I said so.
9. Last week I bowled a 65, 68 and 70 in class. Now do you see why I get excited about getting 111? It's cool though, cause Coach said I would pass the class anyways for being able to recognize and name Smokey Robinson and Martha Reeves. He just wanted to show off he had met them and had pictures, the senile bastard. Everyday in class he turns the music on, and always puts on some Mo-town and all at once, everyone in the class starts singing the words to My Girl and dancing. I feel like I'm bowling at Rydell High and even though I hate that movie, I love my bowling class and my 80 year old bowling "coach".
10. I'm skipping my classes Thursday and Friday in order to go home and visit Keri for the night before bringing her home Friday. It's going to be awesome because we're both broke and are supposed to go to the bar for her friend's birthday. I hope we go to that free bar where they give you the free drinks all night long for free. Those are my favorite bars. Hurray for Sister's Night.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
I Did This Instead Of Write My Paper
Here's a list of books. The titles in bold are books I've read.
The ones in italics are books I'd like to read.
The scored out ones are those I have no intention of ever reading ever in my lifetime.
The ones with a bold ? I've never even heard of.
Those with an asterisk are those I have on my bookshelf but are as yet unread by me.
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown Loved it.
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger I'm glad read I read this in high school, when the teacher could explain everything to me. I was too slow to catch onto the symbolism by myself.
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald Loved it, and the movie too. I have a crush on Sam Waterson.
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee So fucking good. I wanted my dad to be Atticus.
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman ?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J. K. Rowling Good lord, I sobbed at the end of this book. I don't think I've ever cried harder at a fictional character dying.
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell Didn't like it in high school, I should reread it.
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien Never. Never ever ever. I read 5 pages one time and hated it.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding Started to one time, don't know why I never finished.
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J. K. Rowling I love all Harry Potter.
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ?
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini Really really REALLY good book. I couldn't put it down, finished it in 2 days.
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold Oh lordy, another one that made me sob. I think because it was partly about sisters, and I have a sister, blah blah but dear lord did I cry. Such a good book.
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut One of my favorite books. I've read it about 8 times, thanks to stealing it from my friend's brother.
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown Jenn won't get off my case about me not reading this yet. I'll get around to it, I swear. Get off my back, bitch.
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk I just read my first Palahniuk book, Survivor, and liked it, so I should read this one.
Neuromancer - William Gibson
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson ?
The Secret History - Donna Tartt ?
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte I've never read any of that British literature, like the Bronte sisters or Austen, I guess I was never in the right English classes in high school.
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C. S. Lewis
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides I got this for my mom for her birthday (thanks to the comments on Ms Mac's blog when she did this) and conviently she let me read it first. I just finished it the other night and LOVED it.
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ?
The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien Never ever ever. I have absolutely no desire to read any Tolkien.
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman ?
Atonement - Ian McEwan
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway I want to, but I don't know if it'll ever happen.
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Dune - Frank Herbert ?
Thanks to Ms Mac, cause I stole this from her and to Jenn who taught me how to dothis. But I hate people who do this and promise to never ever do this again.
The ones in italics are books I'd like to read.
The scored out ones are those I have no intention of ever reading ever in my lifetime.
The ones with a bold ? I've never even heard of.
Those with an asterisk are those I have on my bookshelf but are as yet unread by me.
The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown Loved it.
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger I'm glad read I read this in high school, when the teacher could explain everything to me. I was too slow to catch onto the symbolism by myself.
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald Loved it, and the movie too. I have a crush on Sam Waterson.
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee So fucking good. I wanted my dad to be Atticus.
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman ?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - J. K. Rowling Good lord, I sobbed at the end of this book. I don't think I've ever cried harder at a fictional character dying.
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell Didn't like it in high school, I should reread it.
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding Started to one time, don't know why I never finished.
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
1984 - George Orwell
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - J. K. Rowling I love all Harry Potter.
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez ?
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini Really really REALLY good book. I couldn't put it down, finished it in 2 days.
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold Oh lordy, another one that made me sob. I think because it was partly about sisters, and I have a sister, blah blah but dear lord did I cry. Such a good book.
Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut One of my favorite books. I've read it about 8 times, thanks to stealing it from my friend's brother.
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown Jenn won't get off my case about me not reading this yet. I'll get around to it, I swear. Get off my back, bitch.
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk I just read my first Palahniuk book, Survivor, and liked it, so I should read this one.
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson ?
The Secret History - Donna Tartt ?
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte I've never read any of that British literature, like the Bronte sisters or Austen, I guess I was never in the right English classes in high school.
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides I got this for my mom for her birthday (thanks to the comments on Ms Mac's blog when she did this) and conviently she let me read it first. I just finished it the other night and LOVED it.
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell ?
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman ?
Atonement - Ian McEwan
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway I want to, but I don't know if it'll ever happen.
The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Dune - Frank Herbert ?
Thanks to Ms Mac, cause I stole this from her and to Jenn who taught me how to do
Monday, April 03, 2006
Sometimes I Need A Revelation
I signed up to take the Chicago Fire Department test today, the first one they've had years. If I pass and do better than Keri and J.P I will totally be Dad's favorite. Then I'll get something totally awesome, like his Pink cd, in his will.
I also signed up to take the Jeopardy test online last week. I'm sure I wouldn't pass, but it wouldn't hurt to try anyways. I was supposed to take it at 8 pm Wednesday night. I didn't remember until 10:30, when it was already too late to take it. THIS IS WHY I NEED TO WRITE SHIT DOWN.
The White Sox seasons opener was today, against the Indians. There was a rain delay for 3 hours, but it finally started up again around 11 pm. And they won 10-4. Are we going to win the World Series again? You bet your fucking ass we are.
Last night I spilled a beer on my keyoboard. I've spilled a lot of things on this keyboard in the past four years, but I'm honestly surprised it took me this long to spill a beer on it. Now the letters G and H stick whenver I go to type them. How much is a new keyboard? On a good note though, I finally found the left side Ctrl button that I had popped off over a year ago. Turns out all you have to do is pick up things and look under them to find what you are looking for. And you thought I hadn't learned anything in college.
Today I went shopping for food and they didn't have Crispix OR Wheaties. What is this world coming to?
In my KNPE 100 class (basically a health class) we're going to be measuring our body fat on Thursday. I have never been so glad to be taking a class with Emily than before because I'd really like to keep it on the dl that I'm 97% body fat. Not that they can't tell but jesus. Thank god for Emily. I thought this class was going to be a blow off but then I learned we had to run a mile and a half in class. Twice. I told my teacher to have an ambulance on hand incase I collapsed, but she just laughed at me. I didn't collapse the first time we did it in February, but goddamnit I will in May just to prove her wrong.
And if you're keeping track, as Kurt already pointed out to me on Jenn's blog:
- I am impressed with my 111 bowling score.
- I was happy with my 69% test grade.
- Running a mile and a half is my worst nightmare.
World's Biggest Underachiever and Lazyass, right here. What now.
I also signed up to take the Jeopardy test online last week. I'm sure I wouldn't pass, but it wouldn't hurt to try anyways. I was supposed to take it at 8 pm Wednesday night. I didn't remember until 10:30, when it was already too late to take it. THIS IS WHY I NEED TO WRITE SHIT DOWN.
The White Sox seasons opener was today, against the Indians. There was a rain delay for 3 hours, but it finally started up again around 11 pm. And they won 10-4. Are we going to win the World Series again? You bet your fucking ass we are.
Last night I spilled a beer on my keyoboard. I've spilled a lot of things on this keyboard in the past four years, but I'm honestly surprised it took me this long to spill a beer on it. Now the letters G and H stick whenver I go to type them. How much is a new keyboard? On a good note though, I finally found the left side Ctrl button that I had popped off over a year ago. Turns out all you have to do is pick up things and look under them to find what you are looking for. And you thought I hadn't learned anything in college.
Today I went shopping for food and they didn't have Crispix OR Wheaties. What is this world coming to?
In my KNPE 100 class (basically a health class) we're going to be measuring our body fat on Thursday. I have never been so glad to be taking a class with Emily than before because I'd really like to keep it on the dl that I'm 97% body fat. Not that they can't tell but jesus. Thank god for Emily. I thought this class was going to be a blow off but then I learned we had to run a mile and a half in class. Twice. I told my teacher to have an ambulance on hand incase I collapsed, but she just laughed at me. I didn't collapse the first time we did it in February, but goddamnit I will in May just to prove her wrong.
And if you're keeping track, as Kurt already pointed out to me on Jenn's blog:
- I am impressed with my 111 bowling score.
- I was happy with my 69% test grade.
- Running a mile and a half is my worst nightmare.
World's Biggest Underachiever and Lazyass, right here. What now.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
CAPITAL LETTERS MEAN I AM ANGRY
Keri and I have been working on getting our Irish citizenship, and when my dad found out he could get an Irish passport because his parents were born in Ireland, he decided to be a copycat and get his too. We all need my grandparents birth, death and marriage certificates in order to get it, and we (ok, mainly Keri) has been emailing and calling all of our relatives to see if anyone had any of them. My dad is the oldest out of 6 kids, so one would think he would have gotten all that stuff after my grandma died in 2001, but my dad can't even remember his own kid's birthdays, so we didn't think anyone would trust him with that stuff. Today I get a text message from him saying : "Hello girls, I'm sitting here filling out my passport application and I found Nana and Papa's birth certificates. - Dad." WE HAVE BEEN ASKING HIM FOR THOSE SINCE JANUARY.
I call him after bowling class (I bowled a 111 too, maybe the angriness helped) and basically say "WHAT THE FUCK DAD." He says, "Well I got this box of stuff after your grandma died, and there was this envelope. I opened it, and it had both of their birth certificates." Goddamnit Dad. You didn't think to look in this box BEFORE when we were asking about the certificates? Sure when you need something you do some digging, but not for your own FLESH AND BLOOD.
I call him after bowling class (I bowled a 111 too, maybe the angriness helped) and basically say "WHAT THE FUCK DAD." He says, "Well I got this box of stuff after your grandma died, and there was this envelope. I opened it, and it had both of their birth certificates." Goddamnit Dad. You didn't think to look in this box BEFORE when we were asking about the certificates? Sure when you need something you do some digging, but not for your own FLESH AND BLOOD.
Monday, March 27, 2006
I Bargained For Salvation And They Gave Me A Lethal Dose
My mom tore an article out of some magazine, probably Good Housekeeping or O Magazine or something equally good, and in it there was 10 questions to answer to narrow your field down to chose a career. A few of them were:
1. What newspaper or magazine articles to you most love to read? celebrity gossip
2. What internet sites do you mort often gravitate to? Look at your bookmarks. What stands out? perezhilton.com, pinkisthenewblog.com, I HAVE TO KNOW EXACTLY WHEN KATIE HAS TOM'S BABY
3. If you watch a game show, which categories do you hope the contestant will pick? something pop culture or Bob Dylan. Or the Bible (catholic schooling was good for something)
4. If you could write a book, what would the subject be? Bob Dylan. Or Paris and Nicole: What REALLY Happened
I am destined to be either a celebrity gossiper or a Bob Dylan historian. I don't think I needed a Bachelor of Arts to tell me that. If I had had to decide my career when I was 15, those would have been my answers too. Page Six, if you read this, give me a call. I can make assumptions about people I don't know like the best of 'em.
So that test I took three weeks over, hungover? I got a 69% on it. Failing yes, but only ONE POINT away from failing. Hells yeah. I thought I had totally bombed it, and I did, but not nearly as bad as I thought I had. And on top of that, I only missed two classes last week. In my book two is practically none at all, so I've pretty thoroughly convinced myself that I missed no classes at all. I still haven't been to anthropology since February 23rd, but so help me god, I'm going this week. Probably not on Thursday, let's not get carried away, but at LEAST on Tuesday.
Rereading these lyrics made me realize again why I love Bob Dylan so goddamn much. Why are you skipping over Chicago on your latest tour Bob? Is it because it's been over a year since I've seen you last? I've been distant for the past few months, I know, but I've changed my ways. Please reconsider.
I never really wrote anything about Spring Break, except for Russian Night, but if I had to sum it up in four words, it would be "jesus I drank alot." Seven out of nine nights were spent adding to my beer belly, and it was worth it. Other than that I worked, watched tv when I wasn't working and and spent a lot of time listening to shitty cover bands. Except for the drummer: the drummer was cute because he sang and played guitar to two Irish songs. Plus he had on a newsboy hat. Goddamnit I love guys who wear those hats.
I leave you with the conversation I had with my best friend Megan last Saturday:
Me: I feel old as shit right now.
Megan: No anal sex for you tonight.
Me: WOAH. What the hell do you think I just said?
Megan: Didn't you just say it hurt to shit?
Me: Or that I feel old as shit.
Megan: Ohhh.
1. What newspaper or magazine articles to you most love to read? celebrity gossip
2. What internet sites do you mort often gravitate to? Look at your bookmarks. What stands out? perezhilton.com, pinkisthenewblog.com, I HAVE TO KNOW EXACTLY WHEN KATIE HAS TOM'S BABY
3. If you watch a game show, which categories do you hope the contestant will pick? something pop culture or Bob Dylan. Or the Bible (catholic schooling was good for something)
4. If you could write a book, what would the subject be? Bob Dylan. Or Paris and Nicole: What REALLY Happened
I am destined to be either a celebrity gossiper or a Bob Dylan historian. I don't think I needed a Bachelor of Arts to tell me that. If I had had to decide my career when I was 15, those would have been my answers too. Page Six, if you read this, give me a call. I can make assumptions about people I don't know like the best of 'em.
So that test I took three weeks over, hungover? I got a 69% on it. Failing yes, but only ONE POINT away from failing. Hells yeah. I thought I had totally bombed it, and I did, but not nearly as bad as I thought I had. And on top of that, I only missed two classes last week. In my book two is practically none at all, so I've pretty thoroughly convinced myself that I missed no classes at all. I still haven't been to anthropology since February 23rd, but so help me god, I'm going this week. Probably not on Thursday, let's not get carried away, but at LEAST on Tuesday.
Rereading these lyrics made me realize again why I love Bob Dylan so goddamn much. Why are you skipping over Chicago on your latest tour Bob? Is it because it's been over a year since I've seen you last? I've been distant for the past few months, I know, but I've changed my ways. Please reconsider.
I never really wrote anything about Spring Break, except for Russian Night, but if I had to sum it up in four words, it would be "jesus I drank alot." Seven out of nine nights were spent adding to my beer belly, and it was worth it. Other than that I worked, watched tv when I wasn't working and and spent a lot of time listening to shitty cover bands. Except for the drummer: the drummer was cute because he sang and played guitar to two Irish songs. Plus he had on a newsboy hat. Goddamnit I love guys who wear those hats.
I leave you with the conversation I had with my best friend Megan last Saturday:
Me: I feel old as shit right now.
Megan: No anal sex for you tonight.
Me: WOAH. What the hell do you think I just said?
Megan: Didn't you just say it hurt to shit?
Me: Or that I feel old as shit.
Megan: Ohhh.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Russian Night: A Resounding Success
Vladdie, Emil, Papa Stalin and I singing our hearts out. I have no idea what song it was, but it most definitley was not Ted Nugent. I think Emil's still mad at you for not having Cat Scratch Fever on your Ipod, V-Money. You are being shipped to Sibera (which is not a country, ask me, I know this stuff) Friday.
Vladimir and Boris's face after someone said the word "democracy". Long live Papa Stalin. (Must give props to Keri for that caption, she wrote it first and I don't want to hear any bitchings about it.)
Thriller came on thanks to DJ Keri's Pix and Vladdie and I got a little excited.
What, you've never seen vodka in a bottle before? Maybe you should look around the liquor store more carefully next time, ye commie bastard.
8:30 pm - My mom is "tired and wants to go to bed." Says will stay up til 11.
11:00 - My dad is on his way home, ok fine, I'll stay up.
12:00 - Dad comes home.
3:30 am - Rasputin finally goes to bed after 3 hours of dancing AND EVEN HAVING A MILLER LITE. And copping feels on my ass. Sick, you're my mom.
Overall, Russian Night: Eh, I guess I had a good time. As my dad's friend Emil said, "This would never happen at my house." You're goddamn right it wouldn't because we O'D's are fucking awesome. Yeah, so maybe Keri and I stayed home on a Friday night to drink with our parents, make t-shirts with the slogan "Commies, Fur Hats and Vodka" on them, and have a three hour dance party, voluntarily at that, but don't knock it til you've tried it. Long live the motherland.
Monday, March 20, 2006
ANNOYED
The next time I have the following conversation:
"What are you getting your degree in?"
"History"
"So you want to be a teacher?"
"No, I don't want to teach."
"Oh. So what do you want to do then?"
"I DON'T KNOW, LEAVE ME ALONE."
I will fucking assassinate someone.
"What are you getting your degree in?"
"History"
"So you want to be a teacher?"
"No, I don't want to teach."
"Oh. So what do you want to do then?"
"I DON'T KNOW, LEAVE ME ALONE."
I will fucking assassinate someone.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Probably The Best Email I've Ever Recived
I talked to my mom yesterday, and as I was hanging up with her, she said she was about to go online now. She's basically a computer nerd ever since she got her email address about two months ago. I sent her a quick email after we hung up because I knew she'd be excited to see she had a new one. This is the email I sent her: (Me and Keri are drinking tonight and decided we needed a theme. Russian Night is what she came up with, therefore we've been calling my mom "Rasputin" for the past few days. Makes sense, I know.)
Rasputin,
Just thought I'd sent you an email, since you're a computer nerd now, even though I just talked to you. Get excited for Russian Night tomorrow! Love you!
Love,
Anastasia
This was the reply I got about an hour later, when I checked my email at work:
Hey Natsey,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TOMORROW? MAYBE i CAN JOIN YOU AND YOUR SEEESTER (i FORGOT HER NAME) AND HOWCOME I'M DIRTY OLD MAN ??
lOVE FROM YOUR MOMMA, RUPSEY
P.S.I finally figured out how to turn the caps off - didn't want you to think I was yelling my fool head off at you. Rupsey
The thought of her typing this (Keri said it took her about 20 minutes) and accidently hitting the caps lock, not knowing how she did it and trying to figure out how to turn it off is hysterical for me to imagine. Also, I love how she's taken to calling me "Natsey" and herself "Rupsey". I can just hear her saying "How come I have to be the dirty old man!" too. Who else do you want to be, Boris Yeltsin? This is probably funny to no one, since you don't know my mom, but good lord. It's shit like this that makes me love my mom. That and the fact she been feeding me for the past 21 years.
Have a good Spring Break bitches.
Rasputin,
Just thought I'd sent you an email, since you're a computer nerd now, even though I just talked to you. Get excited for Russian Night tomorrow! Love you!
Love,
Anastasia
This was the reply I got about an hour later, when I checked my email at work:
Hey Natsey,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING TOMORROW? MAYBE i CAN JOIN YOU AND YOUR SEEESTER (i FORGOT HER NAME) AND HOWCOME I'M DIRTY OLD MAN ??
lOVE FROM YOUR MOMMA, RUPSEY
P.S.I finally figured out how to turn the caps off - didn't want you to think I was yelling my fool head off at you. Rupsey
The thought of her typing this (Keri said it took her about 20 minutes) and accidently hitting the caps lock, not knowing how she did it and trying to figure out how to turn it off is hysterical for me to imagine. Also, I love how she's taken to calling me "Natsey" and herself "Rupsey". I can just hear her saying "How come I have to be the dirty old man!" too. Who else do you want to be, Boris Yeltsin? This is probably funny to no one, since you don't know my mom, but good lord. It's shit like this that makes me love my mom. That and the fact she been feeding me for the past 21 years.
Have a good Spring Break bitches.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
The Final 48
Things I Have To Do Before 2:00 pm Friday, When Spring Break Can Officially Start:
1. work from 9-11 am
2. go to class (FOR REAL) from 11-3:15pm
3. go back to work from 5-10pm
4. write a 6 page midterm on the Irish famine
5. go to class from 11-1pm Friday
6. pack all my shit
7. burn the albums I'm obsessed with
8. hope the Hot Spot still has Buy 1 Get One Free Parliament Lights
Ok, maybe it doesn't seem so bad now thatI typed it out, but goddamn, why didn't I do 4, 6, 7 or 8 today? Maybe because going to Wal-Mart, making brownies, watching some educational tv (American Idol, Law & Order and Conan) and talking online with Keri for 5 hours was more important, ok? Yeah, I got my priorities right here.
Post 2:00 pm Friday:
1. go to Baker's Square with Keri and Mom, where we will gang up on her, making her realize how much she really doesn't miss us at all
2. commence Russian Night with my fellow Commie bastard, Vladimir
3. learn how to draw a hammer and sickle
4. Get up at 9 am Sunday have a Guinness while getting ready for the parade
5. go to the parade and drink for 12 hours
6. work a few hours here and there at thee UPS Store
7. celebrate St. Patrick's Day again on Friday at Bourbon Street
8. work on getting my Grandpa's birth certificate (I know! We're party animals!)
9. freak out because this is my last college break of any type
10. lay it on thick that I want an IPod or digital camera for my birthday/graduation. Or both, I'm not picky
11. sleep on a bed that doesn't hurt my back. Hurrah!
12. call J.P 94 million times on Friday night and Sunday afternoon. Have fun in Ohio, bitch. I mean, we'll miss you!
13. listen to my mom ask me 400 times if I've looked into "getting an internship." I did, they just haven't called me back. I know, it's weird. Yeah, I'll call them again. I know it's important. I wouldn't want to compromise my future either. I don't know, am I kidding about working at McDonalds? Love you too Mom.
Post 2:00 pm Friday wins. Can't wait, bitches.
1. work from 9-11 am
2. go to class (FOR REAL) from 11-3:15pm
3. go back to work from 5-10pm
4. write a 6 page midterm on the Irish famine
5. go to class from 11-1pm Friday
6. pack all my shit
7. burn the albums I'm obsessed with
8. hope the Hot Spot still has Buy 1 Get One Free Parliament Lights
Ok, maybe it doesn't seem so bad now thatI typed it out, but goddamn, why didn't I do 4, 6, 7 or 8 today? Maybe because going to Wal-Mart, making brownies, watching some educational tv (American Idol, Law & Order and Conan) and talking online with Keri for 5 hours was more important, ok? Yeah, I got my priorities right here.
Post 2:00 pm Friday:
1. go to Baker's Square with Keri and Mom, where we will gang up on her, making her realize how much she really doesn't miss us at all
2. commence Russian Night with my fellow Commie bastard, Vladimir
3. learn how to draw a hammer and sickle
4. Get up at 9 am Sunday have a Guinness while getting ready for the parade
5. go to the parade and drink for 12 hours
6. work a few hours here and there at thee UPS Store
7. celebrate St. Patrick's Day again on Friday at Bourbon Street
8. work on getting my Grandpa's birth certificate (I know! We're party animals!)
9. freak out because this is my last college break of any type
10. lay it on thick that I want an IPod or digital camera for my birthday/graduation. Or both, I'm not picky
11. sleep on a bed that doesn't hurt my back. Hurrah!
12. call J.P 94 million times on Friday night and Sunday afternoon. Have fun in Ohio, bitch. I mean, we'll miss you!
13. listen to my mom ask me 400 times if I've looked into "getting an internship." I did, they just haven't called me back. I know, it's weird. Yeah, I'll call them again. I know it's important. I wouldn't want to compromise my future either. I don't know, am I kidding about working at McDonalds? Love you too Mom.
Post 2:00 pm Friday wins. Can't wait, bitches.
Monday, March 06, 2006
...And That Was The Last Time I Ever Asked My Brother For A Title
On Thursday I met a 44 year old gay computer science professor that teaches here at Northern, at the bar. Forty-four year old gay computer science teachers buy you JaegerBombs and for that reason, they are my favorite. Then I found out he spelled his name Geoffrey. If there was one variation of a spelling of a name I hate the most, I mean if I HAD to choose, it would be Geoffrey instead of Jeffrey. It's pronounced "Ge-off", not Jeff, and that's why your name sucks ass.
Somehow on Saturday night I pulled a back muscle or some shit, and I look like a goddamn idiot trying to do anything. Is this what it's like to be old? Because I'm 21. Not 85. Twenty-one. I shouldn't be pulling back muscles yet. I never realize how much I drop things until bending over to pick them up becomes a 5 minute process. Getting ready for work took me 20 minute when it usually only takes me about 8. Yesterday it was pretty nice out, so I figured I'd be able to wear flip-flops again and save myself the ordeal of putting on socks and shoes. I pull back the curtains to discover 2 inches of snow on the ground. I know what you're all thinking, "Could her life possibly get any worse?" THEN, if you can believe this, Jennifer Gardner trips at the Oscars BUT DOESN'T FALL. IF I get pleasure out of nothing else, it's seeing people fall. Thank you Jennifer, for giving my bad day a chance to redeem itself and failing miserably.
Since graduation is getting so close, I have a couple of last things I need to do before getting out of here. One was to take a test hungover. I have no idea what the rest of them are, but mission accomplished on that one Friday. It totally helped that I hadn't studied at all and needed to throw up for the last 10 minutes I was there. On the bright side though, at least I woke up to take it at all. The glass is always half full for me.
I go home for Spring Break this Friday and I'm overly excited about it. I haven't been home since coming back here for the semester around January 14th and can't wait to see my parents, Keri and my other friends who still live at home (that'll be me come May 13th! Yay!). Friday night is Russian Night with Stalin, Vladimir and Rasputin, also known around here as Dad, Keri and Mom and Sunday is the Southside Irish Parade. WHICH I AM LEGAL FOR THIS YEAR. Being 21 will never get old to me. Except when I actually do get old. But that's still like 4 years away. So um, those are my only plans, but still they are plans and they are goddamn good plans.
Thanks for the great advice on my never ending bladder. It's too bad I don't have a prostate (so what if I had to ask Keri to make sure girls don't have prostates? SO WHAT?), is no chance I'm pregnant, the moon didn't move all night (really!), I don't have an extra hole (that I'm aware of)and I'm pretty sure having 4 beers isn't worthy of a comparison to a fish, or else I'd have my question answered! I always go pee a lot when I drink beer, coffee or tea. For me 1 drink equals 3 pees. I mean it's just simple math when you get down to it. And I will stop talking about my bathroom habits right now.
I always think I have nothing to write about, and then I come up with such great, mind-blowing, earth shattering topics. My goal here is to really make everybody think. How I manage to do it I'll never understand.
Somehow on Saturday night I pulled a back muscle or some shit, and I look like a goddamn idiot trying to do anything. Is this what it's like to be old? Because I'm 21. Not 85. Twenty-one. I shouldn't be pulling back muscles yet. I never realize how much I drop things until bending over to pick them up becomes a 5 minute process. Getting ready for work took me 20 minute when it usually only takes me about 8. Yesterday it was pretty nice out, so I figured I'd be able to wear flip-flops again and save myself the ordeal of putting on socks and shoes. I pull back the curtains to discover 2 inches of snow on the ground. I know what you're all thinking, "Could her life possibly get any worse?" THEN, if you can believe this, Jennifer Gardner trips at the Oscars BUT DOESN'T FALL. IF I get pleasure out of nothing else, it's seeing people fall. Thank you Jennifer, for giving my bad day a chance to redeem itself and failing miserably.
Since graduation is getting so close, I have a couple of last things I need to do before getting out of here. One was to take a test hungover. I have no idea what the rest of them are, but mission accomplished on that one Friday. It totally helped that I hadn't studied at all and needed to throw up for the last 10 minutes I was there. On the bright side though, at least I woke up to take it at all. The glass is always half full for me.
I go home for Spring Break this Friday and I'm overly excited about it. I haven't been home since coming back here for the semester around January 14th and can't wait to see my parents, Keri and my other friends who still live at home (that'll be me come May 13th! Yay!). Friday night is Russian Night with Stalin, Vladimir and Rasputin, also known around here as Dad, Keri and Mom and Sunday is the Southside Irish Parade. WHICH I AM LEGAL FOR THIS YEAR. Being 21 will never get old to me. Except when I actually do get old. But that's still like 4 years away. So um, those are my only plans, but still they are plans and they are goddamn good plans.
Thanks for the great advice on my never ending bladder. It's too bad I don't have a prostate (so what if I had to ask Keri to make sure girls don't have prostates? SO WHAT?), is no chance I'm pregnant, the moon didn't move all night (really!), I don't have an extra hole (that I'm aware of)and I'm pretty sure having 4 beers isn't worthy of a comparison to a fish, or else I'd have my question answered! I always go pee a lot when I drink beer, coffee or tea. For me 1 drink equals 3 pees. I mean it's just simple math when you get down to it. And I will stop talking about my bathroom habits right now.
I always think I have nothing to write about, and then I come up with such great, mind-blowing, earth shattering topics. My goal here is to really make everybody think. How I manage to do it I'll never understand.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Hodge Podge
I Love
...Dove soap.
...that Conan O'Brien is finally back after two weeks.
...how excited I am about the fact that it might be close to 50 degrees tomorrow.
...taking 3 hour naps.
...tea.
I Hate
...being too lazy to go to my Anthropology class to find out what I got on my test last Tuesday.
...not having any food to qualm my insatiable hunger.
...staying in on Tuesday nights and not taking advantage of 50 cent drafts.
I'm Terrified
...about graduating on May 13th (the day after my 22nd birthday, if you're taking notes).
...of the drains in swimming pools.
...I'm going to oversleep every Tuesday and Thursday when I have work at 9 am.
I'm Excited
...about the Southside Irish Parade on March 12th.
...to get paid tomorrow.
...about wearing flip-flops to class tomorrow.
...the kids outside the liquor store asked me to buy beer for them Saturday. Can this blog be used against me in court? I mean, I'm just kidding anyways.
Don't be Jealous
...Ashlee Simpson is playing a concert here at NIU March 29th.
...I saw an awesome 80's cover band this past Saturday.
...I only have one midterm next week and it's take-home, motherfuckers.
I'm Mad
...I have to miss The Office every single fucking Thursday because of work.
...I never took advantage of seeing Munich, Good Night and Good Luck, Syriana and Harry Potter at the cheap Campus Cinema.
...my brother won't skip coming home for Easter to see the Strokes with me in Cleveland.
I Can't Stop Listening To
...Bloc Party's album Silent Alarm.
...The Frame's live album Set List.
...The Stroke's First Impressions of Earth.
I'm Pathetic
...because I didn't get drunk on Fat Tuesday.
...for lying to my mom about paying half of my library fine.
...for worrying that a cup of tea is going to keep me up all night, like I got to bed early anways.
I Promise
...to suck it up and stop whining about graduating college. I hope you all know I'm crossing my fingers, so this promise means nothing.
...to actually follow through with mine and Keri's plan to move to Ireland.
...to go to at least 7 of my 9 remaining classes this week.
...to stop typing. Now.
...Dove soap.
...that Conan O'Brien is finally back after two weeks.
...how excited I am about the fact that it might be close to 50 degrees tomorrow.
...taking 3 hour naps.
...tea.
I Hate
...being too lazy to go to my Anthropology class to find out what I got on my test last Tuesday.
...not having any food to qualm my insatiable hunger.
...staying in on Tuesday nights and not taking advantage of 50 cent drafts.
I'm Terrified
...about graduating on May 13th (the day after my 22nd birthday, if you're taking notes).
...of the drains in swimming pools.
...I'm going to oversleep every Tuesday and Thursday when I have work at 9 am.
I'm Excited
...about the Southside Irish Parade on March 12th.
...to get paid tomorrow.
...about wearing flip-flops to class tomorrow.
...the kids outside the liquor store asked me to buy beer for them Saturday. Can this blog be used against me in court? I mean, I'm just kidding anyways.
Don't be Jealous
...Ashlee Simpson is playing a concert here at NIU March 29th.
...I saw an awesome 80's cover band this past Saturday.
...I only have one midterm next week and it's take-home, motherfuckers.
I'm Mad
...I have to miss The Office every single fucking Thursday because of work.
...I never took advantage of seeing Munich, Good Night and Good Luck, Syriana and Harry Potter at the cheap Campus Cinema.
...my brother won't skip coming home for Easter to see the Strokes with me in Cleveland.
I Can't Stop Listening To
...Bloc Party's album Silent Alarm.
...The Frame's live album Set List.
...The Stroke's First Impressions of Earth.
I'm Pathetic
...because I didn't get drunk on Fat Tuesday.
...for lying to my mom about paying half of my library fine.
...for worrying that a cup of tea is going to keep me up all night, like I got to bed early anways.
I Promise
...to suck it up and stop whining about graduating college. I hope you all know I'm crossing my fingers, so this promise means nothing.
...to actually follow through with mine and Keri's plan to move to Ireland.
...to go to at least 7 of my 9 remaining classes this week.
...to stop typing. Now.
Friday, February 24, 2006
I Am Now Ready To Graduate
My teacher tripped over a chair and fell in class today. My college experience is complete.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
It's A Long Way To The House Of Fitzcarraldo
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Sunday, February 19, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Ode To Kerianne
Whenever I want my hair cut into layers, my sister is ready with the shears.
Whenever I need to borrow a turtleneck, my sister's closet is wide open.
Whenever I'm feeling down about myself, my sister is there to laugh at me.
Whenever I really want to punch someone, my sister's face is there for me.
Whenever I really want to talk to my brother, but he's busy, my sister is there for me instead.
Whenever I want someone to rub my feet, my sister willingly gets out her oils.
Whenever I want to move to a foreign country, my sister agrees to go with me.
Whenever I get drunk and fall, my sister is there because I pull her down with me.
Whenever I need money, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need to get to Jewel, my sister takes me there without hesitation.
Whenever I ask "Whad they say?", my sister is always there to say "I don't know".
Whenever I need someone to make me a blanket, preferabely with ballerinas on it, my sister steps up.
Whenever I need someone to jump off the neighbors swingset and rip her shorts in the process, my sister gladly complies.
Whenever I need to gang up on my mom, my sister backs me up.
Whenever the Bears need to win the play-off game, my sister will come home from Ireland and be the goddamn bad luck charm.
Whenever I want to drink a 40, my sister is always game.
Whenever I need someone to eat nachos with, my sister is there.
Whenever I need someone to steal my clothes, my sister does it without having to be asked twice.
Whenever I need someone to be my twin, my sister does it if no one else offers.
Whenever I need a paper for my Irish class, my sister sends one to me.
Whenever I need a sister, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need some information on baboons, my sister sends me her files.
Whenever I need all the back issues of Growing up Jewish, my sister hands them over.
Whenever I need someone to call because Michelle Kwan backed out of the Olympics or to remember Pete's Dragon or I'm drunk or I need to hear THE MIDNIGHT CLUB or no one else will answer their phone, my sister always picks up.
Whenever I need something to blog about, my sister always unselfishly suggests herself.
Whenever I need to borrow a turtleneck, my sister's closet is wide open.
Whenever I'm feeling down about myself, my sister is there to laugh at me.
Whenever I really want to punch someone, my sister's face is there for me.
Whenever I really want to talk to my brother, but he's busy, my sister is there for me instead.
Whenever I want someone to rub my feet, my sister willingly gets out her oils.
Whenever I want to move to a foreign country, my sister agrees to go with me.
Whenever I get drunk and fall, my sister is there because I pull her down with me.
Whenever I need money, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need to get to Jewel, my sister takes me there without hesitation.
Whenever I ask "Whad they say?", my sister is always there to say "I don't know".
Whenever I need someone to make me a blanket, preferabely with ballerinas on it, my sister steps up.
Whenever I need someone to jump off the neighbors swingset and rip her shorts in the process, my sister gladly complies.
Whenever I need to gang up on my mom, my sister backs me up.
Whenever the Bears need to win the play-off game, my sister will come home from Ireland and be the goddamn bad luck charm.
Whenever I want to drink a 40, my sister is always game.
Whenever I need someone to eat nachos with, my sister is there.
Whenever I need someone to steal my clothes, my sister does it without having to be asked twice.
Whenever I need someone to be my twin, my sister does it if no one else offers.
Whenever I need a paper for my Irish class, my sister sends one to me.
Whenever I need a sister, my brother is there for me.
Whenever I need some information on baboons, my sister sends me her files.
Whenever I need all the back issues of Growing up Jewish, my sister hands them over.
Whenever I need someone to call because Michelle Kwan backed out of the Olympics or to remember Pete's Dragon or I'm drunk or I need to hear THE MIDNIGHT CLUB or no one else will answer their phone, my sister always picks up.
Whenever I need something to blog about, my sister always unselfishly suggests herself.
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